|
Post by CourageouslyLion SeeksSerenity on Aug 27, 2009 10:48:18 GMT -5
- Poll is regarding your stage in the process of changing your squalor/clutter/messy/hoarding behavior. NOTE: the definitions may not be what you think they are. Read the definitions links below. (You may reply with comments about other areas of your life ... but the poll is asking specifically about changing squalor/clutter/messy/hoarding behavior.) NOTE:- The general membership (including myself) won't know who chose what in the poll.
Only numbers will show for each category.
- You may input your answer to the poll
(without replying to thread).
or
- You may type a reply to this thread
(without answering the poll).
or
- You may do both.
- You may later retract your vote and then input your updated stage ... if you've changed stages.
- If you input an answer to the poll, we'll know how you voted ONLY if you type a reply that specifically tells us.
----- There are several "Stages of Change" that have been outlined by psychologists. Some models have more stages than others. The most commonly listed "stages of change" are: 1) PRECONTEMPLATION 2) CONTEMPLATION 3) PREPARATION 4) ACTION 5) MAINTENANCE 6) TERMINATION Some models also list "termination" as a sixth stage, indicating that the new behavior one has progressed to ... has become so much a part of one's life, that "maintenance" is automatic. One is then ready to tackle changing something else in one's life. ---Edit - update 2022: 6a) Wikipedia now adds "RELAPSE" as a potential stage or condition ... My thoughts: I guess Maintenance without relapse is "Termination", and Maintenance interrupted by "Relapse" is something that can happen, in which case you go back through the other stages to regain Maintenance? ---------------------------------- The following website descriptions are a QUICK read. No long essays here. Each stage of change is explained in a few sentences.The only reason I didn't reprint here was because of possible copyright issues. DEFINITIONS CAN BE FOUND AT:- the "Children of Hoarders" website:
Good concise definitions of the first five stages. childrenofhoarders.com/wordpress/?page_id=181 This shows the BEST definition for *our* purposes.
- Wikipedia's rather cumbersome article:
Includes all six stages, plus the process of getting from each stage to the next. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transtheoretical_model#Stages_of_change
- There's a great write-up in the book
"Your Own Worst Enemy: Breaking the Habit of Adult Underachievement" by Kenneth W. Christian, Ph.D Can't quote without his permission, but you can find the book at bookstore or library with the ISBN code: 2004 edition: ISBN-10: 006098872X 2004 edition: ISBN-13: 978-0060988722 Newer 2009 edition: ISBN: 978-0061935558 (I don't think the "edition" matters, same book, just different publisher). UPDATE 2022: This book is now available online for purchase as an "ebook" -- nothing to order via mail or to lose in a pile!
- Additional articles on the "stages of change" may be found here:
Definition: web.uri.edu/cprc/transtheoretical-model-stages-of-change/
Summary web.archive.org/web/20170504075739/https://web.uri.edu/cprc/summary-overview/ (scroll down for references)
Details web.uri.edu/cprc/detailed-overview/ (scroll down for references)
NOTE:- In some models in the psychology community, you'll see models described from the point of a new behavior you're trying to START (such as enrolling in a university or changing a career).
- Other models are written from the point of view of a behavior that you're trying to STOP (such as hoarding or a drug addiction).
- If you're approaching it from one of these two views, but the writing is from the other approach, the writing would seem confusing and the opposite of what you want. You just have to adapt what you're reading for it to make sense.
I find it interesting to look at the "stages of change". It helps me to honestly appraise where I am, and where I've allowed myself to remain stuck. -
(This post is from 2009 but still relevant. Edited the above in 2019 only to fix broken links) Edit again to add "relapse". ==================================================== update 2022: NOTE: This thread is thirteen years old.
Many of the thread participants may have completely changed their lives.
Please do not give advice or comments to any old posts on this thread, because those posters might not wish to be prodded or reminded of the past.------------
|
|
|
Post by puppybox on Aug 27, 2009 12:11:27 GMT -5
thanks lioness, interesting and I'll be on the lookout for that book.
|
|
|
Post by echo on Aug 27, 2009 14:03:08 GMT -5
Thanks, Very interesting that there are 3 stages before Action .. I am still mostly in those stages. Am slowly taking action a little at a time.
|
|
|
Post by annieblue on Aug 29, 2009 21:51:35 GMT -5
Wonderful infos, Lioness!LOTS & LOTS to think about here! Thank you for sharing.
|
|
|
Post by success19 on Aug 30, 2009 2:05:04 GMT -5
Yes - but well I love to fill my brain up with information and research too. More avoidance.
