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Post by messyme on Jun 18, 2012 8:26:16 GMT -5
Hi messyme, I'm very sympathetic to anyone who has multiple responsibilities, because I'm having trouble maintaining what I've gained and I'm only working part time--with only me (and my animals) to take care of. So I think that lack of time is a very valid reason for progress to be slow. However, this line in your post: I should also add that my house is very, very, very clutteredmakes me think that you're trying to achieve order while still keeping way too many things. For most of us, it seems that after the first real resolution to change, we have the thought that our problem is organizing the stuff--if we can just get "organized" with the right organizing containers/furniture, then all the stuff will be contained and our problem will be solved. That's when you start moving things to places where you think they'll be better stored--but that doesn't seem to work as well as you thought it would, because somehow there's just never enough room. If you have too much stuff, (too much actual square footage of physical stuff), it'll never fit into storage containers that have less square footage. So if your entire room is piled full, it's not going to magically condense down when you "organize" it. (Except for things that fit into those vacuum bag thingies! ) When that truth finally hits you, it's a different level of "change" because that's when you sadly realize that you have to get rid of major amounts of stuff, if you want your home to look less cluttered. Yes, you can organize some of it, but usually not the amount that folks with our problems have. This may not actually apply to you, your idea of cluttered may not be mine. But since you put this in the stages of change thread, a favorite topic of mine, I thought I'd throw it out there. You said you're ready to change, but you might need to become ready to give up a lot of stuff, which is a separate step. If this does apply, it helps to approach it more from the "here's how much space I'm willing to devote to (____), now I have to choose what I'm keeping in this category, everything else has to go" point of view. When you start thinking like this, and get past the first few categories (where you think--oh, but I can't give up these extra items, I'll expand my first idea of how much space I'll devote to them...) you start to realize that you can't do that for everything, and the concept really starts sinking in. That's why I always say it's hard for people to clean up quickly, it takes a while to go through these thought processes. And, to purge things, because generally it takes several times going through each category of item, being able to let go of a little more each time until you have the "right" amount. I went through the process with all of my possessions except books, and am now, finally, after several years, working on the books too. It's not easy. But having more open space also helps the actual cleaning process (something I have trouble with too) so that gets better as you reduce the amount you have. But, back to the time issues, if you've thought about your obligations and really are using what time you have in the most efficient way, then you'll have to just keep plugging along as best you can with the time constraints. It's important not to backslide though, so if you're still bringing a lot of excess stuff into your home you have to work on that angle too. Diane I read the book "It's all too much" by Peter Walsh, and that inspired me to have a lot less stuff. I am getting rid of stuff I obviously don't need, especialy big stuff, as I go. Because of time reasons though, anything I don't need soon (ex: out-of-season clothes, holiday stuff, toys (except a few I'm keeping out), extra cans of food, etc.) I'm just throwing into boxes. That takes a lot less time for me than going through everything and deciding what to do with it. The rooms that I'm keeping organized and maintained, I did get rid of a LOT that obviously needed to go, but I also boxed up a lot -- for example, my children's drawings. I know I need to go through those with them and choose their favourites, maybe photograph some big 3-D ones, and toss the rest. That takes lots of time though, so for me, the best option for now was to pack them all up. I'm not planning on keeping them long; once the house is uncluttered, I'm going to go through them. Some tasks like this I give to the kids; ex: a bunch of papers I found in my daughter's room, I packed them up and I asked her to go through the box and keep/toss, and she's tossed a lot. My stuff is so, so mixed up -- important papers with junk with socks I wore every day but lost, spare keys to the house/car, old toys, new toys, library books, souveniers, etc. It's mixed up from not having places to put things or room to put things away, things getting lost (ex: dropped and not found because my house is like "Where's Waldo"!), old stash-and-dashes, etc. so I have to go through everything. And this takes a lot of time, because my brain works very slowly. It's not just because it's emotionally difficult to make