jenonmyown
New Member
Joined: October 2020
Posts: 13
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Post by jenonmyown on Oct 4, 2020 14:22:18 GMT -5
Hello all!
I ran across this site last night when I was sitting in tears in the middle of my squalor. For some reason the messages I was seeing were from almost 20 years back and I was afraid there was no one left to hear my story. It seems I was wrong and that is a blessing!
I'm 64 years old, and have suffered from depression (bipolar) for years. I'm sure there is some PTSD in there as well, and overall just a massive case of "SCREWED-UP-ITIS"! There has been one life crushing trauma after another (death of daughter, grand daughter, devistating divorce) and I've fought and clawed so hard to get out of this dark hole and keep my head above water. The sad thing is that I'm a psychotheraist myself.... I should know how to do this, right? It's really hard to take the advice I give to my clients, but I try.
I was so happy to find this forum. I feel so isolated.... I have no family, a couple friends whom I could NEVER let in my apartment because of the squallor. It fees so hopeless at times, and I feel helpless. I'm really hoping I can find some connection here, some support.... something.
Thanks for listening to my rant
Jennmyown.
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Post by goldenthreads on Oct 4, 2020 15:06:25 GMT -5
Welcome, jenonmyown. This doesn't sound like a rant to me. I'm sorry you're feeling so sad and stuck. You will find compassionate hearts and ears here, and plenty of help, encouragement, and ideas. No need to feel so alone--we're here for you.  P.S. Are you seeing a therapist now? No need to answer this, but you might consider it. |
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Post by _Linda_ on Oct 4, 2020 15:38:55 GMT -5
Welcome jenonmyown! I can tell that you're overwhelmed and beating yourself up for a lot of things. You're not alone in those things or in trying to clean up your home. We all have been there or are there right now. If I can suggest a few things that have helped me, start with small areas or the cleanest area. Even if it's a square foot of floor, it is progress. Don't do "marathon cleanings" where you spend all day busting your butt to get everything done. In the long run, they aren't helpful. Read the Favorites Thread, there's a lot of great ideas there. And, lastly, keep posting here. We will cheer you on, give advice, and be a collective shoulder to lean on.  |
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jenonmyown
New Member
Joined: October 2020
Posts: 13
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Post by jenonmyown on Oct 4, 2020 15:53:54 GMT -5
Thanks guys. Goldenthreads, I am seeing a therapist/nurse practitioner who helps me manage my meds. She's wonderful, but it's weird because she's also my friend. That is not ideal, but hard to avoid when you are in the field. For example, I would never let her in my apartment.
Linda, thanks for the feedback. Just reading some of the earlier posts has given me a little hope to hang on to. Got up this morning and showered and made my bed. Working from home hasn't helped much. Sometimes I'll go a couple days without a shower. Can't tell on a zoom meeting, but it is very apparent in my heart. It's nice to hear I'm not alone.
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jenonmyown
New Member
Joined: October 2020
Posts: 13
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Post by jenonmyown on Oct 4, 2020 16:01:37 GMT -5
Linda, I tried to find the Favorites Thread... no luck. Technology is not my strong suit. Is there a way to search it out?
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Post by NewLifeToday on Oct 4, 2020 16:01:43 GMT -5
Welcome jenonmyown.  . I'm glad you found us. It is nice to have you here! Yes, there is support here. Please post wherever you'd like to, in whatever thread fits, whenever. I'm looking forward to "seeing" you in the forums.  |
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Post by NewLifeToday on Oct 4, 2020 16:03:16 GMT -5
Here is the sub-forum for "Favorites" threads: takeonestepatatime.proboards.com/board/6/favorite-threads
ETA:
Here is the section for support threads for taking steps, getting things taken care of, "Listzilla":
You are most welcome to join in whenever and wherever you like. 
Some of us come and go in different threads.
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Post by _Linda_ on Oct 4, 2020 16:07:39 GMT -5
Thanks for getting Jen the link, NewLifeToday. I was posting on my blog and didn't see that she asked. |
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Post by Louie on Oct 4, 2020 19:52:23 GMT -5
welcomejenny! you are no longer on your own  |
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Post by Serendipity on Oct 4, 2020 19:53:27 GMT -5
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Post by Arid on Oct 5, 2020 3:28:47 GMT -5
jenonmyown: Linda has given you such good advice!
