|
Post by disorganizeddragon on Jun 14, 2010 9:01:08 GMT -5
Hi Alice! Many of us have families that seem to think nagging us or humiliating us is the magic wand to cure our cleaning and clutter impairments. Since you have several issues with your health, I would think they would cut you just a little slack; even the best housekeepers in the world have problems keeping up when they're chronically ill. As you said, I'm sure since you now live in a smaller area with fewer things, you'll find it much easier to keep everything clean. And the longer you keep it neat, the less your family will be able to say. After all, they'll look incredibly stupid if they keep ragging on you about your dirty house if you can point to your nice and tidy new digs in your sister's basement. Welcome to SooS! You're among friends.
|
|
hopehope
Banned
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 3,815
|
Post by hopehope on Jun 14, 2010 15:52:11 GMT -5
bless your heart sounds just about like where I'm at. so ditto.
|
|
|
Post by Peach on Jun 14, 2010 16:11:54 GMT -5
Hi and Welcome, Alice Your family has made their point -- they disapprove of your housekeeping skills. Your sister (and her family?) came to your rescue -- by providing a safe haven while you regroup. You have acknowledged this and thanked them. Now it is time for you, and them, to move on. Do not permit them to continue rehashing what they saw at your old house. That is history. A done deal. A closed chapter. If they bring it up again, change the subject to something positive. You are an adult. You have the right to be treated with respect. This problem we all have with clutter, hoarding and/or cleanliness is a mental disorder. It is not your fault. Chances are there are others in your family who share it, as this disorder (or variations) can be genetic. You know that you have this problem. There are ways to overcome it and live a normal life, that includes a tidy home. You have taken the first step by being here. Welcome to the SOS family of friends.
|
|
|
Post by anonymoose on Jun 14, 2010 17:54:05 GMT -5
I'm sorry all this is happening to you. Peach is right, though - that's all in your past, even if your family isn't ready to let go of it yet. I wish you a bright, healthy new start!!
|
|
|
Post by _Linda_ on Jun 14, 2010 18:05:36 GMT -5
Hi and welcome Alice, I am sorry that you have had to go through this. But I am happy that you have found this forum. The people are very supportive and encouraging. I get the sense that your family is a lot like mine. They cannot let anything go, even if it is time to. Although you are staying with your sister for a while, you have every right to tell her and the rest of the family to drop the subject. I have had similar experiences with my family and have had to go to the extreme of leaving the house if it became too overwhelming. They are not going to help you to work through this by beating this dead horse. (No offense meant to the animal lovers here.) Tell your family exactly what you need, some compassion and support. Best of luck to you.
|
|
|
Post by def6 on Jun 14, 2010 18:12:20 GMT -5
I'm sorry you had a horrible day and that your loved ones have judged you. Unfortunetly , If you live in your sissies basement, you have to abide by house rules. You could look into other living arrangements like public housing or something just to give yourself an option. Just remember everyone in this world has some "issue" or challenge - yours is being messie-there are much worse things in this world.
|
|
|
Post by messymimi on Jun 14, 2010 18:35:29 GMT -5
Welcome, Alice !
My first thought would be to ask your relatives if they would harp on an alcoholic in recovery about, "Why did you become this? How could you let it happen? You are a terrible person for doing that to yourself!" etc.
Of course they wouldn't. They would see a person struggling to recover from a debilitating disease.
You are recovering from a similar disease process. I don't know if it would help to point that out.
You need support, not hounding.
It's good to have you here.
messymimi
|
|
|
Post by blessedapt on Jun 14, 2010 20:18:51 GMT -5
Just wanted to say I'm glad you found us. The people who post here are the greatest! Hope you continue to read here and also post, so we can know how you're doing. Sorry you had such an awful day, but hoping today was better.
|
|
alicefive
New Member
Joined: June 2010
Posts: 8
|
Post by alicefive on Jun 14, 2010 20:26:09 GMT -5
I want to thank everyone for the support. It is so much more than I got from my family. One of my sisters asked me why I do it. I told her I don't know but depression is probably a main factor. She told me I just have to snap out of it. She also said she will be inspecting my room every day. I guess I can't blame her. I have told my sisters that I don't want it mentioned again but they can't seem to help themselves. Peach mentioned that this runs in families and in mine it certainly does. My brother, my dad, Aunt and Grandmother were hoarders. I just seem to have taken it to a deeper level. But there are some good things about this situation. I am so relieved to be out of that house. So many things were broken and falling down. Also, for the first time in three years I made my bed. It is so nice to have access to a really clean bed. I am just going to take it one day at a time.
|
|
|
Post by notsomessyshell on Jun 14, 2010 20:57:35 GMT -5
One day at a time. That is the way to go. Now some kudos for making your bed! It is so nice to sleep in a nice clean bed. Clean sheets are a great feeling aren't they?! It will take time to get the new habits down. I have been making my bed every day since we moved in and set it up! Almost 2 months now!! It is now just habit. A small victory. And one I really have to share with everyone here. Without this place I don't know how I would have gotten through the past 6 months.
|
|
|
Post by Peach on Jun 14, 2010 22:30:15 GMT -5
|
|
|
Post by clutterific on Jun 15, 2010 0:28:01 GMT -5
I'm with Peach, alicefive. Maybe you can do your best to change the subject, sing a song (in your head, of course), or block out your sister/other family member's comments.
I would suggest that you do talk to your sister or another family member if you need help with some housekeeping (if you're ill or can't do something alone or whatever). Keep clean whatever you possibly can, and if it's too much for you to do on your own, ask for help. Maybe they aren't the helpful types, but I'm sure they'd rather have you ask than have things end up the way they were in your old place.
Other than that, though, I think your family should (and hopefully will, soon) cut you a break. No need to nag about things that are over with, right?
|
|
|
Post by meryt on Jun 16, 2010 13:05:08 GMT -5
Wow! Thank you sidestep, for linking to this. I found it so empowering! I can really see myself in that story.
|
|