Fresh start with Tolin, Morgenstern, and Hemphill

[gifted]

Many will recognize the names above. But for those who do not, I wish to clarify. No, this is not a law firm dealing in bankruptcies. This is a trio of authors who are well known for their organizing books:

Tolin- "Buried in Treasures"
Morgenstern-"Organizing from the Inside Out"
Hemphill-"Taming the Paper Tiger at Home"

I've been having much trouble lately, even focusing on and starting the simplest tasks. And so I have invited the "bigwigs" to the squalor-busting party. It is probably unwise to work from three books at once. However, I have huge fears about discarding financial paper, and so I feel that I might want to consult with Hemphill.

Would it surprise anyone that I actually OWN two of these three books, but I simply find it easier to borrow them from the library? (Rhetorical question.) Now that I think about it, I may own TWO copies of Hemphill, one being a library copy which I needed to purchase, due to its going MIA.

[gifted]

Today I made a donation to VVA for pick-up, a box of 25 books, and a bag of 7 board games. At least 2 books were set aside as too bad to donate (appearance of possible mold and mildew.)

I don't really have an overall plan yet. But I am thinking of a long-term timetable. At a recent meeting, someone was talking about a five-year timeline for a project. I would like to take on a similar project, but I could not afford to own a squalorous house in addition to such a project. And being on the far side of 50, I have decided that if inroads are not made into this project, I will need to give up my hope for it in another ten years.

Also, I have just taken on a new volunteer gig where my appearance will be important. I am tired of working so hard to maintain a life despite my living condition of level three squalor. (A messy kitchen, with rotting food and a cat box that is not well maintained. And pre-existing cat squalor from a previous cat.)

[gifted]

REAL WORLD:

Yesterday afternoon, a BF came by to plant plants, and he started organizing my "gangway." (This is what I learned to call the walkway between houses.)

I was glad for the moral support and companionship in my gardening efforts, but resented the help, especially when he claimed two plastic containers that were being "stored" at the side of my house. (I would be willing to bet that those were the only two containers that were matched with lids. It was the fact that these containers needed sorting that caused then to be exiled to the gangway. But the containers were not worth the effort of a conflict with him. - Or perhaps they WERE, since I am realizing that one mental "payoff" to my disarray is that I belief that if people think I have nice things, then they will want them and take them away from me.

He had come at his own convenience, and I had just laid down with a book to take a nap. After he left, I went back to the "nap." I did not wake until 2AM, and so I never got the sinkful of dishes washed that were on MY agenda. The kitchen sink area has not degraded to its starting point.

He "pointed out" to me how little time it took to take care of planting the things in the garden, but since I did not look at the clock, I have no idea. The plants he planted in the yard are not in a properly prepared bed, and so there will be more work to keep the surrounding weeds and lawn at bay. On the other hand, I have purchased these same plants in previous years, and they have died in their little 4-inch pots. So at least they have a CHANCE, and even if the yard never becomes a garden, at least there might be a gooseberry and bramble berries among the weeds.

[gifted]

IDEA WORLD (Reading and reflection):

Lolled around in bed this morning. Having Morgenstern in bed with me meant I felt rather guilt-free. I read chapter 1 and 2, skipped 3, because I live alone. But the previous blog entry shows that my relationships with men are entangled with my "stuff." So maybe I need to read chapter 2, because both men I currently have some level of romantic involvement with have tried to "rescue" me from my stuff, but I feel they swoop in, and leave me with a mess to clean up.

BACK TO THE BOOK!

In chapter 2, Julie (Morgenstern) proposes a three level diagnostic for analysing clutter causes. Leaving 1 is technical difficulties. I will leave those aside right now.

Level 2 is external realities. In my particular case, these factors play very little part, according to her quiz. I do not work, I do not live with anyone (except two cats, ants, and fleas.) My interaction with external reality is rather limited, since I don't watch TV or even listen to radio regularly.

However, when going over the "factors," I feel entitled to consider these:

#1: Unrealistic workload- I often choose a goal or activity with little or no consideration of my current circumstances, such as my clutter and energy level. And then I fail, as with my recent attempt at following the South Beach Diet. So while I would not want to claim an unrealistic workload overall, I do want to acknowledge the folly of trying to build a life on my current level 3 squalor.