decisions about clutter; I just think very slowly. I'm not stupid at all or anything, but I might have some kind of learning disability. Even things like math problems -- I'm good at them and can eventually understand them, but I am very, very slow and if I try to make myself go faster, I get very confused and frustrated and stressed. My mom is the same way -- she is very intelligent and majored in English in university, and was a teacher. But it takes her a long, long time to read and understand instructions for kids' board games or other things like make plans/decisions. She's pretty much always had that problem. I guess it must be genetic! I'm just trying to do things the way that works best for me, though, and so far, packing stuff away and going through them later is much, much quicker than going through everything one at a time. I do need extra room to keep the stuff I box up for now, but that's not too difficult because boxed-up stuff takes up far less room than stuff just strewn around the room, and I'm used to working with less room in the house, so taking up half my bedroom with boxes, etc. is okay. dtesposito -- you may be right, though, maybe I'm at a stage of change where I really want to change and I'm taking some action, but I'm not ready to do everything I need to do. I know I only have so much time to work with and I have to work the most efficient way I can in that time. I can't make time. But, when I've been thinking about "stages of change" though, and thinking about how it applies to other problems such as alcoholism, I think about my situation in a new way. If I were an alcoholic, knew I wanted to quit drinking, and was going to AA meetings twice a week but that wasn't enough, after a certain amount of time I (and my friends and family probably!) would think -- it's not enough, you need to go to rehab for a couple of months, even if it means taking a break from school, finding someone to take care of your kids for that time, etc. This is what I'm wondering -- even if I'm doing my best right now with the time I have and I am making some progress -- is it enough? Should I be "going to rehab"? Are there more drastic actions I could take? Those are the kind of questions I've been asking myself since starting my "prioritizing" thread. That did lead to me "dropping" one course and a few other little things to give myself more time. Do I really have such little time though, or could I do something more drastic? Am I not completely ready for change? Am I making excuses?
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Post by dtesposito on Jun 18, 2012 11:28:15 GMT -5
Well, I don't think things take up less space in a box, but they sure do look neater in a box than strewn all around a room. And there's value in removing some of the clutter, I think it's a lot easier to think in a room that has less clutter. So in theory, boxing things up has good points.
The bad part of boxing things up is first of all, when you need something you don't know where anything is, unless you label each box with such detail that you might as well just sort and toss right then, instead. And, as I will attest, when you box something up, it's very easy to never think about it again, which means that you live with boxes for many, MANY years.
So boxing is most useful for emergencies--inspections, moving, etc. You mentioned you might have to worry about repairs being done--maybe you can ask yourself this: if you were able to get everything that wasn't used on a daily basis into boxes, neatly stacked up along all of your walls, how much space would that take up? Would you at that point feel comfortable having repair people in? If not, or if they would take up the whole room, then you can only box for so long before you need another strategy.
Another problem I see with mixing everything together when you box it, is that you will be terrified to get rid of any box because there might be something important/expensive/irreplaceable in any one of them. If you're able to at least do a presort, you might be able to label the boxes with a category and a year (like outgrown kid's clothes, or magazines, or papers relating to classes). Those you have a hope of getting rid of some time in the future, quickly--because once you decide that there's no longer a point to keeping something, you can just make a cursory glance through the box without having to handle each and every item.
Do you think you might be able to sort by category? In other words, when you look at a table full of all sorts of stuff, if your mind shuts down and you find it impossible to make decisions, can you maybe choose one item, collect it from the whole room (like toys or clothes or books) and then make decisions only on that one category? I would think that would be less daunting.
The only other thing you can do that will speed things up considerably is to decide to throw a lot of stuff away, without thinking about it, but that's hard to do unless you've reached the end of your rope! You're the only one who knows if and when you'll be able to do drastic tossing.
Good luck, I will watch for your posts to see how you're doing.
