mizzlora
New Member
Joined: July 2008
Posts: 13
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Post by mizzlora on Jul 13, 2008 12:45:53 GMT -5
Hi, guys
I'm so much of a newbie, I can't even figure out how to post. I hope I did it right ("start new thread"). If I didn't, please clue me in.
Also, while you're at it, I don't know how to "operate" the smileys and I don't know what the "tags" are. I could use some help there, as well.
I can't stay on long....gotta clear off my dining room table HA HA!!
My preferred method is dumping it all into paper boxes I bring home from work -- and then leafing through them when it can't be put off any longer to pull out my bills and anything else that I have to do something about and just dumping everything else into another paper box as I go and stowing them in the closet.
And I "need" to clear off my dining room table before I can balance my checkbook, which is what I'm actually putting off because I am afraid to do it. I don't want to do it because I know I'm already in the hole for July and I haven't paid any bills except my rent and I don't get paid until the 31st and I don't have any credit cards and I've about run out of patient relatives. But this month was gonna be different, really! I was going to stick to my guns this time! And I really "meant" it when I said it. I am, as I ever am, frustrated, angry at myself, and ashamed of myself.
I found this site by typing in "hoarding," (a term I came across in reading about ADD). I've been thinking I have ADD, taking ineffective medicine for ADD, and finding the "techniques" that are supposed to help me to live better with ADD simplistic and overwhelming at the same time.
I had never thought "hoarding" applied to me, because I don't save things for fear I'll need them one day...quite the opposite, in fact. But I am compulsively cluttery and messy to the point that it makes it impossible for me to find anything I need and I'm way too embarrassed to let people into my house.
Essentially everything on the site applied to me, so much so that I printed everything off and gave it to my therapist to read.
The joy of finding this site and this forum is that, as others have written here, I thought I was the only one. That this is my unique problem and I had to find a way to fix it all by overwhelmed, anxious, depressed self.
On the other hand, joining this forum this morning was really really REALLY hard to do. 'Fessing up to what "feels" like a shameful thing.
I do want to change, -- I don't believe, at this exact moment, that I WILL change -- but it stands to reason that it's got to be easier to change my behavior with the support of other people who know what it's like, other than just friends and family who "wish they could help."
So, hello, everyone!
(You might already be getting the drift, but I'll warn you that someone once gave me a red,white, and blue button that said U.S. Olympic Talking Team!)
By for now. I'm already feeling empowered to bypass cleaning off the dining room table and get to balancing that checkbook! But of course before I can do that I must first dress and go out and get get something to eat because it's almost noon and all I have in the fridge is about 4 ounces of orange juice and I'm diabetic. Man, do I need to be here.
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Post by CourageouslyLion SeeksSerenity on Jul 13, 2008 14:28:16 GMT -5
I can't stay on long....gotta clear off my dining room table HA HA!!
My preferred method is dumping it all into paper boxes I bring home from work -- and then leafing through them when it can't be put off any longer to pull out my bills and anything else that I have to do something about and just dumping everything else into another paper box as I go and stowing them in the closet. Yup, yup, yup. That's been my method of "dealing with paperwork" for years.  I have decades of boxes of stuff like that shoved into closets, onto shelves, stacked in corners, and stuffed into the back room. I had never thought "hoarding" applied to me, because I don't save things for fear I'll need them one day...quite the opposite, in fact. But I am compulsively cluttery and messy to the point that it makes it impossible for me to find anything I need and I'm way too embarrassed to let people into my house. Yup. that's the type of hoarder that I am, too. And I "need" to clear off my dining room table before I can balance my checkbook, which is what I'm actually putting off because I am afraid to do it. I don't want to do it because I know I'm already in the hole for July and I haven't paid any bills except my rent and I don't get paid until the 31st and I don't have any credit cards and I've about run out of patient relatives. But this month was gonna be different, really! I was going to stick to my guns this time! And I really "meant" it when I said it. I am, as I ever am, frustrated, angry at myself, and ashamed of myself. Oh yes, I know that one, too. I found help for that both from these forums and from