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Post by need2bfree on Sept 19, 2008 5:09:06 GMT -5
How does one get started??? I just can't seem to get motivated. I was here awhile back. I got my kitchen spick and span, along with my living room, then I just let it all go to h#*&. I don't know how to get going. Seems like anything I do just ends up back the same way. I feel so overwhelmed, my house is a wreck, everyroom a mess. The patio and garage are full and my car is filled with camping gear from our last trip, not to mention a storage unit full of stuff.
I've tried todo lists and coffee and showers in the morning, then I end up plopping back into the chair and that's pretty much where I stay. When I look at or think of all I have to do I feel frozen and just can't move.
I'm worried maintence workers will go onto the roof to clean the gutters and see what a mess I have on the patio and in my place. So I know I have to get to work on it NOW, before that happens, but how???
So what do you do???
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saveit
New Member
Joined: August 2008
Posts: 18
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Post by saveit on Sept 19, 2008 5:12:23 GMT -5
Hey Need2bfree
Are you there? Wanna hear something weird. I cannot sleep thinging about my mess and I fell so bad Saveit
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Post by need2bfree on Sept 19, 2008 5:15:26 GMT -5
I'm here, its 3:13. I haven't gone to bed yet, keep thinking about all of this. I keep thinking prioritize, but where do I even start, so much needs to be done.
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saveit
New Member
Joined: August 2008
Posts: 18
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Post by saveit on Sept 19, 2008 5:26:16 GMT -5
Need2bfree Want to chat Saveit
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Post by CourageouslyLion SeeksSerenity on Sept 19, 2008 7:22:34 GMT -5
- Hello needtobefree ! I just noticed your intro thread from July. takeonestepatatime.proboards80.com/index.cgi?action=display&board=intro&thread=899I can't seem to ever get control of the clutter. My daughter calls it hoarding, It's not though, it's just not having the energy or the inclination to sort through, organize and get rid of stuff. I try to call the Salvation Army at least every couple of weeks to take stuff away but it seems even though I get rid of stuff I still have too much. No, I don't buy stuff or gather it, it's just crap I have held onto for far too long! I'm like you, too. I have lots of stuff, but not stuff I'm emotionally attached to. A traditional hoarder has all sorts of emotional reactions when attempting to get rid of stuff. But for me, I don't give a flipping cent about the stuff. I want it all gone. But ... I know that it's work to sort and organize and toss. I just don't want to do the work, because it's tedious. It's just hard to get started. As you said: "not having the energy or the inclination to sort through, organize and get rid of stuff." I can totally relate to that. Part of it is my "Demand Resistance". Demand Resistance is explained on this thread: takeonestepatatime.proboards80.com/index.cgi?board=general&action=display&thread=402Like you, I am a perfectionist. So I tend to make every task into a grand scheme, which of course is then too intimidating to start! I made unreasonable demands upon myself, and then resist them. Many people in the past on this forum and on the prior forum ... have spoken a very wise truth. They said "Motivation Follows Action". "Motivation Follows Action". It's really true. I was very skeptical when I first read it. But it works, it really does. Starting for just a few minutes is great. You don't have to use a timer. Somebody told me to use a timer. (Of course, I had a broken timer, then replaced that, but then the new timer had such a faint beep that I couldn't hear it. Then I got another one, but the battery holder kept falling out. Now FINALLY I have one that works for me. I won't tell you how many months it took me to get that together.). If you don't have a timer, just work for a random chunk of time. Some people try playing music on the radio, and they choose to clean for the length of one song. Others clean during the commercials of TV shows. It really doesn't matter how you measure the chunk of time! The point is to tell yourself "I'm going to do something for just a minute or two -- and then stop". That is far more easy to face than telling yourself "I'm going to clean the entire room today". It's better to get two minutes of cleaning done, and pat yourself on the back .... than to do nothing and spend the entire day on the couch crying. (I've done both -- and I know the two minutes is better!) What to start with? Be random ! Just start with any old thing, and do it imperfectly. Motivation follows action. Starting with anything, and working for two minutes ... will get you STARTED. STARTING is the key. If you start, you get your mind/body connection going. And you will be surprised at how much difference this makes. Furthermore, the "tiny successes" tend to bolster one's enthusiasm, and make one realize that you CAN be successful. This is enormously helpful. A great example of this process is on the "Successful Non-Thinking" thread here: takeonestepatatime.proboards80.com/index.cgi?board=general&action=display&thread=1723-
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Post by CourageouslyLion SeeksSerenity on Sept 19, 2008 7:43:21 GMT -5
- I've tried todo lists and coffee and showers in the morning, then I end up plopping back into the chair and that's pretty much where I stay. When I look at or think of all I have to do I feel frozen and just can't move. For months, I stayed away from the "ListZilla" board -- because the word "List" is a trigger word for me -- and if often makes me want to run screaming from the room. (I have "demand resistance" about lists). I found the concept of "accountability" to be especially intimidating. (Even though the accountability threads there are actually very supportive and non-judgmental). Later on, I discovered the "Working in Threes" threads on ListZilla. What a difference ! I love this excerpt from the daily thread-header: Working in Threes daily thread-starter says:Some people on that thread make their threes be 1) Woke up 2) Got out of bed 3) Grabbed something to eat. The point is that they don't have to be huge tasks. They can be tiny pieces of tasks. People post on that thread all day long, just saying tiny things they've gotten done. The big plusses are this: - You don't have to come up with a big to-do list for your whole day.
