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Post by AnnieOkie on Dec 8, 2009 12:38:38 GMT -5
Brava, Lioness!!! I love your interpretation, especially the idea of continuing work on the "backlog" of squalor. I have so many boxes that need to be dealt with and scheduling time for that is definitely something I need to work towards. I know it took hours of thought for you to put this idea together. I think it will help so many of us. Thanks!!
Even if some of us have not begun desqualoring, it will help maintain/defend each precious space that we conquer.
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Post by Chris on Dec 8, 2009 12:58:03 GMT -5
Lion, Your thought process here is great! Translating the material is so helpful to me personally too! For myself -- working in maintenance in several areas for quite a long time I can honestly admit that I have to have rules and limits on a lot of areas to make it work for me too. I can not leave dishes overnight no matter what. I know this about me. I function even better if during the day I can wash them once at mid day and then again after the final meal. But my real limit is = I must get them done before evening they can't sit overnight. With the laundry - I have 2 hampers. One for towels/linens and one for clothing. When either gets full that's the limit -- I must begin washing when that occurs. And other rules apply too like all dirty towels go in the towel hamper and all dirty clothing gets picked up and put in the clothing hamper. I work on laundry only when I can be available to put it in the dryer and get it right away out of the dryer onto hangers/fold it. Structure is vital to me. I have to do the morning routine pretty much the same every day in regard to feeding my animals and scooping their litter too. So I find scheduling and time -- as you've mentioned is vital. It doesn't have to be a rigid non-flexible schedule but it must have solid predictable order and routine. That's what works for me I mean. I get more fuzzy when it comes to other cleaning projects. The floors for instance. And dusting. I'm still trying to weave those tasks into my schedule/plans. It all depends what work I am doing at the time too. Trash I am very regimented about. I have to be because the city will show up twice a week whether I've put it out or not. And if I want a nice smelling home I have to get the trash out. I know I will refer back to your post here often -- it is very very helpful. I hope it will be ongoingly helpful to your plans for maintenance too.  |
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Post by zen on Dec 8, 2009 13:57:52 GMT -5
Wow. I love this.
I have had a sentence running through my head for months (not common for one with ocd heh) and that is "Neglect is always malignant."
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sheepish
New Member
Joined: November 2008
Posts: 51
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Post by sheepish on Dec 8, 2009 16:34:25 GMT -5
Lioness;
This has been a real "sit up & take notice" thread for me.
What you have written in such an articulate way has presented a very powerful message and given me a LOT to think about (and hopelfully implement)
thanks
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Post by puppybox on Dec 8, 2009 16:50:38 GMT -5
You know, i thought I knew all that already. But I know that I've slipped a lot lately, I'm not happy with my amount of squalor, i'm stressed, I feel guilty, angry its affecting my other areas of life (especially eating properly and spending money) more than it was before when I felt on top of things. I wasn't sure why I felt on top of things, since I wasn't perfect before, I never got to level 0, but things felt good and in control etc. i didn't know where the difference between that and now was.
So, from your post, i see WHY.
I was in maintenance before, (which I thought I wasn't becasue I still had items to declutter and a tend to aquire certain things faster than I should, and too many sentimental things (by my own standard) that I wished to get rid of but couldn't. But by your spelled out to the letter definiton, I was in maintenance. your definition must be right for me because I COULD FEEL IT. i kept up with new messes. (not as fast as some people but in a way that worked for me) I worked a little toward the old messes. i knew that this was the way to go.
I let the kitchen slip, then the hall, its leaking further and further into my home. Even though I'm doing ok with the bathroom and laundry, like an alcoholic, I know that I'm kidding myself and that my neglected messes will lead to more and more until I'm drunk with mess. that's why I've been upset about it. and working on the storage room doesn 't help and I know it. And I know that I know it! but its hard. Maybe I should post charts around my house like a kindergarten class to tick the boxes when jovs are done. I'd be embarrased to have anyone over BUT I barely have people over anyway and already I've put off hiring a dog walker 2ce as I can't let them in. my nice friends have spoiled me, they don't care. So only recently I've admitted how bad it has gotten. If onyl I could get enough sleep It would be easier.
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Post by moonglow on Dec 8, 2009 17:05:46 GMT -5
Lioness, I will add my thanks also for this post. Many many points to ponder.
Two things in particular really resonated with me; one is thinking of this "not neglecting" as a form of mindfulness. Mindfulness, to me, means just taking care of what is in front of you. As Celeste said about maintenance, eventually, "We just do it. We don't even realize what we are doing." Something spills, you reflexively clean it up. Take care of it now, and it is not weighing on your mind, it is a done deal.
