|
|
Post by 60isolderthanithot on Jan 28, 2010 17:15:25 GMT -5
The rains ruined a pile of things. I've spent two days now fishing through containers which turned into aquariums. I've been whining and moping and losing sleep. Today, just a while ago, I really hit some kind of bottom.
I am sawing a set of four MacKenzie chairs (or they used to be, now they are soggy garbage, a Moss Hotel in the building stages) to bits so I can toss them out with regular garbage tomorrow. I cannot do anything else with them.
First I tried a hand saw. It was slow, agonizing, I started crying. I tried to hammer on it but this stuff really was built well, that was tough. I've brought out the big gun: a power tool to demo this thing as if it were the Berlin wall. I got one chair done and came inside, exhausted. I cannot stop crying and sniffling. This feels like I'm vivisecting a family pet! There are three to go.
What can I do? I'm going to DO this thing. I am. But is there some way not to suffer so much? It's humiliating and infuriating and I'm nauseated. I thought it felt bad to toss books that I tried so hard to protect but this is so much worse.
|
|
|
|
Post by Chris on Jan 28, 2010 17:43:56 GMT -5
I don't have any words of wisdom. But I want to say that I think you are very brave -- because you're sticking to the job -- dealing with the ruined things even though it would be easier not to. I'm sorry that your things got ruined. I'd be upset too. I hope you feel better soon and have the chore behind you.  |
|
|
|
Post by moggyfan on Jan 28, 2010 18:02:42 GMT -5
I forget if you have a car, but if you do, can you put them in the back and take them to a dumpster someplace? At least you wouldn't have to deal with them so long or so brutally. :-(
If that won't work, I can only offer sympathy and the certain knowledge that this too shall pass. I am sorry you are having to deal with it.
|
|
|
|
Post by 60isolderthanithot on Jan 28, 2010 18:08:04 GMT -5
Three down, one to go. This will pass, I know, I know, my brain knows. My heart is throwing up.
|
|
|
|
Post by gettingsomewhere on Jan 28, 2010 18:20:38 GMT -5
dear 60, thinking of you and wishing i could be there for you.
"My heart is throwing up." Amazing words. Big hugs and Bravo to you. xxx
|
|
|
|
Post by charis on Jan 28, 2010 18:27:57 GMT -5
Oh, sixty. At least you haven't been drained of your ability to turn a phrase: "my brain knows. My heart is throwing up". I am keeping that one as ammunition for myself next time I have to do something wrenching.
G'bless. You are powering through
|
|
|
|
Post by def6 on Jan 28, 2010 20:52:29 GMT -5
Hey there "60 is older" , I've really enjoyed talken to you in chat and I just have to say ....Pick yourself now! You are wearing yourself out in the demolition process. Look up the rules and regs online for trash pick up. Here we get to place a neat pile of junk on the corner and they will pick it up for free. I have a big pile out there now(the neighbors keep going through it.) Also, we have a burn pile ...but be careful with that one.
|
|
|
|
Post by sparkle on Jan 28, 2010 22:03:42 GMT -5
Sixty. I could just sit in a puddle and cry with you. As if the ogres weren't making your life difficult enough, here you've been inundated with these endless rains. I'd be upset, too, at losing so many things that you obviously cared about. Wish I could be there to help you. We could maybe find a laugh here and there. |
|
spiritwalk
New Member
Joined: December 2009
Posts: 58
|
Post by spiritwalk on Jan 28, 2010 22:43:53 GMT -5
Sixty...I know you can do it. Things are just things. They don't last anyhow. They decay and go back to dust and start over again.
I know some places have a special trash pick-up in April and I used to put out tons of stuff. But now I live in the country and must pay for everything so it is harder.
Wish I could be there and help you. All I can do is support you via these messages and chat. But know that I do support you!
Spiritwalk
|
|
hopehope
Banned
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 3,815 
|
Post by hopehope on Jan 28, 2010 23:57:04 GMT -5
3 down! wow. my admiration.
heart is with you.
|
|
donotenter
New Member
Joined: January 2010
Posts: 14
|
Post by donotenter on Jan 29, 2010 0:15:16 GMT -5
This is what it comes down to because we are hoarders. We "cherish and value" an item so much that we can't get rid of it, but so much of the time we don't know where it is....or it gets damaged and ruined because we have too much and no room. You can do this!
|
|
|
|
Post by 60isolderthanithot on Jan 29, 2010 12:01:01 GMT -5
Update: I was on the phone to just about everybody except the Suicide Hotline yesterday, trying to find the will to do what I knew I had to do. The remains of all those chairs now sit in bins outside, waiting for the garbage trucks. It was a tough night. Woke up at 3 in the morning with a violent headache. Eventually went back to sleep for a couple of hours and today, I'm a little numb. I will continue to toss things from the mess when I get the empty garbage bins back.
Did I mention that one of my neighbors saw me outside and asked if I'd used his (empty) bin? I said yes, apologized. He didn't seem all that upset. He said next time, just put it out on Friday morning. Which means he expects there to be a next time! I'm really thankful. I will make that guy some home made bread and many apologies. (Secretly, I hope there will be no next time, really. I'm that close to the final turn.)
One of my roomies has emptied his weekend schedule so we can get the whole thing done by Sunday night. I could weep. I hope it won't take that but maybe it will. Three people have stepped up to work Saturday morning. The Big Deal is that now I'm back to two lockers and I'd like to pull a big cleanup session with the one that is "old," so I can dump everything possible, hoping to get back to one locker.
I'm seriously thinking about the wisdom of going through all the boxes. I'm okay with tossing so many things now but yesterday, finding some personal things, things which excited memories and ... everything... really threw me. Loss, grief, regret, guilt, sadness, all landed on me suddenly. It felt crushing.
Thank you SO much for standing by and offering support, I really needed it and I appreciate it more than I know how to say.
|
|
|
|
Post by ponygirl on Jan 29, 2010 12:16:30 GMT -5
This will pass, I know, I know, my brain knows. My heart is throwing up. |
|
|
|
Post by blessedapt on Jan 29, 2010 22:35:06 GMT -5
Thanks for the update. I'm so glad that you have people who have stepped up to help you. That's really great! Let us know how you progress.
Sending you lots of energetic vibes.
|
|
hopehope
Banned
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 3,815
|
Post by hopehope on Jan 30, 2010 0:49:57 GMT -5
Great going.
|
|