- You only need to pick three (or less than three !) little tasks to do.
- You have permission to do a different three tasks, if that's what happens. You don't have to do the same three tasks you said you were going to do.
- The act of just doing a few things gets you ACTING... and then the MOTIVATION follows afterwards. This is helpful !
- People sometimes start a "working in ones" thread whenever the threes seem too much, and that's fine!
- It's a good way to get a little bit done here and there, throughout your day .... Not overwhelming .... and way better than sleeping and crying, as I've discovered.
If you're someone who feels uncomfortable with posting on a group thread like that, start your own thread wherever. Just do whatever works for you. Or ... follow the ideas without posting, if it's too hard to post. Change and adapt the process to something that works for you. -
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Calico
New Member
Joined: October 2011
Posts: 59
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Post by Calico on Sept 19, 2008 8:06:28 GMT -5
I agree, working for a set amount of time often works well for me. I had a big paperwork project once that froze me up whenever I tried to figure out how to go at it. Finally I decided that I just needed to put in time on it, and trusted that I would figure out a method along the way. So I got a timer and just started. I actually used chocolate for rewards! Whenever I put in an hour on the project, I got a square of really good chocolate. I set the timer so that it counted down for an hour. I didn't usually work for an hour at a time, but whenever I stopped, I hit the button and then started it up again the next time I sat down to work on it. Some days, that got me out of bed, because I knew I was only six minutes away from my chocolate!
Anyway, I just committed to putting in TIME on the project, without even knowing exactly how to tackle it. At first I was just shuffling papers around and making notes, but as I handled the papers, my anxiety started to lessen, and I was able to figure out how to tackle it.
My suggestion is to pick an area to focus on (maybe the patio, since that's what's worrying you and it's visible to others), and spend a few minutes on it. Five minutes if that works, one minute if five is too much. Or handle five items if that works better for you. Don't worry about the whole problem; just focus on the time. What works for me is to stop long before I get overwhelmed, exhausted, or discouraged. Then the next time, you'll have a small, positive accomplishment that will help motivate you. Try to keep the focus on what you've done instead of what is left to do. Maybe even write it down in a notebook, or come here and post it for encouragement.
When I handle a small part of a large problem, I tend to say to myself something like, well, I won't ever have to throw THAT piece of trash away again!
Sometimes people will ask others here to pick a starting place for them. You could write a short list like: 1. Kitchen, 2. Bathroom, 3. Patio, 4. Living Room, and then ask for a vote on which number or which room. Or it could be 1. Wash five dishes. 2. Throw away five pieces of trash. 3. Collect clothes for one load of laundry.
Above all, keep posting, and I promise we'll cheer you on! I'm glad you came back.
Calico
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Post by CourageouslyLion SeeksSerenity on Sept 19, 2008 8:08:22 GMT -5
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Post by houseworkhater on Sept 19, 2008 12:51:00 GMT -5
try chat here! we do challenges for 5 10 or 15 minutes, where we commit to do something and then report back. it is the only thing that really gets me going. i will be there after work so i hope to see you there!
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Post by Arid on Sept 19, 2008 14:43:41 GMT -5
Sometimes, I tell myself, "when all else fails, do the obvious!" I look around, and I think about what would be one of the first and most obvious things that a visitor would notice needs to be done. In my case, it usually is tackling a pile of dirty dishes!!! It used to be that I needed to put away "shop and drop," but I've gotten much, much better about that. (For one thing, we are getting into the habit of buying only things that we need RIGHT NOW; that means that we have a use and/or a place for the items RIGHT NOW. That being the case, figuring out where to put things is much less of an issue.)
Sometimes, doing something that gives you "a lot of bang for your buck" , so to speak, is worth doing. For instance, just making the bed can make a bedroom look HUGELY better, even if the rest of the room is drowning in clothes and clutter. Clearing off a table top somewhere can make a room look better right away. Sweeping a floor (even only that little cleared spot in the middle) can do a LOT to make a place look better quickly and relatively easily.
My advice is to go for something that will give you a lot of visible reward right away. My second choice would be to work at something that has been "bugging" you for a long time, even if it isn't something that someone else would think is the most important thing to do. For example, if there is a box or something that is sitting in a walkway or hallway, impeding your progress as you move from room to room, work on getting it out of your way: you could move it; sort through/declutter it; or compact it (i.e. reduce the amount of contents so that you can get rid of a big box and keep only a much smaller box).