The other eye opener for me is realizing just how much energy it drains from me to live "the other way". The dogs get into the trash, and instead of just taking care of it - I have this reflexive kind of thought process where this becomes an obstacle. I step around it for days. I grimace each time I walk into the kitchen. I dread the task. I think about needing to put on gloves to clean it up. I HAVE to wear shoes in my house because I can't go into the kitchen to get a drink of water without worrying about what I will step in. In the meantime, the original mess just gets worse and worse, it scatters and/or rots and invades my psyche - I develop a tolerance for living like this, I become blind to it, what difference does that one mess make. Well, it makes a huge difference.
I will be re-reading this thread to mine its many gold nuggets. Thanks again.
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hopehope
Banned
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 3,815 
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Post by hopehope on Dec 8, 2009 20:16:22 GMT -5
 ******** what resonated for me was what I did today. I put the long-owned Ansel Adams poster (and frame) into recycle outside the apartment. I put the foot spa thing (bulky) that i took into the apartment a couple of days ago back out into recycle without even trying it. without taking it out of its case. I went through various sections of the refrigerator and put a full bag of perishable garbage into the garbage chute. and the bag of garbage from the white can into the chute (with some refrig. extras in it). and relined the can. I disposed of bathroom waste and uncanted the containers. I took a small piece of toilet paper and swiped around on the bathroom floor. i made both beds, taking the time to hike up the mattress on the high bed, and hike up the underneath blankets. i opened the curtain to give me some normal light and normal life. I washed all the dishes and pots left from late yesterday. and put the emptied containers from frig. patrol into the sink with soaking water and dw liquid. I moved the new cd player into a better location. and put the gorey book into the fireplace section with another book that I will sell. I tossed the sunday times magazine. and the old ralph lauren box, and cover. and the pieces of paper -- two? that I tossed in that corner. I refilled the tub a couple of inches after my bath -- and after rinsing it -- so i can take a bath next time. I used oil and shea butter on my face. and dental floss. (not fresh df, but I used some.) I discovered at the library that the book which is due tomorrow cannot be renewed. i made a pit stop back home, got it and returned it. today. and I went to the bank asked a million questions of my personal banker. got expert info from his colleague, agreed to do things they suggested, came back after trying to reach a couple of phone persons and signed on. complicated, a little wearing, but grateful to have it done. pleased with self and satisfied. answered email that came in today. whew. I believe I neglected body lotion today. but not deodorant. or makeup. or scent. or earrings. i am back to wearing the same old same old. so -- imperfection pertains. Is acceptable. i also meditated over an hour and did various reading things that matter to me. and spent a couple of minutes -- just a very few -- on exercises. enough to forestall immediate pain. and took two vitamins. ********* your posts are evidence of tough and clear thinking. kudos to you. they are a resource for many.  
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Post by CourageouslyLion SeeksSerenity on Dec 8, 2009 21:48:45 GMT -5
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Yay hopehope!
Yes ... you saw tasks that needed to be done, and you did them imperfectly. You did not neglect!
⭐
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Post by yearning4order on Dec 9, 2009 2:19:48 GMT -5
Questions and thoughts about this--so some nights I'm very tired and I leave the dishes, but tonight I realized I had to put at least a load in the DW or it would get out of control in the kitchen. This is based on the discussion about abstaining from neglect / maintenance.
The places I get confused: special projects. Like for instance Christmas--I pulled out the ornaments, but because of our schedule, we will likely not finish this tree until Wednesday or possibly Thursday night. At this point I left everything on the table, knowing tomorrow night I'll pick it up.
So do maintenance folks pick up most of the project materials and put the items out of the way? I'm mostly looking for a way to think about this because years previous we've lived with the ornament tub out for months! I don't want to do that this time, but we aren't done yet, and sometimes our available time is only in 15 minute bursts.
The down side of this--there are other "cleaning projects" that have taken over the rec room again, which was actually one of my very first areas de-squalored so I could use it as a staging area. Technically, it is being used as a staging area right now. But the project may not be gotten back to until after the holidays.
If folks have thoughts on these things--er I guess PM me, because I don't want to clutter the thread.
Long and short of it all--it's really given me pause to consider the trigger mechanism as it relates to abstinence from neglect. And when I abstain from neglect I feel better. Like today, I had back taxes to get postmarked today, felt amazing to deal with that and know that within 60 days this will all take care of itself and be done forever.
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Post by brenda on Dec 9, 2009 2:37:34 GMT -5
Great posts Lioness!
I have been noticing my "messy" triggers. I have been super busy with work because it is our busy season, we have been receiving large quantities of inventory and dh has been ill. The combination of all this has the house in a condition I am no longer okay with but I justify it. I tell myself I am too busy, I need help, I am a bit overwhelmed. Truth is this is how it starts for me, this is how I have lost control in the past. Right now it occurs to me I have a load of laundry I put on two days ago that never made it to the dryer...
