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Post by sparkle on Mar 13, 2012 15:08:47 GMT -5
good one, arid. I must not Jade with myself, either, over my possessions. Fact is, there's too much and it has to go!
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Post by howardsgirlfriend on Mar 13, 2012 15:25:12 GMT -5
Do be prepared for a backlash from those moochers who have been exploiting your accomodating nature. When you assert yourself more, they will try to "put you in your place." Of course, I don't have any personal experience with this  Since what's stressing you out about this recent "donation" are the conditions that came with it, I suggest returning the whole collection. "I don't really have the time to deal with all these conditions" is enough of an explanation. I have a similar dynamic with my Mom. We're both clutter magnets, so I sure don't need her shopping for me. I have learned that they only way to break that cycle is to say "no thanks" in a direct but friendly tone of voice immediately after she offers me something. If I ponder her offer, or provide more of an explanation, it perpetuates the cycle. |
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Post by artax on Mar 13, 2012 17:55:30 GMT -5
I like the JADE concept, as well.  I think that, for some of us, the burden of donation can be too much. I know it can be for me. When the average person gives something away, they do so without expending too much energy thinking about A) how much it cost them, B) how many memories are associated with it, or C) how they might still need said item one day. It's as if as soon as they put it into the box marked "donation", it's no longer connected to them in any way. It's as if it ceases to exist. So in addition to firmly telling everyone that they should respect our decisions as we free up our homes from these useful (yet no longer needed) items, perhaps it might be helpful to also examine WHY we continue to maintain connections to donation-bound items in the first place. |
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Post by PaperGrace on Mar 13, 2012 19:40:58 GMT -5
Last week mom-in-law suddenly handed me baby clothes and said, "These are for Baby Hurricane, but I know people who are really poor and could use them....and you don't really need them. Anything you don't use I'd like back next week so I can give it to that other family" [...] this gift was ruined for me by her rudeness. This was not a 'gift'. I had to be very firm with people when I was pregnant that I did not want to BORROW anything. If people had used items that I could choose to use, or sell, or give away, (or heck, even toss if I felt like it) that would be fine, but I do not want to have to keep track of items, worry about being careful with them or have any other conditions imposed on me at the most hectic time of my life. My time and energy belongs to my family, not to things. Amnesty. I'm so glad to hear you had a positive giving experience again already! Feels good doesn't it? |
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Post by _Linda_ on Mar 13, 2012 20:03:41 GMT -5
Hurricane,
Do yourself the favor and stop donating to so many charities, friends and family. Your health, finances and family are more important than all the charities.
My mother always said "I do it because I want to, not because I have to. If you expect me to do it, then I won't."
Take care of your family- you, DH and kids only. The rest of the world will have to cope.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 14, 2012 6:32:52 GMT -5
Thank you ladies...each one of you has given me some great insight into this. My stress levels are such that I can't always think clearly lately....in an attempt to keep my house desqualored by donating things, I fell into the common trap of making things harder for myself. I've taken important nuggets from every single one of you. Papergrace and a few others too mentioned gifts that come with strings attached, and how it is best to refuse such, ahem, "gifts" in the future. I am all on board with that. This is the post that most resonates with me right now, and others went along these lines too: Do yourself the favor and stop donating to so many charities, friends and family. Your health, finances and family are more important than all the charities. ... Take care of your family- you, DH and kids only. The rest of the world will have to cope. When I do go back to donating at some future point, you guys had great suggestions for that too. Thanks so much for helping me work through this....I'm start to feel a lot better now that I've decided to stop this craziness. For now, NO donations. Later when things have settle, I may begin to do it in a limited, easy way, but I will never return to this level of donation insanity. Thank you again for helping me work through this! |
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Post by saffron on Mar 14, 2012 6:43:01 GMT -5
Lifting the amnesty wand one more time...  Good advice from all. So sweet of the one who rang the doorbell and thanked you. There are still some good people out there. Take care of yourself and Baby Hurricane. You don't need to take care of the whole world. Giving should not cause you to be stressed out like this. It ruins the whole act of giving. Maggie made a good point about your MIL's offer of a gift.  |
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Post by saffron on Mar 14, 2012 6:45:38 GMT -5
I didn't see Page 2, but what I said, still stands. |
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Post by fluffernut - now Jannie on Mar 14, 2012 7:26:41 GMT -5
I occasionally donate, but I find it's best if they come to you, or if your donations can be "anonymous". Like put clothes in a bin, call a charity that sends a truck, list something as a "Curb alert" on Craigslist. etc. Don't let the recipients dictate to you. I do wash clothes before donating. But I wouldn't make myself crazy fixing zippers or sewing on buttons. If they are not in good shape, they get recycled as rags anyway.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 14, 2012 8:25:26 GMT -5
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Post by seashell on Mar 14, 2012 8:31:34 GMT -5
 Hurricane_J!! You go, girl!!
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Post by puppybox on Mar 14, 2012 11:39:22 GMT -5
awesome
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Post by mouseanne on Mar 14, 2012 12:22:00 GMT -5
I agree with everyone else, make it as easy on yourself as you can.
If anyone gets "demanding" regarding expecting "donations" from you, get vague. Put a really dumb look on your face, I don't know... peter off & say no more.
Also re "the good stuff" there are online sites where you can trade decent used baby things, build credit with them, and then "spend" your points for things you do need.
Since no one has helped you at all, the value of all your stuff could come to you.
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Post by _Linda_ on Mar 15, 2012 5:30:12 GMT -5
WTG Hurricane!!!!
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Post by crazycatlady on Mar 24, 2012 7:52:14 GMT -5
Amnesty in action. Great job, Hurricane J!
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