|
|
Post by mlb1985 on Dec 14, 2008 22:36:51 GMT -5
ok i am soo sick and tired of falling back into the squalor. it seems like everytime i try to clean something or someone messes it up. Example is yesterday we went to visit family and were gone all day. we left our staffordshire terrier (porkchop) loose inside and 2 cats were inside as well. when i opened the door there was a bag of trash from my bathroom cleaning project scattered allover my bed and living room. then i saw the shavings, Dirty cedar shavings i had bagged up from my mouses cage 2 nights ago were EVERYWHERE! that had me upset. now my hubby and i are also wanting to concieve another baby but its not going very good. we also have a 21 month old Stripper child going through the terrible twos! i dont like having to clean up smeared poop from EVERYTHING in his room. my body is falling apart and i havent been feeling so well lately either. the way i figure it though is i have got to clean this place so if we do finally get blessed with another baby i wont have to stress so much. because im sure i will be on bedrest like my 1st son and my home was pretty decent then thanks to that nesting instinct. Does anyone understand how i am feeling in some ways?  well im gonna do some cleaning tonight i hope and will check back in tomorrow. thanks! |
|
|
|
Post by messymimi on Dec 14, 2008 23:34:06 GMT -5
This is so frustrating, I know. The only way I can deal with the constant circle of work is to think of it as job security, then laugh so I don't cry.
Stripper child will outgrow this; meanwhile, have you looked into early potty training?
Please make sure you are taking care of your health before you try for another child. Sick pregnancies are no fun. (Ask me how I know this.)
I understand how bad it can be. The work never ends, the pets and kids undo it almost faster than we can do it, and it is exhausting. This is where eliminating the work, where possible, comes in handy. Example, getting all garbage bags out of the house immediately so animals and kids can't get to them.
Is Stripper child at the stage where he thinks cleaning is fun? Give him a cloth and a spray bottle with water and let him do floors or walls. Or even low windows. have him "fold" washcloths or match socks. It takes more time to let him "help", but at least then he's not making bigger messes.
Get some rest tonight, and I'll bet others will have some even better ideas for you by then.
It gets better. They become teens, then you can tell them "You knew better, you clean it!" 
messymimi
|
|
Blackswan
Banned
Joined: October 2008
Posts: 6,388
|
Post by Blackswan on Dec 15, 2008 1:18:51 GMT -5
I once woke up to an awful smell, and my baby had taken off his diaper and was putting poop in his mouth. It was just awful. Luckily I was at my family's house, so I just screamed and called my sister and she helped me with that one.
It sounds like a lot of the messes are things that you already "cleaned" but didn't follow through with all the way. Like the mouse shavings, and the bag of trash, etc. Like you did enough to have done it, but not enough to move it out of your life forever.
A lot of adult children of alcoholics (like myself) have problems seeing things through to completion, so I've hard. Not sure if that is true in your case, or anybody else's but I thought I would bring it up just in case it offers anybody else any insight.
I also found that what helped for me when my kid was making too many messes, was to basically live as a minimalist, because then there aren't as many messes to be made.
|
|
Blackswan
Banned
Joined: October 2008
Posts: 6,388
|
Post by Blackswan on Dec 15, 2008 1:19:38 GMT -5
*so I've HEARD*
|
|
|
|
Post by notsomessyshell on Dec 15, 2008 1:51:18 GMT -5
I hear ya. I have had the garbage strewn throughout my house on more occasions than I wish to remember. I am really bad at taking the trash all the way out of the house. It is like I think I am done when the bag is full. I have to literally tell myself OUT LOUD that I need to take this out right now. It has been working so far.
|
|
|
|
Post by shabbychic on Dec 15, 2008 11:23:33 GMT -5
Second what others have said about putting the trash out - this is a must if you have dogs. (Ask me how I know.) My DD26 has Staffordshire terriers and they can flat tear up a house. They don't like being left home alone. Hers have destroyed doors. I would suggest a crate or putting them in one room with the door shut, but they are escape artists and will break out and make even more mess - hers do anyway. Fortunately she does not live with me, and her DD's (dear dogs) are the main reason.
I feel your pain
When I was seven, my little brother took his diaper off and smeared poop on my BRAND NEW BROWNIE UNIFORM!! The whole troop was wearing their new uniforms to school that day and I was crushed. Still remember that.
