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Post by clutteredbird on Mar 3, 2021 9:15:25 GMT -5
Howdy! Nice to be here!
I'm a guy in his late thirties who has been extremely disorganized his entire life. I've also long loved to collect things - music, comics, etc - and have been doing that for literally as long as I can remember. I also develop sentimental attachments to things very, very easily. You can probably see how this would all add up over the years to living in an extremely cluttered house. I've long learned to basically just ignore it - I was never happy about it, but I basically trained my brain not to see the mess.
Anyway... I'd been thinking about trying to clean more for a while, especially during the pandemic, but instead, I got worse about it during the pandemic, despite being at home all day every day. The other day, it finally hit me just how bad things had gotten. I needed a repair guy to come over for the first time in a while, and it took me hours to clear a path so he could get to the things he needed to access.
I've been working on cleaning up for a few days now, but it's really hard on me - far more emotionally challenging than I thought. I'll work for a few minutes, then get completely overwhelmed at the enormity of the task - even if I'm trying to focus on a very small area at once. When I was just ignoring the problem, I didn't have to think about it, but now that I'm dealing with it, I have to think about it every day and it's causing me a lot of distress. I'm extremely worried that I'll end up not finishing what I need to do because then I can go back to just sort of quietly ignoring the problem without spending the day freaked out about it, but I don't want to do that. I've never been happy with how I lived, and I want to break out of it very badly.
I haven't even gotten to the stuff I have a real attachment to yet, either! I've taken a bunch of the stuff I have actual collections of and moved them to a spare room for now - the "I'll deal with this later" room, I'm calling it - but it's been surprisingly tough on me just throwing out old junk mail and packaging material. It doesn't make any real sense to me why that feels as bad as it does, but it does.
I know that this is a marathon and not a sprint - the house didn't get into this kind of shape in a day and it's not going to get out of it in a day - but when there's no end in sight, it's extremely discouraging. Been looking for a community that can offer gentle support and has people who have dealt with this before, and this looks like a pretty nice place to be. Looking forward to getting my act together!
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Post by desposito on Mar 3, 2021 9:31:33 GMT -5
Hi CB, welcome. You're taking the right approach to start with the things you're less attached to, if you can make some headway and start seeing an improvement in the way your place looks, it's hugely motivating to keep going. We all have our main hoarding items, they're the hardest to let go of. For me, it's books and other paper items.
It's totally normal for decluttering to be mentally exhausting. When I was hardcore sorting my books, I would walk into the room all enthusiastic about sorting, then within 10 minutes I was overwhelmed and walked out of the room. 5 minutes later I'd walk back in, look at things, handle a few things, and walk back out because I couldn't deal with it. So short sorting periods are good, although sometimes it works to do a short period and then move on to an entirely different category, that changes the direction of your attention. But be prepared to need lots of breaks, making decisions and releasing things is hard.
Consider joining a working thread or starting a blog, it really helps to write out everything you're doing, including your mental process in making decisions--it clarifies things. And it helps to know other people are doing the same thing you're doing, and having just as tough a time at it.
Good luck!
Diane
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Post by NewLifeToday on Mar 3, 2021 9:34:03 GMT -5
Welcome clutteredbird!  Congrats to you on your progress. Please feel free to join in wherever appeals to you here, or to ask whatever might be of help to you. It's nice to have you here. |
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Post by larataylor on Mar 3, 2021 10:01:08 GMT -5
clutteredbird - I think you've found the right place! People here know this marathon very well. You'll find lots of encouragement here, and advice about things you get stuck on. It's good to start with the most obvious things or the things you're least attached to. Work on a habit of putting your junk mail and packaging in the trash, for instance. You might work on getting more difficult categories into one area so you can see how much you have and let your brain work on the idea of letting all or some of it go. Different strategies work for different brains. Some people start with one area, one room, or one piece of furniture.
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Post by itsybitsy on Mar 3, 2021 10:03:33 GMT -5
Welcome!
Diane has written very good advice. Do you have trash lying around? One of the first things that is recommended is to grab a trash bag and fill it with trash that is lying around. Another bag for recycling, etc. Remove from your place. Place trash receptacles in each area so that it doesn't end up on the floor or on top of good items.
Also, try to see how it feels to commit each day to not bringing more collectibles in, since you've started to recognize that you have a lot piled up that you want to work on now. You may feel a similar tension as you do to the overwhelm. For some, acquiring and bringing items home relieves that tension. Sit with the feelings but try to limit what you bring in to your space to just the essentials/consumables only.
You'll find this a very supportive place!
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Post by clutteredbird on Mar 3, 2021 10:07:43 GMT -5
The first commitment I've made is: Don't let things get any worse. I've stopped buying anything that isn't strictly necessary (food, stuff needed for cleaning, etc). That way, the worst things can be is "the same". I'm actually reasonably good about laundry and dishes - I may end up piling my clean clothes in a corner, but at least I'm washing them and folding them. My top priority every day is to take care of any new stuff that has come up so that there's always some degree of measurable progress.
I also need to get things organized to the level that I can use organizational stuff! For instance - right now, I have lots of loose documentation just sort of lying around. I need a filing cabinet to store this stuff. But right now, I can't get a filing cabinet because there's no place to put it! I have a couple rooms that have space, but I'm trying hard not to pile stuff into rooms where it doesn't belong to prevent the spread from getting worse.
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Post by clutteredbird on Mar 3, 2021 11:32:02 GMT -5
I think one of the things that really brought this to a head for me was working from home. When I had to go out to work, I could escape the clutter of my house. I basically just treated it as a place to crash. Now, though, due to COVID, I'm here all day every day. I managed to shut it out for a long time, but eventually, being in this mess all day with no escape made me feel like the walls were caving in and it finally hit the point where I just broke down and started crying. That's when I started looking for resources and found this place.
