|
Post by creativechaos on Sept 6, 2020 12:27:32 GMT -5
mylittlescholar - as usual, scholar, your post brought tears to my eyes and a balm to my heart and soul, in its perfect wisdom. thank you for sharing your experiences and the affects and effects of "rebounding" - yes, of course. i should expect some boomerang when i push myself too far too fast - although it seems like a snail's pace. i could go on and on how those of us who aren't "linear" suffer in a culture that is linear and all about "push through it. feel the burn. don't be a sissy" ad nauseum. thank you for sharing this on THIS thread. whatever my patterns are i want to SEE them with clear compassionate eyes and not make myself feel any worse with the self-beat-up for having them and acting surprised that there is no "done forever" with them. Your posts always soften the hard edges and the dumb@ss thinking that i have to keep it all together when maybe what i need to do more is just have a seat, let it fall apart for 5 minutes, and just relax a bit and breathe. the 90% acceptance thing. Yes. that feel true. that nourishes the "getting on with it."
tiptoeing into this day... while i must water the garden almost every day during these last golden warm days of Indian summer, my day always starts in the garden - which is a good thing. i got some things done - one made me sorta sad since i am in the process of removing an invasive ground cover that the hummingbirds love. i didn't have the heart to remove it all and left them a patch. and i promised myself and them that i will plant even more things that they love, since we have "year-rounders" (Anna's hummingbirds) - i hate taking any food from pollenators! then i actually just sat down at the end, enjoying the fruits of my labors but more, observing the pollenators humming around the garden which is bursting with life and color, and it made me so happy.
NewLifeToday; unfortunately, the space where the loveseat was is "occupied" by all the squatters that were living on it, and then some - including the acquisitions i brought in - all mingled together and mixed up, it looks like garbage. but i hold the thought that this was the first step to actually making something different happen; i just don't know that it will be dehoarding. sigh. i'll banish that thought and try to hold some hopeful vision of "near future me" without a lot of expectations, and go about my day. processing some food from the garden will be part of it. dishes caught up in my insomniac night last night.
i wish us all peace and the knowing that progress doesn't always happen in a straight line, and neither does dancing.
|
|
|
Post by NewLifeToday on Sept 6, 2020 12:59:45 GMT -5
CC, I wish you beauty and joy today. Here's to our progress, however it dances.
|
|
|
Post by mylittlescholar on Sept 6, 2020 21:01:40 GMT -5
I just found an ebook for quitters that is all about embracing the discomfort; making friends with it, until there is nothing to fear. the opposite of willpower, and pushing through; instead a much more Taoist approach. There are so many things to be distressed about, but I am trying to stay in the "compassionate observer" position. Fortunately I have a lot of practice with this.
|
|
|
Post by NewLifeToday on Sept 7, 2020 9:44:29 GMT -5
Hi CC and MLS. I've been thinking much lately about how my health, stress levels and overall well-being have so much to do with my ability to "up and do". I have cleaned up my food plan again, after being on a slippery slope for a long stretch. It is nice to be back on an even keel and feeling better. Am looking forward to moving at turtle speed on a regular basis. Today, so far: Two tissue cleaning swipes on counter. Dishes caught up and put away. Remembered to take proper supplements with breakfast. I aim to be a happy turtle today.
|
|
|
Post by Ally on Sept 19, 2020 8:12:01 GMT -5
I am posting here today, because I realize that I have been avoiding cleaning up some areas because I have difficulty making decisions about what to do with things. (Honestly, this is the story of my life.) I am hoping to empty a box full of stuff that I took out of my car MONTHS ago. I am also needing to clean up my sewing area, which is so cluttered, that it's not really functional (although I can still use the sewing machine for small projects.) Update: I went to the "box" (actually a large IKEA bag) and realized that much of the stuff was old junk mail, receipts, plastic packaging. Much of it was trash that had been in my car since January-March. There was a gift that I was going to give a family last winter and it never happened. 95% of the contents of the bag has been emptied. The winter gloves went into the laundry. There are a few things I need to put in the recycling bin, but that was not nearly as bad as I thought it would be.
|
|
|
Post by NewLifeToday on Sept 19, 2020 11:47:06 GMT -5
Congrats, Ally. . I wish you a very nice week-end.
|
|
|
Post by creativechaos on Sept 24, 2020 14:21:02 GMT -5
Ally, you are welcome here any time! You did fantastic getting rid of almost everything in that Ikea bag!
i just discovered, after the torrential rain and wind, that i never ever should have rid myself of that enclosed shelf unit on back balcony. my nice new oilcloth (to keep out the cigarette smoke!) that i used to cover the decking below is windblown and full of big puddles - which means it is a MOLD collector and also unusable to me and the cat; not to mention that it will dump water on the smoker neighbors' below onto their deck - another reason for them to add to the list of why they hate me. Now i realize that the closed shelving unit will cost $100 for the new plywood to rebuild it (yes, plywood is that expensive here!, and it kept the water off from doing THAT. sigh. i am bummed.
|
|
|
Post by NewLifeToday on Sept 24, 2020 17:06:57 GMT -5
I'm sorry you have to redo the setup on your back balcony. I hope you find something that is just right. Any chance of using a UV light, or some other air cleaner out on the back balcony to counteract the cigarette smoke? Salt lamps emit negative ions which clean the air. The gunk in the air falls to the floor because of the negative ions. I use ionizers, too.
|
|
|
Post by creativechaos on Sept 25, 2020 10:35:50 GMT -5
NewLifeToday and mylittlescholar; somehow i missed both of your posts from earlier this month. thank you both.
