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Post by lastonetobloom on Apr 29, 2021 18:49:47 GMT -5
I'm a 30 single female living in a one bedroom apartment. I just found this community and joined because the shame is overwhelming me.
I work as a night nurse and this past year has been hard. I transfer to the maternity floor in fall of 2019 but thanks to covid and bad management I was always working other floors. I felt stressed, unfulfilled, and being taken advantage at work. I could not bound with my coworkers cause I was always pulled to another floor and they never got pulled.
I'm not the cleanest when work was going okay. But the way the hospital was working me and the fact that I was doing classes online for my BSN meant my apartment became a dump. There is trash, dishes, clothes and hair everywhere. Plus I joined Freshly meal delivery so a lot of boxes and meal trays. I have read all the clutterbug books and the unf*** you habitat book. I've bought cleaning supplies and chore lists. But when I come home from a 12 hour shift to school work, cleaning and nothing else in my life, well I don't want to do anything. The only things that stayed clean are my scrubs and nursing equipment. I do my own maintenance to keep the maintenance people out of the apartment and use the excuse that I sleep during the day.
I finally had enough and quit my job. My plan was to finish my last class online, clean the apartment and start packing it up. I should have started cleaning this week but family convinced me to go on vacation with them next week (negative about this vacation is the youngest in our friend group is getting married; which leaves me (the oldest child) the only single). So I have to write two papers early to go with them. With all the stress, I didn't clean. I could have clean yesterday, at least clear at half of the front hall. But no, I watch Iron Man.
And today the maintenance person came. They couldn't reach me on my phone because it was still set on do not disturb during the day when I sleep (transitioning to sleep at night has been harder than I thought). My AC was leaking to the downstairs unit. I apologize so much for the mess and explain that I did have a plan to get it clean. He said he has seen worst but I still feel humiliated. I grateful he only had to be in the front hall though he could see into the kitchen and living room. The AC people will have to come in the mourning but I can at least get rid of all trash and hide the clutter in my room. I will probably wait until midnight to put take the trash bags to the dumpster because I don't want my neighbors to hear me go up and downstairs several times.
I keep reminding my self I moving out in the end of summer so who cares what they think. I'll move to a new town, buy a home and start over. I just have to shake off this shame of finally being caught with the hot potato.
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Post by goldenthreads on Apr 29, 2021 20:13:54 GMT -5
Night shift is hard, working full-time with a class load is harder, and then add in what this last year has been for healthcare workers, and you have all my sympathy and admiration.
Everyone here knows exactly what you meant when you wrote "Maintenance guy finally saw." You'll find plenty of help here from people working on their challenges.
I hope you get your internal clock shifted soon! I'd think minimal cleaning will do until you get the papers and the trip out of the way. Good luck, and welcome to the community!
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Post by ausmel on Apr 29, 2021 22:51:54 GMT -5
Lastonetobloom - welcome and best wishes. I don't have great words of wisdom but keep trying to find what works for you. I find if I have something to look forward to in the immediate future - eg a walk in the sunshine, watching a favourite to show or calling a friend then I can keep going most days- even in the wore St days you need to look after yourself.
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Post by phoenixcat on Apr 30, 2021 9:03:23 GMT -5
Welcome - with your career - it is a wonder you are still standing. Biggest blessing is that you have been able to make some changes that will really benefit you longterm. I'm glad the maintenance man was kind and also that things will be "good enough" after your effort to let the A/C people in. That's a rarity for most of us - to get one room "good enough" in record time. And, I would always choose Robert Downey Jr. before any cleaning ever  . I have no idea how many hours (days, weeks) I've wasted on Marvel movies and shows. If I spent it cleaning, I easily could have a showplace in perfect repair  PC |
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Post by NewLifeToday on Apr 30, 2021 9:44:59 GMT -5
lastonetobloom . Welcome! It's nice to have you here. I am sorry that so many stressful things have happened. I am glad you are going your way. Please join in wherever and whenever you'd like to.
