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Post by mouse on Jul 12, 2009 21:54:18 GMT -5
It's been nearly a year that I've managed to live squalor-free. It's not all my doing, but I am taking the credit for figuring out a way to make it all work. Yes, I have a cleaning lady who comes every two weeks, but that motivates me sufficiently to keep the place tidy enough so that she can clean when she comes without navigating around my clutter and mess. Here's the thing, though. I made such a HUGE effort to get over my perfectionism, to reassure myself that any effort at all was "good enough," I seem to have slipped into a weird mindset where if my place isn't unspeakably filthy, then I kind of let myself float along and don't do anything more than basically keep things from getting out of hand. I still have piles of stuff in various places, I kind of don't want to look in my dresser, and there are boxes and things in the basement that need attending to. Sure, they're neat piles, but they're still piles. I have just enough stuff that doesn't have a permanent place to live that it's making me a bit twitchy. It's so easy to slip back into my old habits. After just a few days of not paying attention, things slide downhill, and I can just see how quickly I could slip back into squalor. So I'm kind of stuck in limbo. Definitely not squalor, but not quite Better Homes & Gardens either. (Okay, I'm not really aiming for that) I don't really know what I'm doing, or what I want, other than the fact that I know that I need to take this to the next level. I need for my home to be defined by something that's not a negative. I want to live by a rule that's other than "not squalorous." Surely that's not too much to ask of myself? So the question is, how do I start? ~Mouse
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hopehope
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Post by hopehope on Jul 13, 2009 0:49:14 GMT -5
visualization.
daydreaming.
what would a place I love to be in look like?
what place have I been in that I love? what were its characteristics?
let your vision inform your actions.
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Post by Meme on Jul 13, 2009 0:53:36 GMT -5
I understand what you are saying and I do not have a great idea where to go from here other than making goals such as doing one box daily and sorting- tossing and maybe some storing --- it is a scary thing to let go of squalor also for me because how can I stay here is everything is out of squalo ? but I am making my goal to be squalor free- sigh- .
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Post by DJ on Jul 13, 2009 0:58:59 GMT -5
i try to make my goal to have a sanctuary rather than having my goal be 'get out of squalor' it helps me..
my tastes aren't everyone's and it's certainly not better homes and garden but i started by making my bathroom a sanctuary..not just 'not a sewer' but. tossed towels i wouldn't love to be wrapped up in.tossed products i didn't feel wonderful using..put out candles to light while i take a shower. i can't think of any reason to not take the 30 extra seconds in the morning to light candles and dim the lights and wake up that way.. my bathroom itself is a shoddily fitted rental apartment bathroom but the things i try to pick and choose and keep make it an itty bitty oasis for me. i water the plants while i brush my teeth..i swapped out the ugly box of baking soda for a glass shaker topped jar for cleaning and sprinkling on the catbox... i looked at every object and tried to decide if i really wanted to keep it.and if i did, could it be made more pleasing than it already was...? i'm trying to go through every area and every object in every area of my home with that view. maybe i'm just kind of a nutcase.and i do still have squalor.but it IS improving and what improves has no back sliding. so i will take it as a win these days.
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Post by yearning4order on Jul 13, 2009 9:58:49 GMT -5
Wow this is a juicy thread, and one I will have to bookmark for future progress.
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Post by mouse on Jul 13, 2009 10:42:33 GMT -5
hopehope: I know what you mean. The problem is that while I know what I want it to look like in my head, I am not sure how to actually make it happen. Weird, eh? Going from visualization to actualization is a bit of a challenge for me. I guess it'll come with time and practice and actually doing things to put this place in order. Just having it "presentable" isn't really enough for me anymore, weirdly enough. I was so happy for so long at having it be "not squalorous," but there's got to be more to having a home than that. I'm very inspired by Script and her photos of her beautiful new laundry and craft rooms. I just don't know how to do that myself... Anyone been where I am? ~Mouse
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Post by moggyfan on Jul 13, 2009 14:19:26 GMT -5
Totally been where you are, mouse!
Here's a possible starting idea: Do you have one thing (could be piece of furniture, art, vase, rug, afghan--whatever) that you absolutely LOVE? If so, why not take some steps to really "beautify" the space that particular thing is in (e.g., paint the wall it hangs on, buy a contrasting throw pillow for the nice chair. recover the seat of a wooden chair, move a piece of junky furniture off the nice area rug, clean & polish a table top and put a pretty vase of flowers there, etc. etc.) In other words, create a small area that shows off that one thing.
That's kind of what I did over the past several years--got rid of ugly stuff and tried to create attractive areas with things I already had, or by spending a modest amount of money. Eventually, all the small "beautified" areas kind of came together so I'm fairly happy with the whole apartment now.