Just must get on with it.
I KNOW what needs to be done.
|
|
|
Post by serenitynow on Aug 30, 2009 7:48:43 GMT -5
Hi sister I like where you write.."allowed myself to remain stuck". Proactive and spot on for me. serenitynow
|
|
|
Post by lorrainemondo on Aug 30, 2009 9:12:08 GMT -5
can't say enough good things about Ken Christian's book Your Own Worst Enemy. Overcoming the Habits of Adult Underachievement. Ken spins the "adult underachiever" tag to the more positive "Self-Limiting High Potential Person".
I got my used copy on Amazon for $6 a couple of years ago. I credit this book for my recent success in stepping out of squalor by finally agreeing to change how I set things up in my home:
--methodically making a place for each item in my home and for giving what works for me priority (for example, I place large labels on drawer, cupboard and basket fronts). A friend who came over for the big reveal "smiled" at my labels on everything, but I couldn't have cared less. Now I'm doing what works. Period.
Then I thought, hey, why not not do what WORKS for other areas of my life too? I still have financial and romantic squalor......
We had a thread going on Squalor Survivors about Ken's book and about his program for change. One of the members, Margaret, seriously embraced the message of YOWE and started a successful small business. I wonder where Margaret is now and how she's doing?
Lorraine
|
|
|
Post by threeg on Aug 30, 2009 13:40:32 GMT -5
Thanks Lioness. I am an underachiever from birth on, so I tend to go from action to planning/contemplation and back daily. 3g
|
|
|
Post by Chris on Aug 30, 2009 15:08:12 GMT -5
I wish I had had this information back when I had lost a lot of weight and I was in "maintenance" on that issue! This is very good information which is really helpful!!!!!!! Thank you Lioness
I believe that I am now in the action stage of my recovery from squalor. What is interesting to me right now is the link between my financial mess and my squalor. Right now being forced to finally deal with the debt it is hand and hand linked to the mess and over acquiring and I can see really how many things that I'd like to change are closely interrelated. Keeping the recovery ACTION process positive is what seems very important to me. The more knowledge the better. Especially knowledge that can be read online. Awesome!!!!!
|
|
|
Post by CourageouslyLion SeeksSerenity on Aug 31, 2009 7:58:44 GMT -5
-
Poll added.
-
|
|
|
Post by Script on Aug 31, 2009 9:32:26 GMT -5
i don't care if i never get to maintenance: but i have made visible progress over the last 5 years: HURRAH for ACTION:
A...ccepting C...ontrol T....ill I....'m O....bviously N.....eat
|
|
|
Post by CourageouslyLion SeeksSerenity on Aug 31, 2009 10:02:10 GMT -5
- The following is my long personal history.
(Skip it if you're in a hurry -- or if you have dishes to wash.)
For several decades of my life, people told me I was messy. But I never saw it as a "problem". I thought that my messy behavior was okay -- and that everyone else was uptight. About 16 years ago, I had progressed to Level 4 Squalor, but still didn't see it as an "issue".
For several decades of my life, I managed money terribly. I didn't worry much about it, because friends and family and luck seemed to always bail me out.
I always regarded myself as "a loving and spiritual person" ... so I didn't think that my housekeeping or finances mattered.
I was unable to see that such thinking was warped !
I was unable to see the impact my behaviors had on other people. I caused harm but never "saw" it.
In the year 2003, my debting behavior spiraled out of control. At that time, I learned of Debtors Anonymous, and joined.
I kept attending Debtors Anonymous meetings, but continued to debt. I was in "contemplation". I was aware of the need to change, but not ready to change.
I still didn't think that my messiness mattered very much. I was in precontemplation about that.
However, my exposure to 12-Step programs caused me to think about my actions ..... and I began to consider that perhaps I had other "issues". I began to look at my messiness, as everyone complained about it.
I went to a few local Flylady meetings but really couldn't relate. I tried attending Messies Anonymous meetings in a far-away city, but that was impractical. Clutterers Anonymous had not yet arrived in my region.
I continued debting but kept going to Debtors Anonymous meetings. I remained in the "contemplation" stage regarding changing my relationship to money.
