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Post by limegreen on Jul 25, 2009 19:38:48 GMT -5
So, I took my weird kneeling stool down to the charity shop yesterday, it was really uncomfortable, but I have huge pangs of regret because it cost me £40 of something like that ten years ago, and I have a feeling I should have used it more, got my "moneys worth" out of it. Actually it was an unofficial dumping ground for books and magazines next to the computer desk, and a piece of clutter and not being used to purpose, in short, a d*mn nuisance! And I know all this, and yet, the pangs...
Next is the awkward CD player with orange and purple case, it's hideous, and overlarge, but it belonged to DD and I asked her if I could donate it and she says that is fine, so I will be happy to be rid of it, but then, there is the radio cassette which has lousy radio interference such that I cannot use it if anyone in the neighborhood is using electric equipment, and still I cannot let it go, It is over 20y old and owes me nothing. But I don't want to toss it because I think the room will look odd without music system somewhere. I actually rarely listen to music except live, which I like a lot, I just don't get it form recordings, so I do not need it in here, and I still do have a radio in the kitchen which I listen to the news on, so why do I not want to get rid of a heap of plastic and electronics I never use but for show???
Then there's the layzy susan Mum gave me. Nice, if you like that kind of thing, and I do, but it doesn't really have a place, and sometimes it's a nuisance as it lives on the table, and attracts clutter, because, you know, clutter is so much better in 360 degrees...
And there's the broken layzy susan, but I keep that in a cupboard but mum gave it me so, can I get rid? - apparently not. And I know that Mum unburdens her clutter on me and DD and I have gotten rid of some of it, the 1001 plastic containers that would be "useful" that came from the pound store went out fairly fast, but when it has been an actual gift, or something she has a lot of feelings invested in, I find it hard, and really I am cross at her for using me as her crafty disposal method.
So, what I need are quick quotes, handy mantras or whatever to say to myself to let me give it away and not look back.
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Post by grungygeorgie on Jul 25, 2009 20:24:12 GMT -5
even if my mother has given me an object,my heart pangs,then I say,"this is not my mother,it is a thing" then I pitch it.I read that tricksome where from one of the decluttering tv stars,Peter Walsh? Anyway,it has been working out pretty well for me.Good luck!!G.
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Post by limegreen on Jul 25, 2009 20:29:59 GMT -5
Good one! I will write that on a post-it now
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Post by yearning4order on Jul 25, 2009 22:26:53 GMT -5
I don't know if your mother is squalorous at home or a neat freak?
My mother is a neat freak, and yet she gets really hoard/ocd about things. So if I mention that I'm out of ibuprofren, she'll go to Costco and get 3 massive sized bottles and try to give them to me. Mind you, I don't use much ibuprofren, and usually I'm out because it's gone out of date and I have to throw it out.
But in those moments, even when she gets made at me for rejecting it, I remind myself that my mother should actually be proud of me turning her down.
If she whines at me about it, then I get a bit dramatic (we're Mexican American; I don't know about the rest of you but drama is in our blood!) and gesture around the house and say "Oh my God Mom! What part of this house says "I NEED MORE THINGS!"?"
She might get mad at how I communicate it, but she can't argue with the logic because in the past she spent so much time saying I had too many things.
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Post by flylady on Jul 26, 2009 6:07:31 GMT -5
I feel the same about baby clothes, we are in the position of "maybe, maybe not". But I am slowly getting rid of them, to people I care about, as it's somehow easier But I have soooooo much of the stuff! I have already gotten rid of one of the cots (crib) and it was nice to see some floor! I am still working my way through the baby gear, and bagging them up.
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Post by Chris on Jul 26, 2009 7:36:49 GMT -5
Marla Cilley, the author of "Sink Reflections" defines clutter as "things that do not bring you joy, you do not love, or that you don't need". I too find it harder to get rid of clutter that was given to me by someone special to me. The one thing that helps me when I am really wanting to get rid of something I don't love or even use --- is to think of how someone else might really like it and how much better it would be if the item was being used and enjoyed by someone. Yesterday I was going thru stuff and found a still in the box crystal gift type photo frame for an 8x10 photo. It has never seen the light of day because my style is wood or brass or rustic. This frame is so pretty and was a gift to us at some point. It is now on the pile for donating to either the veteran's or the Good Samaritan thrift store. Thankfully, I can't remember who gave it to us. Some items are much harder to part with even thought it's very logical that I don't need/want/use them. It's an ongoing process for me too!
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Post by messymimi on Jul 26, 2009 8:10:39 GMT -5
When MiSC wrote about her precious son saying, "I care about stuff I don't even like" when asked to give something away, I realized it is often hard to let go because we project our feelings onto things.
I suggested that her son might be helped by meditating and thinking of it from the point of view of the stuff, watching it have fun on an adventure to a new life.
