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Post by coffeeaddict on Apr 20, 2022 9:59:14 GMT -5
I'm so glad I've found this site.
I've struggled with hoarding my whole adult life. Sometimes squalor too, I dont know much about degrees but can definitely be unclean at times till guilt makes me clean round boxes.
2 years ago I moved, oh what a nightmare that was..
It was meant to be my chance to have a fresh start. I'm a single Mum with 2 sons, 17 & 9. We have pets which are family too.
Anyway the new house is messy too. It's a flat but own door and garden. Part of the issue is things dont have a place here.
Sometimes it's good enough to let people in, but often isn't
So repairs are always a huge drama. Emergency cleans and hiding clutter to allow access.
I have anxiety and lost my Mum in August. I was her carer for years. Then my best friend died last month.
I havent recovered from finding my Mum dead. So cleaning is just too much. I dont know where to start and have panic attacks.
My mental health support worker and her care manager showed up at my house last week saying they were worried about me.
I didnt let them in so they are suspicious.
They are coming tomorrow to help me organise the house. But I feel I need it better before they help tackle the clutter.
Of course I've left ot all last minute, as usual.
Guess i will be up all night.
I'm just hoping for some tips where to start and maybe ideas how to move forward and learn how to keep our home nicer.
I cant break it down in to stages. I wonder room to room picking up one or 2 things. I end up either crying, having a panic attack or giving up.
I will search threads also to look for crisis cleaning tips.
Thankyou so much for letting me join xx
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Post by def6 on Apr 20, 2022 13:37:17 GMT -5
Hello coffeeaddict Welcome to our group Sometimes life events can really shut us down... Please know you are not alone. Take note of what you are able to do and try to build on those things. You will get through this with time. |
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Post by coffeeaddict on Apr 20, 2022 14:28:58 GMT -5
Thankyou.
I'm just feeling so scared about my support worker and care manager coming tomorrow.
They are meant to help me but it doesnt feel like help. It feels like judgement.
I so want to cancel but its refusing them coming in thats made them have concerns and want to see the house
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Post by goldenthreads on Apr 20, 2022 15:34:51 GMT -5
Hi, coffeeaddict . I'm just gonna talk about tonight/tomorrow. For tonight in anticipation of tomorrow's visit, could you start with getting rid of obvious trash? This could be things like litter box droppings, lettuce gone bad, broken toys, fast-food containers and such. If you're having a hard time getting rid of other things, perhaps tonight's job is to neaten things a little: putting some things away with like objects, making some neat stacks out of sloping heaps, etc. You could sweep, vacuum, and dust around your boxes--it'll still be cleaner. You decide. How about putting away any clean clothes and dishes? Also put away anything else that has a known home. Give a quick wipe-down to surfaces: kitchen worktop, sink, and stovetop; and bathroom sink, toilet, and maybe the tub. I'm not talking about getting detailed, just making it better. If your teenager is still awake, could he give you 15 or 20 minutes' help, either directed by you or whatever he thinks would be good? Tomorrow's visitors are in a helping profession. Can you assume that they really are there to help you and are worried about you? If you do see judgment, maybe it's because they want you to live in a more peaceful, less cluttered home. They can judge the piles without judging your character. I assume they know about your recent losses and that those have affected you deeply. Obviously I don't know what parts are bothering you the most, so just work on what you can deal with. You can do some areas that require decision making, but if you find yourself stalled, switch gears and move on to things that require less mental effort--probably tidying and light cleaning. Good luck. Let us know how things are going and how tomorrow goes. |
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Post by goldenthreads on Apr 20, 2022 16:16:15 GMT -5
Your saying "crisis cleaning" reminded me of this. It takes you back and forth between kitchen and the rest of the house at set intervals with specific tasks. Well, you'll see... www.flylady.net/d/getting-started/flying-lessons/crisis-cleaning/She has a thing about shiny sinks and getting dressed to shoes, so take what you can use or ignore it all! |
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Post by coffeeaddict on Apr 20, 2022 16:38:20 GMT -5
Thankyou so much for your reply.
My eldest son has offered to help but at this point I just want to sleep and make an excuse in the morning.
I think if it was just my Spooner worker I'd let her help, but the care manager also is too much. It's her I'm sending the judgement from.
I feel like I need more time but knowing me I'd just leave it too last minute again.
I have things overwhelming me like clothes everywhere. Even washed clothes are stuffed in bin liners looking messy, ground in spit sugar and coffee on a kitchen work top and I 1 of my cats keeps spraying in house. Had her to vet and got treated for cystitis but she still is doing it. I'm scared I've missed a pee and they will smell it.
