lisapisa
New Member
Joined: November 2020
Posts: 1 
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Post by lisapisa on Nov 17, 2020 12:54:05 GMT -5
Gosh, so many stories such as mine. It makes me kind of sad. My parents had a drug problem and I was the scapegoat. I never was allowed friends over. Once my two best friends asked me and I was so ashamed. I just said it was messy. They said they'd help me clean up. I remember my was coming over and I was in a panic. Crying and trying to clean up frantically. Meanwhile, my mom was ordering me around. I think I only had two birthday parties ever. And my mom was high at at least one of them. Anyway, I kept my room neat always. Then, when I moved out, my apartment was always messy. But my friends didn't mind this time. Then, things got serious when my husband and I divorced and I became a single mom. The double standards and harassment along with the accompanying terror o c losin g my children to Children's Aid. They were absolutely ruthless. One day they said theyd get me help but the next theyd deny saying it amd said I had to do it myself. They ordered me to clean up within 24 hours then asked me why my eyes were red the next dah. I took my children to facepainting and they said it was bruises. They pointed out dirt on my mattress but there was none. It was a brand new matress! They said mt floor was dirty when I had just washed it. It was still wet. I felt like a marathoner tryi g to run witj broken leg. I was u der such stress amd in constant hypervigilance. In addition, my landlord kept coming in while we weren't home, then reported back to CAS, who would show up early in the morning. It came to the point where we didn't even want to go home but had to for fear of being accused of avoiding them. They did not realize nor care that I had a disease called hoarding and it's probably partly genetic. Anyway, I had been seeing a psychiatrist for several years and they began to insult her because I wasn't getting better at housekeeping. The focus became my housekeeping not th he fact I just landed a job at the ROM. CAS even ordered me to quit my Masters to focus on cleaning my apartment. If I was a man, people would be appalled. But I was just some renegade ex wife without a male to 'protect' me and speak for me. In the end, CAS started threatening my doctor saying she was covering for me. She told me she would go to court for me if she had to. Nobody ever said that to me. Nobody ever defended me like that. After that, I was able to work through the hoarding enough to keep my children. But we were scarred. Even to this day we freeze if someone knocks at the door. The panic sets in momentarily. My eldest daughter, now 25, says they stole her childhood and she may never have kids because she doesn't trust authority.
Lately, I have been trying to keep on top of things although we ate still in a small condo with very little closet space. The girl next door is trying to blame me for a leak when she's the one doing the renovations. I have found no leak in my apartment yet she somehow is able to get the maintenance to constantly harass me over it. So it's starting again. And I think the maintenance knows I'm sensitive and is pressuring me more so that they don't need to pay for the damage. It doesn't matter if it's a lie. Anyway, this is not helping mt hoarding. It's adding extra pressure because now they just knock and don't even give 24 hours notice. It's driving me nuts and I'm on edge constantly lately.
In addition, my twin just died of cancer. She had lost her children and had been evicted because of her hoarding. In fact, the courts institutionalized her saying she was schizophrenic because squalor is also a symptom of schizophrenia. She was also sexually abused as a child. So the worst things that could happen to her did. And I truly believe that once she lost her children she lost her will to live. Her anger and sadness ate away at her and she died of cancer. I think the difference between her and I is that I pursued therapy. It not only helped me but it also served as historical evidence that I am not schizophrenic.
Anyway, that's my story up until now. One good thing is my children don't seem to have the hoarder gene.
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Post by Arid on Nov 17, 2020 14:51:31 GMT -5
Whew!
You have been through and are going through a **LOT!!**
Welcome to the board!
Arid
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Post by OnTheMend on Nov 17, 2020 15:30:53 GMT -5
Welcome! Here you are among friends! Gentle hugs and I hope to see you around the forum!
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Post by mynicehome on Nov 18, 2020 5:33:17 GMT -5
Welcome to the forum lisapisa! You are not alone and will find support here. My condolences on the loss of your sister, and the many other hurts you've had. I hope you are able to move on and create the home and homelife you would like to have.  |
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Post by ohblondie on Nov 18, 2020 14:16:19 GMT -5
Welcome and gentle hugs. this is a very safe place to land. We are here for you!!
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Post by joyinvirginia on Nov 19, 2020 0:28:51 GMT -5
Welcome! So sorry you have gone thru so much. You will find encouragement here.
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Post by TML on Nov 19, 2020 14:03:19 GMT -5
Welcome! I am the child of a hoarder and i have the tendencies but not as bad. I think it is either milder or that i just grew up that way. Mine fell back when i got what the Dr said was covid and i was sick for most of the year. So now i am better and trying to dig out again. I do pretty well except when sick or stressed but it seems most of time i am sick or stressed.
I think the neighbor and maintenance think they smell weakness and someone to blame. After having dealt with Mom for all my life I have basically no tolerance for BS and would rip them a new one just for the sake of it. We always called Mom the Dragon. Dad was more like peace Bunny. I always joked i was a dragon bunny. Looks like bunny but if you shine strong light on me you can see the shadow of the dragon that is truly there. Basically me seeming to be bunny with my live and let live attitude has been that many bleeps see me as easy prey so I know what you mean about neighbor and maintenance. They usually only make that mistake with me once as having lived with Mom and then taken care of her for 9 years at my home and still taking care of her at the nursing home, it would take one heck of i dont know what to even make me blink once let alone twice.
If the kids are overage so they cant bug you with CPS, I would take stock of the place so that it is in specs (messy/cluttered but safe for codes) and then push back and demand that stupid neighbor with leak own up and maintenance fix it.
I am sorry to hear about your sister. What ever you decide or if you just need someone to do cleaning with then we are here. I am starting a bunch of cleaning organizing now that i feel a bit better and you are more than welcome - i will be in the weekend work along and chat starting up next Saturday. The easiest way i have found is to just pretend I am helping a friend or relative clean when i am cleaning my home. I distance myself from it and the self kicking by just pretending it is not mine and i am just helping someone else who has had a rough time and needs my compassion and help.
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