twiggy
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Post by twiggy on Aug 3, 2011 3:48:45 GMT -5
Hi everyone. I don't generally having a problem with hoarding, I'm much more a clutterer, except when it comes to clothes. I have a terrible time trying to get rid of it. I have so many emotions and memories attached to certain clothing items. I even have a few things saved from my pre-teen years! There is also a feeling that I must keep nice things because I might need them one day. I've been impoverished before and that has an effect. As you can imagine I have a bit of a laundry problem. Well, a lot of a laundry problem. Does anyone have advice on letting go of emotional attachments or a feeling of need for items like these? I'm being swallowed up by all this clothing, but can't seem to part with it.
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Post by immaculata on Aug 3, 2011 8:09:13 GMT -5
It is hard to let go of very personal items such as clothing. I suppose more than any other material thing, they say things about how we'd like to be seen or how we'd like to appear. They are the layer between us and the outside world. That makes them difficult to declutter. I'd suggest that you get the biggest mirror in your house and try on the clothes in your wardrobe, one item at a time, in front of it. See if you like the way they look, if they fit, if they have any damage (rips, stains, threadbare patches, worn out parts, perished elastic), if they are still in keeping with today's clothes. I'd suggest that you spend as long as you feel you need to wearing each piece in front of the mirror until you are comfortable making a decision about whether you still want that item in your wardrobe. If you want, and if you're the crafty type, you could keep a little piece of each garment you're decluttering and make a collage or quilt out of them. Then you'd have a memento, but still be able to have a functional wardrobe that's not overflowing. Your local charity shop will be grateful for any clothes that you feel able to donate, and they will be put to good use for someone else. Personally I try to get rid of anything that's not in my favourite colours (blue and black), that's not made from natural fibres, that's not capable of being washed in a machine. Clothes that don't show up every fallen eyelash or passing speck, clothes that are comfortable in any temperature, clothes that don't require dry cleaning - that's what I like. Another idea is to look at clothes items when you've sorted them into groups. If you look at all your pairs of knickers at once, you can more easily see which ones are getting ragged from being washed so much. If you look at all your pairs of socks at once, you can see which are holey or which don't have a match; those ones would be prime candidates for getting tossed out. If you turn out to have 42 pairs of jeans or 37 handbags, then you might find it easier to realise that you have an overabundance and let the things you don't like so much go.
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Post by dtesposito on Aug 3, 2011 8:22:57 GMT -5
Take photos of the sentimental items so you can let them go. Or get everything together in categories and keep one item from each category (1 favorite item from your teens, for example).
As far as keeping things you'll need, be brutally honest--if you need nice clothes one day, are these items going to still be in style, still fit you, still be in good enough shape to fit that purpose? If you're suddenly offered a really good job that requires good clothing, you'll be getting a good paycheck and will be able to buy what you need then.
Designate a drawer or tiny spot in your closet (like 1 foot of the rack) as the amount of space you're willing to devote to clothing that you're not currently wearing but can't give up yet, and only keep the number of items that will fit in that space. Think about how much living space in your home that you could be using if it wasn't for the clothes--are they worth so much to you that you are willing to give up comfortable living space to store them? Because that's what it amounts to.
If you have a friend you trust you could ask for help in deciding what to keep--sometimes getting another opinion helps you see things in a different light.
Diane
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Post by ponygirl on Aug 3, 2011 12:00:19 GMT -5
Twiggy, I have some of the same attachments as you when it comes to clothes. I, too, have some items from my teen years (prom dresses that I made, t-shirts, team shirts, etc.) and I'm no spring-chicken! My closets are overflowing and I had many boxes and was starting to have piles of clothing all over. It was time to do something. However, over the past two years, I've really made an effort to pare down and it's gotten easier each time I make an attempt to de-possess in my wardrobe. At first, just weeding out one or two items was a major ordeal and quite troubling. I have donated quite a lot, especially the items that are in excellent, like-new (or are new) condition. If you think about someone who really needs new clothing, getting your donated items, it becomes much easier to discard and pare down. Donating is a good and empowering feeling. I should note that, for me, it is still "work-in-progress" and I'm not where I need to be...yet. I still have way more than I need. Need being the key word. Immaculata and Diane offered wonderful suggestions. Keep working at it -- it will get much, much easier each time you "take a stab" at it. Good luck and we're here for support and encouragement! Ponygirl
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Post by messymimi on Aug 3, 2011 13:36:54 GMT -5
Dear Twiggy,
Advice for clothes:
If you haven't slept in it, sung in it, eaten in it, gone out in it, worn it to religious services, worked in it, lounged in it, or just plain worn it in a year or more, out it goes!
