|
Post by eagle on May 5, 2010 13:22:57 GMT -5
Linnie, YOU DID GOOD! Regardless if they saw you or not and what they thought, you did GOOD! And you keep on doing it. Those feelings last night were just feelings. Let go of them and move on with the great progress you are making.
I got a speeding ticket once and the Highway Patrolman/State cop (whatever they're called in Ohio) insisted I looked right at him and KNEW he wanted me to pull over. Truly I did not know he was waving me over. I simply saw him, but didn't look right at him, like he thought I did. You really cannot know what is in other people's minds.
But if you want to choose a scenario for what was in their minds, I'd suggest something like this: Husband to wife: "Why can't you push our crappy couch out the front door? I really wish you'd clean up the mess in the house." Wife to husband: "Me? Are you nuts? Why don't you clean up our crappy yard? It's embarrassing how bad it looks. Everyone shuns us because of our front yard. Why don't you clean that up? Why don't you clean out the garage, too? We can't even get my car in there.?" Etc. Fill in the blanks.
Speaking of doing huge jobs all by yourself, I once removed the wall to wall carpeting from my large living room and bedroom. I pulled it up off the floor, cut/tore it into smaller sizes and moved it out fo the house all by myself. Then I rolled up all the padding and got it all out of the house. I did all of this with no help from any of my neighbors or anyone else. I really don't remember how it all ended up leaving my property. I must have called my dad & brothers to help me take it to the dump, or I may have borrowed his truck. But I don't remember taking it to the dumps, so I must have asked for help with that part of the project.
|
|
|
Post by sparkle on May 5, 2010 14:38:06 GMT -5
Hey linnie, my friend who shares the same squalor level as mine. I am WOW about your getting that thing out the door. AND doing it by yourself and managing to do it before trash day. You are certainly doing better than I am at present. It occurred to me that because their yard is so awful, there's a very good chance that they live in squalor inside, too. Try not to be hard on yourself. I know the feeling every time I look at what I'm dealing with, too. I'll try, too. Thanks again for making me feel less alone. I am quite proud of you.
|
|
|
Post by _Linda_ on May 5, 2010 16:55:40 GMT -5
Thank you all for the kind words. I am feeling better today. As far as the neighbors go, they do this on a regular basis to everyone in the neighborhood. They are the types that if there isn't something in it for them (money, free things, etc) they don't want to be bothered. I know this all too well and I think that part of my anger was more at myself than them. I am just getting tired and a little overwhelmed with things. But, as I was brought up to believe, there are times you just have to be the better person.
|
|
|
Post by def6 on May 5, 2010 17:35:33 GMT -5
For every bad, jealous, self centered and snobby person out there- there is a sweet , helpful friend waiting for you . Collect some good people and keep them by your side through thick and thin.
|
|
|
Post by howardsgirlfriend on May 7, 2010 12:52:29 GMT -5
Good for you for discarding the loveseat!
Do not let others' reactions slow you down. They have their own problems.
My DH is sooo shy that he would have made a u-turn to avoid the situation. I've learned from him just how differently people can interpret a situation.
We were at his professional conference a few years ago. During a popular lecture, we got the last 2 seats in the auditorium full of doctors. Several doctors were standing in the back, including one with crutches. Not one person offered him a seat--not one, out of hundereds of people!
I didn't offer him mine, because we were in the middle of a long row. If I had to do it over again, I would have done it anyway.
Later on, we were in the exhibit area. One booth was giving food samples; their wastebaskets were overflowing with paper bowls, spoons, and napkins. I started using my foot to compact the trash, whereupon DH freaked out. He started trying to get me to stop, grabbing me, saying "You're not the janitor--they have people to do that!" It wasn't that he thinks tasks like that are beneath me (he's completely unpretentious); he just felt sooo self-conscious that he wanted me to stop.
I decided right there that Iif those people wouldn't even offer a guy on CRUTCHES a seat, I didn't care what they thought.
Your neighbors may have their own personailty disorders, that make it difficult for them to do the right thing.
|
|
|
Post by _Linda_ on May 7, 2010 16:22:04 GMT -5
Thank you Howardsgirlfriend. You are correct, everyone has their own issues to deal with. Unfortunately, these neighbors are only concerned about what's in it for them. I have lived by them for well over 6 years and seen how they treat everyone. That is on them. What is on me is that I reacted to the situation in the wrong manner. I should not have let them get to me as I did. It is one of those things that I continue to work on. I can only change myself, which is what I am trying to do in so many ways.
|
|
|
Post by dtesposito on May 7, 2010 17:09:00 GMT -5
What is on me is that I reacted to the situation in the wrong manner. And see, now when this happens you can come here and people can help you see it in perspective! Isn't this a grand site?? Diane
|
|
|
Post by _Linda_ on May 7, 2010 21:25:25 GMT -5
Diane- Yes this is a wonderful place that I am considering more like a second home. (just one that I don't have to desqualor) It is too easy for me to allow others' actions to bring me down. I am working on that. But, right now, I am trying to concentrate on myself and my needs. That's all I can do. We all have our crosses to bear. I do not know how heavy someone else's is just as they do not know how heavy mine is.
|
|
jeannie
New Member
Joined: April 2010
Posts: 6
|
Post by jeannie on May 11, 2010 20:56:00 GMT -5
linnie - Never mind the neighbors you decluttered, you should be proud of yourself. As far as your neighbors, they are self centered. She looked away because she knew it was wrong not to offer to help, so she could not face you. Shame on them
|
|
|
Post by mellowyellow on May 11, 2010 21:37:33 GMT -5
Slightly off topic: Oh my goodness Eagle.. you brought back memories. I did the same with my ugly baby blue carpetting. I cut it piece by piece and hauled its stained, dusty, ugly bottom out the door. I was embarrassed to ask for help, thinking that all homeowners dealt with their own home repairs and renovations, if not they shouldn't own a home. Duh. How times change.
I still don't know how I did it because I had entire hunks of antique furniture to lift and work around (sofas, glass door cabinets, etc.). I removed the carpetting and underpad from two bedrooms, a hall, a set of stairs and my living room. Then I had to use a screwdriver to individually remove all the staples that had been placed on the wooden floor beneath to hold the underpad in place. And of course, finally (a couple years later), I measure, sawed and nailed all the quarter round pieces of wood to fill the crack along the perimeters. Sometimes I wished I had waited until after Brat Kitten was spayed, to prevent the damage of the floors in the two bedrooms, but one area rug, and one sanded and stained floor later, I am fine with it. One day I will refinish them to their former glory.
And the sad/funny thing is that I didn't realize you could use box cutters for cutting the carpet into smaller pieces, so I struggled with some not terribly sharp scissors. What an ordeal that was.
|
|
|
Post by sidestep on May 11, 2010 23:48:41 GMT -5
Oww Mellow--just hearing about how you cut up carpeting with dull scissors makes my hands hurt! Wow with moving heavy antique furniture singlehandedly as well.
|
|
Kaifi
New Member
Joined: May 2010
Posts: 74
|
Post by Kaifi on May 12, 2010 9:50:29 GMT -5
Maybe Mrs Neighbour looked at what you were doing, and turned to Mr Neighbour and declared, "Right, this wekend, me laddo, we need to get rid of OUR broken stuff." Hopefully not into their yard..
Don't let it overshadow your own progress, maybe they were on their way to a PTA meeting or something.
|
|
|
Post by _Linda_ on May 12, 2010 22:08:34 GMT -5
Thank you all for your advise. I feel a lot better about the situation now. I just won't be asking for or offering help to those neighbors. It is in the past now, as it should be.
|
|