Diane
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Post by messyme on Jun 19, 2012 6:21:22 GMT -5
Well, I don't think things take up less space in a box, but they sure do look neater in a box than strewn all around a room. And there's value in removing some of the clutter, I think it's a lot easier to think in a room that has less clutter. So in theory, boxing things up has good points. The bad part of boxing things up is first of all, when you need something you don't know where anything is, unless you label each box with such detail that you might as well just sort and toss right then, instead. And, as I will attest, when you box something up, it's very easy to never think about it again, which means that you live with boxes for many, MANY years. So boxing is most useful for emergencies--inspections, moving, etc. You mentioned you might have to worry about repairs being done--maybe you can ask yourself this: if you were able to get everything that wasn't used on a daily basis into boxes, neatly stacked up along all of your walls, how much space would that take up? Would you at that point feel comfortable having repair people in? If not, or if they would take up the whole room, then you can only box for so long before you need another strategy. Another problem I see with mixing everything together when you box it, is that you will be terrified to get rid of any box because there might be something important/expensive/irreplaceable in any one of them. If you're able to at least do a presort, you might be able to label the boxes with a category and a year (like outgrown kid's clothes, or magazines, or papers relating to classes). Those you have a hope of getting rid of some time in the future, quickly--because once you decide that there's no longer a point to keeping something, you can just make a cursory glance through the box without having to handle each and every item. Do you think you might be able to sort by category? In other words, when you look at a table full of all sorts of stuff, if your mind shuts down and you find it impossible to make decisions, can you maybe choose one item, collect it from the whole room (like toys or clothes or books) and then make decisions only on that one category? I would think that would be less daunting. The only other thing you can do that will speed things up considerably is to decide to throw a lot of stuff away, without thinking about it, but that's hard to do unless you've reached the end of your rope! You're the only one who knows if and when you'll be able to do drastic tossing. Good luck, I will watch for your posts to see how you're doing. Diane These are some excellent points! I like the point about being careful what to put in boxes (ex: so if I decide to donate the contents later, important things won't be mixed in there). My idea about the boxes is, they're going to take up lots of room, but if my house could be clean and organized except for tons of boxes everywhere, that would be very livable for me compared to what it's like now, and if I got a 24-hr. notice for an inspection and wasn't done sorting the box contents yet, instead of doing a crazy stash-and-dash and undoing a lot of work, I could fold the seats down in my station wagon, and bring the boxes over to my parents' house for just a day. They live 5 min. away (alone) and have a 3-bedroom house with a basement and 2-car garage (with only one car) and my dad gets stressed about too much clutter so I can't store things there long-term, but in an emergency, I would be so happy for my house to be clean and to just have to take a few hours to transport boxes (which I could even pay $40 for movers to do if I really needed to for some reason) than to be horribly stressed and overwhealmed. When I said things take up less space in boxes, I meant that instead being spread out horizontally on the floor 1-2 feet high, they can be piled up 4 feet high and take up half the horizontal space in the house, giving me lots more empty floor space to move around in. I've been thinking about it and I do think I'm ready to change and take action but like you said, maybe just not at the end of my rope. I remember reading Lion's inspiring story about working hard with an assistant, and I know that if I had that, I could do it. One of my thoughts was -- maybe I can have that (ex: take time off school, eat very cheaply for a while, etc. to have someone help me out for a while) -- and maybe the reason I'm not doing that is that I'm making excuses. I still don't really know if I'm just making excuses and not doing what I really need to do, since I know what could really help. Hopefully I'll get things sorted out soon. Thanks for all the help and support!!
