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Post by roseoftexas on Jul 17, 2008 22:21:31 GMT -5
Oh, stop with the negative self-talk already, right?  OK, let me re-phrase that: I am so capable of doing completely IDIOTIC TOTALLY OVER THE TOP PERFECTIONISTIC THINGS!  ARGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! Tomorrow's my mom's birthday. She's constantly complaining about all my crap in the garage. The garage floods - some of you may remember that incident back a few months ago. So then I brought half my crap in the house (utility room) - wet, moldy, stinky, and now I think the cats are even peeing on it. Driving my parents nuts. It's just driving them crazy. So I get this wild idea that I'm gonna empty out this building - this thing - this place...whatever you call it, in the freakin' back yard - a back yard storage building? And I do this 30 minutes before sundown and I decide...yes, here comes the REALLY BRILLIANT PART: I'm going to remove my late grandfather's hand-made workbenches by myself from this building. He died in 1980? '81? He made these things himself - I'm sure in the early '70s. So half my crap is in the house and the other half in the garage is driving my parents COMPLETELY crazy - I decide I'm gonna move ALL my crap out to this little storage building. And you know - it's not a totally unrealistic idea. But as of this writing, it is exactly 2 hours and 15 minutes before the stroke of midnight and my mother's birthday. And I waited to do this until now? I feel like such a complete, total, freakin' IDIOT!!!!! Talked to my Dad tonight - he is supposed to provide 'interference' for me (keep my dear mother away from this place til Sunday). I already told him I was gonna clean the garage. And he was like OH WOW!!! What a great birthday!  So I've like committed to this now - there's no guarantees though that he's gonna be able to keep her away from this house for the next 2 days. And I took ALL THE CRAP that was in the storage building and put it in the yard. In the dark, no less. And those workbenches - there were 2 of them. Very heavy. My idea was to like hose everything down including the inside of the storage building which is sitting on a concrete foundation and spray for bugs and then put everything back in a neat and orderly manner, along with all of my crap. And here I sit, all hot and sweaty. And quite overwhelmed. I have "committed" myself to doing this and now I can't get out of it. Of course, my mom knows something is up. She knows we're at least going out to lunch after they get out of church and I get off work on Sunday. She would be so happy to see the garage all cleaned out. I just feel like such an idiot! I don't know what I was thinking dragging those dad-gum workbenches out in the yard by myself, in the dark, getting eaten up all over by mosquitoes. My overweight, out-of-shape self trying to drag these big long (like 6 ft? 7 ft long, maybe?) heavy workbenches out of the dad-gum storage building. I just thought if I hose everything down that it's better to ...you know, have the storage benches outside in the sun so they can dry and not rot or something. I mean the wood rotting. Because it's been very hot here in the daytime. Maybe I shouldn't hose them off at all. Maybe I should just sweep them off. I just can't believe I went and dragged all this crap out in the yard. If my mother saw it now, she would not be thinking, "Happy Birthday!" Oh geez. They are nice workbenches too. Could get stolen. But this is a very small little town so that's not likely. But then just as soon as I say it's not likely - then it will happen! UGH!  I wish I could just get my crap sorted through and get it all over with. I have so much crap. And with all the dust and the bugs and mice and the flooding - sheesh. It's probably not even worth keeping any of it. But I can't part with my crap. Because it's MY crap. So I drag my crap from place to place to place to place. Over and over and over again. Sheesh, I feel like such an idiot. I guess I'm going to get it done. My mom thinks she's gonna get some big surprise for her birthday now, so I can't let her down. (The delayed "celebration" will be Sunday after church if I didn't make that clear earlier.) And I have to work every day - tomorrow, Saturday, and Sunday. I HATE STUFF!!! My stuff is driving me crazy, controls my life, stops me from pursuing my goals. It's always - well, after I get all my crap cleaned up, I'll....fill in the blank. Deep breath.  Thank you all for letting me get all this off my chest. If anyone actually reads this whole entire post, God bless your heart.  |
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Post by margarita on Jul 17, 2008 22:55:57 GMT -5
Hey Rose of Texas, you're not an idiot or a fool! You sound like you've just taken on a project that is bigger than you originally thought it would be. What if you slowed down a bit and worked steadily but not overdo? It's awfully hot now in the dead of summer. And, getting bit by mosquitos is not a really good idea. Could you celebrate your Mom's birthday by taking her out to lunch, or making her a favorite meal? Then you could show her your progress in the garage/storage room. I'm sure she'd be just as pleased. And, I'll bet she'd rather spend quality time with your for her birthday than know you are working yourself too hard and getting all stressed out. P.S. I know EXACTLY what you mean about hating stuff. It's just awful sometimes isn't it? I say almost the same thing sometimes and just get so mad at all the stuff. I hate stuff, too. |
