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Post by BetsyMarie on Jan 8, 2010 21:59:10 GMT -5
After hitting a bit of a block earlier to day, I've been telling myself all this afternoon that I'm going to donate some stuff I was having difficulty parting with to a thrift store that helps developmentally disabled children/adults. On my last run to drop off donations, I saw a mother (I'd guess about 60) working with her disabled adult son and felt a pang for her. I'll donate to help that woman.
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Post by Buried-in-books on Jan 9, 2010 9:23:21 GMT -5
I had to get back to working all day (pesky money needs) and where I had started to sort papers started getting messed up - cat - people - gravity shifting piles. This drives me up a wall - I'm one of those all and NOW people - perfection or nothing and I'm having a really rough time getting back to it.
My plan is to get encouragement here - I find it helps greatly - go do errands to get supplies I'm out of and come back to tackle piles and get them back into order. Wish me luck!
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Post by StuffNoMore on Jan 9, 2010 10:35:18 GMT -5
betsymarie - it's folks like you that make this place a better world. Bless you!!!
Hugs
SNM
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Post by shopgirl on Jan 9, 2010 16:02:34 GMT -5
I've been stuck trying to clear out my spare room for 9 months! Right now I have the "keep" and "donate" boxes in there, so every time I go into the room, I see those horrid boxes all over the floor. The "toss" is the trash basket, which is full. I should empty that into the dumpster so I can toss more stuff.
My friend's little 10-yr-old niece is planning a garage sale this spring to raise money for a trip to Washington DC. So I have pulled all my vintage costume jewelry out of the Salvation Army bag to contribute to her money-raising efforts. A your-choice-for-a-dollar box for her! That box "should" wait out in the garage. (That little girl is going to the beach every weekend and collecting cans from the trash to raise money, so she's quite serious, and I believe her garage sale will actually take place.)
Inspired by your thread, I'm heading into the Spare Room this minute to empty the trash and move the garage sale items to the garage. 15 minutes. We will see if further motivation follows this action!
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Post by yearning4order on Jan 10, 2010 19:14:55 GMT -5
Which brings me to another observation about my own home: All my clutter is the result of not being able to make a decision. I go through phases where my house is very neat and zen-like, and other times (like now) when it's cluttered. The thing that triggers cluttering for me is stress. When I'm under stress, I have trouble making decisions, and since decluttering is pretty much a series of decisions about STUFF... the stuff builds up when I can't decide what to do with it. Wow, ok this was quite an insight. My Winter Rush season for work has started, and while my house was idyllic over the Christmas holiday, it was a bit out of whack last week (but not so bad that I couldn't have a repair person come in spontaneously). It also makes me think that the trick is having some sort of "patterned" way of dealing with some of this (like mail specifically) so that in times of stress it is ingrained. I'll have to review that section on paperwork on the old site. The other thought I have about getting stuck, since I too like to do "partial" and then stop: sometimes I still let myself stop and move on to another thing I'm more interested or it might be a sign that I need rest. It certainly takes me longer to finish things, but they do get done. I think my bedroom may be the only true example of that--it was literally done in stages over 7 month time period, and started out roughly at a level 5 (according to the link Rosebud had). In some cases, the tasks were broken down such that there was a break of 30-60 days before starting different things, with the smallest and easiest things done first. I was thinking that for me sometimes I need to be able to redefine the task--for instance, the kitchen needs cleaning, but honestly I don't know if I could just buckle down and do the whole thing. So I do 15 minutes of unload & load the dishwasher. Then I go sort laundry. Then I do 15 minutes of counter clean up and put things away. Then I put away stuff on the dining room table. Then I go back and sweep and wipe the stove. So eventually that kitchen gets all done, but if the "OH MAN I'LL NEVER FINISH THIS I WANT TO STOP RIGHT NOW AND GO SIT DOWN" kicks in, sometimes I can trick it by distracting with a different task. The final sorting of all papers in my office, and creating a filing system was done over the period of many hours with many distractions with other tasks (including a trip to a thrift shop to buy some needed things and get rid of others), ending with a trip to a New Year's Eve party. This was after the initial *start* of desqualoring my office in the summer of 2009. At that time all I could do was pick up garbage, get rid of things, vacuum cobwebs and mice poop, purge, purge, purge. If I came across papers I thought I should keep I would literally stuff them into drawers and left that for another time. I know that's more of a "how I desqualored" tactic as opposed to maintenance--and for some that won't work for them to break it up that much. But that's what worked for me.
