ediebee
New Member
Joined: February 2023
Posts: 4
|
Post by ediebee on Feb 19, 2023 8:48:56 GMT -5
Hello everyone.
I've always been messy and had a hard time organizing things. If it is on paper, I can organize it. In the real world, not so much. Execution is a different matter.
Everything went extremely downhill after I was diagnosed with cancer for the first time. Squalor went into overdrive when I was diagnosed with Stage IV Breast Cancer.
No impending doom at the moment. I've been living with this for over 5 years, by the grace of God.
I live in a basement apartment in a home owned by a family member. It was full of stuff before I moved in and it was filthy. They were never expecting to rent it out and they live out of state. The upstairs is rented out to strangers. I needed a place to live close to the oncology center so I could remain independent and this place fit the bill. At the time, I did not have the energy to do ANYTHING since I just had surgery and was put on chemo meds(and a slew of others). Add my stuff on top of it and, well, the mess has just multiplied. I put things in totes in an effort to organize to no avail. I can't vacuum because there is too much stuff to move.
I've become better at taking out the trash, keeping the sink clean and free of dishes, and the cat litter scooped. There was a time all of that was left for a month or more. The "clean sink" is kind of a ruse because I will put dirty dishes in the refrigerator. The refrigerator also leaks and I keep a dishpan in it to collect the water and dump it.
Believe it or not, it is better than it was several years ago but I don't seem to be able to organize my things. The apartment is really kind of rigged and adds a whole other layer to cleaning difficulties.
There have been multiple water leaks to the point a ceiling fell in and had to be repaired. Me dealing with it is exhausting but I have nowhere else to go. I am embarrassed to be living here at this point of my life. My car has paid the price as well...a tree fell on it and I ran into a deer. It is amazing it still runs.
The screened in porch is falling apart, full of leaves and stuff that isn't mine. It bothers me but I have only done a few things out there over the years.
As for my hygiene is not the greatest but I've become better at it and have been writing down when to wash my hair and take a shower. Brushing my teeth is a major effort.
My response to all of this is to be online all day. I no longer work. And I know this is not the best use of my time. Painfully aware. Yet I cannot seem to break free from this prison of filth.
Bottom line is I cannot seem to get it together. Don't have the energy to get it together and don't even know where to begin at this point. It's been going on so long I feel like I am a ghost.
Thanks for reading.
|
|
|
|
Post by desposito on Feb 19, 2023 9:37:08 GMT -5
Hello edie, welcome! It sounds like you have huge challenges with your living space, that can be discouraging. Does your relative do the repairs when needed? Are you able to get rid of the things that don't belong to you, or do they expect you to store them?
We have working threads where you can join other people, it helps a lot to talk to others about what you're doing. Working in very small increments is key at the beginning (and maybe forever!) because things are much less overwhelming if you look at just a small spot at a time.
Find a thread to join and make some tiny goals, we will cheer you on!
Diane
|
|
ediebee
New Member
Joined: February 2023
Posts: 4
|
Post by ediebee on Feb 19, 2023 9:41:14 GMT -5
Thank you so much for replying.
My relatives make major repairs, especially if it will affect the upstairs tenants. I have to store their stuff. I am sure this can be overcome, I just get so overwhelmed where to put things and give up often!
I will check the rest of the resources out and look forward to cheering others on as well.
|
|
|
|
Post by joyinvirginia on Feb 20, 2023 14:28:05 GMT -5
Hi ediebee! Welcome! Sounds like you have a lot of challenges to even get to space you need to clean. And a tree fell on your car? Wow!
Could you get permission from relatives to dispose of the stuff cluttering up your living space? Or at least get them to find you a new fridge or repair the current fridge? Hope you will get some inspiration from some posts here.
|
|
|
|
Post by Arid on Feb 20, 2023 15:19:36 GMT -5
Hello, ediebee!
I know that feeling--not feeling like doing *ANYTHING*--all too well!!
When I get like that, I run down (in my mind!) a list of **all** the things that need doing. I run through all of them until I hit a, "Oh; I *can* do that, at least . . . "
It often isn't even the thing that is the most urgent to do, . . . but it is better than doing absolutely nothing!
Also, sometimes, once I've done that *one* thing, I **can** bring myself to do another.
It all goes back to the "Motivation follows action" mantra that we have here. (It's like breaking a logjam.)
So, for what it's worth, yes, there are others of us here who have the same problem. Nonetheless, we keep trying!
Welcome to the board!!
Arid
|
|
ediebee
New Member
Joined: February 2023
Posts: 4
|
Post by ediebee on Feb 20, 2023 15:39:19 GMT -5
I am going to start throwing some of their stuff away and will get permission. It's been sitting here since 2014( I have not lived here that long). And, I am going to ask about the refrigerator. There is actually a newer fridge in my living room( I can't make this stuff up). It isn't plugged in and cannot fit through the kitchen door. It was here when I moved in. I told you this place was rigged!
They need to pay to get the door trim removed and take the doors off of the fridge. I measured and I think it will work.
If I find someone to do the work and pay them,that might work. They can take it off my rent of pay my utilities.
Just knowing I am not alone with this kind of stuff helps a lot.
I really appreciate the suggestions because I sometimes cannot see the forest for the trees.