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Post by roseoftexas on Jul 18, 2008 0:19:22 GMT -5
Thanks for the support, Margarita. I appreciate it so very much.  ...I say almost the same thing sometimes and just get so mad at all the stuff. I hate stuff, too. That is so interesting how you worded that. "I get so mad at the stuff." Like they're little people. That is so insightful. They're just freakin' objects for crying out loud, and yet it seems they wield so much power over me. Like a manipulative person would. How is it that I can let these things, these objects have so much psychological control over me? ? The thing is...you know this thing I want to do, it's not impossible. It's not like it's this impossible task. It is a totally possible thing and not really an unrealistic goal. All I have to do is just move the stuff from one place to the other. That's it. It's the perfectionism that overwhelms me. That's how I can sit here and feel so overwhelmed, so completely totally paralyzed and unable to perform such a very simple task. Because everything has to be "just so" or it's just not good enough.There was absolutely no need for me to put myself through all that. Dragging those big, heavy workbenches out in the yard? Totally unnecessary. But I just want things to be so perfect. "Good enough" just doesn't register in my brain. Doesn't compute. Like a cashier trying to scan the bar code on an item in the check-out line at Wal-Mart and the register doesn't recognize the code and it makes the little beeping sound and shows an error message instead of the price of the item. My brain doesn't recognize the "good enough" bar code. I once spent 2 weeks scrubbing and 'sanitizing' kitchen cabinets in a new house I was moving into. Then measuring and cutting contact paper to fit in the cabinets. I've spent a month cleaning a small, empty apartment. Vaccuuming windowsills. Dusting and cleaning and 'sanitizing' every single nook and cranny of it. Vaccuuming the carpets in preparation to shampoo them. Using the little attachment that comes with the vaccuum cleaner and crawling across the floors on my hands and knees painstakingly vaccuuming around the edges of the room - where the carpet meets the walls. I paid double rent that month - was supposedly going to take the month to move in an orderly fashion from the old apartment to the new one. And instead I spent the whole month cleaning the new apartment and had to pay a couple extra days' rent just to get the crap out of my old apartment and into my new apartment and then it was all just in the new apartment in a HUGE mess - not in order at all! Not the neat, clean, order that I had wanted so badly. This is a perfectly doable task that I'm undertaking. It is perfectly doable. At this point, it is just a matter of me getting my brain to recognize the "good enough" bar code. To scan it and move on to the next item. It's not physically impossible. It's not unrealistic - if I can let go of my perfectionism. I feel mentally overwhelmed by my perfectionism. Why is it so hard to let go? Why are my expectations of myself so, so, so high? In my mind, "good enough" is poor quality. "Perfectionism" is of the highest quality, the greatest value...the pursuit of excellence. Wal-Mart: "good enough" Lexus: "perfect" |
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Post by CourageouslyLion SeeksSerenity on Jul 18, 2008 5:47:22 GMT -5
- It's the perfectionism that overwhelms me.
That's how I can sit here and feel so overwhelmed, so completely totally paralyzed and unable to perform such a very simple task.
Because everything has to be "just so" or
it's just not good enough.
But I just want things to be so perfect.
"Good enough" just doesn't register in my brain. Doesn't compute. Like a cashier trying to scan the bar code on an item in the check-out line at Wal-Mart and the register doesn't recognize the code and it makes the little beeping sound and shows an error message instead of the price of the item. My brain doesn't recognize the "good enough" bar code.
I once spent 2 weeks scrubbing and 'sanitizing' kitchen cabinets in a new house I was moving into. Then measuring and cutting contact paper to fit in the cabinets.
I've spent a month cleaning a small, empty apartment. Vaccuuming windowsills. Dusting and cleaning and 'sanitizing' every single nook and cranny of it. Vaccuuming the carpets in preparation to shampoo them. Using the little attachment that comes with the vaccuum cleaner and crawling across the floors on my hands and knees painstakingly vaccuuming around the edges of the room - where the carpet meets the walls.
I paid double rent that month - was supposedly going to take the month to move in an orderly fashion from the old apartment to the new one. And instead I spent the whole month cleaning the new apartment and had to pay a couple extra days' rent just to get the crap out of my old apartment and into my new apartment and then it was all just in the new apartment in a HUGE mess - not in order at all! Not the neat, clean, order that I had wanted so badly.
This is a perfectly doable task that I'm undertaking. It is perfectly doable. At this point, it is just a matter of me getting my brain to recognize the "good enough" bar code. To scan it and move on to the next item.
It's not physically impossible.
It's not unrealistic - if I can let go of my perfectionism.