#2 Speed of Life/Technology- I am still using the Blackberry to store phone numbers and as an alarm clock, despite not using it as a cell phone. I still have numbers I want to keep in the previous cell phone (with a missing charger, so I cannot look at them.)

#3 Transition- I have not worked full-time in over 15 years. While I have no desire to return to my former career path, I do not have a map for the life I want, either. So I am constantly in limbo as to what my priorities are. At the moment, I have two conflicting visions of my future vying for attention, and I am unwilling to give up either at the present time.

Vision 1: Plan to live in my house for the rest of my life, and turn it into a sort of "Urban Homestead" with fruit trees, and a garden I am proud of.

Vision 2: Buy a sailboat, and live a nomadic lifestyle, traveling abroad.

External Factor #3 Uncooperative Partners- I dismissed this. However, based on my previous post, I may need to confront this. I have a huge fear of disapproval, and a need to feel acknowledged and "okay." So whether the partners are uncooperative, or whether I am afraid to risk disapproval, I often do things that I later resent doing. (Or even resent while I am doing them, but just want to "keep the peace" until they "go away" and I am left to myself.

External Reality #5 Limited Space- Years ago, I declared that my current house is "adequate" for my needs. This house was built in the 40's, and has small rooms, tiny closets, no dining room. But it also has a full (unfinished) basement, a single car garage, and a finished "attic." (Sloping ceiling, and a low ceiling, but tall enough for me to stand.)

Yes, there are challenges to living in this house, but I have decided to live with them (or fix them.) But I will NOT put things in storage for use 'somewhere else."

In fact, I have often thought that one solution to my dilemma of wanting two different lifestyles is to bring in some room mates, and then I would have a caretaker for the house while I am traveling.

Level #3-Psychological Obstacles

In short, I identified with every obstacle she laid out. This is very scary! I am not sure that I have the wherewithal to address these issues as I did above. And I feel the need to get up and be active.

[gifted]

NEWS FLASH!

Feeling able to care for myself by having food to eat improves my mood!

I opened the fridge in a desperate mood: I had remembered that I had milk, and wanted to cook some polenta, but first would need to clean the stock pot, currently being used to store chicken broth which I was sure was spoiled. It turned out that the broth was fine, and I was IMMEDIATELY in a better mood. I heated it, along with some red miso (stirred into water.) And I had some miso soup. The bit of leftover tuna salad from yesterday on a bagel, and I actually had something of a MEAL.

It made me incredibly happy to be able to take care of myself in this way.

The small bit of leftover soup is in a wide mouth thermos on the kitchen counter for later.

My plan for the kitchen is to reclaim the sink,(BEFORE it turns into a major project. ) And wash the stockpot, so I am not so gloomy about the prospect of cleaning of it NEXT time I want to boil something. Right now I have 4 pots and pans, three are cast iron skillets, and this stock pan.

[juniper2]

Hi Simplegifts

Thanks for the info...yes, I definitely have trouble eliminating old paperwork...but then...it is coming in handy! I finally took a look at this social security paperwork I get yearly...regarding all the money i've earned in my lifetime...it estimates the amount of social security you get when you retire! Thank goodness I have ALL my old tax returns from the 70's and W-2 tax forms which have faded somewhat. The Social Security people didn't put in 3 years of work that I did and shorted me on another year! I just need to produce the paperwork and they will be increasing the amount of my benefits.

Old paperwork also came in handy when I was to be shortchanged on my inheritance thru lies...I had letters in original handwriting kept. But even tho' I won...I still can't seem to unload the stuff. Old paperwork keeps collecting dust around here.

Thanks for writing and very well done on the donation of books...that's another thing I need to tackle and it doesn't get any easier...I'm 60 now and getting more sentimental as the years go bye!

[gifted]

Thanks Juniper2,
You are keeping me honest!

I haven't felt up to posting much, because I don't feel like I am making progress at all.

