Thanks for checking in Script. You were always one of the cornerstones at SS and now here at SOS and definitely missed when you are away. I understand about not being up to reading all the condolences. I have felt that way myself in similar circumstances.
Sounds like you've really been thru the wringer the last few weeks. Hope that the worst is over and calmer seas lay ahead.
"Once you have provided for food, clothing, and shelter, all else is excess."
Post by eatingbonbons on Jul 9, 2008 10:10:49 GMT -5
Dear Script, my heart goes out to you. I am in a very similar situation myself. so I know how difficult it is with the roller coaster of emotions. Yesterday was the most difficult of all for me. I will try to post later today and we can commiserate. I'm sorry that it's so hard for your husband. I hope your physical symptoms will alleviate soon.
Don't start your day with the broken pieces of yesterday.
"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow."
Post by whystlestop on Jul 10, 2008 9:55:56 GMT -5
to you Script. I understand completely about not wanting to deal with certain expected 'rituals' to the grieving process.
Been there myself, and we didn't have 'visitation' for that one time in our lives, either. None of us could handle it, because it was such a shock, and we 'selfishly' decided it was better for us not to worry about the effect on others at the time.
I've never regretted the decision.
Go you for taking care of yourself. Sometimes we have to batten down the hatches and do just that to get by. And we do get by.
I'm so glad you had the music trip, and prayers and thoughts for you and hubby to work it on through. Sometimes we just have to get through the hurtful place, whether we walk, tiptoe or dance through it to the other side.
Post by creativechaos on Jul 10, 2008 10:49:48 GMT -5
Welcome back, Script; we missed you! Wishing you and your husband healing and ease. It may take some time, and that doesn't make your journey any easier right now.
Now that you are home, I hope that you work your magic there and are comforted by that, have loving friends (including us!) you can talk with if you need to, and that being home in your own sanctuary helps DH to eventually heal the hurt and anger.
I know you looked forward to music camp; glad at least you had the music, and sorry you had to suffer the food!
Wishing you peace, quiet, rest, relaxation, friends, and lots and lots of real and cyber hugs.
In matters of truth and justice, there is no difference between large and small problems, for issues concerning the treatment of people are all the same. Albert Einstein
Post by hollydayzd on Jul 10, 2008 11:54:52 GMT -5
Script, I'm so sorry about all the stress and grieving in your life. I also understand about not being able to read messages of support because I am the same way --- going on as if nothing horrible has happened and not acknowledging my own deep sense of loss is my way of coping.
The Will thing sucks really badly. My mother went through something similar when her dad died. He divorced her mom when the 4 kids were little and then went on to remarry and have 5 more kids.
Well, since he died without a Will, her stepmother automatically received everything. Mom, for some reason, expected her to be honorable about the situation but her exact words to my mother were, "I'm giving all the money to MY kids. All of you 'other' kids aren't getting anything. It's my right, I can do what I want with the money and I don't want y'all to have any of it."
It wasn't even about the money, Mom just wanted to be acknowleged as a full daughter just as much as her half-siblings. She was deeply hurt.
Mom stayed furious and bitter for years. Obviously, it is not healthy to carry around that much anger for that long, but in these situations you can almost understand how hard it is to let that go. Your husband needs to stomp around and growl right now. Let him get it out! Later, when things are more settled, you can work on getting him past the hurt. You can tell him then that you don't want him to harbor this bitterness for years because it will poison your marriage. For now, though, he needs to express his pain.
Anyway, I'm really glad to see you back! Don't be a stranger!
Last Edit: Jul 10, 2008 12:04:58 GMT -5 by hollydayzd
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ "Some of the best moments of my life have been letting go." ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Post by neveropentheclosets on Jul 13, 2008 14:13:58 GMT -5
I'm sorry about everything that you've been through over the past few weeks. Family dynamics are difficult even when everyone is on the same page and aboveboard, let alone when those things aren't there. I hope that your husband will find some peace with his mother's life, death and will.
I'm glad you still went to music camp, although I can't imagine living for a week on Ensure and soy packs. A whole week devoted to music sounds divine.
You're in my thoughts as you and your DH work through the aftermath, physical, emotional and financial.
I am so glad to have you back here. I can understand you not having the energy to read messages during such a difficult time. Sometime we just need to batten down the hatches and weather life's storms.
Poor DH, I feel so sorry for him, and how nice of him to take himself off to his own space to be angry.
These are my thoughts. (I hope they help, though I could be on the wrong track. )
His mother is the real loser in this, you know. Of her own doing. She should be remembered with love and fondness by her son. She should be getting honoured and her life being celebrated for the good she brought into the life of her child. Instead she is thought of with anger and hurt. She wont be remembered fondly by grand, great- grand children etc because she won't be spoken of. In the family line, she will be just forgotten. As I said, she did this to herself.
My father rejected me. Didn't marry my mother, blah, blah, usual,usual, and years later when I was an adult, he rejected my contact. I am not angry with him anymore, just sad. He has no place in my family; my kids, his grandchildren, don't even know his name. But he did this to himself.
Now your DH has a loving family, he will always be loved, cared for and will leave a legacy of human feeling that can influence for good down the generations like ripples in a pond or gifts lodged in the DNA.
At some stage maybe he will be able to be less angry at his mum (lower case, she doesn't deserve capitalization!) and more sorry for a sad soul who cut herself off from a wonderful son.
You and hubby are in my prayers.
TO things more cheerful;
What a drive! You are so determined, making it to your music camp against all odds. It is so good that you really enjoyed it. You play piano, right? Have you done a CD or put a piece on YouTube? I would love to hear you play.