If it does not fit you right now, out it goes! If you do lose weight, it will be out of style and you will deserve new stuff anyway (only applies if you have weight you want to lose, if you don't please excuse and ignore).
If it is something you bought that you later decided you didn't like because it was not really you, out it goes! It is not going to become more your style later, and you've already spent the money on it, don't waste any more money giving it storage space that should go to clothes you do wear.
If it was your style back then, but isn't now, out it goes!
If it is not quite the right color, out it goes!
If it doesn't go with anything else, out it goes!
If it needs repair, out it goes! Unless you love being a seamstress, and will get to it within the next week.
If it does not make you feel fabulous when you wear it, out it goes! (Does not apply to one set of grungy clothes kept for painting or other messy work.)
If it does not bring a big smile to your face, out it goes!
Keep only what you love, and what brings you joy to wear. Everything else can go find a new home.
I hope this gives you a start.
messymimi
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twiggy
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Joined: August 2011
Posts: 27
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Post by twiggy on Aug 3, 2011 18:56:47 GMT -5
It is hard to let go of very personal items such as clothing. I suppose more than any other material thing, they say things about how we'd like to be seen or how we'd like to appear. They are the layer between us and the outside world. That makes them difficult to declutter. I'd suggest that you get the biggest mirror in your house and try on the clothes in your wardrobe, one item at a time, in front of it. See if you like the way they look, if they fit, if they have any damage (rips, stains, threadbare patches, worn out parts, perished elastic), if they are still in keeping with today's clothes. I'd suggest that you spend as long as you feel you need to wearing each piece in front of the mirror until you are comfortable making a decision about whether you still want that item in your wardrobe. If you want, and if you're the crafty type, you could keep a little piece of each garment you're decluttering and make a collage or quilt out of them. Then you'd have a memento, but still be able to have a functional wardrobe that's not overflowing. Your local charity shop will be grateful for any clothes that you feel able to donate, and they will be put to good use for someone else. Personally I try to get rid of anything that's not in my favourite colours (blue and black), that's not made from natural fibres, that's not capable of being washed in a machine. Clothes that don't show up every fallen eyelash or passing speck, clothes that are comfortable in any temperature, clothes that don't require dry cleaning - that's what I like. Another idea is to look at clothes items when you've sorted them into groups. If you look at all your pairs of knickers at once, you can more easily see which ones are getting ragged from being washed so much. If you look at all your pairs of socks at once, you can see which are holey or which don't have a match; those ones would be prime candidates for getting tossed out. If you turn out to have 42 pairs of jeans or 37 handbags, then you might find it easier to realise that you have an overabundance and let the things you don't like so much go. This is really good advice. Thank you, Immaculata! The mirror idea could be very helpful (It might take a week to get through that huge pile, ) Some of these things have been taking up space for years without being worn. Some of them have been in the drawer so long they have a fine layer of dust on them. That might be a good place to start. If the clothes have been stored so long they're dusty, I probably don't need them anymore, eh? I've cut up pieces for quilt patches before, when something was so ragged I could no longer justify keeping it. I've also done rag rugs, too. I will have to grit my teeth and try to put my emotions to the side. I'm fully capable of thinking that a frayed. pilled-up sweater will come in handy "one day" when that's really not very reasonable.