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Post by CourageouslyLion SeeksSerenity on Jun 23, 2012 19:33:09 GMT -5
I read this thread a little while ago and keep thinking about it. I have no idea what stage I'm at. Here is my problem -- I'm very short on time. This sounds like a big old excuse, and I'm trying to figure out if it's really just an excuse. I know I need to change, I'm ready to change, and I've been actively working on it -- posting here, reading books about hoarding/clutter, cleaning parts of my house and maintaining them. But, other parts of my house (and car!) are either not getting cleaner or are getting worse. This problem prompted me to start a thread about "prioritizing" because I thought, maybe my lack of time is an excuse. Or maybe it's not an excuse, but it's a big obstacle to my change and I need to do something about it -- maybe if I'm really ready to change, I need to take some more drastic action! I thought maybe if I posted here, you all could help with a reality check -- am I making excuses, holding myself back? First of all, thanks to everyone who responded to my "prioritizing" thread. I was taking 2 summer courses and I still am, but although I wasn't able to actually drop one of them, I am just ignoring it, not doing the work and will get an "F" (which was a suggestion from that thread, thank you!). That won't be a really big deal, but the extra time that has afforded me (and less stress) is, so it was a good choice. In that thread, I also mentioned that I was helping my parents out -- my mom had had surgery and wasn't able to drive for many weeks, and my dad doesn't drive. So I was driving them around. Also, my parents watch the kids from time to time, and they weren't really able to do that for a while. As of a few days ago, my mom is able to drive, so that's a big relief to me and will give me a few extra hours per week at least. So. those are good things -- BUT school (for my kids) is done in a couple of weeks, and that will obviously take many hours of my "free" time away, probably more than I've gained. I've made some progress, but it's very slow. Two bedrooms are nicely cleaned and organized and are being maintained. But others, as I said, are worse. I only have so much time and from the minute I wake up until I go to sleep, I am running around doing things. I fit in cleaning/de-cluttering when I can, but really there isn't much time to fit it in. I've found that working in big chunks of time works much better for me, and that's how I got the 2 bedrooms done. I've been chipping away at the other rooms, but without really organizing them and having places for things to go, it's very difficult to maintain any progress I make. I keep waiting until I can reasonably make another big chunk of time to clean another room, but every time I think I might have some, something comes up -- a birthday party, an important event I need to prepare for/attend, etc. A big huge worry that's always in the back of my mind is that I need repairs done in the house -- toilets, windows, stove, etc. These could all be FREE because I'm renting, but I can't have the landlord in! Also, I'm quite sure that at some point this summer 9in the next couple of months! ), I'll get a 24-hr. notice in my mailbox for window repair -- and the windows are all over the house so I couldn't just do a quick stash-and-dash and close up some rooms -- they'd be repairing windows on every level and in many rooms. I should also add that my house is very, very, very cluttered, although not very "dirty" with the exception of a couple of areas in the kitchen or another room from time to time, or things like a lost old lunch in a corner somewhere under a bunch of stuff, and my carpets are mostly not great either.I know that eventually I could get my house cleaned up, but one thing that has often happened in the past is that I make slow progress, then I get a notice about a landlord inspection, then I have to do a mad stash-and-dash where things look half-decent but aren't organized in the least, and afterward I can't find anything, have to open boxes and undo my "clean" areas, and things are often worse than before. So I don't have an unlimited amount of time to work with. I remember once talking about school with a PhD student I was working with, when I was stressed about trying to balance a heavy school work load and home and other responsibilities (being a single mother with 2 young kids), and I said something like, I wish I could pause time, or I wished I had an unlimited amount of time to finish my assignments. Besides being young, not being in a relationship and not having children or many outside responsibilities besides school, he was one of those highly motivated achievers who doesn't like to hear excuses. I always worked hard and didn't go around complaining about things; not many people at school even knew I had kids. But he responded by saying "no one has an unlimited amount of time". Of course that's true! That's stuck with me because I thought -- AM I making excuses? So, about the stages of change -- I feel as if I'm trying to take action but it's very difficult. I sometimes give up because other priorities take over for a while. I am overwhelmed. I think about stages of change for other issues and I feel as if some problems are different because they don't require the same amount of time, always (I don't want to downplay this, I know there is time required for attending meetings, etc.) But if I really want to change (which I really, really do!) -- is my lack of time an excuse on my road to change? If it is, or if it isn't, what does this mean for me? my "prioritizing" thread. link to "prioritizing" thread:takeonestepatatime.proboards.com/index.cgi?action=display&board=general&thread=18278 Hi messyme!In my opinion .... If you are consciously doing more cleaning than messing (i.e. for every mess you make, you clean it up, plus you also clean up something else). -- AND -- if you are tossing more than you're acquiring (this applies to purchases, mail, and gifts) -- AND -- If you commit to doing this every day (or if, over the course of a week, it averages out that you've bettered your home in some way) ... -- THEN -- you are committing to and ACTING on changing your home. How much or what speed is "good enough" to be considered the "ACTION stage"? I'm not sure.
But I suggest reading the definition in this link again:From that, I read it as making a commitment and following through consistently over a long period of time. It doesn't say how large the commitment must be, but don't rationalize a lack of action. It's hard to compare with other addictions. Is smoking one less cigarette a day "ACTION"? Or is it "PREPARATION"? OR must you be actually quitting and staying off the cigarettes -- in order to be demonstrating REAL ACTION?