I got new heating a few months ago and havent managed to put all the flooring back down so the living room has piles of flooring and clothes all over the sofas.
That's probably worst bits.
My teenager has ADHD and his room is horrendous so I need to help him sort that out.
My hall cupboard the door doesnt close and contents spill out into the hall.
I will certainly keep trying for awhile after coffee to try wake up & let you know if I can let them in tomorrow.
They do know I am grieving & that my mental health is bad just now.
I just cant trust my care manager, she doewnt seem genuine to me. Not sure if its rude to ask if she doesnt come.
Thankyou so much for the help
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Post by coffeeaddict on Apr 21, 2022 4:07:21 GMT -5
Well I'm ashamed to say I cancelled them.
They arent very happy and said its essential they see how things are in house. So coming same time next Thursday.
So it really seems worse than the help offered, it feels like checking up.
Yeah I get it its mot good for kids, pets etc and they have a duty of care but I'd of bern more understanding if they tood me straight they needed to check rather than disguising it as offered to help.
It's meant to be a voluntary service but I was ordered to see them when social work closed out case. My eldest had school attendance issues so tidying for social work was always a huge stress. This feels similar.
Let's hope i do it over the week and dont wait till Wednesday night again
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Post by CourageouslyLion SeeksSerenity on Apr 21, 2022 9:08:31 GMT -5
Well I'm ashamed to say I cancelled them. They arent very happy and said its essential they see how things are in house. So coming same time next Thursday. So it really seems worse than the help offered, it feels like checking up. Yeah I get it its mot good for kids, pets etc and they have a duty of care but I'd of bern more understanding if they tood me straight they needed to check rather than disguising it as offered to help. It's meant to be a voluntary service but I was ordered to see them when social work closed out case. My eldest had school attendance issues so tidying for social work was always a huge stress. This feels similar. Let's hope i do it over the week and dont wait till Wednesday night again Here is a thread of suggestions from people like us who live in (or have lived in) deep squalor. It's old but the advice is timeless. This is how to deal with a lot of chaos in a limited time.There is also a bit of advice about what social workers want to see if you have children (it's from a specific location in the USA, but the general ideas are probably universal). Crisis Cleaning suggestions thread takeonestepatatime.proboards.com/thread/18612/
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Post by def6 on Apr 21, 2022 9:45:08 GMT -5
Congrats on getting a weeks extension on your inspection. I have been able to form some good habits by keeping up with daily chores instead of putting them off.. such as : dinner, dishes and duds (clothing) Dishes are first. I read somewhere that if there is a choice... choose to do dishes first because it is most beneficial to do so. Works for me. Dinner If you can decide whats for dinner..even if it is sandwiches ... This will free your mind up. Next, run 1 load of laundry fold and put away. Tip: If you haven't been utilizing drawer space you might be able to consolidate quickly and have a whole drawer to put things away. (Ask me how I know this  ) Oh yeah ..one more the swish n swipe. This is just the practice of putting some soap and quickly scrubbing the toilet that you use daily... that's the "swish" and "swiping" the surface too if you have a cleaning wipe or like me just dampened toilet paper. Those are the Basic daily chores. |
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Post by coffeeaddict on Apr 21, 2022 10:02:04 GMT -5
Thankyou both so much.
I was asked if I needed more storage, drawers etc and I had to say I dont know!
There are some empty as everything is out.
Toys however I think I definitely need more boxes or something.
Also lots of my shelfs have my pet spider enclosures on them.
I have a big cupboard with a window and electric that I'd like to turn into a spider room but its stacked higher than my head and spilling into hallway.
I will read the chaos thread and try do my daily chores for today.
Has anyone found a way to stop a cat peeing everywhere?
She has had vet checks to rule out uti etc. Would she stop if there wasnt piles of things everywhere?