I feel mentally overwhelmed by my perfectionism.
Why is it so hard to let go?
Why are my expectations of myself so, so, so high?
In my mind, "good enough" is poor quality.
"Perfectionism" is of the highest quality, the greatest value...the pursuit of excellence.
Wal-Mart: "good enough"
Lexus: "perfect"
Note that I changed the thread title  Really, this is one of the most insightful things I've ever read about perfectionism. You describe it so "perfectly" Especially this part:[/size] "Good enough" just doesn't register in my brain. Doesn't compute.
Like a cashier trying to scan the bar code on an item in the check-out line at Wal-Mart and the register doesn't recognize the code and it makes the little beeping sound and shows an error message instead of the price of the item.
My brain doesn't recognize the "good enough" bar code
I am sure that lots of other people will read this and recognize themselves in your post. Thank you so much for posting this!
Hugs,
Lioness- |
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Post by roseoftexas on Jul 18, 2008 7:38:11 GMT -5
-
...Really, this is one of the most insightful things I've ever read about perfectionism. You describe it so "perfectly" Why, thank you. Well, the good news is that nothing got stolen. This is very good news. I have 4 hours to start working on making this "good enough". Then I have to go to work. Even if I haven't gotten rid of very much of my crap in the year and a half since finding the old SS forums, I have at least recognized that the "perfectionistic" concept scans "perfectly" through my brain. When the bar code doesn't scan, oftentimes the cashiers give up and type the code in manually. So, I guess I will go out there and try and apply the same principle to cleaning. Somehow.  |
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Post by packusratus on Jul 18, 2008 8:01:30 GMT -5
It just seems you wanted to clean out the space to please your mom and underestimated how long it would take.
Your dad is being a gem and is trying to buy you time. Is there any way to get some help?
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Post by metamorpha on Jul 18, 2008 11:11:31 GMT -5
Could you apply that idea of perfectionism to completing a task perfectly according to plan? I've been experimenting with this, as it works for other issues in my life, and it looks promising. I write down WHAT I want to accomplish, WHEN I want it done, and HOW I'll do it. Before adding to it (or if I'm feeling frustrated) I (try to) evaluate whether or not I'm supporting the goal of my project. The other day I wanted to clean my kitchen and somehow wound up wiping down the ceiling fan, and cutting placemats out of linoleum floor tiles.  Go figure - at the end of the day, my counters were still cluttered. I'm trying again today and no matter how much I want to repaint the faux brick in off-white primer, I am not going to do it. I just want to clean off my counters!! That is my project du jour, and I am perfectly sticking to it. (But you'd better wish me luck on that.  ) Good luck with the shed. I bet your mom will love all the trouble you went to for her birthday. |
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Post by puppybox on Jul 18, 2008 13:24:45 GMT -5
Rose, you rock. Now that you are stuck in it, think of it this way -at least something will be accomplished, not as much as you thought, but I'm guessing you never would have started at all if the only thing you were going to do was "tidy up a bit". These grandiose plans that do get us in to trouble at least get us moving. I find the key is to let the inspired ideas inspire me to get started, but then harness the impulse before it goes crazy. I have even managed to do it sometimes. A very few times. """The other day I wanted to clean my kitchen and somehow wound up wiping down the ceiling fan, and cutting placemats out of linoleum floor tiles. Go figure - at the end of the day, my counters were still cluttered.""""" Oh boy, I constantly fanticise about new floor tiles for the kitchen but my oven is full of dirty mouldy dishes that need washing and the counter is grimy and cluttered. I have no impulse to do those things, though,becasue they are boring. I must trick my brain into thinking I am going to get and stick tiles but then use the energy to wash dishes and the counters and existing floor. |
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Post by roseoftexas on Jul 18, 2008 17:29:47 GMT -5
This morning, I meant to write something more along these lines: When the bar code doesn't scan, oftentimes the cashiers give up and type the code in manually.
So, I guess I will go out there and try and apply the same principle to cleaning
(manually imprinting the "good enough" concept in my brain, I meant.)
