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Post by toomanycats on Jul 24, 2008 14:38:25 GMT -5
Oh boy.. I think I have found exactly what I need! I have been debating for almost a YEAR to join something like this. I have visited the squalor suvivor website for awhile, but was scared to death to actually tell anyone about my problem. I mean, its not like its a secret to my family members... or probably other people... but I work so hard to keep it so no one will discover me, that I think it would just be easier to CLEAN.
First off... I have 13 cats. Yes 13. I started out with 3... married a man with 2 ... took in a stray (who was pregnant)... and the rest is history... I couldn't afford to get the stray fixed... couldn't bare to get rid of the kittens... and the multiplication began. We've had 5 or 6 litters of kittens.. found homes for some.. but right now I am at 13. I am trying to find homes for some of them.. but no one wants them. Then again, I wouldn't ever dream of letting anyone come over to see them because my house is so embarrassing.
Obviously my house stinks. Bad. I have to wash our clothes the day that we are going to wear them, because even if they are clean they smell like cat butt after hanging in the closets.
I know this is a problem. I know this is gross. I know this is unhealthy... but I can't get myself to do anything about it. Everytime I get the energy to do it I get so overwhelmed of the fact that it is SO gross.. that I quit because I figure what's the use...
Oh yeah.. and did I mention that we are slobs? There are 3 in my home.. me, my husband and my 6 year old son. There is trash, clothes, dishes, food, papers.. you name it.. its on my floor somewhere. There is literally a path to walk and honestly sometimes there isn't even that. I don't know how many twisted ankles we've had from falling over junk...
My husband is willing to help clean, but it has to be 'when he's in the mood'. My son doesn't clean because he's never been made to clean and probably doesn't know how. I don't because I'm overwhelmed and exhausted most of the time--I have a million excuses too!
I need to do something and I need to do it fast. A few years ago my husband's sister in law called children's services on us, but luckily they gave us a week before they visited and we were able to get everything cleaned up by then. Of course we didn't keep it that way and if they called today there is no way we could get it cleaned up in a week. Maybe not even a month. Its that bad.
The bad part? I work 40 hours a week and go to school in the evenings for... get this... nursing. Yes. Nursing. Sterile fields.. the whole 9 yards.. imagine... a nurse living in squalor. If anyone ever found out, there is no way they would let me take care of them!
We haven't had visitors (besides my mom) for a couple years or more. When anyone comes to the door--when we decide to admit we are home--we stand on the porch to talk to them, quickly closing the door behind us. My mom says you can smell my house from the outside.
The straw that has broken the camel's back? This weekend my son asked me why everyone else has a clean house but us. Yikes. How is he ever going to have kids over.. and have sleep overs like a normal healthy child? He can't. Not like this.
So I am reaching out to you guys for help. Please. I'm begging. I have no idea where to start or what to do. I'm scared. I'm embarrassed. I'm overwhelmed.
By the way, its nice to meet you all...
