ellie
New Member
Joined: October 2010
Posts: 87 
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Post by ellie on Jun 27, 2014 2:25:56 GMT -5
I appreciate this very much. late last year someone in my life died. he was a godawful hoarder. big things -- made of metal -- machines, engines, computers -- shelves of them. rooms dedicated to them. his family -- what was left of it -- had to just -- dispose of it all. I know for a fact that stuff represented money to him -- he thought he could sell it, it represented value. yuck.
gave me a whole new aspect on my %$#@.
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Post by dayeanu on Jul 1, 2014 11:18:48 GMT -5
Reading this, this morning, renewing my resolve.
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Post by Serendipity on Aug 8, 2014 23:43:19 GMT -5
Thinking about disorganized dragon. I hope she is doing well. I know we all miss her and I thought about this thread and bumped it for myself and others
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Post by soapyclean on Aug 11, 2014 0:38:47 GMT -5
Not to be super duper Debbie Downer, but a friend of mine had responsibility for a house with goat trails, no running water, and a leaking roof, and the relative had been dead for 2 weeks in the home. How she handled it I will never know. There were no pets fortunately, but the mess from the body and the MOLD were horrific. She wore a mask and protective gear to work. Everything went into a dumpster. All the family photos she would have wanted had been destroyed by water.
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Post by lucie on Dec 8, 2015 6:45:11 GMT -5
I am bumping this as a reminder. I am dealing with things my grandad left behind, and even though he was not a hoarder and his one bedroom flat is quite organised, it is a hard work. Quite overwhelming. And there are only few things I want to keep. This article is right: takeonestepatatime.proboards.com/thread/25954/kids |
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Post by imamess on Dec 29, 2015 6:21:12 GMT -5
I think about what I will leave behind from time to time, but I haven't done much about it. There is way too much stuff in my house for my dd to deal with, plus several buildings full of 'stuff'. I have to start doing something about this now, before my health deteriorates to the point I can't.
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Post by danny15 on Oct 12, 2020 14:31:08 GMT -5
This thread is excellent. Time to bump.
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Post by larataylor on Oct 13, 2020 1:26:18 GMT -5
All these years, I don't think I've ever seen this thread! It was most active just before I joined here.
I'm sad that my memories of my in-laws have been so badly tainted by what they left behind. And not just the stuff, but the mindset their way of life engendered in their sons.
I want to leave behind good memories and a clean house in good repair. I want to make the chore of dealing with my stuff as easy as possible. And I've still got a ways to go!
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Post by danny15 on Oct 13, 2020 10:52:54 GMT -5
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I'm sad that my memories of my in-laws have been so badly tainted by what they left behind. And not just the stuff, but the mindset their way of life engendered in their sons. I want to leave behind good memories and a clean house in good repair. I want to make the chore of dealing with my stuff as easy as possible. And I've still got a ways to go!
That is not going to happen to them. This thread, from the Favorites section, has been a tremendous eye opener for me. I hope it is for others as well.
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Post by larataylor on Oct 13, 2020 18:18:03 GMT -5
danny15 - I would not say that that those memories predominate for me. I loved my in-laws and I can relate to their struggle. It wouldn't have been so bad if DH and DBIL had been on board with my effort to clean up. And part of my project has been to save the meaningful things. And as the house gets better, the bad feelings fade into the background. I wouldn't want anyone to think that their hoarding is the *only* thing that people will remember!
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Post by _Linda_ on Oct 14, 2020 9:10:55 GMT -5
I'm thinking a lot about this this morning. I don't want to do to my family what my parents did to us. As I said in my blog, they were Depression Era children and had the "save things in case" mentality. Before Dad died, my brother asked him if he wanted to go through things. He said "No, when I'm dead, it's your problem." Dealing with cleaning the house out while trying to grieve and go about my everyday life was one of the most difficult things I've had to do. And, it wasn't any easier for 2 of my siblings. I don't want to leave that type of legacy for my family.
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Post by danny15 on Oct 14, 2020 12:35:04 GMT -5
larataylor and _Linda_ you both make valid points.
Lara, I think you have been able to work for a number of years on reducing the hoard your in-laws left behind. Although extremely challenging, with trying to raise your daughter, working outside the home and struggling against your DH and DBIL especially, there has been enough time to take well needed breaks. Also you have the big heart to know that people are not their messes no matter what.
Linda, your scenario is more what I envision for myself. I don't want to be the person who leaves the mess as someone else's problem. And the time crunch that many people have in needing to clean a hoarded house and find important papers while dealing with grief is scary.
In my case it would be important to clean the house and sell fairly quickly. The property is too large and expensive to maintain just to sit. No one would want to move in while working; they have their own nice homes, work and lives. And their own health issues.
I know my family loves me in spite of my problems. And they will have many loving memories of me. But in that particular time period ~ the big clean out ~ I can't help but think of the anger, the despair, the inability to comprehend, the resentment, their feelings that I cared more for my possessions (or junk) than their terrible inconvenience and discomfort and emotional pain in being the ones left to deal with it....... that would have to leave an overwhelming sense of bad memories for many years. Maybe even generational as the grandkids would remember and pass the warnings onto their children and grandchildren.  
Of course over the years I have given thought to those things. But for some reason, disorganizeddragon 's description hit me in the gut. I need to FEEL before I get it sometimes. That's called learning the hard way.  If we (me) get lucky we feel from someone else's pain in time to avoid the actual painful situations ourselves.
Many, many thanks to the moderators here for having the section for Favorite threads. There is so much wisdom and depth and truth of sharing. I would never have found so many things without this section. Of course many, many thanks to all the people, here now and past, who contribute!
  
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Post by _Linda_ on Oct 14, 2020 12:48:36 GMT -5
danny15 , I can't begin to tell you all the emotions that went along with cleaning out the house. As with a lot of people here, I have depression and anxiety, so that time was especially difficult for me. We all need those "Aha!" moments. I'm glad something resonated with you to push you forward. I hope that everyone finds their "Aha!" moment.
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Post by larataylor on Oct 14, 2020 14:53:15 GMT -5
danny15 - one reason I can forgive DMIL is that I know she was trying to keep a nice home the whole time, and getting a little desperate about it in her later years when it was really too late because of their health problems. I know DFIL was a big part of the problem, too! And they both did a lot of great things in life. To judge them by their dreadful basement would be so wrong! Then again, while excavating that dreadful basement (and other places), I had many flashes of resentment and wondering what was *wrong* with them! I think that having our papers in order is actually more important than clearing the clutter. Sifting through a hoard for an essential paper while in the first throes of grief has got to be one of the most stressful parts.
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Post by danny15 on Oct 19, 2020 10:22:42 GMT -5
danny15 - one reason I can forgive DMIL is that I know she was trying to keep a nice home the whole time, and getting a little desperate about it in her later years when it was really too late because of their health problems. I know DFIL was a big part of the problem, too! And they both did a lot of great things in life. To judge them by their dreadful basement would be so wrong! Then again, while excavating that dreadful basement (and other places), I had many flashes of resentment and wondering what was *wrong* with them! I think that having our papers in order is actually more important than clearing the clutter. Sifting through a hoard for an essential paper while in the first throes of grief has got to be one of the most stressful parts. 
I recently got fireproof document bags for myself and DD2's family. Easy to grab if necessary for evacuation. I'm not sure about safety deposit boxes. What if you need something ASAP at night.
I still have so much to do but something has opened in me to get this process on a front burner.
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