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Post by messyme on Jun 23, 2012 20:34:07 GMT -5
I read this thread a little while ago and keep thinking about it. I have no idea what stage I'm at. Here is my problem -- I'm very short on time. This sounds like a big old excuse, and I'm trying to figure out if it's really just an excuse. I know I need to change, I'm ready to change, and I've been actively working on it -- posting here, reading books about hoarding/clutter, cleaning parts of my house and maintaining them. But, other parts of my house (and car!) are either not getting cleaner or are getting worse. This problem prompted me to start a thread about "prioritizing" because I thought, maybe my lack of time is an excuse. Or maybe it's not an excuse, but it's a big obstacle to my change and I need to do something about it -- maybe if I'm really ready to change, I need to take some more drastic action! I thought maybe if I posted here, you all could help with a reality check -- am I making excuses, holding myself back? First of all, thanks to everyone who responded to my "prioritizing" thread. I was taking 2 summer courses and I still am, but although I wasn't able to actually drop one of them, I am just ignoring it, not doing the work and will get an "F" (which was a suggestion from that thread, thank you!). That won't be a really big deal, but the extra time that has afforded me (and less stress) is, so it was a good choice. In that thread, I also mentioned that I was helping my parents out -- my mom had had surgery and wasn't able to drive for many weeks, and my dad doesn't drive. So I was driving them around. Also, my parents watch the kids from time to time, and they weren't really able to do that for a while. As of a few days ago, my mom is able to drive, so that's a big relief to me and will give me a few extra hours per week at least. So. those are good things -- BUT school (for my kids) is done in a couple of weeks, and that will obviously take many hours of my "free" time away, probably more than I've gained. I've made some progress, but it's very slow. Two bedrooms are nicely cleaned and organized and are being maintained. But others, as I said, are worse. I only have so much time and from the minute I wake up until I go to sleep, I am running around doing things. I fit in cleaning/de-cluttering when I can, but really there isn't much time to fit it in. I've found that working in big chunks of time works much better for me, and that's how I got the 2 bedrooms done. I've been chipping away at the other rooms, but without really organizing them and having places for things to go, it's very difficult to maintain any progress I make. I keep waiting until I can reasonably make another big chunk of time to clean another room, but every time I think I might have some, something comes up -- a birthday party, an important event I need to prepare for/attend, etc. A big huge worry that's always in the back of my mind is that I need repairs done in the house -- toilets, windows, stove, etc. These could all be FREE because I'm renting, but I can't have the landlord in! Also, I'm quite sure that at some point this summer 9in the next couple of months! ), I'll get a 24-hr. notice in my mailbox for window repair -- and the windows are all over the house so I couldn't just do a quick stash-and-dash and close up some rooms -- they'd be repairing windows on every level and in many rooms. I should also add that my house is very, very, very cluttered, although not very "dirty" with the exception of a couple of areas in the kitchen or another room from time to time, or things like a lost old lunch in a corner somewhere under a bunch of stuff, and my carpets are mostly not great either.I know that eventually I could get my house cleaned up, but one thing that has often happened in the past is that I make slow progress, then I get a notice about a landlord inspection, then I have to do a mad stash-and-dash where things look half-decent but aren't organized in the least, and afterward I can't find anything, have to open boxes and undo my "clean" areas, and things are often worse than before. So I don't have an unlimited amount of time to work with. I remember once talking about school with a PhD student I was working with, when I was stressed about trying to balance a heavy school work load and home and other responsibilities (being a single mother with 2 young kids), and I said something like, I wish I could pause time, or I wished I had an unlimited amount of time to finish my assignments. Besides being young, not being in a relationship and not having children or many outside responsibilities besides school, he was one of those highly motivated achievers who doesn't like to hear excuses. I always worked hard and didn't go around complaining about things; not many people at school even knew I had kids. But he responded by saying "no one has an unlimited amount of time". Of course that's true! That's stuck with me because I thought -- AM I making excuses? So, about the stages of change -- I feel as if I'm trying to take action but it's very difficult. I sometimes give up because other priorities take over for a while. I am overwhelmed. I think about stages of change for other issues and I feel as if some problems are different because they don't require the same amount of time, always (I don't want to downplay this, I know there is time required for attending meetings, etc.) But if I really want to change (which I really, really do!) -- is my lack of time an excuse on my road to change? If it is, or if it isn't, what does this mean for me? link to "prioritizing" thread:takeonestepatatime.proboards.com/index.cgi?action=display&board=general&thread=18278 Hi messyme!In my opinion .... If you are consciously doing more cleaning than messing (i.e. for every mess you make, you clean it up, plus you also clean up something else). -- AND -- if you are tossing more than you're acquiring (this applies to purchases, mail, and gifts) -- AND -- If you commit to doing this every day (or if, over the course of a week, it averages out that you've bettered your home in some way) ... -- THEN -- you are committing to and ACTING on changing your home. How much or what speed is "good enough" to be considered the "ACTION stage"? I'm not sure.