I can't just let it go, I need to act now and get things together before it spirals out of control.
Thanks!
Brenda
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Post by creativechaos on Dec 9, 2009 2:57:33 GMT -5
great posts and thinking, lioness. i loved how you re-wrote how it works with just those few words and voila; i can totally relate to it!
lioness, it was you who changed my life with another of your brilliant posts. you were the one who helped me see that maintenance can happen BEFORE one is 'finished' dehoarding or desqualoring; that maintenance accounts for a large time percentage of the whole, that clearing and sorting and cleaning are also important but maintaining the gains that you have made is the single most important thing and should take the bulk of one's time. i don't remember the name of that thread but you wrote it and it was something on time distribution and it CHANGED MY LIFE FOR THE BETTER and it was then that i finally started making progress with things, after 4 1/2 yrs of trying. so when you post, i pay attention! (even if i can't remember names of threads and such and my mind is all a jumble).
and if you know the post to which i refer, would you please bump it or post a link to it? i wish we had it stickied, it's that good and that important. this is another one of those.
as always, thanks for another piece to the puzzle that absolutely fits; abstinence from neglect.
luv, cc
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Post by CourageouslyLion SeeksSerenity on Dec 9, 2009 9:25:16 GMT -5
another of your ... posts ... helped me see that maintenance can happen BEFORE one is 'finished' dehoarding or desqualoring; that maintenance accounts for a large time percentage of the whole, that clearing and sorting and cleaning are also important but maintaining the gains that you have made is the single most important thing and should take the bulk of one's time.
i don't remember the name of that thread ...
but you wrote it and it was something on time distribution
and if you know the post to which i refer, would you please bump it or post a link to it? Oh wow. I had forgotten that ... but I found it in my bookmarks. My thread was from July 2008. You have a great memory. "Redistributing our time"takeonestepatatime.proboards.com/thread/1114And there was a wonderfully brilliant post on the same topic (maintenance and time distribution) by " comingclean". (also from July 2008). And inside comingclean's thread is a lovely "pie chart" by crazycatlady (which she calls a pizza pie) ... a "cleaning pizza". Crazycatlady illustrates how she divides her day into reasonable chunks of time for various activities ... including: a desqualoring backlog project scraping off old paint, doing maintenance cleaning chores, cooking, and self-care. Comingclean's thread with Crazycatlady's illustration: (thread about maintenance and time distribution) "Housecleaning vs. budgeting"takeonestepatatime.proboards.com/thread/951 |
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Post by CourageouslyLion SeeksSerenity on Dec 9, 2009 10:38:28 GMT -5
The places I get confused: special projects. Like for instance Christmas -- I pulled out the ornaments, but because of our schedule, we will likely not finish this tree until Wednesday or possibly Thursday night. At this point I left everything on the table, knowing tomorrow night I'll pick it up.
So do maintenance folks pick up most of the project materials and put the items out of the way? I'm mostly looking for a way to think about this because years previous we've lived with the ornament tub out for months! I don't want to do that this time, but we aren't done yet, and sometimes our available time is only in 15 minute bursts.
The down side of this--there are other "cleaning projects" that have taken over the rec room again, which was actually one of my very first areas de-squalored so I could use it as a staging area. Technically, it is being used as a staging area right now. But the project may not be gotten back to until after the holidays.
If folks have thoughts on these things--er I guess PM me, because I don't want to clutter the thread.
I think this is a VERY valuable question.
I don't want it to get lost.
I started a new thread, asking your question here:"Where to put "in process" projects?"takeonestepatatime.proboards.com/thread/8367I hope people will reply there, brainstorming ideas.
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hopehope
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Joined: May 2008
Posts: 3,815
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Post by hopehope on Dec 9, 2009 19:20:05 GMT -5
woops -- don't know about in-process projects -- but -- one of the learning tools for me (no, it does not come naturally) is:
put it away, even if you are going to use it again.
it's supposed to be for people like us. this is one of our default modes. "I'm going to use it again later, tomorrow, every day, sometime, when I get around to it, etc.' This is the antidote.
HARD.
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Post by BetsyMarie on Dec 9, 2009 22:41:37 GMT -5
Nice thoughts Lion.
When I was more actively working on personal issues, I too used to read AA books and substitute my personal compulsion(s) when they used to word alcohol or drinking. I learned a lot.
When you wrote one section on maintaining, I cringed. Not because of what you wrote, but because of the thought of maintaining. In anything I am either in a control or release phase, and staying the same - maintaining - has always escaped me in the long run. I am in a control phase right now (cleaning up). We shall see how it goes this time, but the thought of maintaining sends shivers up my spine - I just dont want to have to do it on a daily basis, but know I must if I want long-term success. Sigh.
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