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Post by Rennie Ellen on Dec 15, 2009 10:18:53 GMT -5
For the most part, having an in-home aide has been wonderful. I've gotten a lot done in my bedroom.
But my first aide, Amy, was only a fill-in. She's 21 (my daughter's age), married, has a nice personality. And she tackled my "BEDROOM OF DOOM" first thing and made a HUGE, HUGE dent in the clutter. I was impressed.
Brittany, my "permanent" aide, started yesterday. We made more progress in the bedroom. She was also pleasant to work with. But the problem was she told me to my face she had no problem with cats. After her shift yesterday, she called the office and told them she was allergic to cats and couldn't work for me anymore.
I would have understood about being allergic and not blamed her one bit....but LYING to my face about it? I have VERY low tolerance for people lying. Started when my ex-husband had an affair and LIED about it. So I don't appreciate being lied to. If you got a problem with the cat's hair, tell me. I won't bite your head off. That's what I told the in-home aide supervisor yesterday.
"She probably didn't want to hurt your feelings," she said. I told her that lying to me hurt my feelings more than if she'd just been honest and told me she was allergic to cats in the first place.
So they're going to see if the first aide, Amy, can work for me, since she has a cat and being around one won't be a problem for her.
The first time I had to have an aide was when I had cancer. My first aide, Marianne, was an older lady. I had her for three years. I lucked out that time, getting her.
This time, however, I guess it's going to be a bit harder. Like everything else in my life right now. 
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Post by minball on Dec 15, 2009 10:28:06 GMT -5
Aw, Rennie Ellen, that's too bad. My sister relies on in-home care, and when she needs to find someone new, it always takes us a while to find a person who is a good fit both in terms of capability and personality. At least you found out about Brittany's character early on, rather than dealing with little half-truths for months on end. I hope that Amy is able to work with you full time, since she likes cats and seems to have a nice personality. And it seems like the agency is willing to work with you to find someone who fits your needs, which is good to hear. I'm sorry you're having a frustrating time with this, and I hope things work out for you soon.
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Post by Peach on Dec 15, 2009 11:27:33 GMT -5
Hi Rennie ~~ My family has in-house aides coming in 3x/week to help with my mother. We went through the same with my father in his final years. For the most part, they are wonderful. But, not all aides are created equal in personality, compatibility and/or skill. Thankfully the agency you are working with is sympathetic to your concerns.
Please remember, also, that the aides are not really friends. They are being paid to work with you. They are employees of the agency. Sometimes it is difficult to tell someone to their face how you really feel, especially if you like that person (meaning you). Since the aides are agency employees, it is appropriate that they voice their problems with their employer (the agency) rather than directly with you. The aide might have been concerned that, if she was entirely truthful to your face, you might become upset and require medical assistance.
Please don't take it personally. Even though the aides are performing personal services, this is a business relationship. You should expect nothing more.
If an aide becomes a friend, that is great. We have one such person who cared for my dad. Craig drops by frequently to see how my brother and mother are doing. Not as an aide but as a caring friend. But, that is probably a rare occurrence.