But I suggest reading the definition in this link again:From that, I read it as making a commitment and following through consistently over a long period of time. It doesn't say how large the commitment must be, but don't rationalize a lack of action. It's hard to compare with other addictions. Is smoking one less cigarette a day "ACTION"? Or is it "PREPARATION"? OR must you be actually quitting and staying off the cigarettes -- in order to be demonstrating REAL ACTION?
These are the types of questions I was struggling with -- I don't know if there's such a thing as a clear "action stage" -- as in you're either at this stage or you're not.Thanks for re-posting the definition of the action stage. Written the way it is, I'd say I'm definitely in the "action stage". I'm also cleaning more than messing, getting rid of more than I'm bringing in, etc. I've been at this for about 10 years, though. I've made some progress at different times, then things happen (moving, children, extra responsibilities) and although I think I have been making some (uneven) progress this whole time, I've begun to realize that my plan of action is not reasonable and so that's why I'm questioning whether I'm really in the "action stage". After 10 years, I might have 9,000 items in my home instead of 10,000 and my house might be a bit less squalorlous (ex: no mice, cleaner carpets under the mess, etc.) -- but I don't feel as if I can confidently say that I'm in the "action stage". I know that with other issues, someone can be in an "action stage", can relapse, and can get back into the action stage, and that this is actually the norm, rather than just progressing smoothly through each stage. You're right, it's very difficult to compare this to other addictions. But if I did -- even though I may not feel as if I'm in the "action stage", I also don't feel as if I'm moving back and forth between relapsing (or other stages) and action -- when I'm not moving forward as quickly, it's usually because I need to mentally take a break, because other things begin to take priority, or things like that. I continue to chip away at the mess at those times, but more unevenly and much more slowly. For your cigarette example, I think that cutting back one cigarette a day is definite action because, to anyone on the outside looking at this plan /actions, it is very reasonable -- ex: going from 20 to 19 to 18... the person is working very hard and within a few weeks, if the plan continues, he/she will not smoke at all. To anyone looking in from the outside, it is clear that the plan and corresponding actions will definitely lead to the goal of quitting smoking, within a reasonable amount of time. If, on the other hand, a 60-year-old person desperately wants to quit smoking, starts out smoking 30 cigarettes a year, and starts smoking one less cigarette a day per year, most years (so that they never smoke more, but some years they continue with the same number and some years they smoke one less per day) -- is this person considered to be in the "action stage"? To me, it doesn't seem as if they are. They do have a clear plan, and they're doing better every year. If they live to be 95 or 100, they will have probably quit smoking, if their action continues at the same pace. They're past the preparation stage. But there must be something between "preparation" and "action". Or, maybe action should be seen as being on a continuum, at least. If it is, I'm probably somewhere at the beginning...
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Post by CourageouslyLion SeeksSerenity on Jun 23, 2012 20:46:29 GMT -5
Messyme,
Do you have a specific goal?
or is it a vague "I kinda wanna have a nice house someday"
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Post by dtesposito on Jun 23, 2012 20:52:40 GMT -5
Fascinating posts, you guys!
Messyme, from your description I DO think you're in the action stage. But, you feel your action isn't enough, you're not progressing quickly enough. I'd still call it action, but if you''re not happy with it, then by all means you should try to speed it up if you can.