Regarding messiness, I was hovering between precontemplation and contemplation. I was now living with another person, so my squalor had retreated from Level 4 to Level 2. But it still impacted myself and others. I didn't really believe I was capable of change.
Meanwhile, I had begun compulsively overeating. I went to a couple of Overeaters Anonymous meetings, but it didn't seem like a very big issue for me.
I figured I would deal with my health after I'd taken care of the debting.
My irrational dealings with finance had the potential to land me in jail, so that seemed more urgent.
In 2005, I was now living alone, and back to Level 4. I learned of the website Squalor Survivors, but I never joined, and forgot about the link. I was still hovering between precontemplation and contemplation regarding my interest in changing my squalorous ways. My squalor was severe, but I really didn't care.
I continued to focus on "wishing I would want to change" my debting behavior, as my debting problem was becoming more and more dangerously scary. Still in contemplation, not quite ready for preparation.
In 2006, an outside complaint about my squalor did spur me to look harder for assistance, and I therefore joined Squalor Survivors.
When I joined Squalor Survivors, I had been on the edge between precontemplation and contemplation. But now I fully realized that I had a "problem". So I was now ready for full contemplation.
At that time, the squalorsurvivors.com website had its own forums very similar to the ones here at SOS. I joined.
I had ZERO interest in cleaning or desqualoring. None. Nada. Zip. And frankly, I didn't care about the mess. It didn't bother me. I didn't have any shame about my Level 4 Squalor. I knew that it was "unacceptable to society" but it didn't really bother me.
But I knew that I would need to change at some point. So I committed myself to reading and posting every day, so as to fill my brain with the concept that even "resistant" squalorers could change. And to fill my brain with reading posts from people who were HAPPY that they had cleaned something. (Happiness at cleaning was an alien concept to me). I figured that the more I participated in the forums, the more I would begin to change my brain.
This was full contemplation of change.
But I was totally resistant to DOING anything yet!
My debting behavior had meanwhile gotten to an unbelievable level of chaos. I was in true danger. I finally realized that going to 12-Step meetings WASN'T "working a 12-step program". I noticed that the Debtors Anonymous literature listed meetings as a TOOL of recovery.
I finally understood that meetings were a TOOL -- and not the program itself. The program is "stop debting and work the steps".
I realized that after several years of attending meetings, I was still on Step 1 -- realizing I had a problem. I was still debting, and not doing anything about it. I was afraid to change.
I had embraced the first half of Step 2 "came to believe that I could get help from a power greater than myself" -- which could be the collective wisdom of recovering peers or perhaps a spiritual source.
But I hadn't accepted the second half of Step 2 -- that I could be "restored to sanity". In other words, I hadn't yet accepted that I actually COULD change!
I began to study Step 2 and 3. For me, that was like the transition from contemplation to preparation.
Meanwhile, I was participating actively on the Squalor Survivors forum, but not cleaning. Still just contemplating.
However, I did begin to write a lot about my "financial squalor" on the Squalor Survivors forums. I did once have a very long thread on the former forum there about my job search process. I was consciously preparing to change my financial ways.
Still in "contemplation" about desqualoring.
Finally in "preparation" about stopping my debting.
Year 2007: When I took Step 3 in Debtors Anonymous, I finally moved into "ACTION" -- and stopped debting. Totally. Completely. Now on cash-only basis. And I got a great job. I began a very active phase of changing how I made every financial decision.
Year 2007: Still in "contemplation" about desqualoring.
Meanwhile, my overeating continued but I ignored that. No energy left to focus on that.
January 2008: Inspection notice from landlord.
Massive desqualorization in a few days. Lots of stash and dash. Shop vac was a godsend. A forum member came to my house and helped. Got the house looking wonderful! Got everything done but the "doom room". Landlord was thrilled. I told landlord that doom room was full of stuff I was storing for "a friend", and amazingly that was okay.
I was able to maintain for a full five months, BUT ...
I hadn't really INWARDLY changed.
Then the "Squalor Survivors" forums closed -- and the "Stepping Out of Squalor" forums opened.
I got preoccupied with reading and posting every day on the new forum. I fell back into "contemplation".
In November 2008, I began desqualoring again. I cleaned up everything and maintained it for about a week.
Then other chaos happened in my life, and I promptly fell back into deep squalor.
I see now that I was never fully in the action phase or the maintenance phase.