Shabby Chic
|
|
|
|
Post by dayeanu on Dec 15, 2008 13:15:18 GMT -5
Not only do we not carry out the bagged up trash, but DD and I used to habitually sweep up piles of stuff, and then leave the little piles sitting there on the floor, awaiting the dustpan. Of course then it just got scattered again. One day it occured to me that the job is not finished until it is swept AND picked up, AND emptied into the trash can, which takes all of an addition 5 seconds. (Assuming, of course, that the dust pan can be found.) The other worst thing for me is setting the trash bags down outside (we live in the country). You know what happens next. Takes 10 times as long to pick up the scattered trash as it would have taken to put it in an outside trash can. (No wonder the neighbors think I'm crazy! I think that's a bit crazy, myself.) Yes, I am ACOA. Never knew that was linked to not completing jobs. I have suspected I may be adult ADD. Whatever the case, I'm certainly easily distracted. I guess every toddler goes through the poop-smearing/flinging/eating stage. My grandson also smeared and flung poop everywhere. My daughter had a melt-down, reverted to 2 years old, yelled and bawled like a baby, and momentarily was sure her son hated her and was out to get her. Thankfully I was present to put them both on a time-out and later help clean the mess up. The good news is that we all survived uninjured, my grandson is 13 now, and would be mortified at the thought of doing such a thing.  ! |
|
|
|
Post by dayeanu on Dec 15, 2008 13:17:10 GMT -5
Oh, and just a warning, my toddler grandson went through a stage where he saw the dogs poop outside, and thought he would, too. Then one day we took him to the miniature golf course, and you can guess the rest.
|
|
|
|
Post by timetochange on Dec 15, 2008 13:31:51 GMT -5
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGE HUGS FIRST}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} I SERIOUSLY have BTDT!!!! First off I would put TTC off for right now. You are not in the right "frame" right now to have a healthy pg and it will only cause utter chaos at this point. I have had one of those and it was my worst pg yet and it almost killed me. Get "stable" in everything first!!!! Have a deep discussion as to whether TTC is trying to fill a hole or emptiness that has nothing to do with kids. Wait for now. Dogs/Cats. You do have the GOOD choices of crating and locking in a room and you probably should. Also maybe more training for the dog? And this is coming from an animal owner... sometimes certain pets are POOR matches with us and it is better for the humans sanity not to have certain pets. If the dog is destructive and it's not possible to get more training or stop them... then it is better for you and the dog to find it a new home. I had to do this, it sucked, but life was ALOT better not worrying that the kids were going to find the dog dead in the morning because it ate all the hoses on the vaccume or chewed through another wall (two things mine did). Also my hubby as a child lost a dog to eating trash... was a police trained German Shepard but could never been broken of getting into trash and it ate so much it punctured it's tummy and bled to death inside. Ok I am sorry that was so grim, but I was just wanting to share that sometimes it's better for all involved to find a different owner. Is your dog also maybe more "high need than anyone has time for? Some animals need to be exercised ALOT and most people can't always meet those needs. There is NO shame in wanting better for your animal or yourself! You can also "lock up" cats in a room too if they destroy stuff while gone. Mice.... you might feel more "freedom" if you can give these away too. After our last hamster died I said NO MORE rodents/little caged mammals. I was the ONLY one cleaning them in the end and it was all too much. Like I said before I am a pet owner (down to only 3 cats now) and I like animals. But sometimes the "right now" is NOT the time for them. I have noticed many of us seem to "hoard" pets or keep getting pets to "fill something" in us that no pet can fill. Having less is freeing, as sad as that sounds. But it is not said meanly or in wishing harm to an animal. It was VERY hard to admit to myself and to do. But I know it was needed and life did improve for all involved. Follow through on taking out the trash. Yes this IS important. Is it possible to strike a deal that you bag up the trash but someone else makes sure to take it out ASAP? Are you depressed? Have you been to the doc lately? Maybe consider anti-depressants for awhile to help with getting over the "hump"? Toddler. Will they keep any kind of clothing on? Zippers? Pants? PJ's? Also if you are desperate, get out that roll of duct tape and tape their diaper on. Yes I am serious. Make a smal strip that goes ALL the way around like a belt if you have to. It's not cruel and most cannot get that off! Get a couple of cheap potty chairs and put one in each room. Have a set amount of "naked" time" each day. NEVER leave them alone to do a "smear and run".  Also is it possible that the toddler has "sensory" issues or does anyone in the family have them or is on the autism spectrum? I only ask as one of my kids was/is and they HATED certain types of clothes being on them and would tear them off or cry/scream if they touched them. Have you tried tagless super soft clothing? Can't hurt at this point! Distraction is also a good helper on this! If you can get some silly song videos or some type of "mommy/me" type exercise video to do together, you would get a bit of exercise for you both and it might help you feel alot better! Is there anyone else that can help you? Sounds like you might need some more support too. {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} I hope nothing offended you, my post was typed with alot of sympathy and with things that helped me!!!!! |
|
|
|
Post by timetochange on Dec 15, 2008 13:43:10 GMT -5
Oh and if the big problem is toddler doing it in his room.... remove everything non washable from the walls and floors. Only things that can be boiled or thrown into the wash until he is "over" this phase!!!!! It will help sooooooooooooo much!
Seriously most of your post could BE me! I highly suggest getting the book "Nourishing Traditions" and see if it can help "heal" your body.
But if you are truly depressed you may really need to see a doc to "take care" of it before you can make any progress on everything else!
If it helps I have baby fever too right now but I have promised myself NOT to get pg until at least 9/2009.
I HAVE to get this whole place "done". I HAVE to get in better health. I HAVE to lose more weight.
I HAVE to do these things because if I don't this next pg might actually disable me permanently.
I CANNOT do another pg in poor health, and not being able to get out of bed.
I CANNOT do another pg, where my kids suffer.