I did dispose of a bag of paper earlier in the week. And I donated ten books.

Right now the sink is clean, because I have jumped on the Flylady wagon, with some other folks on the forum.

I have also read a bit from Julie Morgenstern, and she makes it all sound so simple and natural.

[hopehope]

perhaps I am inserting my own issues here? feel free to ignore as well-meaning but wrong.

for many of us, the stuff has some relationship to boundaries.

you bf who tok the containers that you want and put there because you want them and found ways to disparage your doings of this and that in the area he worked on -- well --

your home is your DOMAIN. which means -- you have DOMINION.

there are ways to do this very very nicely, and femininely etc. -- but one possibility (which I suggest) is actually voicing the words-- getting them up and out -- and saying to him -- thank you for your effort to help -- these are containers I am keeping, and blah blah --

the thing is, there is a payback-- in your life, energy and behavior -- for letting people do unto you.

ya gotta effectively speak up.

please.

[catbiscuit]

Hi SG!

I spend so much time in chat that it is taking me a while to get around the site and read everything! I'm glad you are finding the books helpful because in my own experience I often find that working our how our minds tick is much more valuable than trying to slog our way through housework. What I mean is that when we figure out what is blocking us or preventing us from seeing our situations realistically it can then be a huge motivator to get out and actually do some stuff!

I have really enjoyed chatting to you in chat and I wish you the very best of luck in sorting your squalor out!

Catbiscuit xx

PS - I know how you feel about your containers - it REALLY annoys and upsets me when well meaning friends or family come over uninvited to HELP - then take stuff that is "just lying around" or "not being looked after properly" as repayment for their unwanted help - INSANE!!

[gifted]

Apr 6, 2010 22:13:54 GMT -5 catbiscuit said:

Hi SG!

I spend so much time in chat that it is taking me a while to get around the site and read everything! I'm glad you are finding the books helpful because in my own experience I often find that working our how our minds tick is much more valuable than trying to slog our way through housework. What I mean is that when we figure out what is blocking us or preventing us from seeing our situations realistically it can then be a huge motivator to get out and actually do some stuff!

I have really enjoyed chatting to you in chat and I wish you the very best of luck in sorting your squalor out!

Catbiscuit xx

PS - I know how you feel about your containers - it REALLY annoys and upsets me when well meaning friends or family come over uninvited to HELP - then take stuff that is "just lying around" or "not being looked after properly" as repayment for their unwanted help - INSANE!!

What is even WORSE is when they 'help' with a garage sale, bringing their own junk, and then leaving it behind! (Which has happened to me.) I had more stuff after the sale than before. And the one thing that WAS sold, was a cat scratching post, which I had not intended to sell. So my couch became the substitute!

Yes, I definitely need to conquer this on my own, it seems.

I did donate one box of stuff today.

[creativechaos]

hi gifts;

just found your blog, and find your thoughts interesting. the inner process is necessary as well as the outer.


reading the part about the bf taking your containers.... this part....

I was glad for the moral support and companionship in my gardening efforts, but resented the help, especially when he claimed two plastic containers that were being "stored" at the side of my house. (I would be willing to bet that those were the only two containers that were matched with lids. It was the fact that these containers needed sorting that caused then to be exiled to the gangway. But the containers were not worth the effort of a conflict with him. - Or perhaps they WERE, since I am realizing that one mental "payoff" to my disarray is that I belief that if people think I have nice things, then they will want them and take them away from me.

well, i hafta agree with what hopehope wrote on that one. it's YOUR domain and the last sentence above says it all. no wonder you felt resentful of his 'help'.

this is good, keep blogging, keep having discoveries and wow! 25 books gone! whooooo hoooo! books are very hard for me to let go of, and you let go of 25. congratulations and keep going! you inspire me to unbury my 'buried in treasures' again and get to work. i think i have a morgenstern book around that i was 'going to get to' also.

luv, cc

[gifted]

cc,

Now that you have bumped this blog, I feel I should respond. As usual, my squalor has moved a bit up and down, depending on my mood and mental state. I am now back on antidepressant meds, and have had some improvement in mood. But have been having difficulty in tossing things out, because of my current behavior of "hiding" from the neighbors. Also, just mental confusion, especially about organizing papers.