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Post by phoenixcat on Dec 15, 2009 11:56:36 GMT -5
Hi Rennie, Just to present another side to it. We have lots of cats and on occasion, some family members have come to our home and they also have pets (cats and dogs). But due to our volume of cats and that we have old rental house carpeting - people that have cats in their own homes - can't handle our home for very long.  I'm not the best housekeeper but we do vacuum before we knowingly have guests over. However, it is just the accumulation. So, to give the worker the benefit of the doubt - maybe both statements were true. When she came for the first time - she was fine with cats. However, after working in a room that probably had some additional accumulation of allergens (cat hair, etc.) - she may have reacted more strongly (allergy wise) than she expected. Although, if that is the case, it would have been nice for her to tell you personally either that day or when she knew she couldn't return. But that may be a policy of the company - that she needs to contact you through them or something. Your post just reminded me that on the very rare occasions when we have visitors, we always tell them if you have any slight discomfort with cats it will be magnified a 1000 percent in our home!  And, many times, they say "oh, I'll be fine" and it isn't 15 minutes before you see them sneezing and eyes watering. So, in my experience, people have a misconception of their allergen tolerance because certain situations can bring it out more than others. I hope that the original lady can return for you. She sounds like a treasure. Best wishes, PC |
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Post by Chris on Dec 15, 2009 16:59:26 GMT -5
Hi Rennie, I hope you can get Amy back! I know sometimes it is very confusing when people say one thing then another. And I think sometimes it's not a great idea for management to give the reasons. Having worked as a "provider" and a "caregiver" I know that sometimes it's just a mis-match. It would be so nice if there was no harm done and a better match found ASAP so that the one getting care and the one giving care could be matched up as closely as possible. I think they have a hard time getting people to work for the wages offered and so I've seen that often it's whoever they can get. I've seen that side of it because we had to have providers for my fatherinlaw when I had my hysterectomy and I couldn't lift him for 6 months. But I will be keeping high hopes that you will get an aide who is very nice and will help you and not be bothered by the cat.  Good luck. |
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Post by shopgirl on Dec 15, 2009 17:10:24 GMT -5
I don't think she was lying to you. I am allergic to SOME cats, and not allergic to others. I have a cat myself! But my best friend's cat has a different type of fur, I think. The first time I visited her, I didn't realize I was allergic to her cat until I got home that night and started wheezing, itchy throat, and my eyes swelled up. It took a couple hours for the allergy symptoms to take hold.
That is the same way with horses for me. I'm fine while I'm riding, but later that night I have to go to the emergency room for a shot. So now I know I can't ride horses anymore, even though I did every day when I was a kid.
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Post by mellowyellow on Dec 15, 2009 18:26:45 GMT -5
When I first got my sister's cat, I had a terrible time with runny nose and red eyes. And yet, I already had two of my own cats. My sister's lovely, gentle, little calico had incredibly long, soft hair.. and for some reason, it set off my allergies, as none of the other two cats (short haired tabbies) had done.
It was so bad that I was wondering how I was going to survive. I had agreed to take the cat, to prevent my sister from having to take it to the animal shelter (new baby in the small apartment and husband with cat phobia). And of all the cats, this one liked, and still does like, to sleep RIGHT AGAINST MY FACE and NECK. RIGHT UP CLOSE.
It took me about two months, and then thankfully my system got used to her unique hair and dander. It does happen...
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Post by Rennie Ellen on Dec 15, 2009 22:41:09 GMT -5
That's interesting. I was allergic to cats when I was a child, so my mom kept me away from ALL cats. When I got Angel, I had the sniffles and a runny nose, but in a week I guess I got used to her. Or she got used to me. At any rate, it worked out.
Well, maybe it's because I'm a suspicious person, or going to all these doctor appointments and coumadin clinic twice a week and starting up cardiac rehab and being sick and tired of this new routine has got me to thinking weird things....BUT....
What if Brittany (aide #2) REALLY left because the clutter in my bedroom looked bad to her? Maybe she took a look at the entire apartment and said, "This job isn't for me! I'm out of here!"
I thought about that on the way home from the Heart Center this afternoon. Maybe this was her way to get out of working at my place because it was THAT bad to her. Then any aide could use any kind of excuse to get out of working in my home -- "I'm allergic to the cat" (I'm still not buying that totally because she looked me right in the FACE and said she WASN'T allergic to cats at all -- she even petted Angel!)...."I have a bad back"....or anything else to get out of cleaning my apartment.
Sigh. Ain't I just full of optimism?
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Post by mellowyellow on Dec 15, 2009 23:35:27 GMT -5
You know.. I thought of that...
But then... what if she DID leave because of that?? If that's the case.. then she really was very kind not to bring it up, and to try to use a socially acceptable excuse to make it seem less harsh or mean or direct....
But I still think the cat thing was the issue. Add that to carpet and clutter, and it can make those of us who are sensitive have serious allergic reactions.
I spent years of my teen and early adulthood years thinking I had horrible allergies, only to find out as a later adult that it was just because my bedroom was in the basement, and I rarely dusted or vacuumed the area. Pure dust allergies, that got set off everytime I tried to clean.