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twiggy
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Joined: August 2011
Posts: 27
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Post by twiggy on Aug 3, 2011 19:22:22 GMT -5
Take photos of the sentimental items so you can let them go. Or get everything together in categories and keep one item from each category (1 favorite item from your teens, for example). As far as keeping things you'll need, be brutally honest--if you need nice clothes one day, are these items going to still be in style, still fit you, still be in good enough shape to fit that purpose? If you're suddenly offered a really good job that requires good clothing, you'll be getting a good paycheck and will be able to buy what you need then. Designate a drawer or tiny spot in your closet (like 1 foot of the rack) as the amount of space you're willing to devote to clothing that you're not currently wearing but can't give up yet, and only keep the number of items that will fit in that space. Think about how much living space in your home that you could be using if it wasn't for the clothes--are they worth so much to you that you are willing to give up comfortable living space to store them? Because that's what it amounts to. If you have a friend you trust you could ask for help in deciding what to keep--sometimes getting another opinion helps you see things in a different light. Diane Thanks - also very good advice! Pictures would definitely be good. It would ease the sense of losing the memory or emotions related to the items. That's where the real anxiety comes in. I hadn't thought of doing that before. Knowing my tendencies, I try to stick with buying more plain or "classic" items that won't seem dated, but there again is the idea of storing them up in case I need them in the future. Somewhere, I seem have a fear that clothing will become scare and I'll be left with nothing. In reality, just a few dresses for each type of occasion would suffice. And you're right, when it comes to work clothes, the paycheck would cover further needs. I'll get right on assessing the importance of space versus the clothes. This is a pretty big issue, since I don't have a lot of space and it's causing quite a bit of inconvienience to work around it, trip over it, always re-folding and restacking everything that won't fit in closets and drawers (only to have the stacks fall over again). I'm going to have to choose one way or another, because it's become a burden.
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twiggy
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Joined: August 2011
Posts: 27
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Post by twiggy on Aug 3, 2011 19:36:42 GMT -5
Twiggy, I have some of the same attachments as you when it comes to clothes. I, too, have some items from my teen years (prom dresses that I made, t-shirts, team shirts, etc.) and I'm no spring-chicken! My closets are overflowing and I had many boxes and was starting to have piles of clothing all over. It was time to do something. However, over the past two years, I've really made an effort to pare down and it's gotten easier each time I make an attempt to de-possess in my wardrobe. At first, just weeding out one or two items was a major ordeal and quite troubling. I have donated quite a lot, especially the items that are in excellent, like-new (or are new) condition. If you think about someone who really needs new clothing, getting your donated items, it becomes much easier to discard and pare down. Donating is a good and empowering feeling. I should note that, for me, it is still "work-in-progress" and I'm not where I need to be...yet. I still have way more than I need. Need being the key word. Immaculata and Diane offered wonderful suggestions. Keep working at it -- it will get much, much easier each time you "take a stab" at it. Good luck and we're here for support and encouragement! Ponygirl Thanks for your encouragement, ponygirl. Thinking about it, I'm beginning to see that saving a lot of these old, rarely worn items for me has to do with not only memories, but the hope I felt at the time I bought them. I would wear this to a great party, or on a date, or for a job I really loved....etc. Even though those times have come and gone, the items represented the hopeful feelings. That's another thing I can work on. I can recall those feelings without the clothes, and having the clothes doesn't bring back the past. I can work on letting go of that idea, too. Good luck on your own wardrobe, and congrats for doing so well already.
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twiggy
New Member
Joined: August 2011
Posts: 27
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Post by twiggy on Aug 3, 2011 19:52:35 GMT -5
Dear Twiggy,
Advice for clothes:
If you haven't slept in it, sung in it, eaten in it, gone out in it, worn it to religious services, worked in it, lounged in it, or just plain worn it in a year or more, out it goes!
If it does not fit you right now, out it goes! If you do lose weight, it will be out of style and you will deserve new stuff anyway (only applies if you have weight you want to lose, if you don't please excuse and ignore).
If it is something you bought that you later decided you didn't like because it was not really you, out it goes! It is not going to become more your style later, and you've already spent the money on it, don't waste any more money giving it storage space that should go to clothes you do wear.
If it was your style back then, but isn't now, out it goes!
If it is not quite the right color, out it goes!
If it doesn't go with anything else, out it goes!
If it needs repair, out it goes! Unless you love being a seamstress, and will get to it within the next week.
If it does not make you feel fabulous when you wear it, out it goes! (Does not apply to one set of grungy clothes kept for painting or other messy work.)