After a year, you've totally mastered maintenance--I understand your desire to move forward!!
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Post by slothzilla on Jul 13, 2009 15:25:10 GMT -5
Mouse, I don't know what to tell you about the visualization vs. actualization thing...Sometimes its good to just go ahead and jump into a project, whether you feel that you are ready to or not. Sometimes you have to break a few eggs to make an omelette, as the old saying goes.
For me, often the actualization comes out looking different from the initial visualization. I've learned to always use a tape measure before I get too carried away with the visualization. (furniture seems to always be a little bigger than I think it is).
My apartment is the cleanest its been in years, however there is still a lot of room for improvement. I'd like to take my place to the next level too, while also getting into the habit of maintenance. (I really need to start vacuuming at least once a week, my dog sheds like crazy!)
Having the place fairly clean really is a good feeling, and inspiring. There are several ways I want to "pimp out my pad", but they almost all cost money, so I'm doing it one step at a time.
The first thing you see when you walk in my apartment is a wall full of dvds and videotapes, and its a very disorganized area, with four different shelves all stacked together (and none of them match). Plus there are several dvd storage towers stacked around in the adjoining room as well.
I am planning on buying a big dvd cabinet that I can replace these with soon, and I plan to move all my videotapes to the upstairs hallway shelves then too (and do some major rearranging up there). I didn't even have any dvds five or six years ago, now I've got at least a few hundred I think. It'll be nice to have them all together in one spot. And it'll be nice when the wall that you see when you first walk into my apartment is more uniform, and stuff isn't haphazardly stacked all the way to the ceiling.
And there are still a lot of random things stacked on top of the taller bookshelves, boxes on top of the entertainment center, and lots of boxes still stacked up in my bedroom, etc. I'd like to clear these areas up, and do it without just banishing this stuff to my mini-warehouse space (ideally, I'd like to quit renting that in a few months). I already have a bunch of trunks full of stuff, but it might be time to buy another trunk (not sure where I'd put it though!) And there is a lot I should throw out, or donate.
I bought a new plastic shelving unit for my bathroom yesterday (sort of like a tupperware cart on wheels), to replace a smaller one I had. The smaller one I moved into my spare bedroom and filled full of electric guitar equipment (cables, effect boxes, etc), which had just been stored in cardboard boxes before (and sitting in a corner of my living room for a long time). So it was good to make some progress yesterday (although not nearly as much as I would've like too).
I plan to buy a new mattress next month...that won't improve the looks of the place any, but hopefully it will improve the quality of my sleep. I'm looking forward to that!
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hopehope
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Post by hopehope on Jul 13, 2009 23:54:08 GMT -5
Can you describe to us 'what you want it to look like'? You know, tell us your visión?
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Post by mouse on Jul 14, 2009 9:12:01 GMT -5
What I want is a home in which everything is in its place, or at least in which everything has a place it can go to. I want bright, happy colours on the walls, accompanied by art that I find beautiful or inspiring or fun (or all three). I want my rooms to be filled with books (on bookshelves!), and to have places to seat my guests on which my guests will want to sit. I'd like beautiful, translucent curtains to let in the light but keep out curious looks (I live on the ground floor on a crowded street), preferably yellow ones. At night, I'd like to have pretty lamps —sitting on beautiful small tables— that give off soft, warm light and make my rooms cozy, not the bright overhead lights that are currently in place and which light up my place like a stage. I'd like my small dining room to be a beautiful spot to look at: just the chairs and the table, properly polished, with a pretty centerpiece and maybe some place mats or a tablecloth. I want rooms that are functional and beautiful but comfortable as well. I'd like for things not to look out of place. I don't want to look at something and think "Why is that there?" or "That's an odd place for that to be." I'd also like my basement to be a functional, organized space with proper shelves and hooks and the like so that everything I use can be put away there without having to be "creative" about storage. Does any of this make sense? ~Mouse
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Post by puppybox on Jul 14, 2009 16:09:06 GMT -5
I don't have any answers. I want answers too. Like, should I aim for level 0 at all times? is this a productive use of my time? (I don't really think there's more time spent cleaning once a week rather than a little every day. maybe that's my delusion.) or some things need attention every day (dishes) but its ok to let other collect for a big job(dusting, once amonth or so). Are we like alcoholics, can't let it slide at all, we can't be like normal people? and will inevitably let little piles run into mountains?
oops I do have some answers. to follow on from hopehope's post, I've jsut read in the book I'm reading that you should imagine a beautiful place that you like. from a magazine or movie, etc. visualise that place. decide on 3 adjectives to describe it. Now, walk around your home, find the place you like the least. add one thing that fits one or all of your adjectives, and take away one thing that doesn't. a paint colour, knick knack, different type of light bulb, etc. I am planning to do that at work.