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Post by shopgirl on Dec 16, 2009 2:59:20 GMT -5
Rennie Ellen, hold on to the secure thought: she was simply allergic to your cat. What she said. No fear!
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Post by howardsgirlfriend on Dec 16, 2009 11:22:43 GMT -5
Please don't feel too hurt. Whatever her reason, she was trying to be diplomatic by going to her supervisor. I've worked in healthcare for 30+years, and we're taught to avoid confronting our patients and possibly upsetting them. You might not have been offended, but SHE doesn't know you as well as YOU do.
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Post by Rennie Ellen on Dec 16, 2009 14:12:01 GMT -5
UPDATE!!!!
Amy, the 1st aide who came over, is now my permanent aide. Her time is from 10:15 AM to 12:30 PM MWF, so I'm bending my schedule around that.
I told her what happened with the 2nd aide and about her saying she was allergic to cats and the cat hair in the bedroom was bothering her. "That can't be so," she said. "Remember I vacuumed the bedroom for about 15 minutes because it hadn't been vacuumed in there for a long time?"
Which is why I'm really starting to doubt the cat allergy story more and more....but that's OK. I feel more comfortable around Amy. She's willing to do whatever needs to get done so I can pass the inspection and to organize things.
Amy (I helped a little) finished the bedroom today! She even made up the bed! I can't sleep on it because of my back, but at least it no longer looks like a "Bedroom of Doom" but a regular bedroom. After my yearly inspection, we're going to take a bag out of the bedroom closet a day and sort through the clothes, wash and dry them, and hang them back up in the closet. But for now my bedroom is passable for inspection! Yay!
I can "piddle" around and do other things in-between her visits.
I just can't get over how GOOD my bedroom looks now! 
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Post by CourageouslyLion SeeksSerenity on Dec 16, 2009 14:46:27 GMT -5
UPDATE!!!!
Amy, the 1st aide who came over, is now my permanent aide.
....but that's OK. I feel more comfortable around Amy. She's willing to do whatever needs to get done so I can pass the inspection and to organize things.
Amy (I helped a little) finished the bedroom today! She even made up the bed! I can't sleep on it because of my back, but at least it no longer looks like a "Bedroom of Doom" but a regular bedroom.
After my yearly inspection, we're going to take a bag out of the bedroom closet a day and sort through the clothes, wash and dry them, and hang them back up in the closet.
But for now my bedroom is passable for inspection! Yay!
I can "piddle" around and do other things in-between her visits.
I just can't get over how GOOD my bedroom looks now!  AWESOME !!! I told her what happened with the 2nd aide and about her saying she was allergic to cats and the cat hair in the bedroom was bothering her. "That can't be so," she said. "Remember I vacuumed the bedroom for about 15 minutes because it hadn't been vacuumed in there for a long time?"
Which is why I'm really starting to doubt the cat allergy story more and more....but that's OK. I feel more comfortable around Amy. All's well that ends well!
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Post by 7sweetbabiesgranny on Dec 16, 2009 18:08:06 GMT -5
I'm glad this is working out now.
The one was probably like me and I only want to say positive things to people.
Please don't take it personaly.
I guess I'm just a people pleaser.
4 sweet babies grannie
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Post by puppybox on Dec 17, 2009 17:02:23 GMT -5
Rennie, it is possible it had nothign to do with the cat. I too hate it when people try to be nice by lying to save your feelings. I'm getting more used to it but its not my style. it all turned out for the best though didnt' it? a blessing in disguise type situation.
allergies is something I know a bit about, being allergic to many many many things. For me, it's the saliva and ammonia from the pee (sorry to mention it) that I'm really allergic too, not the hair. the hair only affects me becasue the cat licks itself. I am SO allergic to any litterbox that I have to hold my breath if I go to the bathroom in someone's house that has a litterbox in it, while I may be fine in the living room (if its far away from the litterbox).
NOTE: I am NOT saying your litterbox is very dirty! Unless you scoop after EVERY pee then it would still affect me. my lungs start closing up at the slightest amount.
and I have 2 dogs. one's saliva makes me itch, the other doesn't. allergies are wacky.
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