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recovering
New Member
Joined: December 2009
Posts: 14
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Post by recovering on Jan 12, 2010 15:06:20 GMT -5
I tend to be a manic all-or-nothing cleaner. This is what I do.
Once I realize I am getting frustrated, I say outloud "The house is done for today." That gives me permission to sit down. Then I read a book or something until I have gotten myself back into a calm state of mind. Once I am no longer feeling like a crazy person, I look at what was frustrating me and evaluate why I was getting upset.
Am I dealing with objects I am emotionally attached to? Then I tell myself tomorrow I will take more time and deal with those emotions instead of dashing through and upsetting myself.
Am I dealing with a mess I don't know how to clean? Then I put a reminder on my computer to look up the answer tomorrow, either online or in one of my housecleaning books.
Do I have stuff that needs to be organized and I am not sure how? I make sure to set aside time in my schedule the next day for a trip to the Container Store. I almost never BUY anything there, but seeing stuff set out in a store helps me to understand how I can use stuff I already have to organize my home.
Is it my husband's stuff getting in the way? Reminder to talk to him tomorrow.
Am I just exhausted? Then I rest and will come back to it tomorrow.
But the key is that once I say "The house is done for today," I have to STOP. Recenter myself. Make a plan for tomorrow. And rest.
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Post by Evelyn on Jan 12, 2010 19:50:16 GMT -5
My mother, with whom I have (squalored up and then) de-squalored many times, always says: "It's going to look worse before it looks better." Things always need to be sorted into something: box or pile or bin, whatever. Things that already have a home are easy - once I've gotten them put away, I'm done. With things that don't already have a home (the vast majority of my stuff), I find that I need to sort them into some sort of "temporary holding" (usually a cardboard box) before I can create a place for them. Partly because I won't know just how many fizmowidgets (or whatever) I have until I've found them all, or how many I'll want to keep; and partly because, wherever I might want my new House Of Fizmowidgets to be, it'll probably be full of unsorted stuff until I empty it out. To keep things from looking too bad before they start to look better, I try to: - use temporary holding boxes that are clean and nice-looking. - label temporary holding boxes (as neatly as possible), preferably on at least 3 sides - this is especially handy if the "holding" somehow ceases to be "temporary." - remove all designated trash at the end of each sorting session. - remove all recyclables at the end of each sorting session. - remove all donatables at the end of each sorting session, at least as far as into the trunk of the car. - arrange the temporary holding boxes as neatly as possible at the end of each sorting session; and clean, wash, dust, scrub and/or vacuum any newly cleared-off surfaces. Then, once my squalor mostly consists of a bunch of temporary holding boxes, I'll be able to find the best place to put all my fizmowidgets, and where and how to file on the paperwork regarding the whoop-de-doodles (should it go under 'W" for "whoop," or 'D' for "doodles"? ). But it's important to try to tolerate the fact that it just isn't all going to be perfect right away. I try to look at it like this: suppose I set out to make a million dollars, and netted $50,000 in my first money-making venture. Would I feel frustrated at only having gotten 1/20th of the way to my final goal, decide the whole thing was hopelessly futile, and throw the fifty grand out the window? ...Probably not. (edited to add: I hope the above doesn't sound too "preachy." It's just what I do whenever I've slid back into squalor and am trying to make my way out yet again, and how I try to keep from being overwhelmed by the overwhelmingness of it all.)