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Post by pegasus48 on Jul 24, 2008 15:59:52 GMT -5
Dear Toomanycats, you sure are in the right place! S.O.S.ers know all about clutter and odors, etc., etc. Take heart. It is not hopeless. You can climb out of your mess one step at a time along with the rest of us. You probably will want to start with the cat odor problem, and one aspect of that is to insure your pet population doesn't grow any further. Are your cats inside cats or do they go in and out? If they are inside cats, how many are male and how many are female? If they are inside cats and you can't have them all fixed, get one of the sexes fixed, whichever is less. Like if you have 4 males and 9 females, get the males fixed even if you have to make payments. (See if a low cost spay and neuter clinic will work with you.) Conversely, if there are less females, like 5 females and 8 males, get the females fixed. If your cats go in and out, get the females fixed. This will stop the cat multiplication problem and give you some breathing (no pun intended  ) room. A lot of the odor is probably in stuff that is on the floor, so floor clearing will help a lot. Get yourself some heavy duty trash bags and get ready to toss!! We are all here to cheer you on. You can do it!!  |
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Post by heylady1 on Jul 24, 2008 16:03:11 GMT -5
It's nice to meet you too!!!  You've come to the right place that's for sure  About the too many cats....at one point years ago I had too many cats too. I was up to 8. I was barely, and I do mean barely, able to keep up with their vet visits, food and care. People dumped their cats on me. I was extremely lucky just to get them all fixed and get their rabies and feline lukemia shots you know? I worked my butt off trying to keep up with them and I finally realised I just couldn't do it anymore. I ended up giving away some and the ones I couldn't find homes for I took to the Humane Society. It was so incredibly hard and yet it was the best thing I could have done for my family and the cats too. I'm not suggesting that you have to give them all up but wouldn't it make your life easier if you didn't have as many? If you only had one or two maybe you could get them fixed so you could stop the kitten train  I know this is a hard decision but sometimes the best decisions are. I haven't had cats since btw  I still like cats, but I'm grateful I don't have any because I know I have 'collector' tendencies.... That's the best advice I can give you! Whatever you decide to do we are here to help you and cheer you on every step of the way!! Welcome again, Toomanycats!! |
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csmith
New Member
Joined: July 2008
Posts: 2
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Post by csmith on Jul 24, 2008 16:45:10 GMT -5
i have the same problem with cats.
i have atleast 15.
they multiply so fast, i can't keep track.
i just don't know what to do too. :/
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Post by Chris on Jul 24, 2008 17:39:12 GMT -5
Hi Toomanycats,
I'm new also and I can tell you that this group has already helped me so much! I also got a lot of help from the book, Buried in Treasures by David Tolin. It's excellent and I highly recommend it!
I am a fellow cat lover and at one time I had 18 cats outside. I had to get them into the humane society and the kittens adopted everywhere I could. I kept 3 - one outside and two inside. I vowed to never ever again keep a cat that was not spayed or neutered. It is better now. Two litter boxes are hard enough to keep up with sometimes.
I just want to wish you good luck in changing -- I know you can do it. De-cluttering and cleaning up is a lot like losing weight --- it didn't happen overnight and can't be completely fixed immediately or quickly but steadily with new better habits and concentrated effort. You will find so much encouragement here. There are threads for doing just 3 things -- that kind of thing and it really motivates and encourages you. I wish you all the best and I know that you can do this. And your 6 year old will learn with you how to clean and maintain. It can be a very healing family thing to do. Sending positive thoughts your way. You've made an important first step coming here and speaking up about your situation. You should be very proud of yourself.
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Post by toomanycats on Jul 24, 2008 18:49:00 GMT -5
Thank you for all of your kind words.. you are giving me hope... Right now I am just trying to figure out where to start... and how... and once I start, how can I maintain it??
I just posted some pictures in the Photo forum for all to see... its pretty bad.. and believe it or not, there are only 2 pictures with cats in them... weird.
To answer questions... My older cats are fixed. We currently have 2 females and 6 males who are not fixed. I am taking one female to the vet in the morning for a spay. I am trying to find homes fo the other 7 who are not fixed.. if worse comes to worse I'm gonna have to take them to the pound. I don't want to do it, but I need to do something. I plan to keep 6 of the 15. 3 of whom are ages 14, 13 & 11, so they won't be around for too many more years...
Anyway.. I'm really excited to get started... any tips on how to begin??
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Post by molly on Jul 24, 2008 20:37:29 GMT -5
Welcome!
I would begin in your son's room, since he has already stated that he wants a clean house. If you get his room clean, he would probably try to keep it that way (I have a daughter the same age who keeps her room spotless now). I'll go look at the pictures and see if I have any advice that might help.