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Post by NewLifeToday on Mar 3, 2021 12:30:58 GMT -5
I think one of the things that really brought this to a head for me was working from home. When I had to go out to work, I could escape the clutter of my house. I basically just treated it as a place to crash. Now, though, due to COVID, I'm here all day every day. I managed to shut it out for a long time, but eventually, being in this mess all day with no escape made me feel like the walls were caving in and it finally hit the point where I just broke down and started crying. That's when I started looking for resources and found this place. Smiles and best wishes to you. I am sorry things have been so hard. There are a few, or perhaps many here, who have had a very rough last year, and can well understand the difficulty.
I am currently letting go of things I am attached to in small stages, just bit by bit, after having had to let go of a great deal very quickly.
The stress of keeping stuff that is in the way sometimes becomes greater than the stress of letting go, so then I can toss something, or give it away.
I wish you joy in your steps of victory.
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Post by larataylor on Mar 3, 2021 12:48:50 GMT -5
clutteredbird - when the lockdown started, I moved out of the nice side of my house and isolated myself on the unlivable side. It's been rough! I've become fairly obsessed with cleaning, fixing, and decluttering over here with not much else to do! One thing that helps me is to sort mail immediately, and have recycling and shred bins right at the mail station. Another thing is to have a basket for any paper I find lying around. So I have one place to dig for any paper I'm looking for. It's much better than having papers lying on a lot of different surfaces while I get around to setting up a good system.
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Post by clutteredbird on Mar 3, 2021 13:03:38 GMT -5
larataylor - Mail is one of my biggest problems. My spouse is good at getting rid of junk mail that she gets, but I'm *awful* at it. In my recent cleaning spree, I've been finding and shredding mail from as far back as 2014. I also never get rid of boxes and mailers I get, thinking I'm going to use them later (I never actually do) My bedroom is currently only moderately cluttered - it's not in great shape, but the bed doesn't have junk on it and the paths around it are clear, so that's where I've been going when I need to escape from the all-encompassing walls of trash and boxes that were never unpacked after my last move that fill my living room and kitchen.
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Post by larataylor on Mar 3, 2021 14:39:51 GMT -5
clutteredbird - sounds like a new mail-handling habit could make a big difference, since that's a thing that's always coming in. Definitely give up on the boxes and mailers!
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Post by Arid on Mar 3, 2021 15:02:24 GMT -5
Welcome, clutteredbird!
Recently, my DH bought himself a table saw for his birthday. However, right behind the area where he needed to stand to use it was a card table--a card table that was **LOADED.** There were boxes on top of it, boxes underneath it, small baskets, shopping bags, and a BIG suitcase beside it. Those things had been there for *9* YEARS!!
Reasonably enough, my DH asked me to deal with all that *stuff* so that he could use his newly-purchased saw!
So, I began . . . I did the same thing that we did a few years ago when we needed to clean out a room in the basement. I set a timer for 30 minutes, and I began to sort--throw away, recycle, rehome, donate. When the timer "dinged," I was done for the day. (Well, I *could* be "done" for the day. As is often the case, sometimes, I would work a *little* bit longer in order to finish going through a box, etc.)
It only took me *3* sessions to work my way through the "stuff" that I had been avoiding for the past *9* YEARS. (It was things from my late friend's estate.) Only a couple of items brought up the kind of emotional reaction that I had been avoiding. Most of the "stuff" had lost its "power" over me--thankfully!
Therein lies my advice to you: set a timer for a period of time (as I noted, 30 minutes works well for me!). Do as much as you **reasonably** can within that time frame. Then STOP! Do the same thing the next day, and the next, and the next . . .
You ABSOLUTELY are on the right track! You've stopped adding to the hoard, you are keeping up with dishes and laundry, you **ARE AWARE** that the problem *MUST* be addressed! You recognize that things aren't going to improve on their own.
Again, welcome to the board! I look forward to reading more posts from you.
Arid
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Post by ohblondie on Mar 3, 2021 15:22:49 GMT -5
Cluttered Bird - You are off to a good start. You have recognized and acknowledged and taken your first step.
And sometimes a good cleansing cry can release all of the emotions and give you a clear head for a good start.
I am looking forward to reading about your successes as I am positive there will be many!
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Post by clutteredbird on Mar 3, 2021 15:46:54 GMT -5
Thanks, everybody! I think I'm going to take desposito's advice and start a blog here. Hopefully, that'll help keep me on track. |
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daybyday
New Member
Don't wait and take the chance of a serious illness beating you, clear it out now, time is precious
Joined: March 2014
Posts: 77 
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Post by daybyday on Mar 4, 2021 0:27:07 GMT -5
 Welcome clutteredbird! There are so many good suggestions in this thread alone. I too have a huge paper problem. I need to set up a station at the front door for the mail, then at the very least deal with it each time I'm off work so that it doesn't pile up. I challenge you to a get rid of 10 pieces of paper every day, be it mail, newspapers, magazines, bills whatever. Or, set aside 15 minutes each day to go through papers and either toss, sort in to proper categories, or file. While you don't want to take up room that you do have in your other rooms with just piling more stuff in there, a tall file cabinet or shelving could help to organize the paper or other clutter than is elsewhere loose, so in the long run you'll get more floor space. And you could put a "to sort" accordian folder in the file cabinet to put mail and other papers that you need to go through, then move it to the correct folder that it needs to stay in once you have time to sort it. And as was said, keep a trash can, recycle bin and shredder right there. That was a great suggestion. I feel like the less steps to have to take the greater chances it will end up where it needs to be. I'm laying in bed watching TV and sorting papers in between posting here. Glad you're here and hope you stick around! Lots of nice ppl here that understand.  |
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