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Post by Serendipity on Jan 13, 2010 5:14:51 GMT -5
I am really enjoying your insights. I get very confused and decision making is difficult and follow through. the bag of clean clothes ready to donate by the front door for months, the lampshade of lovely red velvet that i have had for thirty years and don't want to part with, the trim has come off and i just realized it is important to me! what is it about lamps missing lampshades?! I have seen before photos with three lamps with no shades! so i have one lamp with no shade and one shade with no lamp and it took writing this to figure out they could go together! I think the best unsticking factor missing for me is writing things down. Otherwise the thoughts just whirl and I lose sleep. I used to have a coil book with a page or two for each room of what needed to be done, what furniture I wanted or how to arrange it , etc. also car and asap needing attention. alot of people use the computer for this kind of thing but I am almost fifty and handwriting is the way for me to go . O.K. To do~ locate one of the many coil notebooks that are around here somewhere and start writing! I would use the quote box but i still can't figure it out. evelyn ~ i love the word fizmowidgets! and your post is great, not the least bit preachy recovering~ your insights are great for me, to take some time to figure it out, I am going to use your approach, from a place of calmness, analyze the situation and write it down. As always, I appreciate everyone's wisdom! Serendipity
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Post by Mrs Hen on Jan 13, 2010 13:12:59 GMT -5
I accept that whatever I do will be only partly done. That's just the way I am. I always clean with the 4-box system - put away, give away, garbage, I don't know.
If I can get more than half the stuff I'm going through into one of the first 3 boxes I have succeeded, I have cut my 'junk' in half. I quickly put away the stuff I can, take the trash out, even if the bags not all the way filled, put the give away stuff in the trunk or whatever place is 'on the way' to its final destination.
Then I label the box 'I don't know' and the date.
When I am feeling especially brave or clear - headed I take one of the 'don't know' boxes over to a table and do the 4 - box sort on it. Most of the time I can get rid of at least 1/3 to 1/2 of whatever is in there. Then I date the label again.
By letting my 'I don't know' box hold all the stuff I don't know what to do with, I free myself to continue going through the giant piles of mismatched shoes and old baby things that are junking up the house.
At some point I will have lots and lots of 'I don't know' boxes, and that will be a problem, but it will be a problem with a few good points: There is no garbage in those boxes, and nothing I need right now. Since each box represents 3 or more boxes that have gone away, whatever pile of junk I end up with will be smaller.
No matter how difficult going through the 'I don't know' boxes are, I've always been able to cull something out. I have to be firm with myself and only focus on the good these boxes represent - just this little bit of leftover stuff.
I have ADD and depression, so cleaning up is hard for me. I'm not a hoarder or collector, but I'm very unfocused in how I run my house. When I'm depressed and everything is falling apart I just throw everything in boxes or bags and dump it in 'the junk room'
What makes it harder is that I've lived in the same house for about 30 years, and have had 6 kids and 1 ex-husband move out during that time. They all left stuff, and I've saved all sorts of the older kids stuff for when the younger ones need them.
My 2 at home are 9 and 10, so I can get rid of everything for the younger kids now. And I don't need saved clothes from 4 older sisters for my daughter, or 2 older brothers for my sons.
We do, however, need all the legos we can find. And after 25 years of 'lego - lego - lego' we have some sprinkled everywhere.
Dividing my cleaning into 'big, fast, and messy' and then another time for the harder stuff keeps me from getting stuck.
Good luck
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Post by CourageouslyLion SeeksSerenity on May 1, 2010 22:49:52 GMT -5
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This thread is four months old. I just discovered it!
Lots of wisdom!
(NOTE: keep in mind that it's an old thread, and some of the people who wrote ... may have overcome whatever situation that they had been writing about back then).
But even if the situations are out-of-date ... the CONCEPTS discussed are very valuable!
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Post by jkordestani on May 3, 2010 0:43:52 GMT -5
My solution to that pile of paper I don't know what to do with is my scanner! I also have a smile file binder for stuff I just like looking at from time to time. It is just the stuff that isn't in a clear category that I find it hard to deal with. I also made a file for each person in the household marked personal. This is where I put uncategorized stuff like old school transcripts, immunization records, graduation announcements, etc. It is fun to look thru them, and I know where the birth certificates and jury duty call slips are (they are always calling my husband more often than allowed!).
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Post by serenitynow on May 3, 2010 6:04:38 GMT -5
- This thread is four months old. I just discovered it! Lots of wisdom! (NOTE: keep in mind that it's an old thread, and some of the people who wrote ... may have overcome whatever situation that they had been writing about back then). But even if the situations are out-of-date ... the CONCEPTS discussed are very valuable!
I'm so glad you did , Lioness! Now, if only I could read it all without my eyes going blurry on me... serenitynow
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