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Post by CrimsonKat on Jul 24, 2008 21:04:42 GMT -5
Again, welcome to the board. About the cats... Please don't take them to the pound. Take them to a no-kill shelter. If you need help finding one, private message me with your location and I will do the research for you. Also, it's a good idea to get them all fixed, even if you are giving them away. A helpful hint is that boy cats heal a lot faster and with less care. It might be motivating for you to start with the master bathroom that you don't use. Clean that room completely so you can use it as a separate area for the healing cats to recover. As far as your family being "slobs". That's kind of a harsh word. When I started MY journey, I found out that my squalor & clutter was not about the squalor & clutter. It is a symptom of other emotional, mental, spiritual (and in my case, some physical) issues. The squalor is just how it manifested itself. Affirmations work great. Tell yourself (even if you don't feel it yet) that you are not a slob. You are a person who has done their best up until now, but now you are going to take your life back. Don't waste that energy judging yourself. Whenever you hear that negative voice telling you those horrible things, tell it off! Tell it that it doesn't control you anymore and then pick up one thing and toss it out just to drive your point home. You and your family can use this experience to do something together. To learn, grow and forgive yourselves. This is not something we choose to do because it feels great to live this way. This is us coping with our lives and feelings the best we can. We just weren't given other ways & methods for coping with our real issues. And since we are wonderfully flawed human beings that ARE capable of change and growth, there is hope. I found that when I started taking action, a lot of emotions came up. I got overwhelmed and anxious. I gave myself permission to NOT beat myself up, to forgive myself for the past, let go of the guilt as much as I could, actually FEEL my feelings at my own pace. The key is not give up. Keep plodding along. Things will have no choice but to look different eventually. But while you are cleaning (which you know you can do since you've done it already), pay attention to your feelings and your needs. Communicate with your family. Ask them how they feel too. As far as your son goes, this is a great opportunity for him to learn. Try not to feel guilty about the ways things have been and get ready to enjoy how things can be for him. I am so glad you are here and feel free to lean on us. That's what we are here for. |
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Post by crazycatlady on Jul 26, 2008 7:46:22 GMT -5
Welcome, TooManyCats, and CSmith. You have certainly found the right place! Many people have dealt with similar issues, and are making (and maintaining) great progress.
As my name suggests, I have cats, too. My ideal number is 2 or 3. I have 3 inside, 1 outside (pees in the house), and one cat who comes in and out. All five are neutered. I used to volunteer for a foster agency, and had several years of multiple litters of kittens which were then neutered and adopted out. The Momma cats were also spayed and adopted out. Rewarding work, but lots of care involved.
While I think the ideal solution if you have "too many" cats is to spay or neuter everyone first, reality is that often while people are trying to accomplish that, more and more kittens are born, compounding the problem. Sometimes I think the best solution is to send many of the kitties to a shelter or pound, and plan to do things differently in the future. (I think that all shelters now spay or neuter before adopting cats out, so the kitties that you give up will end up speutered!) It is a painful solution, but sometimes when you get overloaded with pets, it might be the best for all concerned.
Some people join and start cleaning and making progress right away. Others inch forward slowly. Some need to read and post and think a lot before they make progress on their clutter and mess. Think of conquering clutter like climbing a mountain, there are ups and downs, jags to overcome. But it REALLY helps to be a member of a community such as SooS! Then you will get a lot of encouragement as you climb Mt Messmore, and pointers on how to get out of the worst of it.
For anyone overloaded with pets: please think about whether letting some go could possibly be the solution. One bunch of kitties I fostered were part of a clear hoarders cats. Before she would accept help, the city had intervened and she ended up losing all of her dogs and most of her cats, as well as her home. (She lives elsewhere now, and was able to reclaim 2 cats, which had been spayed.) There are many people here who will be willing to help you find a place to give up pets. Just post a thread stating that it is a problem, and you will get offers of help, and you can pm (private message) with someone who will help find solutions. Or look at Petfinder.com for local animals available for adoption, if you can do so without adopting one or two more! Call the rescue agencies that are giving up pets. Maybe they can help you give up some of yours.
Again, welcome to SooS. There is hope, and you will find it here!