Trust me; even a minute or two of working here or there really DOES make a difference! All of those little efforts add up to benefit you in the long run.
Arid
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Post by Arid on Sept 19, 2008 14:53:39 GMT -5
You know, another thought just occurred to me.
I think that sometimes we are afraid to "get motivated." We are afraid that we will get all "gung ho", only to "poop out" before the job is close to done, and we will have made an even bigger mess for ourselves in the process. Pam and Peggy (a.k.a. The Slob Sisters) address this problem by telling people never to pull out more things than they can put back in an hour. In other words, if you want to clean out a closet, DO NOT pull EVERYTHING out of the closet at one time. Work on only one shelf, one side, or one section at a time. That way, when you get tired, or you have to stop working on the closet to cook dinner, or one of your children needs attention, you can return things to the closet quickly and CLOSE THE DOOR! Everything still will be there the next time that you have a few minutes to tackle the closet. It really DOES NOT have to all be done the same day.
Growing up in the '50's as I did, I was taught that once I started something, I had to finish it! Well, you know what that meant--I simply didn't start LOTS of things because I couldn't count on having the time or energy (mostly energy, in my case) to get it all done at one go. And don't forget,-- it all had to be done PERFECTLY, too! I'm still struggling to overcome these ingrained paralyzers.
Good luck to you.
Arid
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saveit
New Member
Joined: August 2008
Posts: 18
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Post by saveit on Sept 22, 2008 1:57:53 GMT -5
THANK YOU TO ALL OF YOU I am new and just learning to post so it will take me a while to get with it.
But I read every response and thank you so much. I am having a real hard time because I am stuck but hope to get moving
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Post by 60isolderthanithot on Sept 22, 2008 14:14:22 GMT -5
What is it you're doing that puts you in a chair all day? Reading? Watching TV? Analyze that and see if you can make a radical change in that one behavior. Concentrate on it.
I was going into a coma in front of TV every day. My day didn't get started until five hours after I woke up. I killed cable. No more TV except online. That was enough to get a lot more done. With no other change, I suddenly have a clean, empty sink every other day. I was able to do minor maintenance on my car. I even began to put things up for sale in Craigslist. My day had more free time in it!
Make ONE change. Ask someone over if you're spending a lot of time online or watching TV because you're lonely or bored. Get counseling. Take a class, get out of the house.
If something in your routine is not working, change it forcefully.
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messmaker
New Member
Joined: September 2008
Posts: 10
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Post by messmaker on Sept 22, 2008 16:05:29 GMT -5
Gee can I relate to you. I can work my butt off getting my house cleaned and then it goes to hell fast. It gets discouraging.
I wish I could give some good advice but I have the same problem and also want to learn how to overcome it.
Hang in there. You're not the only one.
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Post by CourageouslyLion SeeksSerenity on Sept 23, 2008 9:49:22 GMT -5
How does one get started??? I just can't seem to get motivated.
I don't know how to get going. Seems like anything I do just ends up back the same way. I feel so overwhelmed, ...
I've tried todo lists and coffee and showers in the morning, then I end up plopping back into the chair and that's pretty much where I stay. When I look at or think of all I have to do I feel frozen and just can't move. What is it you're doing that puts you in a chair all day? Reading? Watching TV? Analyze that and see if you can make a radical change in that one behavior. Concentrate on it.
I was going into a coma in front of TV every day. My day didn't get started until five hours after I woke up. I killed cable. No more TV except online. That was enough to get a lot more done. With no other change, I suddenly have a clean, empty sink every other day. I was able to do minor maintenance on my car. I even began to put things up for sale in Craigslist. My day had more free time in it!
Make ONE change. Ask someone over if you're spending a lot of time online or watching TV because you're lonely or bored. Get counseling. Take a class, get out of the house.
If something in your routine is not working, change it forcefully. My guess is that is that need2bfree isn't talking about an ACTIVITY that she is doing while sitting in a chair or lying on the couch. It isn't about the TV she might be watching, or the knitting she might be doing, or the book she might be buried in, or the Internet she might be surfing. I know that I cut off all TV more than three years ago, and for a while I had no internet ... but I still sat on the couch feeling "stuck". I think need2bfree is talking about the emotion or sensation of feeling "mentally paralyzed" because of feeling overwhelmed by everything that needs to be done. I do agree that stepping outside for a few minutes often helps to break that feeling of glumness. And occasionally it helps to do something different, like going out to an art event or a movie or a play ... or playing unusual music. Anything to break one's normal habit of glumness. So yes, a change in one's "routine emotions" can help. But the main thing that can help a person to "get up off the couch" ... is to get up off the couch. Just start cleaning in small chunks, and don't look at the whole picture. Beat back the "Overwhelm Monster" with short successful bursts of activity. -
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