The last two days I have used the 15 minute technique. No major lists. That is what gets me in overwhelm.
joyinvirginia---I live in VA too. This is the second time a tree has fallen on my car in my lifetime. A different car,though, and I was able to drive away,too! When I think about having trees fall on two different cars it is kind of crazy!
|
|
|
|
Post by def6 on Feb 24, 2023 10:58:17 GMT -5
My heart goes out to you ediebee for all you have been through. I just want to encourage you by saying: You are not a ghost...You are a survivor!! But you may be overwhelmed and have a sort of "paralysis" making you feel like a ghost. Let your healing journey begin with something small that takes minutes and then write this accomplishment down and celebrate it. Such as: throw trash away that you( might) walk past daily and then keep building little by little each day. I'm rooting for you. |
|
|
|
Post by redheaderin on Mar 11, 2023 22:45:55 GMT -5
You can do this, ediebee! Doing a little at a time is fine for now.
You can find someone to help you with the fridge on Thumbtack or Angie's list. In Illinois, the electric company will haul away an old, inefficient fridge for free, and I think they even pay you $50. Maybe there is a similar program in Virginia.
As for all their stuff, can you just transfer it to easy-to-stack totes and put it against a wall, then hang a curtain? Or transfer it to sturdy all-weather totes and relocate it to the back porch no one uses? I have some really tough black and yellow totes I got at Menards. They are super-weatherproof. I keep dog food outdoors all year long in one. My daughter uses them to store power tools and so forth. They were really inexpensive (less than the flimsier totes from Walmart).
|
|
|
|
Post by gillian on Mar 18, 2023 7:21:10 GMT -5
Welcome to the group, Ediebee. You've been through a lot, so it's not much wonder you are tired and lacking motivation. It sounds like you're doing quite well in spite of everything you've had going on in your life. I have problems with motivation and tiredness too - I was widowed last June - but a fellow widow told me if I can get one thing done per day, that's good and two things done is a bonus.
I gather you get on well with the family member you are renting from? That should make it much easier to talk about repairs needing done, etc. My son was renting a one bedroomed flat from his employers, but the arrangement didn't work well and he eventually left.
I trust your health continues to allow you to do what you can when you can - don't be hard on yourself for what you can't manage, pat yourself on the back for what you can. Go, 'Yay me!'
Gillian
|
|
|
|
Post by gillian on Mar 18, 2023 11:44:01 GMT -5
Welcome to the group, Ediebee. You've been through a lot, so it's not much wonder you are tired and lacking motivation. It sounds like you're doing quite well in spite of everything you've had going on in your life. I have problems with motivation and tiredness too - I was widowed last June - but a fellow widow told me if I can get one thing done per day, that's good and two things done is a bonus.
I gather you get on well with the family member you are renting from? That should make it much easier to talk about repairs needing done, etc. My son was renting a one bedroomed flat from his employers, but the arrangement didn't work well and he eventually left.
I trust your health continues to allow you to do what you can when you can - don't be hard on yourself for what you can't manage, pat yourself on the back for what you can. Go, 'Yay me!'
Gillian
|
|
ediebee
New Member
Joined: February 2023
Posts: 4
|
Post by ediebee on Aug 8, 2023 17:45:30 GMT -5
It's been quite a while since I've been on the forum! I've made progress. Is everything done. NOPE.
This is funny, I was ready to deal with the refrigerator and something caught my eye. The actual room and one cabinet were built at a very slight angle that, even with removing the door and trim, prevents a new fridge being moved into the room. The guy who remodeled(uh rigged) the apartment built it around the refrigerator. I can't make this stuff up. lololololol
I have dropped the ball multiple times with getting stuff done, but I always pick it back up.
Also, I am still doing quite well health-wise.
Much love to all!
|
|
|
|
Post by whatgirl on Aug 10, 2023 20:16:06 GMT -5
Hi ediebee !! You have been through a lot and I completely relate. Each time I went through something devastating like a breakup, death of my Dad, diagnoses of diabetes, etc. I would be so paralyzed with anxiety and depressed I could barely take care of myself. Well, to be honest I was not taking care of myself. It would take a couple years to start picking up the pieces but then something else would happen and I would fall apart once again. I have never been able to get my mental/emotional health back to what was normal for me and the same goes for my apartment. I desperately need new furniture falling apart but there is too much stuff to move anything in or out. It is overwhelming when there is just so much, you have no idea where to start or even fathom finishing any task you begin. But baby steps are STILL STEPS. I think you are doing a GREAT JOB at keeping track when to shower. Putting dishes in the fridge is better than leaving them out. You could schedule days to address your dirty dishes, like 3 times a week. And you don't have to do them perfectly or do them all. But eventually it will become habit. One of the first habits a friend taught me was that every time I went to the kitchen, look around myself and see if there are any dishes or trash I could take there with me. At first I only did it at night before bed and now I do it automatically a few times a day. Maybe you can do a similar thing, where every time you go to the kitchen, take one thing out of the fridge and wash it or dry/put away. You are strong and brave and a survivor! Give yourself a ton of credit for even mustering the energy to make changes. It is so much easier to turn a blind eye to the piles and such and you are doing the hard part of taking stock of what you would like to change. |
|
|
|
Post by carolinastomper on Aug 12, 2023 11:19:44 GMT -5
Ediebee so glad you posted. I've been wanting too for awhile but couldn't make the jump until I read your post. I don't have any ideas that haven't already been mentioned but I understand completely not being able to do anything.
Maybe we can support each other. I can get started sometimes, but instead of motivation I get overwhelmed and quit. I'll sit down on my phone for hours. I'll be watching for your updates.
|
|