www.debtorsanonymous.org/Really, the problems of financial chaos and housekeeping chaos go hand-in-hand. I'm already feeling empowered to bypass cleaning off the dining room table and get to balancing that checkbook! But of course before I can do that I must first dress and go out and get get something to eat because it's almost noon and all I have in the fridge is about 4 ounces of orange juice and I'm diabetic. Man, do I need to be here. Yup, food issues get very stressed when our kitchen is a wreck, our mind is cluttered, and we have no money. Although I'm not diabetic, I do have "food issues". I pretty much have everything in common with everything you've typed. And just about all of us can relate to .... before I do this, I need to find that, ... but before I find that, I have to get this, ... but then I need to go here ... but where are my keys, eyeglasses and shoes? ... oh wait ... then the box over there may-or-may-not have the what I need for the previous task, but there is no room to sort the stuff from that box, because I need to clear the table, but then where will I put the stuff from the table? ... What was I starting out to do? .... etc., etc., etc. ... endless circles of chaos. Love your signature line! My name CourageouslyLion_SeeksSerenity is a combination of the old prayer "God grant me the Serenity to accept the thins I cannot change, the Courage to change the things I can, and the Wisdom to know the difference" AND"CourageouslyLion" as a contrast to the "Cowardly Lion" from the Wizard of Oz. As the Wizard said to the Lion: "You are now a member of the Legion of Courage!"  _ |
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mizzlora
New Member
Joined: July 2008
Posts: 13
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Post by mizzlora on Jul 13, 2008 15:21:05 GMT -5
Thanks for all the replies and the kind words and "comradeship."
As someone (sorry, I don't know how to go back and check) noted in a reply: "Really, the problems of financial chaos and housekeeping chaos go hand-in-hand."
For anyone who isn't aware of it, there's a new book out called Does this Clutter make my Butt Look Fat? (by Peter Walsh) where the author explains how all the clutter in our lives...housekeeping, financial, eating, etc., is connected. I hadn't thought of it that way until I read that book.
(I think in the instructions it said it's OK to mention a resource, as long as you don't belabor it, or try to sell it or anything. However, if I "broke the rules" by mentioning the book, please let me know. Thanks!)
When I went out to eat I thought, oh, I need to go get a throwaway camera so I can take before pictures (further delaying the horror of checkbook balancing) -- BUT TALKED MYSELF OUT OF IT AS MERELY A DELAYING TECHNIQUE, then came home and resisted the (almost irresistible) urge to take a nap, and used the excuse that, to avoid lying down on the couch and napping, I would turn on the computer and check to see if anyone had replied to my post.
It's 2:15. I'm going to go balance the checkbook and when I'm done I'm going to "check" back in.
I already appreciate this forum and you all so much!
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Post by pegasus48 on Jul 13, 2008 16:28:52 GMT -5
Welcome Mizzlora. Glad to have you here! I sure do know about the "before this I gotta do thats". I can go around in circles until I am dizzy. I am trying to break the vicious circle, but it sure ain't always easy. Reading the posts here does help me and I am sure it will help you too. So, welcome to the S.O.S. family.  |
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Post by dirtybooks on Jul 13, 2008 16:49:42 GMT -5
Welcome! I feel for you so sincerely. As I do for all my Squalor Siblings. Welcome to you and to an end to being ashamed of your Squalor situation. We have all been in some variation on what you're doing right now (I almost wrecked my credit 'causeI couldn't find my Stafford Loan repayment booklet  ) I can't tell you enough how safe you are here from the kind of judgment you fear others will heap upon you if they ever see your home. I thought that anyone with any kind of true responsibility on their shoulders -- rent, kids, house payments, property taxes, etc. -- would have little time for a 31-year-old who can't see her way clear to finishing college because she has "issues," but you know what? Real sense and a real sense of responsibility come with compassion and love for people in pain and trouble. And all I have met here are supportive, truly responsible people. They just have the same pest in their heads that I have in mine. The one that says, "It will hurt if you put that in the garbage. Oh, and by the way, you'll never be a Normal, Clean Person who doesn't pick at his/her ego and skin constantly." I know now that I can stop picking at my skin. I can clean. I may not have it all down yet. But I'm getting there. You will feel it happening for you soon, too. :-D |
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