|
|
Post by isolated on May 1, 2010 17:58:11 GMT -5
It sure has been awhile since I last visited this forum.
Last time I visited, I was the woman with two kids, an abusive ex that tried to kill me and stuck in squalor.
I am happy to report that I am no longer in squalor and my ex is semi out of the picture.
I didn't overcome squalor per say. I just moved away from it because my ex found out that I had a new boyfriend and decided he was going to attempt suicide, so my mother, kids as well as myself moved away to Houston Texas of all places.
We feared he was going to go crazy and hurt me or the kids.
I am dealing with custody issues and all that oh so fun stuff but my life is much better than it ever has been before.
Custody issues meaning I just up and moved even though he has visitation rights. So I am assuming when the time comes the judge will be like, yeah I understand why you left, the guy tried to kill you and now he wants to kill himself because he found out you have a new boyfriend.
Also getting ready to start domestic violence counseling for my children and myself. I am sure that will totally help us out.
Anyways, I just wanted to come back here and let everyone know how I turned out since I just dropped of the face of the planet for almost a year.
AND, I remember, not sure if it is still something that is done here or not, but I remember how if you were local in the area and someone needed some help cleaning their house that I could volunteer my time in the Houston area.
I remember how kind you all were to me and how much emotional support I received here when my life was falling apart that now, that I am much healthier, I would like to volunteer my time to help someone else in a situation like I was in.
Oh and one more thing, how do you prevent squalor once your out of said situation? I didn't exactly learn to overcome it since I just up and moved into a new place. So now, I have become almost obsessive about cleaning and that has to stop because for almost two months I constantly clean.
I guess I fear what it used to be like for my kids and myself to the point I have sortve an ocd problem with cleaning now.
|
|
|
|
Post by CourageouslyLion SeeksSerenity on May 1, 2010 18:31:25 GMT -5
- Oh isolated, I'm so GLAD to see you! I haven't stopped thinking about you, all this time. And I'm sure that MANY others here have been thinking of you too!  Thank you for letting us know how you're doing! Here is that "location" thread you were looking for: takeonestepatatime.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=general&action=display&thread=3000I'm sure someone else here will be able to tell you how to do "maintenance in moderation". Love, Lioness - - |
|
|
|
Post by messymimi on May 1, 2010 18:47:38 GMT -5
It's wonderful to hear from you, Isolated!
One way to not clean all of the time is to develop good habits, and teach them to your kids while they are young enough to think it is fun. Make "clean as you go" an automatic response to spills or while cooking, and have routines for other things, like vacuuming once or twice a week, whatever works for you.
Giving the kids rewards for cleaning after themselves will also help.
I'm so glad things have gotten better for you. Please keep in touch.
messymimi
|
|
|
|
Post by Arid on May 1, 2010 21:12:32 GMT -5
I'm glad to hear that you got out alive! I was concerned for you.
Arid
|
|
|
|
Post by bigtimetroubles on May 1, 2010 23:35:24 GMT -5
I am happy to meet you and glad the threat is gone by way of miles between you and ex....hopefully there will be someone willing to ask you for your help in the Houston area....hugs btt
|
|
hopehope
Banned
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 3,815 
|
Post by hopehope on May 2, 2010 3:02:03 GMT -5
such wonderful news.
tears of relief and joy.
proud of you !
you did good.
|
|
|
|
Post by DJ on May 2, 2010 11:08:40 GMT -5
it's so good to hear from long lost members, especially pleasant when their situation has improvd so greatly :} i have problems with OCD cleaning WHILE in squalor. gotta love it. one of the things that has helped to cut down repititious nonbeneficial cleaning is to set the number of times i will do something in any given period. i clean the bathroom in the morning. i will not clean it morning, noon, and night. i prefer to vacuum once a day. i will not vacuum twice a day... it's good to clean up as you go but distinguishing between "cleaning as you go or as spill or accident happens versus remopping the entire floor.. as well as your behavior and mood about it... if someone spils milk it's. spilled milk.. grab a paper towel and wipe it up or as a kidlet to do it.... if you respond like it'sa hazmat crisis, chastise the whole world for being slovenly .. one's a problem, the other isn't  anyway, i am very relieved to hear you are safe and well  |
|
|
|
Post by howardsgirlfriend on May 2, 2010 15:08:40 GMT -5
So good to hear you're all right!