If it does not bring a big smile to your face, out it goes!
Keep only what you love, and what brings you joy to wear. Everything else can go find a new home.
I hope this gives you a start.
messymimi You make a lot of great points, Messymimi. Especially because I really don't feel fabulous in much of my wardrobe. Seperating things out based on what brings me joy rather than anxiety (or feeling an obligation to keep it) sounds like a really good plan. I'm a pretty good seamstress, and this has lead to my saving a heap of things that need mending, if I could just buckle down and do it...so I keep telling myself. I must face some facts though. I'm a busy housewife with three growing boys. It's highly unlikely I'll ever get it done - no matter how much I think I should. I'll start sorting things as soon as I feel strong enough. Luckily the local charity shop has set up a donation box nearby. That can help make a start. Thanks again for your help.
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Post by hangers on Aug 3, 2011 22:05:58 GMT -5
Seamstress huh? I remember finding a pile of mending once. My daughter had unfortunately outgrown all the stuff before I ever got around to fixing it.
Clothes are a big problem with me too. I have a suitcase and a plastic bin full of jeans and shorts that are too tight. I quit smoking and gained a lot of weight. I did pare them down to just the bin now and put some in the rummage sale. But when I look at it logically, Why am I sitting here with this big bin of jeans I can't wear? I know what it's like though to not be able to afford new, so if I do lose this weight...... Here I go again. Good luck to you.
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Post by journeyhome on Aug 4, 2011 6:35:47 GMT -5
Of the things that need repair could you choose just your favorite piece to mend and let the rest go. Then you most likely can find time/energy to make that one repair.
Good Luck
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Post by eagle on Aug 4, 2011 7:31:16 GMT -5
Twiggy, I also had a huge amount of clothes that I 'just couldn't part with' before I started this journey. Have I made it to Nervana yet? Not quite. I still haven't let go of a box of 501 jeans (Levi's) that I wore when I was size 6, and I'm not really sure I'll ever be that size again.
But I did let go of at least 50%, perhaps as much as 75% of all of my clothes about 6 years ago. This is how I did it:
1. Closet space was an issue and the rod holding our clothes came crashing down, so the stimulated action on my part. (An impending move also played a part in motivation.)
2. I removed all clothes from the closet and started only with the clothes in the closet. (I had clothes hanging on racks in the garage and other various places, as well, but they came later.)
3. I fixed the closet rod, reinforcing it in the middle with a post (to hold it up if the clothes were too heavy & to create a barrier to mark the halfway point in the closet, as I share a closet with Hubby.)
4. I piled all the clothes on the bed & began sorting them by size. I asked these questions: What fits now? What is ready to wear now (doesn't need mending)? What looks really good on? What is comfortable? What will I really wear? What don't I wear (and why not)? What don't I like? What washes well & is easy care? What needs dry cleaning (or other special care)? What needs ironing? What seperates goes with what else & does it go with more than one thing? How many outfits can I make with these seperates? How many pairs of slacks, jeans, sweats, etc. do I really need? Are these stained? Etc.
5. Then I tried them on, piece by piece. I looked in the full-lenth mirror and evaluated each item based on how it looked, how it felt, how I felt as I wore it. I only put back items I felt good about in terms of comfort, attractiveness, well fitting and complementary to me as I looked in the mirror.
6. For the 'undecided' items, I decided that wearing them for a day would help me decide if I should keep them or not. So I began wearing everything by chosing it for a day. I soon found out that one reason I wasn't wearing some of these things was that they didn't fit well, were really uncomfortable, looked awful on me, or something along those lines. It was much easier to get rid of something after trying to wear it for a day and finding it intolerable. I just tossed those out. At that time in my life, I was not in the position to wash and dry every donatable. Later on I went back to making sure to donate good clean clothes, but it was not a priority during the 'crunch.'
7. This took several days, so each day I cleared the bed before Hubby came home, and began the process again the next morning.