NewLife, my diet has been crap in the past several weeks; foods i can't have without ill effect, bad sleep habits, the works. this adds to the distress so thank you, by example, for showing me that diet is an important part of being able to deal with both inner and outer stresses. scholar, i haven't had a very compassionate stance for myself while under the stress and grief of watching my cat be sick and not get better. i'm afraid, and i feel so helpless, not knowing how to help him.
thanks also for the info about salt lamps and ionizers. i wish i could make the owners and managers pay for these things! as long as the place looks like THIS i don't feel i can ask. it could bring on a load of even worse trouble, like eviction.
i started blanching shelly beans that didn't mature all the way to dry beans yesterday. my place was so bad that i put the flat steamer that you set into a pot somewhere and it actually fell down onto the kitchen floor between a big pile of junk and the lower cabinets. i looked for it and finally gave up. this is the state of affairs around here. i am having a hard time even throwing away obvious trash. i acquired stuff online again - spent money on unimportant and unnecessary things when i'll have more vet bills and soon, storage payments - and i need things like air purifiers and some other necessities that aren't food.
|
|
|
Post by mylittlescholar on Sept 25, 2020 18:37:25 GMT -5
(((creativechaos))) I don't think there's a worse feeling that seeing a loved one, human or animal, especially if it is in your care, suffering. So no wonder all of your "coping mechanisms" to get a moment of relief or distraction from that feeling kicked in!
It really tough right now. lets just celebrate everything we can.
|
|
|
Post by NewLifeToday on Sept 25, 2020 18:56:49 GMT -5
CC, I'm sorry things have been so rough. I am sending you hugs and best thoughts. I hope your blanched beans turned out nicely. Thanks for your kind words. I am smiling back at you. I have to stay on the straight and narrow with my food plan now. If I don't, I get bad reactions. Without unpleasant reactions, I don't think I would be as strict as I am. mylittlescholar 's idea to celebrate what we can sounds good to me. Thanks for the uplift! Best wishes to you both for a lovely evening.
|
|
|
Post by NewLifeToday on Oct 2, 2020 18:05:28 GMT -5
I managed to get some things out of the car that I had been neglecting. That is the one de-clutter step beyond the basics so far today. Otherwise, it is dishes, wiping tiny sections of the floor, cleaning a part of the bathroom, and doing chores for family, today and tomorrow, and.... I am thinking of another whooooosh of a step to having more maintenance in the daily protocols and less in the to-do when I get to it pile. Hopefully, some rest and quiet will get that mobilized! Best wishes to all for success in whatever steps you are taking.
|
|
|
Post by creativechaos on Dec 4, 2020 14:16:13 GMT -5
oh my faithful companion, NewLifeToday - it's been 2 months since i checked in! WTg on your accomplishments in your last post. i've done a lot, none of it logged. i've slacked and avoided a lot. none of that logged. i acquired a lot. none of that logged.
i am here to start being accountable to myself again. i had let everything slide into entropy and despair... still sliding but slowing down to an almost stop.
FINANCES ta das: paid late charges on phone and the two months i owed. ouch. paid electric and put in extra for next month (heat usage) paid car insurance for 6 months - early applied for energy assistance with electric company's plan paid last of the vet bills
home tadas: caught up on weeks' worth of dishes, cleaned sink started picking up the kitchen floor (i wrote about it on my blog - suffice to say i was literally walking "knee deep" in stuff all over the floor.) i now have a goat trail in my kitchen where i am just stepping on floor stove pile and counter pile is less high
|
|
|
Post by seahorse on Dec 4, 2020 14:35:38 GMT -5
|
|
|
Post by NewLifeToday on Dec 5, 2020 10:39:00 GMT -5
Hi, CC. Thanks for the kind smile. I'm glad you are getting in the upswing and taking care of yourself. Hooray for trails. I don't care for having to step over and around things. I've been feeling "slumpy" lately, too. I did get somethings from the car inside, and put them away. Am outgassing a stack of copy paper and using UV-C light to get the smells out of it. Simplified my food prep a bit. Found some shirts at a thrift store, and outgassed them for ca. 3 weeks. Not good, but with a washing and a lot of UV-C light, perhaps I can wear them without getting strong reactions to the toxic chemicals the stores use to wash the clothes. Paying bills on time. Got two Christmas boxes sent. One more box to do, some cards to write and mail, and some local cards/gifts to do. Much work and prayer for family. Best wishes to you, CC, for joy and success throughout each day!
|
|