I do have a clear patch of floor in my living room and bedroom. I cleared under my bed (seeking lost library books) and found my Roomba, Ed-iot. With his help, I have maintained those patches of clean floor.

Thanks for your support.

[gifted]

Sorry for anyone following this blog. I abandoned it, because I have been enjoying the immediacy of chat. But currently a technical problem is keeping me from the chat room.

I am surprised to see that I have maintained the clear floor for over a month! (Tho, I confess to not being diligent on using the Roomba to keep it clean.)

I am not doing well in the kitchen, I will clear the sink and do one sinkful of dishes, and then ignore them again, and need to dig out again. This is also complicated because the kitchen trash is often full to overflowing. Now I am not only avoiding taking out trash in the daytime, but also at night, because I do not want the cats out at night. So often fresh trash usually winds up in the sink. Of course it does not stay fresh long!

Tomorrow is my trash pick-up day.

My goals today are to clean off the range well enough to cook some beef stew. Cook the stew. Clear a path to the fridge, so I can open the door more than a crack. Get rid of stinky spoiled stuff in fridge. Take out cat litter box trash.

The stew is important to get to today. I have little to eat in the house. I am proud that I was very restrained during my last trip to the supermarket, and bought ONLY things for this one dish, one cabbage, and a few cans of tuna, for the cats. Not that I don't have food in the house. Too much of it, but can't figure out what kind of meal I can make with what I have. Besides, I needed some kind of meat for Tipsy, who is having trouble with eating kibble. He is going to vet later this week for dental work.

[gifted]

Still haven't cooked the stew. Monday morning my normal trash can was full to the brim, and my second can was partially full. The three spoiled chickens are no no longer in residence in my fridge. But I was afraid of sleeping through a medical appointment, and so stayed up straight through Sunday night.

I guess it may be a good thing that I actually slept through not only Monday, but also Monday night, but I am now unable to move without suffering splitting head pain.

I am angry at myself for allowing people to throw me so far off my own schedule. I was unable to even consider going out for my Monday plans. And this is not the first time I have let other people mess up my plans for Monday evenings.

I will now see what I can do about food, now that I have been awake long enough for the kinks of so much sleep to be feeling better.


Update:

Stew is stewing. I am thinking it may not taste beefy enough, but I am thinking that an addition of red miso. But I will not add it now, since I am low on miso. The carrots were added quite late, and the barley is already cooked, so I will just leave the heat off, and let the carrots soften. The project outgrew my Dutch oven, and so I think there is plenty of heat to cook the carrots. It is much later than I thought, but at least this is more or less done. (Except for figuring out how I will store it, and actually putting it away.) Feet are tired from the standing, a reminder that I don't spend much time in the kitchen lately. Ah! Just found my small stock pot, but don't think it would have worked anyway.

I think I have earned myself a guilt-free movie tonight!

[gifted]

Stew still not cooking. But I am feeling better after a dry toasted bagel and cottage cheese. I have spent a few hours at my desk, mostly on the phone:

Tech support for computer, problem still unresolved, tough now it definitely seems to be a Java related issue... but websites worked fine for the techie.

Checking on my anti-depressant medication, problem resolved, my meds will be different than initially perscribed, to avoid potential adverse side effects.

Called clinic for a new prescription for vitamin D.

Called an advisor about a financial matter, deferred making a decision until next week, to see if there are further developments.

Also, wrote e-mail to Kettle Chips about a bad product.

Now calling Colgate-polmolive about their dish soap. (I get annoyed and call when a product does not work as described on the bottle, this one did NOT cut grease.)

Tested kitty dental rinse on myself (spat it out, but I like to do this, after once using a mite product that actually was painful to my mite-free ears) btw, this had a somewhat bitter taste despite the sweetness, but was not painful. Gave it a home in the kitchen cabinet , near feeding "station." Also, product was suggested by dj, it has helped one of her kitty's oral health. Unsure whether I will start using it now, or perhaps will wait until after vet appointment.