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Post by mellowyellow on Jun 8, 2008 10:43:20 GMT -5
I found these random comments interesting to read. It deals with the whole notion of requests and commands and passivity vs passive aggressiveness, etc. They apply to squalor because they point out how communicating differently can illicit a positive or negative response, when you want someone to contribute or help you clean. I would say it's not just a male/female issue... but often a child/parent one... and that sometimes (often) in our relationships, we treat the other person as a child or parent, rather than as a partner or helpmate. www.heytom.net/pages/robert_speaks.php |
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Post by messymimi on Jun 8, 2008 10:50:45 GMT -5
Dear mellowyellow,
This is a great post on the hey Tom site. I have asked their advice before, and they are good.
The best book I have ever read on male/female communications is "Men Are Clams, Women Are Crowbars" by David Clarke, PhD. It is written from a Christian perspective, but his points apply to anyone.
messymimi
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Post by onwardandupward on Jun 8, 2008 11:27:35 GMT -5
I also remember reading somewhere that it makes men crazy that women often say "Can you take out the trash?" (duh, of course he CAN if he wants to.) Instead of saying "Will you take out the trash."
Onward
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Post by mellowyellow on Jun 8, 2008 12:03:27 GMT -5
Or growing up with a mum who used to say, "You might want to smooth over your bed a little".  Translation: Make your bed right away and do it the "right way".. Of course, I never "mighted"  and upon second request, my "smoothing" was seen as being pouty/petulant, because I literally yanked the sheets a bit and that was it. I wish she had just said, "Please go and make your bed now. |
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Post by mouse on Jun 8, 2008 13:44:24 GMT -5
I had words with my father the other day about his annoying habit of being passive-aggressive with me about certain things. I was visiting him and my mother, and was sitting in the living room, when I overheard him say to my mother (loudly, to make sure I heard): "Oh, I'm sure your daughter can do the dishes!" I decided enough was enough, and caught up with him in the hallway as he was leaving the kitchen. I kept my calm (not easy!) and told him very simply, that if he wanted me to do the dishes, he should ask me directly. I also told him that his way of going about it came off as manipulative and rude, even if that's not how he intended it. I think I could have knocked him down with a feather. However, he apologized, and has been much better about things like that since then. So, go me!  ~Mouse |
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