I think my "average" stage was now "Preparation". Quote from one of the links above: "until you have started a clear program, you should be considered to be in the Preparation Stage. It is important to remember that "paying lip service" to the problem is not the same as actively working to change the problem."
With desqualoring, I have brief spurts of action and maintenance, but no really inner commitment to change. I'm generally just in preparation.
During 2008, I began attending Overeaters Anonymous meetings about once a month. I began to enter contemplation with that issue.
In November 2008, I got an Overeaters Anonymous sponsor and I hired a professional nutritionist. I was now in "preparation".
In January 2009, I went into full ACTION regarding changing my health and body. I and got medical exam and more medical advice. Began full-fledged diet and exercise program. Have already lost 26 pounds and am much stronger.
For the finances and the squalor, my process of change has been much more SLOW.
Four years of attending Debtors Anonymous meetings weekly, before I entered the action phase.
Three years of daily participation at Squalor Survivors and Stepping Out of Squalor, and I'm still hovering between preparation and action.
I think the debting and squalor were harder to change because I've been stuck in those behaviors for 40-50 years.
I had been overeating for about 10 years. I was able to change much more easily for that issue. Another factor is that I LIKE exercising (because I used to be a professional dancer long ago). And I LIKE eating healthy food.
Where am I now?
Housekeeping Squalor: At high level of mess/filth/squalor. In preparation, getting ready to commit to TRUE and lasting change, almost ready to take real ACTION.
Financial Squalor: Abstinent from incurring new debt for 2 years and 7 months. Still have old debts I'm working to pay off. Laid off from my great job, but have other assets. In true maintenance about abstinence from debting. Struggling in the action phase about finding a new job, and struggling in the preparation stage with learning better ways to track my money.
Body Squalor: Actively working to eat right and exercise safely. Dealing with injuries and aging, but have medical professionals helping me. Not perfect with my regimens but being reasonable.
What's next on my horizons? Who knows? I have so many changes I want to make.
The "Your Own Worst Enemy" book talks about drawing a line or a pretend threshold. Then making your commitment to change. Then making a personal mini-ceremony of walking over the line to a new life.
- UPDATE 1st January 2011:
Housekeeping/House: Went into full-blown action beginning August 2010. I'm now in MAINTENANCE in most rooms of my house. In "preparation" stage for the back bedroom.
{UPDATE April 2011 -back bedroom done!}
Finances: in maintenance. Debts paid. Tracking my money.
Body ... unfortunately I've backslid here. back to the "preparation" stage for this.
-
|
|
|
Post by echo on Aug 31, 2009 11:55:05 GMT -5
I can't vote in the poll cause I'm at every single stage of change .. Maintaining laundry room...smallest room. Action in kitchen and bathroom but not finished. pre contemplation in dining room and bedroom and a mix of action and contemplation in living room. That is just the inside of the house....
|
|
|
Post by paperpiler on Aug 31, 2009 13:09:47 GMT -5
Lioness, you and I have walked remarkably similar paths. The more you write, the more I see it. I was going to retype an article that I had found in my collection of important-to-me self-help articles recently called "Challenge to Change," that deals with the five stages (they don't include termination). It was an old Better Homes & Gardens magazine article from 1997. (When I hold on to things that matter to me, I hold on a loooong time! ) Case in point: It is not online and it is not archived. I'm glad I have it. "Everything is online or available at the library" is a myth, but we won't even go INTO that. Anyway, I stumbled upon it as you posted the first entry on this thread. And it had wonderful examples of each stage that I wanted to share. But frankly, I can't think of any more wonderful examples than your own story, so I will let my idea go. Your story tells a tale of walking along that path, the steps you took, the steps you're taking. Change is, indeed, a journey. The person who is at step 1 is on the same journey as the person who is at step 6. She just is at the first steps on the path. Bless you, friend, and thank you for your continued valuable sharing.
|
|
|
Post by skatters on Aug 31, 2009 14:02:26 GMT -5
Thank you for sharing such details, Lioness! I always love reading your writing. And I love that you are willing to be so open about yourself.
I am in the preparation stage, according to the children of hoarders scale. "Determination will lead directly into action if you have thoroughly considered all aspects of your compulsive problem realistically, if you have begun to modify expectancies and have established a goal what is conducive to your individual needs and values." This is where I get stuck on moving to action. I need to move away from my perfection expectancies.
Thanks for sharing, Lioness.
|
|