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Post by PaperGrace on Nov 4, 2011 20:52:27 GMT -5
I ended up on the Squalor Survivors webpage sort of by accident, following a link from an unrelated forum and spent the better part of my day there. From there to here I've had some epiphanies and some varied stages of shock/denial/acceptance/crushing defeat, all in the course of an evening. Signing up was a big step. I'm a little bit emotionally spent right now, hope to interact some next time I'm online.
--Grace
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Post by rnabckly on Nov 4, 2011 21:12:04 GMT -5
Welcome Papergrace! We all started with those feelings. You are not alone! And everyone here will help, motivation and encouragement!! You've taken that first difficult step, admitting you have a problem! Even the hard core squalor/ hoarders can move forward, find hope and ultimately acheive the happiness and peace that comes with an orderly home! I am just starting but I am making a difference! You can check out my photos on Renee try's to post photo and see how much I have to do!! If I can, you can! I'll check up on you tomorrow! You'll see, things will look better in the morning!!
Take care, Renee
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katy
New Member
Joined: November 2011
Posts: 7
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Post by katy on Nov 4, 2011 23:03:31 GMT -5
Hi papergrace. I just started too. It is nice to have the support and i already noticed a difference. this site is truly a blessing. I'll cheer you on! First steps.
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Hello!
Nov 5, 2011 11:54:24 GMT -5
Post by PaperGrace on Nov 5, 2011 11:54:24 GMT -5
Thanks! I'm still wrapping my head around all of this and trying to figure out my 'speed'. My husband and I have been struggling to keep up with a toddler, him working full time, and our pregnancy. I've been in a horrible cycle of renting & moving for years. Both of our families are 'keepers'. I have boxes of stuff that haven't been unpacked between apartments. Even if I don't start a 'before' album now, I could probably cobble one together out of candid snapshots over the last decade. One of my problems is that when we do start to get motivated my husband starts to get really pushy with me about 'just throwing everything out' and I'm not really ready for that. Meanwhile if I ask him if we can donate clothes he's never worn in our 6 years together while purging a closet I get the "but that's still good" excuse. I think we both are in this boat, but he sees it as my problem. He's psyched that I'm reaching out to get help. I'm trying not to resist out of resentment for his putting it all on me.
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Post by OnTheMend on Nov 5, 2011 12:24:56 GMT -5
Warm Welcome! There really has to be some mental work and some changes in our thought patterns, before we can heal and make our homes the lovely places we decerve, and looks like your journey towards these positive changes has started!
Listzilla threads, like working in 3s is a great place to start, as well as just reading and posting, asking questions, or maybe starting a blog! What ever you do, just jump in!
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Post by messymimi on Nov 5, 2011 12:58:25 GMT -5
Welcome, Grace !
Your experience is not unusual. It doesn't matter if your husband is ready to change. Do this for you.
Leave your husband's things for now, and just go through and get rid of your stuff. If he says, "It's still good" about something you want to give away, remind him that you have limited storage space, and that if you ever need another, you can go to the thrift store and get 3 more just like it, because it's true!
Start with your own habits of picking up after yourself and teaching the toddler to do the same, and make it a game for the child. As you work on getting your things under control, he will follow along. It may not be right away, but eventually it will start to rub off on him.
You don't have to throw it all out at once, but remember that you won't save the world from more stuff going in a landfill by turning your own home into an extension of the dump. You have amnesty to get rid of stuff, even good stuff, by tossing or donating, whatever is easiest for you.
Once you have your space under control, you can set up for recycling, reusing, and donating on a regular basis.
It's good to have you here.
messymimi
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Post by Ally on Nov 5, 2011 14:10:17 GMT -5
Grace, I have boxes that have been sitting around for years as well. I realize that obviously I do not "need" anything in those boxes. At the same time I don't feel that I can just toss the boxes without going through them. Over the past month or so, I've been going through those boxes, about one a week, attempting to throw away or give away as much as possible. I have found a few items that I would like to keep, but most of the stuff is going... Would something like that work for you?
Actually for my first few months here, I would have kept more of the stuff from those boxes, the longer I've been here, the easier I find it to release the stuff that I have been drowning in. Ally
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Post by rnabckly on Nov 5, 2011 14:57:11 GMT -5
Grace,
What Ally writes is so true; it may be more difficult at first, but as you move along, getting even just the "easy" stuff to go, you will see an improvement and start loosening up!! It DOES get easier as you go along!! I just start with the"easy" stuff!! Broken, old-fashioned, or just don't like ! If you don't know whether it should go, set it aside! Then when you're through with the "easy" you will probably let more go!! Don't stress yourself too much, at first!! Just enjoy the good feeling of making good decisions!!
