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Post by Arid on Dec 16, 2008 23:44:25 GMT -5
Tonight, on "The Biggest Loser" television show, I heard Michelle, who ultimately won the grand prize, say that she finally figured out that in order to lose the weight, she had to "submit to the process." It was one of those "light bulb moments" for me! I realized that I have known now, for a long, long time, what "the process" for getting out of squalor is. I just haven't been doing all that good of a job of "working the program." I've let my natural proclivity towards demand resistance get in the way of progress. Well, in honor of Michelle, and others like her, I threw some demand resistance out the window tonight--I dusted all the funiture in one room. I'd been procrastinating for so long that the dust was 1/4" thick on everything. I told myself that I didn't have to do a "perfect" job; a quick over-all dusting was "good enough." So, that's what I did. I now have one area of the house that has been dusted "well enough." I can painstakingly dust each and every itty-bitty thing to perfection later, if I should so choose. In the meantime, I will be much less embarrassed should company arrive unexpectedly (or expectedly, for that matter!  !!). Are some of you ready to "submit to the process," too? Arid |
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Post by notsomessyshell on Dec 17, 2008 1:30:05 GMT -5
So that is what I have been trying to do. Thanks for giving it a name. I will let you know about the actual doing it......
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Post by razy on Dec 17, 2008 2:06:19 GMT -5
I have vacuumed my kitchen floor 3 times in the last 7-8 days!
It keeps getting dirty - I gotta keep cleaning it - who knew!
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Post by CourageouslyLion SeeksSerenity on Dec 17, 2008 2:44:15 GMT -5
In the 12 Steps, that would be Step 3 (also known as "Willingness") -- clutterersanonymous.org/12-steps/"God however one understands God to be" is also known as "higher power" or G.O.D. " Good Orderly Direction". That doesn't always refer to some mysterious lofty being in the heavens. Sometimes "higher power" is just the energy that flows when someone is just plain "doing the work that needs to be done". Sometimes "higher power" is the Collective Wisdom of everyone who has already "worked the process". It's (un)common sense. It's what your deeper inner self knows to be the wiser course of action. I know that when I make a decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of what I intrinsically know to be "The Wiser Course of Action" ... and then TAKE that action .... I am much happier. The word "surrender" and the phrase "turn it over" seem very scary sometimes. One might think that this means giving oneself up, or dying, or enslaving oneself, or giving up freedom. But ... I have discovered that I can KEEP my personal freedom, and yet surrender at the same time. How? By staying grounded in my independent self, yet surrendering to my own higher inspiration. I can CHOOSE what inspires me, and what my process is, and how to follow it. I know that I had no actual freedom when I was attached to having a flexible work schedule. I ended up with very little income and therefore no freedom to afford to do things I wanted to do. When I surrendered to the higher wisdom, I "surrendered to the process" of finding a real job. And then I got a real job. And the resulting financial stability brought me tremendous freedom to do things I had longed to do. So ... back to the point ... I had always felt that housekeeping and maintenance would be a chain of servitude, so I avoided it. But now I am beginning to see that if I surrender to what I intrinsically know to be the wiser course of action ... I can make the decision/commitment to doing regular housekeeping maintenance. If I do that ... I can look forward to the FREEDOM that surrender will give me. Freedom to phone for repairs. Freedom to invite guests. Freedom to be able to find things when I need them. Freedom to have a lover and/or a family, if I so choose. Freedom to live alone in a spacious comfortable home, if I so choose. Squalor has been the real chain around my neck. It controlled me. Surrendering to the process of maintaining my housekeeping will free me. |
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Blackswan
Banned
Joined: October 2008
Posts: 6,388
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Post by Blackswan on Dec 17, 2008 3:49:28 GMT -5
Ironically, I missed the biggest loser tonight because I didn't want to sit next to my stinky guinea pig cage on my messy couch. I guess I need to submit to the process too! Glad to find out who won!
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Post by creativechaos on Dec 17, 2008 4:16:45 GMT -5
as usual, lioness, your wise words borne out of experience resonate deeply with me. especially the part quoted above; this fits me to a tee. i have hung on to my "independence" and defended my "flexible" and undisciplined) schedule. freedom of surrender to the wiser course of action speaks to me. great thread, Arid!
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Post by dayeanu on Dec 17, 2008 18:15:01 GMT -5
Submit to the wiser course of action. . .That may be the most wisdom I have heard in a while. Your thoughts on freedom, as well.
I am saving this for a reminder. Thank you. Thank you.
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Post by dayeanu on Dec 18, 2008 8:52:47 GMT -5
I re-read these posts again this morning. Arid, your first two paragraphs say it all. My house is not clean, my life is in shambles because I do not want to submit to the process necessary to change it. I can't claim ignorance, I too know what the process is. I just have not chosen to submit to it.
All last evening, I was thinking about what Lioness wrote, with my own phrasing, "shall I 'Surrender to the wiser course of action,' or shall I 'surrender to the stupid course of action?' " When put like that, it's so easy to keep perspective.
Also the thoughts about what really enslaves me, and what gives me freedom. I, too, have always felt that housework was drudgery and enslaving. Truly, the squalor is what enslaves.
Also my "freelance" work. I've realized at some deeper level that it has not been working out as I had hoped. It has been freeing, alright, freeing me of income and benefits, and freeing me to be available to meet others' needs. (My schedule is flexible, so I am available do this or that for others, right?) I think I need less of that freedom, and more of the freedom and "real" job provides.