I have also started over a couple of times, but I didn't develop new habits that kept the squalor under control, so it crept back in. Good for you to be aware of this need to change your habits. I can tell you that the most useful habits I developed are all about reducing clutter, including:
Attempting to fill up the trash can every week. I used to wait to take out the trash until the container was full, but that often meant that when I needed to discard a larger item or clean up an unexpected mess, I couldn't.
Limiting impulse purchases. I'm not a shopaholic, but I've certainly bought things that didn't have a "home" in our house, so they added to the clutter. Even small things add up.
Keeping storage space available, especially in areas I use frequently. I have a space to stash items easily, so I don't make so many piles. It was a real epiphany to realize that drawers, cupboards, and closets shouldn't be packed as tightly as a suitcase. The storage that's in less-frequently used areas hold items I don't use as often, and they're packed more tightly.
Your routine should be one you can realistically do every day. If you make it too complicated you won't be able to stick with it when life interferes, and you might abandon it entirely. You'll need to experiment to find a system that works for you.
|
|
|
|
Post by downandout on May 2, 2010 15:54:57 GMT -5
i am so glad that you and your children are out of harms way!!! glad too that your life is so much better! ive been in maintance on only parts of my house for a short while but i am finding that the less you bring in the easier it is be very strict about this and also having garbage cans in every room of the house really helps. i use the little plastic grocery bags for most of the cans and then throw them out once a week or as soon as they fill up. the kitchen garbage is taken out every day filled or not. keep paper towels in the bathroom and you can wipe down the sink after every use. makes a surprising difference when your sink is clean! howardsgirlfriend wrote: so true!  |
|
|
|
Post by isolated on May 3, 2010 8:34:07 GMT -5
Awes thank you all so much and wow, you all actually remembered me even though I wasn't even here very long.
"if you respond like it's hazmat crisis, chastise the whole world for being slovenly"
Hah hah, that so made me laugh for a bit, that is so totally me and as you can imagine, I am oh so pleasant to live with because of it.
I plan to start reading here again now that I have Internet access and free time in between kids, life and school. Yes, school I enrolled in college for an associates degree in veterinarian technology so I will have some kinda future for myself and kids so I wont ever have to feel stuck in any relationship ever again.
Again, thank you all for everything you did for me back then, it honestly meant more and helped me than anyone can imagine. HUGGLES!!!
Ya live and learn...
|
|
|
|
Post by cando on May 3, 2010 9:45:37 GMT -5
DIsolated, I remember you, too! You sound so much happier now. I had soo wanted to help you and couldn't think of how... I am very happy that you & your kids are away from him and going to be a vet. tech. That is wonderful! I am curious how you managed to get away. I remember you saying that you needed to get a job so you could get a car & then leave. I don't want to stir up the bad stuff, but I'll bet you have a fascinating story to tell. Has your Mom been nice? I thought I remembered some issues there. ANyway, you don't have to tell your story, but if you do... maybe in the private blog section would be better than public or in Byways. And, maybe you should just relish in the good stuff and forget those ole bad times. I am just so happy you are here & away from him and that place. CD  |
|
|
|
Post by gottaproblem on May 3, 2010 13:24:48 GMT -5
Thank you for letting us know that you and your children are ok. |
|
|
|
Post by ponygirl on May 3, 2010 15:02:21 GMT -5
|
|
|
|
Post by def6 on May 3, 2010 22:43:36 GMT -5
Isolated, I'm so glad you got away from that guy. I hope you will spend the rest of your life happy and healthy. And I'm glad to see you back.
|
|