Even we adults can benefit, maybe. Either think about it from the point of view of the stuff -- it will be happy to be useful again. Or think about it from the point of view of the person who needs one of these but can't afford it or who thinks it is the best thing ever and will actually use it. Imagine that person's joy at finding it.
I don't know if this helps others, but it sometimes helps me.
messymimi
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Post by disarray on Jul 26, 2009 21:00:51 GMT -5
Limegreen, you mentioned that the room might look odd without a music system, and that it's there just for show. Personally, I don't think your room will look weird at all without a music system! I've been in lots of houses that don't have any noticeable music systems set up. If anything, the room will look much less cluttered.
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hopehope
Banned
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 3,815
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Post by hopehope on Jul 26, 2009 21:16:35 GMT -5
I can love this, and appreciate it, and let it go anyway.
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Post by limegreen on Jul 27, 2009 4:18:38 GMT -5
"Oh my God Mom! What part of this house says "I NEED MORE THINGS!"?" I can totally hear myself saying that, thanks! Mum is a clutter collector who lives with a control freak, thus her cluttering urges are severely curtailed. It also helps that they have a full attic and a huge basement (a rarity in British houses). Her mother was a clutterer and a squalorer too in her later years and served as a terrible example as it only has to be said "you're getting like your mother" to put my mum into a frenzy of stash and dash and donation. I think now actually she has very few possessions although she does have an overly sentimental attachment to things which I have also. Disarray, the music system is going OUT, I have decided its fate. The uuugly CD player (orange and purple - seriously!) is gonna be donated, I'll take it the next time I'm in the village. The pangs about the uncomfortable kneeling chair are lessening. Flylady, I had a serious come to Jesus about the baby stuff when DD was about 8 and I saw an appeal for baby items for the Archbishop's home for unwed mothers, so I called and donated them. Only to find later that most of the stuff would be sold for fund-raising and not given to the young women, Which caused me pangs, I gotta admit it, but it was all going toward assisting the needy. And I know, even if I do not feel that it is not my concern what happens to stuff once I have relinquished it. Yeah, still working on that one, it hurts. Chris and Mimi, yeah I need to get that attitude about stuff, cast it off and see it sailing to a happy future with someone else. Hopey, as always, concise words of wisdom, thank you. Another one for the post-it collection. Because I am a bit dim when it comes to remembering these important things. I will be rid of my stuff, it is not the boss of me, I am the boss of it!
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Post by seekingpeace on Jul 27, 2009 10:31:15 GMT -5
It took me a long time to come to the place where I could donate stuff and trust in the universe to get it to where it belonged, and that was not necessarily where "I" thought it should go.
so hard to let go of stuff, but it does get easier... keep up the inspiring good works!
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Post by celticlaugh on Jul 27, 2009 10:58:35 GMT -5
Gosh can I relate to this. The way I deal with sentimental stuff is allow myself to keep a set number of things. My daughters artwork is limited to my favorite six drawing per school year. My deceased relatives just one momento each. This works for me.
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MiSC
Banned
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 1,611
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Post by MiSC on Jul 27, 2009 17:42:59 GMT -5
When MiSC wrote about her precious son saying, "I care about stuff I don't even like" when asked to give something away, I realized it is often hard to let go because we project our feelings onto things. Mimi, I was thinking about him saying that too. It still breaks my heart. Is it possible, limey, that you could imagine your things in a new, happy environment where they'll be properly utilized? Would that help at all?
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Post by Peach on Jul 27, 2009 18:51:25 GMT -5
It took me a long time to come to the place where I could donate stuff and trust in the universe to get it to where it belonged, and that was not necessarily where "I" thought it should go. "...trust in the universe..." Yes, I like that. Today I gave away an item that came to me via a wonderful journey. But, the journey was not mine. It's a yellow Tupperware cake holder. In the mid-70s, my mother worked as a teacher's aide in an elementary school (grades 1-6). One day a young boy gave her a brand new, never-used, yellow Tupperware cake holder. That might seem like a strange gift for a student to give an adult at school but really it was not. The story is touching. The child's mother had died. She had never had the opportunity to use the cake holder she had purchased. The boy's father allowed his son to give some items to people he cared about. One was my mother. Mom never used the yellow cake holder. It barely holds an 8-inch cake. She had a bigger one. So the cake holder sat in her home for several years - unused. Finally, when I was setting up housekeeping, I asked if I could have it and so it came to my home and it was used often. But, one day DH brought home a bigger cake holder that has a see-thru top. So the yellow cake holder was again relegated to the shelf. But, I kept it because of the story of the boy and his love for his mother. Today, I let it go. I want that yellow cake holder to once again be at the center of children's parties and family functions. It went home with a family that has toddlers. I am happy for the yellow cake holder.
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Post by limegreen on Jul 28, 2009 12:05:22 GMT -5
Today the ugly CD player is gone, I hope it will make some kid real happy, and the old music system is in the bin, and so are two un-puffy cushions that were all lumpy. Oh yes, I can give stuff away!
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