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Post by creativechaos on Jul 30, 2008 20:30:29 GMT -5
hi toomanycats and welcome; you too cssmith;
the cat issue has been addressed by some of our members, and i agree that if you can 'speuter' them first that would be great, but if money is an issue, shelters do this now before adoption, and they would likely help you! you will feel better in the long run taking this step. then you can take up the smelly carpet and things like that.
the hubby and 6 year old son housekeeping issue is the one i want to address. 6 years old is old enough for starting to do some chores and pitch in! many kids start younger than that. it sure would be nice if hubby would back you on this, and do some work of his own. now is the time to start setting an example for your son. i know....my mom wouldn't let me help when i was small and she taught me nothing about how to clean or take care of myself. as a consequence, i now need dentures because my teeth are all rotten, and i am still slovenly and habitually ***. it is no help to a child to do everything for them; far better to teach your son basic housekeeping and cooking skills, starting with having him do his own room and maintain it! then he will be better able to care for himself as an adult, and not just expecting some woman to do it for him! That being said, you CAN make it fun with games and incentives. you all can sit down and make a list of regular stuff that needs doing, along with special projects, with some not-too-distant goal in mind like a small sleepover or party for your son.
you will get lots of help on listzilla. some people do timers and 15 minute sessions. i do better with picking up numbers of things (like 10 socks off the floor). those baby steps add up and soon you will see results! glad to have you with us!
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Post by glowworm on Jul 30, 2008 21:49:12 GMT -5
Hi and welcome! What I've found that helps, is to start small. Don't think about the whole mess or how long it's going to take to pick all of it up. Just focus on one small area at a time. Get a trash bag, fill it up, and take it to the curb. Do this every day and over time, you WILL notice a difference. This is the perfect time for your son to start getting involved in daily chores. One thing that might help is, every day, take maybe 15 minutes for the two of you to pick up things in his room together. Do it at the same time every day, and it will become a routine for both of you. As he gets older and becomes more independent, he'll be able to do his room by himself, and you can take that 15 minutes to do something else. |
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Post by vorkosigan on Jul 31, 2008 1:05:51 GMT -5
Hi, Toomanycats.
Regarding your cats, check with the local Humane Society and/or ASPCA (both should be online) about programs for cats. In the northeastern city where I live, there are several no-kill shelters and a state-funded program that provides 'speutering' at a reduced cost.
The single most helpful thing I've found (other than gloves -- I wouldn't survive without gloves) is to try to do something, **anything**, straightaway in the morning. For me, it was too easy to tell myself I'd get something done later today, then not do it because I was tired or ran out of time. Just getting up half an hour earlier and doing a sinkful of dishes or clearing out one shelf of the linen closet before I even take a shower seems to set the pattern for me, somehow, and I find it easier to spend the additional 40 minutes that evening finishing the kitchen or the closet. And instead of going through my day with the suppressed worry that I've done nothing and have so much to do, I go through it with the quiet reassurance of having done **something**, dammit. (That's a huge one.) And of course, whatever got done is actually done, so I'm that much further along.
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Post by vorkosigan on Jul 31, 2008 1:13:04 GMT -5
Oh, regarding cat smells -- I've found that the feline pine cat litter is awesome at odor control, even when the litter box is, um, well-aged, and it's comparable in price to regular litter. Also, high-quality catfood (like Iams or Purina ONE) makes for much, much, **much** less-smelly cat waste. Honestly. I don't know what's in Meow Mix, but once it passes through my cats it is absolutely toxically foul. [shudders]
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Post by zinnia on Aug 3, 2008 22:14:29 GMT -5
I think you will be a good nurse- because you will be kind & understanding about why a patient didn't seek help sooner about a serious problem.
Welcome!
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Post by houseworkhater on Aug 4, 2008 13:18:06 GMT -5
i agree with zinnia -- you will be kind and understanding with your patients.
welcome, and if you have to give the cats away to save your sanity - do it!!!
i wish you well!!!
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