halfpint
New Member
If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got!
Joined: May 2014
Posts: 64 
|
Post by halfpint on Jul 29, 2020 11:13:10 GMT -5
Hello hello! I think it’s been about 6 years since I’ve been here, but I have been thinking of SooS for some time! We bought our first HOME in April, and I absolutely love it here. Working on getting everything organized just so. The moving was a nightmare though. 🙄 We lived in former house for 7 years. It needs a heck of a lot of work, and former landlord does intend on tearing it down. I think he finds the rental income beneficial, but wants to keep a low financial investment into the property. *sigh* I had a friend in need of a new place. She was desperate to move herself & her family. She knew previously that the house was in rough shape. While we were still moving stuff out, they came to do measurements for flooring. Little did we know that this was essentially going to shove us out. We had about 5 days, and it was apparent that there were things I neglected on the cleanliness aspect. She made sure to shame me, sending photos and videos of things. I have apologized profusely, despite not having the time or resources to clean & repair everything we wanted to. DH worked tirelessly. We had installed new lower kitchen cabinets, painted rooms, rented a floor sander. It was total chaos. We had filled the workshop and single stall of the garage with junk and things to dispose of, so we needed to rent a dumpster for that. Two 8 yard dumpster fills of junk plus the plethora of wood we brought home to burn along with stuff we still use. It was overwhelming and exhausting. “Friend” still sends me periodic things from former house. The other day I received two videos, before and after shampooing of the boiler room carpet. She said she had to replace her dad’s shampooer. Sadly, I have had many revelations regarding what I considered friendship with her. The only one offering forgiveness and apologies is me. Those are the cliff notes of that experience. I know what I need to change and do differently. We’ve done great work in the 7 years since moving from the “old house” to former house to not live in squalor. I grapple with the idea that it was enough. It should be enough for me. She’ll never understand or forgive. I suppose that’s part of why I’m here- because SooS has an abundance of supportive and understanding people. *hugs* Keep fighting the good fight my friends.  |
|
|
|
Post by goldenthreads on Jul 29, 2020 11:48:57 GMT -5
Congratulations on the new house, and may you have many happy, productive years there.
Your former friend still sends you stuff about the state of the house?! And it's your fault that the boiler room carpet (boiler room carpet!) was so dirty she had to replace her cleaner?! Even though she has lived there for years since you moved out? Not normal, not OK. You have no need to apologize and she shouldn't be asking for forgiveness. The statute of limitations on this ran out the moment she had looked at the place and signed her lease. I read back a little way in your blog, and I see that you're a person of faith. Truly, I would consider blocking contact with her, even if it feels unkind to you. You and your husband have worked hard to achieve what you have. There is no need for shame over your old conditions.
I'm going to go back and read through your blog. I've done that with several other people's blogs, and it is a huge inspiration. Everyone's mess is different, but I tell myself if other people can dig out over time and establish new habits and something closer to peace, so can I.
Very glad you came for a visit!
|
|
halfpint
New Member
If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got!
Joined: May 2014
Posts: 64
|
Post by halfpint on Jul 29, 2020 12:06:31 GMT -5
Your former friend still sends you stuff about the state of the house?! And it's your fault that the boiler room carpet (boiler room carpet!) was so dirty she had to replace her cleaner?! Even though she has lived there for years since you moved out? I can understand why it’s upsetting. I acknowledged it, I didn’t excuse why things were such a way. Nothing is ever enough for her. Old house was where we lived first, former house was where we moved from, and home is where we now live. She moved into former house in April. I love home. I feel like it’s mine, it’s safe, it has good energy. I love it here! |
|
|
|
Post by phoenixcat on Jul 29, 2020 15:59:20 GMT -5
 halfpint Glad you are enjoying your new home! It probably isn't the nicest reaction but I would just tell her to shut the blankety blank up!  . Sounds like you did her a favor for 1) finding her the place and 2) letting them move in MUCH EARLIER than planned. So, if she is unhappy with how it was left - she should have waited until you gave a proper 30 day notice. I'd be tempted to tell her to start appreciating the sacrifices you made to accommodate her and one more nastygram and you will just start blocking her. That was a tremendous amount of effort you did unexpectedly to accommodate her and you don't need to "pay the emotional price" forever more. I was subletting a place one year for the summer and the tenant came back early (without warning) and gave me one night to get moved out while they slept in the living room.  . And, same thing - they spent all their time complaining how I left it. Fortunately she wasn't "a friend" so after I made her pay me EVERY PENNY from the inconvenience of early vacating (and paying utilities) - didn't see her again. She was so stupid that she didn't tell us to watch her vehicle which she left in the parking lot and was furious that it was towed. I didn't even know it was her car. Good times.  Take care and have fun in your new place! You deserve it! We also moved from a house with a landlord that didn't care. It took him a year to get it back on the market because he had neglected structural things - nothing we did. Since we had the luxury of a proper notice - we were able to erase a lot of damage we had done (more accurately - our cats had done ). But if we had only been given 5 days - it would have been a HUGE disaster.  PC
|
|
|
|
Post by Arid on Jul 29, 2020 19:58:06 GMT -5
As the old saying goes, halfpint: "With friends like her, you don't need any enemies!"
It's time to "cut the cord" on *that* relationship, IMHO . . .
Arid
|
|
|
|
Post by joyinvirginia on Jul 30, 2020 7:01:39 GMT -5
Welcome back halfpint! Glad to hear you are in your new home! Please keep us updated.
I agree with others, and you don't have to look at or respond to any future communications from "friend".
|
|
|
|
Post by mylittlescholar on Jul 30, 2020 8:45:28 GMT -5
Congratulations on your new home, halfpint! 
(I am also having revelations about friends--who I'm realizing have narcissistic tendencies. working on decluttering those relationships as well!  )
|
|
|
|
Post by OnTheMend on Aug 3, 2020 9:29:19 GMT -5
Nice to see you! I recently came back too to help me stay focus during my move to the other side of the country.
|
|
