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Post by usedtobeneat on Jul 10, 2010 16:26:31 GMT -5
It's probably going to depend on what kind of home the other kids come from. I was raised in squalor and one of my best friends was living in squalor also. The other girl in our group was raised in a 'clean' (to us, anyway) home, but looking back I can tell you that we only thought it was clean because they actually cleaned all the junk they had piled up all over the place. We were the only ones who ever went to each other's houses because it was 'normal' to us.
Most of the time (until this renovation anyway) my house has always been really clean. I was Suzie Homemaker for 23 years until this. My youngest son (15 now) had been spending the night with a friend of his, almost every weekend for a couple of months. He never said anything to me about his friends house, and then we went over there to pick him up this one time. There were holes in the floor, most of the rooms were partitioned off with particle board, there was no running water, there were extension cords from room to room from the one room that did have wiring. It was also without a doubt one of the filthiest places I have ever been to. About 20 cats, breeding all over the place, coming in and out because not all the windows had glass and the front door didn't shut all the way. Stuff piled up all over, even to the point of collapsing the porch. The boys bedroom was so bad that the kids had been sleeping on the trampoline at night in the back yard (it was summer).
The mother was so embarrassed that I had seen it, because she had been to my house to opick up and drop off my son, and my house was usually cleany-clean. I told her "don't worry, I grew up in a house that was just like this". If I hadn't grown up in what I did, I probably would have snatched up my kid and ran as fast as possible away, but I know that just because your messy and your house is falling down does not make you a bad parent.
She would have never known that about me unless I told her, and that really did ease her mind a lot. We sat down in the kitchen and drank a beer while the boys got all their stuff together to come to my house for the night as planned previously.
I guess my point is that you can't assume that someone would be horrified at how you live, simply because of how they live now. I don't know of any way to find out though, other than to drop hints to the parents about "the huge mess at my house". If the other parent says something like "oh, mine too! I still haven't done the breakfast dishes" then it's probably a no- go situation. Maybe you could mention that show "Hoarders" to them and see what kind of reaction they have. I don't really know any other way to bring it up without outing yourself, but documentaries and shows like that are good ways to approach the subject. Maybe mention about a talk show you "recently saw" where you saw something about how "some people live" and see what kind of reaction they have.
My kids friends still come over, but they used to come over before all this, and they were here as it happened and some of the mess is even stuff that is their fault, so they can't judge.
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