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Post by TML on May 1, 2021 10:46:30 GMT -5
Welcome lastonetobloom you had a really rough year. Keeping things up in good times for me is a challenge but in the midst of overwork, overwhelm, depression, and general chaos, I am just lucky to keep going and manage my priorities of which my house is not one. You can do this and finding a new job life that gives you more time and where you are happier will make it so much easier. I am sure maintenance has seen worse. Best Wishes on new horizons and again Welcome! |
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farandaway
New Member
Everything which is not Ladder falls away
Joined: November 2016
Posts: 63 
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Post by farandaway on May 3, 2021 11:36:13 GMT -5
Welcome to the group.  I get the paralysis. You are not alone. |
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Post by def6 on May 16, 2021 18:52:38 GMT -5
Hello lastonetobloom and Welcome to our group. Best of Luck to you in your efforts to straighten things up for the maintenance man to come back in. I often get a lot of cleaning accomplished in a mad rush to meet a deadline . It sounds like you have a good plan for the future . I hope you get done all you need to .  |
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Post by risenshine on May 17, 2021 13:32:48 GMT -5
You have been burning the candle at both ends, and in the middle perhaps also. Please allow yourself to recuperate.
Perhaps it is merely your weariness, but I sense some reluctance in your decision to take that trip. You have a right to be the leading lady (or man) in your own life. Many of us got into our squalor by putting others first. A BSN is a very significant accomplishment. Please consider whether you are endangering completing it by giving into external pressure.
Perhaps I am projecting too much of my own experience here. I was within one semester of completing my BA. I was in a relationship with someone who was very jealous and perhaps felt threatened. Between him and family pressure from siblings, I moved to another state. After the relationship went sour, I did return to school in my new state (which I did love much better than my birthplace), many of my general studies no longer counted toward my degree. Skipping the freshman year general requirements put me at an extreme disadvantage, as I lacked the computer skills my classmates had in using Powerpoint and other computer applications. My major field was environmental and being a newer discipline, my school had vastly different requirements, and nothing from my previous degree was applied to any of my required courses. A huge personality conflict led to my changing majors and I actually needed less coursework for my new major. I also wrote seven separate petitions to waive or substitute courses in my general studies. Meanwhile, my need to focus on completing general studies interfered with developing relationships with the faculty in my major department which sabotaged any chance of my obtaining a spot in a graduate program. Perhaps if I had placed my educational goals higher in the first place, I would have knocked out that degree as I had originally intended.
My intention here is that if you can relate to my experience, please benefit from knowing that your goal of a BSN is a worthy one. We need good nurses now. I hope that the BSN is your key to a fulfilling career somewhere where your talents and efforts are appreciated. You need to take care of yourself before taking care of others. People may call you selfish and rude. In actuality, they are the often the ones who are selfish and rude. Honor yourself. You have worked hard.
Oh, and when I told my parent I had graduated, I was told "It's about time." In fact, I am the only person in my large family of origin to have completed a BA. Perhaps I should not be surprised that they did not celebrate my accomplishment.
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Post by gillian on Jul 16, 2021 6:45:45 GMT -5
A belated welcome to the group, lastonetobloom. How are things going for you now? By the way, I wouldn't worry about people hearing you going up and down stairs to get your clutter out of your apartment. If I heard or saw someone coming in and out of their house with stuff I'd just think, 'Hm, bit of clearing out going on there.'
Risenshine, congratulations on achieving a BA, despite all the difficulties along the way. That was a terrible thing your parent said to you. Every achievement needs to be praised.
Gillian
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Post by gillian on Jul 16, 2021 7:14:58 GMT -5
A belated welcome to the group, lastonetobloom. How are things going for you now? By the way, I wouldn't worry about people hearing you going up and down stairs to get your clutter out of your apartment. If I heard or saw someone coming in and out of their house with stuff I'd just think, 'Hm, bit of clearing out going on there.'
Risenshine, congratulations on achieving a BA, despite all the difficulties along the way. That was a terrible thing your parent said to you. Every achievement needs to be praised.
Gillian
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