The cats have a litter tray each plus a spare so that's not issue
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Post by CourageouslyLion SeeksSerenity on Apr 21, 2022 10:58:00 GMT -5
Has anyone found a way to stop a cat peeing everywhere? She has had vet checks to rule out uti etc. Would she stop if there wasnt piles of things everywhere? The cats have a litter tray each plus a spare so that's not issue Sometimes if a cat had a previous UTI or other painful situation - something from the past - they associate the litterbox with pain, and they also associate that part of the room with pain. It might not be from a past UTI, just anything in the past that felt painful when peeing, or painful in that part of the room, or maybe a prior leg injury that hurt climbing in and out of the box. Just like us humans often dread the dentist because we experienced pain there once, even though most of the time the dentist is fine. There could also be an odor or fumes that the cat senses but the humans don't sense. If that's what's happening with your cat ... One trick is to put a freshly cleaned/scrubbed (or preferably new) litterbox in a different room. If the cat starts using it there, then you know you solved the problem. Meanwhile, clean and scrub the old room. One the cat is successfully peeing in the litterbox in the new room, then once a week you can relocate the box a few inches or or a foot or a meter closer to the freshly-cleaned old room, until it's finally back in the old room. -- A completely separate idea - if the cat is peeing everywhere, regardless of why she started doing it - the urine odor is embedded in everything, so then the cat might perceive the entire home as a litterbox. (I'm not trying to insult you. I'm just speaking from the perspective of the cat's nose, as she might perceive things differently than we do.) If this is the case, then you'd need to remove the cat urine odor from everywhere. We have a thread on removing cat urine odor and stains. takeonestepatatime.proboards.com/thread/8031/That's another old thread, and some of the products mentioned might not be available anymore, or in every country, but you might find some ideas.
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Post by coffeeaddict on Apr 21, 2022 12:38:23 GMT -5
There probably are areas that I havent cleaned properly or possibly not even found. So she probably does smell pee.
Thanks for tips, I will add a new treat somewhere and read thread.
It's all so overwhelming, not only do I need 2 de clutter, put things away, find homes for things, tidy, clean everywhere for possible cat pee.
Wish I could just ditch this house and start a fresh but dont have the money or motivation to move or replace things.
One bit of good news is my care manager cant make it next week so only my support worker is coming. Ideally none of them would come round but that's not going to happen
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Post by CourageouslyLion SeeksSerenity on Apr 21, 2022 14:13:56 GMT -5
It's all so overwhelming, not only do I need 2 de clutter, put things away, find homes for things, tidy, clean everywhere for possible cat pee. Yes it's overwhelming! We totally understand. That's why one of the threads give strategies for clearing out the worst problems first - making safe pathways, making sure exits aren't obstructed, having clean bedding and decent food for your child/children. And making sure the bathroom and kitchen is usable/sanitary, even if messy. Start with basic function/safety. That's all you'll have time for before the inspection. And yes the other piece is decluttering today's stuff. But we realize that nobody is superhuman. If you have total chaos, it's hard to clean that up AND take care of regular decluttering. One suggestion is to spend part of the day working on the existing chaos, and then give your self an allotted amount of time/energy to deal with "today's mess". One way to do that is use less dishes. Keep available one plate or bowl for each person in the home. One cup or drinking glass. One set of knife/fork/spoon for each person. Then wash them after each meal and use them again at the next meal. Meanwhile you can work in your spare time on the backlog of old dirty dishes. Or if necessary you can discard any very old dirty dishes if it helps your family. If you are too tired at the end of the day to cook and wash dishes, you can give yourself permission to cook but use disposable paper plates. Or cook in the microwave or a single pot/pan, so that there are less pots and pans to clean. Same idea of using less clothes. Choose outfits to wear during the day for home or work or school for each family member, including socks/hosiery and undergarments. Select enough for 2 or 3 days maximum (plus one outfit for a special thing such as church). And choose nightwear (pajamas/nightgowns or whatever your family members prefer to sleep in.) Pick items that don't have stains or holes. Here is the KEY - Just wear that wardrobe (the 2-day or 3-day wardrobe) for the time being, and wash and put it away every day. If you stay home, you can wear the same clothes daily - if you wash them nightly. This process will eliminate the accumulation of piles of dirty laundry. If your family members complain that this is boring, you can gently explain that you are trying to teach yourself new habits so that nobody has dirty clothes anymore. Then in your spare time, you can wash a little bit of the backlogged old dirty laundry. You can give yourself permission to discard clothes that are stained, or have holes in them, or don't fit. If the idea of throwing things out feels very wrong to you, I'm not going to tell you what to do. Instead I'd suggest boxing up the really difficult dirty items until you have the energy to decide about them.
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Post by def6 on Apr 21, 2022 15:53:21 GMT -5
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Post by coffeeaddict on Apr 22, 2022 8:57:35 GMT -5
Thankyou so much.
I love the clothes suggestion.
I dod a post about clothes.
I feel very overwhelmed but also a bit proud.
It's not much but I've started!! I threw some trash out, put one load of washing away and did all the dishes.
I've started cleaning the bathroom too.
I've decided to make some daily tasks to start with which will be dishes, pick up the days mess and tackle one small bit of mess or clutter.
I will have to do a crisis clean soon for my support worker but hoping the family tasks will make new habits. I really hope so anyway
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