8. I implemented a One-In-Two-Out Rule, which I still use. It started with clothes, but I use it for all items we tend to overstock ourselves with, such as office supplies, etc. For every pair of slacks I bring into the house, I have to get rid of two pair. (Donate, throw into the trash, cut up and turn into rags for the garage to soak up car grease, etc.) This is how I keep the clothes monster from taking over again, and it is VERY effective. I am much more selective about what I buy now, when I realize that if I buy (or accept as free) this blouse I have to choose two out of my closet (or dresser drawer or whatever) to discard.
It's a struggle sometimes, yes, but with perseverance it works.
Yes, I had sentimental attachments to some of them. A blouse my mom wore in a portrait of her before she died. The two-piece dress I wore to my second husband's funeral, that my mom helped me pick out. My wedding dresses. Not to mention the hundreds of leather shoes, especially the high heels that I loved but no longer wore! The high heels I wore to such-and-such occassion. Etc. etc. etc.
Eventually I was able to let go of some of the items for which the sentimental attachment was great. Some of them I cut up and kept swatches of fabric (I am fond of the quilt idea), some I just wore until I was ready to let them go. Some I haven't let go of quite yet, but they are contained and don't overflow the space like they used to do.
Good luck on your journey. Making the decision to do something about it is definitely a good start.
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twiggy
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Posts: 27
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Post by twiggy on Aug 4, 2011 8:04:18 GMT -5
Seamstress huh? I remember finding a pile of mending once. My daughter had unfortunately outgrown all the stuff before I ever got around to fixing it. Clothes are a big problem with me too. I have a suitcase and a plastic bin full of jeans and shorts that are too tight. I quit smoking and gained a lot of weight. I did pare them down to just the bin now and put some in the rummage sale. But when I look at it logically, Why am I sitting here with this big bin of jeans I can't wear? I know what it's like though to not be able to afford new, so if I do lose this weight...... Here I go again. Good luck to you. Yeah, I can well understand how that can happen. I've been lucky in that my oldest son is as neat as a pin, never has a tear or wrinkle in anything (I'd love to know how he manages that!) He could hand them down to his brother in perfect condition. However, my second son is very athletic so when he destroys his clothes, he really destroys it - it's beyond mending. In the bin it goes. I still have a few last pounds of baby weight to lose from my youngest, but probably won't until I finish nursing. The clothes still fit, but aren't as comfortable. Still, that's only a few more months. I'm going to have to make some decisions about mending, though.
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twiggy
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Post by twiggy on Aug 4, 2011 8:15:50 GMT -5
Of the things that need repair could you choose just your favorite piece to mend and let the rest go. Then you most likely can find time/energy to make that one repair. Good Luck Thanks I was mulling this over last night. There are a lot of things that need some work, but I'm trying to decide what I really like enough to want to repair. Some of these things, I get caught in the trap of "this item is practical, even if I don't like it much". but that leads to it putting it off indefinitely. So, I'm trying to seperate by things I want to wear again enough to be worth it. There are some sticking points, which I'll mention below...
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twiggy
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Post by twiggy on Aug 4, 2011 8:49:20 GMT -5
Twiggy, I also had a huge amount of clothes that I 'just couldn't part with' before I started this journey. Have I made it to Nervana yet? Not quite. I still haven't let go of a box of 501 jeans (Levi's) that I wore when I was size 6, and I'm not really sure I'll ever be that size again. But I did let go of at least 50%, perhaps as much as 75% of all of my clothes about 6 years ago. This is how I did it: 1. Closet space was an issue and the rod holding our clothes came crashing down, so the stimulated action on my part. (An impending move also played a part in motivation.) 2. I removed all clothes from the closet and started only with the clothes in the closet. (I had clothes hanging on racks in the garage and other various places, as well, but they came later.) 3. I fixed the closet rod, reinforcing it in the middle with a post (to hold it up if the clothes were too heavy & to create a barrier to mark the halfway point in the closet, as I share a closet with Hubby.) 