Somehow. I ditched the idea of hosing the whole shed out and just swept it out real good and sprayed with bug spray. And swept all the cobwebs and spider eggs off the 2 huge, heavy work benches and lugged them back inside. That wore me out, so I came in and slept until I had to go to work. It wasn't so busy at work today, so they were looking for volunteers to head out early. So I left 3 hours ago and have accomplished all sorts of things that have absolutely nothing to do with this project. It's just so darn hot out there.  I did go buy my mom a birthday card and called and wished her a happy birthday this morning. And I'll go see her tonight to give her the card. But as for her "present" - sigh.  Not coming along so well.  |
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Post by messymimi on Jul 18, 2008 17:56:47 GMT -5
I, too, am trying to break out of the perfection trap (as well as the 'I'll get to that in a minute' trap, the 'that little bit won't hurt' trap, the "I'll be there in a minute" trap, etc.). Sometimes it helps to remember that perfection is fine, but good enough lasts longer. To take your buying something at Wal-Mart analogy further, perfection is out of my budget, time and money wise. The Lexus is nicer, but the Toyota gets better gas mileage and will probably run longer. I'm finding that Perfection is a monster that will suck the life out of you. I'm making friends with Good Enough. Shaking hands and starting to get acquainted. I'm finding that friendship to be less draining than the high maintenance one I have had with the demon Perfection. You can finish this project, on time, and your mother will love it and it will be plenty good enough. Remember you have your own cheering section.  Post when you are done so we can celebrate with you. messymimi |
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Post by roseoftexas on Jul 18, 2008 18:41:30 GMT -5
Thank you all for the beautiful encouraging posts. So I was standing outside surveying all this stuff, wondering how my mom might like it arranged. Where does she want her stuff? So I finally caved and called her up and told her what I was doing. She wasn't very excited. I asked her what her ideal 69th birthday present would be - how her ideal garage would be arranged. She said, "Like I had it." (Before I moved in here.) She had just recently bought a brand new storage building, as we were anticipating the arrival of another family member's belongings last week. But that fell through. But this is a nice, new storage building and all my stuff is dirty so she really doesn't want it in there. I mean, it was expensive so we'd like to keep it as clean as possible. She has an attic that she's been unable to get to ever since I got here because she can't pull the folding stairs down from the ceiling. And I have some lightweight, brand new bookshelves in boxes I'd been storing under there and I said, hey I could put those in the new storage building temporarily. And she goes, "Oh it won't be temporary." And I said, "What do you mean? Have you lost faith in me?" And she said, "Oh I'm sure it won't get done." And I said, "You've lost faith in me?" And she said, yes. Somewhere along the way she lost faith in me.  Now I just want to give up. She has no faith in me, so why even bother? After I told her that her surprise was my cleaning out the garage, her voice changed. She wasn't excited or happy about it at all. I can't believe she has no faith in me. That really stung. It really hurts. I guess I will just go give her her birthday card and come back home. Gosh, it really hurts. "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me." They're just words. And it's just stuff. None of it should have that big of an impact on me. |
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Post by heylady1 on Jul 18, 2008 19:12:08 GMT -5
I'm so sorry Rose |
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Post by Carrie on Jul 18, 2008 19:17:02 GMT -5
Awww Rose! That really stung, didn't it. I'm sorry she said she's lost faith in you. I remember one time as a kid when I spent 2 whole days on the weekend cleaning and de-cluttering my room. On Sunday evening I was SO PROUD to bring my Mom upstairs and show her what I'd done. And what does she say? "Oh, I wonder how long THIS will last?" I was crushed. I remember that so well. When parents don't appreciate us it hurts especially bad. Even when we're all grown up! Well the thing you have to remember is that you know yourself better than your Mom knows you! You know what you're capable of, and you know what your plans are. It is up to YOU to decide if you have faith in YOURSELF!!! And you should!! You may not be perfect and you may have an issue with perfectionism .... but it's something you are working on!! Don't lose faith in yourself to make improvements and get better at cleaning/organizing! After all, you have all of us here to cheer you on! As for this project .......... I hope you'll attack it with renewed vigor. Mostly it should really be for yourself. You know you can do this, and it will be so satifying to finish it! The extra bonus will be that Mom will be so pleased and surprised. Make a sensible plan that you can do, given the time you have ......... and GO FOR IT! We'll be here to help!!  Carrie |
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Post by messymimi on Jul 18, 2008 19:37:41 GMT -5
Dear Rose, I haven't lost faith in you, or anyone else here for that matter. No matter how many times someone falls down, I will have faith in him/her to get back up and try again. Take heart  and borrow some of our faith in you until you get it done. messymimi |
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Post by creativechaos on Jul 19, 2008 1:09:56 GMT -5
Hi Rose;
I related Sooooo much to your posts in this thread; are we twins born from different mothers? All the OCD and perfectionism insights that you had really struck a chord with me.
I am so sorry that your mother behaved badly and said those insensitive things to you after you were trying to do something nice for her birthday that came from your heart. Don't give up Rose; no matter what she says or thinks, do this just for YOU, and you will regain some faith in yourself. People's love and faith in us comes and goes (except here on SOS; our sibs never lose faith in us!). We have to give our trust and faith and belief in ourselves to ourselves. Give yourself the gift of completing this task that you set for yourself to do, and be proud of yourself when you get it done. Sending you lots of hugs!
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