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Post by collectivemess on Dec 27, 2019 5:06:54 GMT -5
Hi,Y'all can call me Nicholas. I'm 20 years old, and I just learned of the term squalor while trying to look up professional cleaning services. My family definitely has a...history. (I am also writing this at almost 4am because i can't fall asleep)
My grandma had issues with chronic clutter and that's how both my uncle and mom grew up. I really don't know a lot about it but I know if affects how my uncle sees things now,almost being 50. He also has autism. My dad has adhd(and i think other stuff he just refuses to acknowledge) and grew up with a maid. My mom passed away last year after struggles with health for years. her loss of a limb really started the decline of her health and the cleanliness of our house.
This is just some back story on what i'm gonna try to explain in this intro?
My house;that I live in with my dad,my brother,my uncle, and our 2 cats;is a 3rd degree squalor. CPS has threatened to take away my brother multiple times but end up just kind of...making us feel worse. "all of you are adults, you should know how to keep up a house." "your disability is no excuse" (this one is directed at me every time because I tell them I try to clean but I get so overwhelmed and in pain that I end up having multiple panic/anxiety attacks) "other guardians can overcome these issues" My boyfriend is also very concerned for me. The other adults in the house work full time and I'm going to attempt working again. Which is a problem since my little brother can't clean productively alone and I already have issues cleaning up on my own unless it's a task at a job.
I can't figure out how to word the rest because i am tired but can't fall asleep;so I can't focus well.
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Post by CourageouslyLion SeeksSerenity on Dec 27, 2019 5:46:57 GMT -5
You said that CPS told your family: "all of you are adults, you should know how to keep up a house."
Many of us here at "SOS" never learned how to keep house. (And I gather your father and uncle never learned).
And some of us knew how to keep house, but our lives fell apart for one reason or another, and we lost the momentum and fell into chaos; and basically forgot how to keep house. Or we remembered how, but were medically unable to do so.
You have come to the right place, here at SOS.
We have had threads such as "how to sweep a floor" and other basic skills that many of us never learned.
And threads about things a person should do regularly -- patterns we never learned.
And random threads about whatever someone is going through, and also group "work-along" threads.
(fyi, note that some sections of SOS are visible when you are not logged in, and those public-view sections can be googled. The other sections are visible only to logged-in members, and cannot be googled; but it's still advisable to be discreet about one's personal details.)
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Post by larataylor on Dec 27, 2019 9:42:42 GMT -5
collectivemess - Hi Nicholas! I'm so glad you found us! I'm sorry CPS people are so shaming--that's not helpful at all. You'll get no shame or judgment here, just a lot of encouragement and empathy. We all understand these situations. You said you were searching for professional cleaners. If you can afford to hire a regular cleaner, that can be a great thing. Some cleaners will not work with a lot of clutter. Decluttering/organizing services are more expensive. Are you looking to go this route, or are you more interested in doing it yourself? People use this site in different ways. We have work threads and live chat and there are blogs and stories to read for inspiration.
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Post by def6 on Dec 27, 2019 12:54:07 GMT -5
Hello collectivemess and Welcome! Sometimes you have to start very small ...Like baby steps.
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Post by Tea on Dec 27, 2019 15:38:19 GMT -5
Welcome. You are in a non-judgemental place here when it comes to squalor and the reasons for it. We are an understanding group that won't tsk tsk at you for being an 'adult' or whatever. Overcoming squalor is a process, often a long one, and we will support you as best we can! Please stay and post and you'll gain so many wonderful insights from all the lovely people here.
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