Look at a small section, at a time so you're not overwhelmed!! This is key! One box, one table top, one drawer at a time!! You can do just one drawer, right! Then post what you've done and eat up all the kudos!! You will be successful!
Also realize that donated things help others and has had their time with you! You need to send things out into the universe, so better things can enter your life!!
I will check again on you! Renee
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Hello!
Nov 6, 2011 11:23:04 GMT -5
Post by PaperGrace on Nov 6, 2011 11:23:04 GMT -5
Logically I know those boxes have nothing I 'need' since some haven't been opened in years. At the same time I feel a need to go through them, some contain a varied mix of things including family photos and such that I really would like to keep. I think I'm ready to get rid of most things, but donating them is much less anxiety inducing. I've gotten rid of a few things on Freecycle in the last few months, and I don't feel a compulsion to add to the problem by getting anything new from there, so it works, it's just getting the motivation to open a box and start, or finding a space to do it in!
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Post by Arid on Nov 6, 2011 14:06:27 GMT -5
Since having space in which to work is a problem, (and trust me--I UNDERSTAND!!) you might try taking only a handful, or a small number--five, for example--, of items out of a box each day. Do whatever it takes to deal with those few items. If it's pictures, put them in an album--or at least a box that will become the "photos" box. If it's papers that need to be saved, start a file folder or a big manilla envelope for them--labeled, of course. If you don't have a file cabinet where you can put them, store them in a bankers' box. This will cause you to have an additional box or two, initially, but as you work through the boxes you wish to empty,--discarding what you don't need/want to save as you go--, you will gain space overall.
Yes, it's all a bit tedious, but it *will* get the job done, sooner or later. Putting the job off indefinitely will never see it through. (Don't ask me how I know this!)
Welcome to the board.
Arid
P.S. If you can find room in a closet, on a shelf, or in a cupboard, label a box or bag for "Donations;" That way, when you run across something that you'd like to donate, you will have a place to put them until you've accumulated enough to schedule a pick up by a non-profit group or to make it worth your while to drive them to a donation center such as Goodwill or the Salvation Army. A.
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Post by PaperGrace on Oct 14, 2013 20:57:38 GMT -5
I'm three weeks away from my 2 year anniversary of joining this site. I've made so much progress since then! Even when I'm down about things I no longer feel defeated. Husband recognizes that this is something we're both struggling with and is supportive and involved. That toddler (The Doctor) is fast becoming a big kid right before my eyes, and that pregnancy resolved into his sweet little brother (The General) born in a home with enough space for the paramedics to come collect us from my immaculate bathroom after his surprise arrival! I've gotten through SO MANY boxes, though there are a lot to go through still. We had a flood, we moved apartments, we've lost loved ones, gained new friends, made epiphanies, had setbacks and windfalls, and through it all I've been buoyed by the support I receive here and in chat. We really have come so far since I first arrived. It's great to look back at my old posts and see the changes. I was going to wait until 'the day' to revisit this one, but I was feeling moved tonight. I practically lived in WIT as OnTheMend recommended. Ally put my issues into words, and she was so, so right. It gets easier and easier to let go of things. The stuff is losing its power. Arid broke it down for me, letting me see that I could do just a little at a time; she soothed my fear that I'd make it worse by breaking the seal on that first box. Renee was my lifeline! I miss you rnabckly! I am still inspired by you! I hope katy is doing well in her home, that she 'got it' first try and is sitting back in her clean home with a cuppa, perusing websites that have nothing to do with squalor. I wonder if you realize messymimi just how important your posts to us are. You gave me permission. Permission to change my life. So many others of you made it possible to get as far as I have, and you keep me coming back, continuing to improve. I get so much insight and inspiration from the amazing people in this community. I plan to get out of squalor. I know it is possible. When that day comes, I'll be here celebrating, and the week after that, and the months and the years after those I'll be here, continuing to learn and grow and be inspired. I'm bawling like a little baby now, so I'm just gonna wrap it up... Thank you.
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Hello!
Oct 14, 2013 21:50:29 GMT -5
Post by dtesposito on Oct 14, 2013 21:50:29 GMT -5
What a beautiful post, Papergrace. Yes, this forum can be life-changing!
Diane
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Hello!
Nov 7, 2013 18:12:02 GMT -5
Post by angela on Nov 7, 2013 18:12:02 GMT -5
Awww PaperGrace! Your post is wonderful and inspiring too! So glad you found your way here and are continuing to be such a wonderful part of this online community. You are one of my heroes here!
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Post by PaperGrace on Nov 16, 2016 17:07:55 GMT -5
Dear Stepping Out of Squalor,
Thank you for the past five years of support. I love you.
~PaperGrace
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Post by sparkle on Nov 16, 2016 17:17:13 GMT -5
Happy Anniversary. We love you, too. ~sparkle
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