It's like anything else in life, you have to decide what's more important. There are always a whole lot of things we can choose to do every day, but we obviously can't choose to do everything. If you have kids, and you have to make a living, of course those come first. Everything else, you have to rank in order of importance to you.
And even though you're in action mode already, that doesn't mean that you already have all of the mental steps in place to let you do your best. You may still be holding on to too many things because you haven't really realized yet that more stuff has to go. Or, maybe you DO realize it has to go but you have so many other daily obligations you don't have the mental energy at the end of the day to even pick the stuff up, let alone make the decision.
I'm at a place myself where I have to speed up my book project. I would say most of the rest of my stuff is okay, but the fact that there are still too many books makes it too hard to clean. I'll never get in the cleaning habit if I avoid it because I can't mop the floor for all the books that are on it!
It's great that you're analyzing this, this will help you figure out a way to move forward.
Diane
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Post by dtesposito on Jun 23, 2012 20:58:16 GMT -5
Lion, the specific goal is a good point. I've been thinking about my books the last few days and my goal is accessibility to everything in my place. Yesterday I made a list of all of the furniture that is currently blocked by books. I've just about decided to make that my summer goal, to get everything away from this furniture. I think I'll post that here tomorrow, there's nothing like accountability to push you forward.
Diane
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Post by messyme on Jun 23, 2012 21:31:37 GMT -5
Messyme,
Do you have a specific goal?
or is it a vague "I kinda wanna have a nice house someday"- Good question, Lion! I don't have a very specific goal, but it's also not as vague as just sort of wanting to have a nice house someday. In the past it was more vague -- I was happy enough to just plug along and see that I was making some progress. And I was making more progress at one point, but then I moved into a smaller place and didn't really think about where I'd put all my stuff, and my kids were very young then (1 and 5) and I started going to school full-time right after I moved, and it got overwhealming. I guess I've been kind of continuing at the same pace, but not making as much progress as before (and I wasn't even making all that much then). I've also been growing more and more tired of it, and more desperate to get it under control as my kids get older and as I'm not seeing the progress I'd like to see for them/me. Also, this is a big thing -- at my old house, my landlord didn't do any kind of inspections. I was lucky that my appliances, etc. never broke down. I never needed anyone in the house. Now, my landlord comes in about 1-2 times/year -- once for an inspection (of all the fire alarms, etc.) and also for repairs (ex: new windows). I need some repairs done (stove, toilet, windows, etc.) and I also know that they'll be replacing some windows at some point -- I've heard rumours that it might be this summer. Every time I can see some good progress, it seems like I need to do a mad stash-and-dash, things get worse and more disorganized, I get extremely stressed and anxious, and I have to start again (with things just stuffed everywhere and not being able to find things, although some things are better/cleaner, many things are worse). I guess what I really, really want is to not have to stress out when the landlord comes. My house is extremely cluttered and I wouldn't be able to have it done (uncluttered, cleaned, organized) in the next couple of months; but I'd be SO happy if I could at least have it to a point where, if I needed to, I could let the landlord in with 24 hours notice without having to go crazy with cleaning, making things worse, and getting extremely anxious, embarassed and depressed. Even if it were a question of having a clean house but lots of boxes of stuff everywhere that I'm going through slowly when I have time -- that would be fine, because if I weren't at a point where I felt as if I could let anyone in, I could hire a mover and take the 100 or whatever number of boxes to my parents' house or a storage facility temporarily. That would obviously be a last resort, but if I didn't have to be skipping classes at school, down on my hands and knees scrubbing jam out of the carpet, stuffing things under beds and in closets, etc. -- that would still be amazing to me! My landlord has been in here once when it was really bad, and it was a horrible experience for me -- so horrible that I feel as if I've kind of blocked it out, so that it doesn't seem real to me, as if it really happened, and even though I know it did, it's like my brain doesn't let me think about it, but then I can't really take advantage of the motivation it might give me if I was really scared that would happen again! And yes, the problem with this goal is that I have no idea when I'll find a 24-hr. notice from my landlord in my mailbox! It could be tomorrow, it could be 8 weeks from now. So I don't know how fast I need to be working. And I don't know if I should assume that someone might need to come into my house in 24 hours (assume the worst), or if I should assume 8 weeks and make that my goal -- because if I assumed 24 hours, I'd have to borrow money to rent a van, throw a bunch of stuff in there, stay up all night, clean like mad, etc. and it wouldn't even be presentable by then, and of course my stuff would be all scattered and messed-up. I don't know if it could even be done in 8 weeks, although of course that's much more reasonable. If I didn't have any inspections or anything, I think I'd probably make some kind of specific goal -- ex: one room per month. Edited to add -- this makes it sound like that's what I would accomplish. That kind of specific goal is reasonable (in accomplishing my goal) and I would be happy if that's what happened, but other priorities always come up and I put cleaning on hold for a day or a week before continuing, or I can't do as much in a day as I'd like. So, in the past I've had different goals that were maybe too lofty, and didn't work out; but when I've made littler goals, I progress too slowly and then the landlord inspections, etc. come up. Either way, I don't achieve what I really want (and sometimes need) to. dtesposito -- that sounds like a good goal!