The other day, one of my favorite people on YouTube made a remark: "Consistency beats intensity." I thought to myself, "How true!!"
Doing a little bit every day, learning to "eliminate the evidence," and PEEPing (a Place for Everything and Everything in its Place) does more in the long run than does a single, massive "clean out" that leaves one burnt out and likely to revert to old, bad habits.
Welcome to the board!
Arid
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jenonmyown
New Member
Joined: October 2020
Posts: 13
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Post by jenonmyown on Oct 5, 2020 6:55:37 GMT -5
Thank you to everybody. You're right Arid, very good advice. The kind words from all of you really mean a lot. Speaking of "PEEPing", I was thinking about that last night. That would be a huge help, but I struggle with that part. I'll pick up an item and just feel overwhelmed - I have no idea where it should go. Stuff is all over the place and I can never find anything. It even affects my work - can't find resources or files - sometimes I feel like I'm swallowed up. I know I need to declutter - throw stuff out - but that seems overwhelming too. I'll get in these phases where I get crazy and throw out everything in site, later realizing I need something I trashed. I guess if I had to choose between keeping all the crap and throwing everything out, I'd choose the latter. I had a thought last night, what if I started grouping stuff by category - office stuff - health stuff (knee braces, heat pads, massagers) - clothes - tools - craft stuff - cleaning stuff.... then I could see the volume of each category and maybe then figure out where it belongs. ?? I basically have no living room now as there is a HUGE work desk with tons of electronics that I use to work from home. I don't know..... it doesn't sound so bad as I read this, but I feel like it's swallowing me up. Any suggestions folks? I've never been organized - seems as if I operate only from right brain. Just feels so completely lonely and overwhelming. It's a pretty dark place. I'm constantly thinking "What if I die and people come in here to clean out my stuff?" It's so embarrasing. My boss's husband is coming over sometime this week to install a part on my fancy-schmancy new desk and I am horrified. The place is a mess, and I started smoking after my divorce - 20+ years of not smoking. The place stinks.... This is not who I am inside. I'm bright, capable, and strong. Just don't feel that way right now. I read somewhere on here that instead of telling myself I have to clean this disgusting mess, to reframe it into a positive, taking steps to getting to a place I deserve. I'm a big believer that we create our reality to a large degree, by our "story" - or what we tell ourselves. I'm trying - but kind of feels like I'm caught in a whirlpool and I'm being dragged down. Thank you guys for all your encouragement. It's so nice to be able to open up  |
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Post by wynken on Oct 5, 2020 7:33:27 GMT -5
Hello Jen and Welcome.
Good going getting to the shower and bed making done. These things help.
First things that is easiest - Anything you know you can throw out, Throw that out. The obvious trash / rubbish / garbage.
Some people find that having a waste basket / bin in each room makes it easier for things to get into the bin.
Here is a realisation from me - getting those baskets / bags or bins emptied soon rather than later - when they are way over full helps too.
Tell yourself well done every time you toss something out, or put something away.
Resist the temptation to beat yourself up over what you need to do.
'crisis cleaning" with a visitor coming in means seeing just the areas that really need to be cleared and working on those.
the place for the intallation a part on your 'fancy-schmancy new desk'
The route from door to that place, wide enough to make the journey.
The rooms he will see in.
Doors to other rooms that close can help.
I'm sure others will have more suggestions.
(Reading your initial post I'm remembering when I found Squalor Survivors and then was aghast it was closed, before finding my way here.
It is still taking me time to realise the work yet to be done.)
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Post by joyinvirginia on Oct 5, 2020 11:03:23 GMT -5
welcome Jen! It's an ongoing process to manage the stuff we have, to keep our environment positive and productive. What helps motivate me is to keep on top of the trash. trash cans in most rooms and when the can is full, it gets emptied. Also I like to watch old episodes of Hoarders and that motivates me to let go of stuff. I love Matt Paxton! Join in on the monthly working in threes or one of the other listzilla threads takeonestepatatime.proboards.com/board/1/listzillaor start your own blog to track your progress, whatever works for you. takeonestepatatime.proboards.com/board/3/blogs |
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Post by JoyInAction on Oct 5, 2020 13:23:46 GMT -5
Jen, I add my welcome to you. I also suggest you open a blog and move your questions there. It is behind the wall for members only and you may have more protection there.
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