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hopehope
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Post by hopehope on Jul 14, 2009 18:43:21 GMT -5
that is a wonderful and descriptive telling. it is clear that you have been turning this in your mind for some time. good!!
so -- the principle is that you break it into single actions -- just like with de-squaloring -- and get some of what you want into your place NOW.
Yes. right now. to cheer you. and inspire you.
so -- I say -- it seems that you know your color scheme -- yellow.
So think yellow -- when you look at things -- and whatever color -- if any -- that goes with yellow -- to you.
paint stores -- match chips. fabric stores -- match up pieces -- ( I won't suggest taking home bits, in case they, youknow, accumulate)
keep your vision strong. the more you make it real-- in present time -- the more it will lead you as to what to do and how to realize it.
the sheer curtains sounds doable right away. the small lamps-- start with one. you can do that this weekend. do you have one piece of art tht speaks to you -- take it out and lean it on something if you have to.
your post was also instructive to me. I ahve a poster on one wall that was sort of a default option during the pre-inspection purge -- and it's still there -- and picking appropriate art to put on the walls is something i'm actualoly good at -- so I can take it down.
opbstacles-- the thing I want to replace it with lost it's outsized frame -- how todo? and the poster HAS a frame-- whcih of course i think i need to save. sigh.
I have translucent curtains and beautiful art and books arranged in cases and pretty throw pillows and a flokati rug and some warm lamps. this was very affirming to read on that level.
love, hopehope (gotta go -- fast post --)
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Post by paperpiler on Jul 15, 2009 7:17:05 GMT -5
Hope has the right idea, and Mouse, you know a lot more about what you want than you thought, and were able to verbalize it perfectly.
Start with one thing. Ideas grow from one thing. Positives overpower negatives. Rome wasn't built in a day, and all that.
I'm a yellow fan, too--blues and yellows, or blue/yellow/white. You're in a delightful stage...able to go out now and move forward. It's ok to have piles. Really it is. I struggle with perfectionism, like you. If it's "good enough," start to move forward, branch out, stay positive. The positives will overpower the negatives (i.e., a pretty picture will overpower a pile, and motivate you to do something with a pile that's left, because now you'll see this delightful picture and it'll make you smile and make you think, "Hmm...wonder what to do with that stuff that's beside it?)
Buy one pretty thing that is exactly what you imagine in the room that you visualize for yourself. As Hope said--a lamp, curtains....something pretty and uplifting FOR YOU. Your home will begin to define itself by the light you bring into it. :-)
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Post by chakraverte on Jul 15, 2009 7:50:49 GMT -5
ive been taking pics every day ... it helps me "see" what the reality is. i find it easier to critique a photo of my space than the actual space.
Right now, I'm struggling, but i think that is because I'm forming new habits.
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Post by eagle on Jul 15, 2009 8:20:03 GMT -5
Mouse, many years ago when I bought a new place and brought next to nothing with from the old place, I wanted to decorate it in my style. I lived alone for the first time and had a free hand to do what I wanted, how I wanted.
I had a favorite blouse that encompassed the color scheme that I wanted in my home, so I made sure to bring it with me when shopping. Well, actually, I cut the blouse up and brought a swatch with me. Because I had worn it out and it was no longer in wearable condition. I actually still have some swatches of that blouse, and even though my style has branched out some over the years, I am happy when I look at the swatch and some of the decor and furniture that I purchased during that phase of my life.
The sheer curtains sound like a lovely idea. They can really liven up your windows, too. And there's really so much you can do with them. You can choose deep vivid color, or pale subdued shades , super sheer or more opaque, textured or filmy smooth. You can drape fabric along the top of the rod to creat another layer of design (or not). You can purchase fancy (or simple) tie-backs in a variety of styles and colors. They can be long and flowing, dragging on the floor, or short. So many options.
And if color changes are in order, I suggest picking up several handsful of paint chips (those pieces of paper with different paint color options) and bringing them home with you to hold up to your walls. Besides helping you choose wall color, it can help you choose other decor for your house. I used one of those to determine the shade of our leather furniture once & carried it around with me to compare when choosing new throw pillows.
Another thing we did when chosing our new flooring for the kitchen here, was to purchase several tiles and bring them home. It helped us decided which one we actually wanted by having it here in the house where we would be using them. It also gave me the opportunity to do stain tests on the tiles using the kinds of things I cook with and clean with. A lot of decorating places with let you take swatch books, wallpaper sample books, carpet books, even tile samples home with you. You can do that if you want, but it means you have to deal with sales people, perhaps before you're ready to deal with them. We prefer to leave that hardsell stuff out of it whenever possible.
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