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Post by dtesposito on Jun 23, 2012 21:57:19 GMT -5
I kind of cringe when I hear the box idea, but that's only because of my own personal experience of boxing it up, piling it up, and HEY, cool, I never have to think about it again! But honestly, I see your point about the inspection, and I'm trying to think what I would do if I were you. Of course the best thing would be to go through each room carefully, get rid of everything you didn't need, find homes for everything you were keeping--but I get that you can't do that if they're coming soon. By the way, can't you call and ask the landlord? If he's seen your place messy, you could just say that you'd like to be sure your apartment is ready for the work to be done--I would think he would appreciate that. If you can't bring yourself to call, I think the next best thing is to figure out a medium time frame (not tomorrow, not the end of summer) and go ahead with the boxes, IF you can at least try to put like stuff together and try to do some basic labeling--nothing that would take a lot of time but just so that if you need something you have some kind of hope of finding it. If they don't come until the very end of summer (or not at all) at least you'll have your neat boxes and can then start sorting. If they come sooner, you'll still be better off than if you do nothing. And it sounds like you're kind of paralyzed so if you keep agonizing over it you'll do nothing and end up with the 24-hour panic scenario. You'll probably need a lot of boxes though! Diane
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Post by sidestep on Apr 27, 2014 12:20:20 GMT -5
~~~~~~ ~~~~~ Bumping this old thread for the useful information contained within!
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Post by wind on Apr 27, 2014 14:41:21 GMT -5
Cool poll and cool thread! I'm really happy to see the surprisingly large % of people who make it into maintenance! I've been a member here for 5 or 6 years now, and I'm about 50% into the "termination" phase, I guess. For example: - I am now one of those "Wash the dish as soon as you use it, and NEVER leave a dirty plate/cup/bowl in the sink" people. It's totally second nature now. And first washing any pots or pans soaking in the sink is now the first step in my "cooking prep" process - Whenever I'm thinking of buying ANYTHING, "Where will it live? Do I really have comfortable room for it, a logical home for it?" is now just as much a part of my thought process as "Can I afford it?" - I cringe at even the thought of putting clothes into the dryer without first folding and putting away the ones being taken out. I don't even own a hamper for clean clothes any more (my laundry folding and stacking table is right by the dryer) I still have weeks and months where I get behind on laundry, don't sweep and dust much if at all, toys ending up all over the house, etc...but ...I don't really consider that squalor, for me. That's just a "messy house" in a "normal" sense. I used to consider it "level one squalor" but that label no longer feels right to me, for me, at this point. Might have taken me half a decade to get here (I've been a member here a very long time), but I've been undoing ineffective habits and "ways" that took three decades to develop. So, it's all good.
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Post by hiding on Apr 27, 2014 20:03:58 GMT -5
Wind,
Thanks for bringing this forward. And thanks for letting us know it is possible to get to termination. I would rather use another word for that last stage. The last time I heard termination, I got booted out of my job. It also reminds me of death.
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Post by sidestep on Apr 27, 2014 20:32:40 GMT -5
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Post by hiding on Apr 27, 2014 20:45:39 GMT -5
Sidestep,
Yes that does help. Thank you.
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