4. I piled all the clothes on the bed & began sorting them by size. I asked these questions: What fits now? What is ready to wear now (doesn't need mending)? What looks really good on? What is comfortable? What will I really wear? What don't I wear (and why not)? What don't I like? What washes well & is easy care? What needs dry cleaning (or other special care)? What needs ironing? What seperates goes with what else & does it go with more than one thing? How many outfits can I make with these seperates? How many pairs of slacks, jeans, sweats, etc. do I really need? Are these stained? Etc. 5. Then I tried them on, piece by piece. I looked in the full-lenth mirror and evaluated each item based on how it looked, how it felt, how I felt as I wore it. I only put back items I felt good about in terms of comfort, attractiveness, well fitting and complementary to me as I looked in the mirror. 6. For the 'undecided' items, I decided that wearing them for a day would help me decide if I should keep them or not. So I began wearing everything by chosing it for a day. I soon found out that one reason I wasn't wearing some of these things was that they didn't fit well, were really uncomfortable, looked awful on me, or something along those lines. It was much easier to get rid of something after trying to wear it for a day and finding it intolerable. I just tossed those out. At that time in my life, I was not in the position to wash and dry every donatable. Later on I went back to making sure to donate good clean clothes, but it was not a priority during the 'crunch.' 7. This took several days, so each day I cleared the bed before Hubby came home, and began the process again the next morning. 8. I implemented a One-In-Two-Out Rule, which I still use. It started with clothes, but I use it for all items we tend to overstock ourselves with, such as office supplies, etc. For every pair of slacks I bring into the house, I have to get rid of two pair. (Donate, throw into the trash, cut up and turn into rags for the garage to soak up car grease, etc.) This is how I keep the clothes monster from taking over again, and it is VERY effective. I am much more selective about what I buy now, when I realize that if I buy (or accept as free) this blouse I have to choose two out of my closet (or dresser drawer or whatever) to discard. It's a struggle sometimes, yes, but with perseverance it works. Yes, I had sentimental attachments to some of them. A blouse my mom wore in a portrait of her before she died. The two-piece dress I wore to my second husband's funeral, that my mom helped me pick out. My wedding dresses. Not to mention the hundreds of leather shoes, especially the high heels that I loved but no longer wore! The high heels I wore to such-and-such occassion. Etc. etc. etc. Eventually I was able to let go of some of the items for which the sentimental attachment was great. Some of them I cut up and kept swatches of fabric (I am fond of the quilt idea), some I just wore until I was ready to let them go. Some I haven't let go of quite yet, but they are contained and don't overflow the space like they used to do. Good luck on your journey. Making the decision to do something about it is definitely a good start. Thanks for the advice, Eagle. It's always nice to hear from someone who's been through all these steps. I started this process last night, trying on the clothes, considering how they felt, comfort, appearance, all these things. I've come to a sticking point which has lead me to put way too many things into the "undecided" pile. For instance, a shirt that's rarely worn because the buttons have an uncomfortable gap that won't lie flat but has great sleeves. So I'm thinking. Well, I really love these sleeves, can't part with them - even though I can't wear this shirt and be comfortable. *shakes head in frustration*. I know that I can't wear the shirt just for the sleeves, and yet....I get stuck. Same thing with not liking the construction, but liking the color, or the fabric instead. I have way too many of these. I never wear it, but the color is so pretty. *shakes head again* I guess some of these are good candidates for quilt patches or collages, if I don't give them away. An unexpected thing is hesitating over getting rid of something I don't like anymore or can't use because it was a really good deal. I find myself thinking "but this was such a good bargain!" Yes, maybe this designer sweater was only a few dollars but it makes me feel frumpy and uncomfortable, and always has....and yet here I am struggling with it. [Sigh] These things can go to the Goodwill if I can wrap my mind around the idea that it can also be a good deal for someone else who might enjoy it. There are unexpected sticking points all over the place. I really do hope it gets easier. I like the idea of wearing these things for a day and seeing how I really feel in them (not just imagining how I might feel in them if things were a little different.) A few thing already I've put on and realized that I wouldn't want to wear them for a day! That's pretty telling. So, at the moment I have a lot of undecideds, but managed to get a few things into donate pile, and a few more into the scrap pile. Today I'm going to get the camera out and start taking some photos of the undecideds. Oh, and the shoes. Yes, I also have a shoe problem, but managed to sort out my favorites a few months ago. the least liked pairs are still in a box, but If I can go a certain amount of time without needing to get anything out of that box, it will be okay to part with them, I think.
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