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Post by mouseanne on Jun 19, 2010 12:09:40 GMT -5
I walk into my home. I do not "see" the clutter or possiblities. I see the "what could be". The stuff is temporary. Except it has been this way for years. I have been in this house 10 years in the next month or two. And no room has consistently been the way I intend it to become. Some rooms have been, briefly, but, generally when I start the next room, the only place to put the offal, while I organize the next area is the clean & tidy areas. Then, that becomes semi-permanant.
Temporary. Well, I intend to do such & so with that item/area. Just for now, that stuff is stacked there. I had that room done, so the mess doesn't count? Obliviousness. Bad habits. Neglecting maintenance or defence of previously zero degree'd areas. Allowing "dontwanna's" of the present moment to override the "big overall plan" of getting it done.
Attitude. Excuse. Neglect. Self-indulgence. Enertia.
Adjustment: I walk into my home, and say to myself, "I live in my dream home." And allow my eyes to roam and SEE what is actually there. So far the the "awareness" of actuality is goading me to action.
DewIhavta? Donwanna. These guys are hampering my long term goal. Slowing me down. Would I rather be l@zy? Or would I rather be able to say, sooner, rather than later:
I live in my dream home.
...just so you know, it isn't. But, it is my dream home on my income, and in view to what I will be able maintain/use into retirement. I am 53. 2 bedroom, mine & a tiny 7x12 sewing room. No guest room/bed. No place for a pool table. No room big enough/empty enough for a quilting frame. No workshop.
But, the point to this thread is...attitude, right?
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MiSC
Banned
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 1,611 
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Post by MiSC on Jun 19, 2010 12:35:29 GMT -5
Yeah, attitude here too.
And per my prayer post in Byways, I'm off to be happy about doing the dishes.
Come on, hands. You too. No lollygagging.
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Post by Chris on Jun 19, 2010 12:46:26 GMT -5
I sure can relate. Hi Mouseanne  . I think I needed to read what you wrote. I've got the same pattern going on in more than one major area. The book I've been reading is helping me -- (when I concentrate on it) -- it's called Excuses Begone How to Change Lifelong, Self-Defeating Thinking Habits, by Dr. Wayne Dyer. The thing is I've read so many books like this I should be able to write one myself by now. What I have done with my house anyway (more success in that area than my wreckage of a work/career life, or any other area so far) is to just keep on going -- keep on working at the clutter and disorganization doing everything I can. And I've found that it's happening in layers -- I was never able to do it all at once within any one category like clothes, papers, dishes -- I had to keep working on the same things over and over (all the while, selling, donating, throwing out, organizing etc)-- until finally I do feel reasonable and organized in certain groups of things. And rooms look better - not perfect but tons better and easier to clean. I think the slip ups and backsliding that we do with clutter are a lot like I've experiencing do teach us that we must not give up and that it does take ongoing effort to maintain. The other thing I am noticing now more than before is that with less stuff the maintaining truly is easier. I wish I'd gotten to the "less stuff" stage faster. I think the main thing is persistence and like you said attitude -- of being willing to keep on working on it and at the same time not completely throwing out the "dream" those thoughts can be very creative if we use the 'how we want the house to be' as a guide and stay in tuned with current reality at the same time.   |
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Post by messymimi on Jun 19, 2010 13:13:15 GMT -5
Great insights.
"The chief cause of failure and unhappiness is trading what you want most for what you want right now"
— Zig Ziglar
That explains the "dontwanna's" of the present overriding the overall plan.
Yes, I do it, too.
I can see how treating this as your dream home could spark you to want to do more. This is not my dream home, and because it is a money pit that will have to be torn down to sell the lot, I'm not sure I could even pretend it is.
And attitude is everything.
messymimi
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Post by puppybox on Jun 29, 2010 9:39:52 GMT -5
i got here from the link you posted from grungygeorgie's post and I'm so glad, because I missed this.
I need to do this too. I am the same. I need to read your post 100 more times.
also that quote, Mimi, is important. Ito stop living in my head and in the past and the future I have had to focus on living in the present a LOT. but the problem with that is the "don wannas and Dewihave to's' MOuseanne mentioned. that quote should be my mantra. I'll try to remember it.
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Post by yearning4order on Jun 29, 2010 10:57:26 GMT -5
This is very interesting--I've posted elsewhere on the boards about the crippling negative self-talk that has prevented me from getting the house de-sqauloared and you all worked with me to shut it down more, ignore it more, etc. It's no where near as bad as it used to be.
I just realized reading your post that now that I'm in the last several days leading up to the move, that the negative self-talk is back with a vengeance and it's full of "you can't do this", "you'll never pull off a move by yourself", etc. and making it just as hard to start each packing session as it was to start decluttering the house. And the big favorite "Oh you're spending your time packing the wrong thing right now!" is just HUGE!
The reason I bring it up--that whole sacrificing the long term goal for the short term thing isn't always about "Oh I want to buy 5 more pairs of shoes when I have 30" or something like that. Pain avoidance, in this case, is the short term that I would settle for while avoiding the larger goal of getting us out of here and into a much nicer situation.
I don't have any solutions for this, except to come into chat and tell you that my mind is telling me I'm doing it wrong. But it's good to realize it's a familiar enemy because up until today I didn't know that and it's been running me around these last few days and making me insufferable.
Thanks for the thread.
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