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Post by Script on Dec 18, 2008 9:56:28 GMT -5
I put this post up on my computer to read and re-read after my beauty challenge today. I am a little bit demand-resistant and very much demand-sensitive: sensitive to OTHER PEOPLE'S DEMANDS, that is. Thank you everyone for this really excellent series of WISE thoughts and words. something I did yesterday to 'submit to the process' of reclaiming some of my health: *I found another organic food box supplier in my city *I absolutely positively NEED to start choosing the wiser course of food selection (as opposed to the stupider one) *the regular delivery will help me not just with choices but with CHOOSING to spend my time cooking. *the other day I read the riot act to DH about Mrs. Flirt's constant bombardment of Casa Script with outrageous desserts. ALMOST DAILY and sometimes twice daily. Restaurant size portions. Hugely rich. I told him I would divide all the desserts in half: he could do what he wanted with his. I was throwing mine straight in the trash (compost green bin recycling). The desserts I make for myself (even the ones I buy) are far FAR less rich and fattening. *I have paid big $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ for this new kitchen; I want to cook the things that help ME. thanks again from Script (I have never watched this show but I know about the trainer Jillian Michaels who has a hugely popular DVD called "30 Day Shred" available from Collage)  |
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Post by dayeanu on Dec 18, 2008 12:32:35 GMT -5
 Good for you, Script! Use your beautiful new kitchen to bless yourself with the best and wisest things for you!
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Post by CourageouslyLion SeeksSerenity on Dec 18, 2008 14:39:12 GMT -5
- Here are some definitions of the words submit, surrender, and related synonyms. There are many different definitions of these words, but I've included ONLY the specific definitions that fit within the context of this thread, as follows: - "Submit" suggests full surrendering after resistance or conflict.
- "Defer" implies a voluntary yielding or submitting out of respect or reverence.
- "Surrender" implies a giving up after a struggle to retain or resist.
- "Yield" can mean to give or render as fitting, rightfully owed, or required.
I just re-read the "Demand Resistance" thread here:
takeonestepatatime.proboards.com/thread/16221
Then I re-read what Arid said here in this thread: ... she finally figured out that in order to lose the weight, she had to "submit to the process." It was one of those "light bulb moments" for me!
I realized that I have known now, for a long, long time, what "the process" for getting out of squalor is. I just haven't been doing all that good of a job of "working the program." I've let my natural proclivity towards demand resistance get in the way of progress. I think that Arid has come up with a way to define the opposite of "Demand Resistance". It's "submitting to the process" -- as an intentional choice. Thanks, Arid! - |
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Post by CourageouslyLion SeeksSerenity on Dec 18, 2008 14:47:30 GMT -5
- with my own phrasing, "shall I 'Surrender to the wiser course of action,' or shall I 'surrender to the stupid course of action?' " When put like that, it's so easy to keep perspective.  Oh, dayeanu ! You've just boiled it down to basics. Awesome.
Hmmm... that reminds me.... A wise person once said, as some sort of prayer or contemplation ... Teach me to distinguish between "the useful" and "the more useful". While it may be "useful" for me to continue posting on this thread, and philosophizing .... It might be "more useful" for me to wash my dishes. I think I've been philosophizing as a way to avoid actually doing anything. Time to submit to the process of cleaning house. Logging off the computer for the day ... and starting cleaning NOW. - |
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Post by Arid on Dec 18, 2008 16:57:44 GMT -5
Lioness: Even if you have signed off for the day, I trust that you will come back at some point to read more on this thread. I want to thank you, especially, for the extra information that you have given us. I can tell that from now on, I often will be questioning myself as to "what is the wiser course of action?" To use dayeanu's words, I've all too often chosen "the stupid course of action" (which means usually to do nothing, in my case) when it comes to housekeeping.
You know; I really hesitated to start this thread. When I heard what Michelle said, I also thought, "Well, DUH!!!" But then, I realized that I could apply her words to MY life, with MY problems, and I thought that perhaps it would resonate with some other people, too.
Isn't it funny how we can read the same old things over and over again; yet, somewhere, sometime, we "hear" it a slightly different way, and things suddenly "click" for us? I know that that was the effect that Sandra Felton's "Messie" books had on me. That is, she wasn't saying anything that I hadn't heard before about how to have a clean, tidy house. However, there was something about the WAY that she said it that really, really helped me. She started me on this long, long journey out of squalor.
I can say the same thing about Dr. David Burns' book FEELING GOOD: The New Mood Therapy without Drugs. From him I learned how to "reframe" my thinking. Thanks to him, I was able to eliminate a lot of pointless worry and negativity from my life. Most of his concepts weren't new to me, but there was just something about the WAY that he explained and taught them that made all the difference.
I'm glad that this thread seems to be having a positive effect on people.
I appreciate all of the ideas that have been added to it by all of our posters.
Arid
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Post by timetochange on Dec 19, 2008 12:25:12 GMT -5
My house is not clean, my life is in shambles because I do not want to submit to the process necessary to change it. Food for thought of the day. And I HEARTILY agree! |
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Post by crazycatlady on Dec 20, 2008 18:01:33 GMT -5
Wow, what words of wisdom in this thread. I will have to read it over and over, and try to apply it to my life.
Submit to the process. Focus less on me and my power, my will. As a Christian, the phrase "let go, and let God" comes to mind. As Lioness said, for those of various belief systems, the letting go of control sounds healthy.
I endeavor to understand that it is not a strength of mine to make these changes, but a letting go of bad choices, and humbly searching for good choices, to improve my life.
I am trying to make healthy eating choices. It is amazing how different it feels to say "I can't have that cookie" or say "I choose not to have that cookie today". I will keep trying to make those healthy choices, and embrace the process.
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