I CANNOT do another pg in squalor.
I CANNOT do another pg in fear.
I CANNOT do another pg that could "destroy" my mental health and damage everyone around me.
I am REFUSING to be pg to fill a hole in me that comes from the chaos all around me. I want a healthy and happy pg where I am strong and dont live in chaos or fear.
I DESERVE TO HAVE THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And YOU DO TOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
|
|
|
|
Post by Arid on Dec 15, 2008 15:55:53 GMT -5
timetochange: Thank you SO much for saying the very things that I was thinking! I couldn't trust myself to be able to express those thoughts in as nice a way as you did, so I was doing my best not to say anything.
Arid
|
|
|
|
Post by mlb1985 on Dec 15, 2008 20:23:41 GMT -5
Thanks for all the wonderful advice. regaurding the trying to concive i have decided that if i am not preg. (aunt flow is due on christmas oh what fun ) this month i am going to stop trying and focus on taking care of myself for a while. its so hard cause 2 close friends just had babies last month and 2more just announced they are pregnant. but i think i can put it off i hope at least till the monster is potty trained. my son was born 10lbs 8oz and is 36lbs and 3 ft tall. hince the name monster ( ) i have to wait for christmas (his mamaw is buying a potty) to start the potty training. But i gave it a shot when i visited her and took his clothes off except the diaper and everytime he came to me saying peepee and attempting to strip i took him to the potty. surprisingly he POOPED the 3rd time i sat him on it. so i think he will do pretty well with the training. now the trash is a HUGE problem. we have gotton in trouble before for leaving trash bags outside and even for leaving a garbage can outdoors as well. and the kitties, neighborhood pets and the SKUNKS like to tear into outside so i cant win for losing. so i have to keep it in unless hubbys home. this week though i told him to leave his truck (has a camper top on it so no one sees the trash) and take my car so i can accomplish something. ok the pet problem isnt soo bad. we had 2 mice 9 cats and 3 dogs. one mouse died (if this one does i am not buying anymore for a while) had ALL the cats and dogs fixed and vaccinated for free and rehomed 5 cats and 1 dog. i have promised my hubby NO MORE PETS. and the dogs do stay in their crates when i am busy or gone. and sometimes i take one wth me so they dont mess things up. (Honestly think my one cat TROUBLE did it. he always digs in the trash. and makes lots of trouble. so i try to keep him outside mst of the time.) so hubby promised NOT to bring home more JUNK (example; i have 2 stoves, 2 washers, he has 3 SETS of speaker towers and only one set in use! ) and he offered to help me reorganize the living room and take the extra stove to our friends that dont have one. so my largest issue is the laundry. I have lots of clothes (some moldy and some that need to go AWAY) and everytime i wash a load i cant seem to keep up with the pile. maybe 2 loads a day will help? i have aprox 20 13 gal trashbags FULL ofclothes. all in a large playpen in the living room that is the task i am slacking on. i know i wouldnt miss the clothes but my hubby and son have lots of clothes mixed in these bags that they need now. (tried the laundry mat but that made it worse and i didnt have time to fold or hang them and they got dirty again. some days are better than others and i dont feel deppressed . i try not to get down and have been making small progress but im just not there yet. keep that wonderful advice coming. i really appreciate it! |
|
|
|
Post by notsomessyshell on Dec 16, 2008 0:11:27 GMT -5
Regarding the laundry, do you have a laundromat close by? I had to do that to get all caught up. In a couple hours I had a ton of laundry clean. Maybe not folded, but it was clean and divided. Keep, donate, and cleaning couldn't save these. Then there was a donation box in the parking lot. Out went the donation bags. One problem down. Bonus leave kiddo with his daddy and enjoy the time. I read an entire book!
|
|
|
|
Post by isolated on Dec 16, 2008 9:28:34 GMT -5
Not sure if your even willing to consider this, but both of my girls went through the stripping phase too. At first its kinda cute but then you soon discover that weird diaper sludge everywhere and find surprises written on your walls. I decided to take a piece of tape to wrap around the diaper and it worked and was really easy to remove. They would pick at the tape, not being able to get it off and would eventually give up. I did this for about two weeks and never had a problem again. I soon potty trained them and never had to worry about it again. As for the dog issues. I feel your pain as I have four incredibly destructive dogs. I put them in bathrooms when I leave or my laundry room. I also learned to take my trash out or stack it in one location the creatures couldn't get too and it helped a lot. |
|
|
|
Post by gottaproblem on Dec 16, 2008 10:56:17 GMT -5
I hear ya. I have had the garbage strewn throughout my house on more occasions than I wish to remember. I am really bad at taking the trash all the way out of the house. It is like I think I am done when the bag is full. I have to literally tell myself OUT LOUD that I need to take this out right now. It has been working so far. I put bags of trash outside on a Saturday, too many to fit in the can. Guess what? Possums or racoons got into them and scattered them all over my yard. The mess is cleaned up now, I just wanted to say that sometimes you can get them out of the house and something still happens to make additional work. I sympathize with you, about the dogs trashing the trash.  |
|
