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Post by success19 on Jul 8, 2010 19:48:33 GMT -5
I have isolated myself - the reality is that my clutter - is going out the door - but the real issue is what I have is junk - and cleaning it won't make it stop being junk.
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Post by StuffNoMore on Jul 8, 2010 19:53:20 GMT -5
It's now a past tense for me. Only my DD knew how it was here. And I'm confident to say that's something I'll never have to worry about again.
SNM
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Post by JoyInAction on Jul 8, 2010 20:02:25 GMT -5
My family and friends have every reason to suspect since, until very recently, I have let nobody in for the past decade.
My sister and her husband were here a couple weeks ago to go through things I had set aside for my niece's garage sale. I let them in to the kitchen for a little bit - there's no place for them to sit anywhere. They have clutter issues as well and there's no place for me to sit at their house either. They still let me in from time to time. We're tolerant of each other's clutter and encourage each other in our efforts to make positive changes.
The rest of the family would be appalled, so they don't get to come in, and they don't push it.
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Post by Starting Again on Jul 8, 2010 22:36:38 GMT -5
My family (brothers, sister, sister-in-law) saw it all when I was out-of-service after a serious car accident. I really needed help and they gave it, but they also had the run of the house. (My brothers spent a day cleaning my patio and 2nd bedroom/storage room)
I feel mortified when repair men come over, let alone having co-workers over (when I had a job). I even keep the blinds shut.
But I think I'm a little more comfortable since I opened up to my family. "The secret is out"
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Post by clutterfree on Jul 9, 2010 0:31:04 GMT -5
When my house was squalorous, it was no secret. Family and those friends who came couldn't hardly miss it. I didn't think anything of having people in my house in the mess for years, because I'd grown up that way.
When my house was at its absolute worst, however, not many saw because it was during a time when basically no one came. Funny how that worked.
I refer to those times to current friends who didn't know, or whom I'd not yet met at that time. I've hinted with others, but I don't think even those I've explained in detail to really understand what it was like. I've posted before pictures here, or rather at the SS board, but I probably would not feel comfortable showing those to a few friends who never saw the mess. And those were taken at a sort of in between phase, after I'd already done a lot of work over several months to a year, but more was yet to be done.
The worst of it, I have no photographs of, and honestly no one saw but me and my daughter, and before I kicked him out, the husband. And one very close friend, who even helped me clean one room out at one time--he's a bit of a hoarder, and understands having a mess. I almost, almost wish I had a few photos, just to remind myself sometimes, but in a way it's a relief that I don't.
There are a few people in my life--and I wish I didn't feel this way--that I would be extremely ashamed to have know how my house used to be. But I think that's probably more my issue than theirs.
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Post by blessedapt on Jul 10, 2010 18:59:21 GMT -5
My mother and sisters do as well as my nieces and nephews (some of them have visited me over the years and told the others). I have asked some to help me but due to the long distance I live away from them, no one has anteed (spelling?) up to take vacation time to come here and help me clean. (Even though, as I mentioned in my introductory email months ago, that a big pile fell on my sister when she was visiting a few years ago.)
My super knows also.
However, no one knows how bad it really got last year (seems like almost every cubic inch up to 5 feet or more in height was taken with stuff....I only had one seat to sit in the living room and a tiny space on my bed to sit or sleep). I thank God every day that I've found this board because I now have a clean bathroom, normal kitchen and several square feet of empty, nothing on the floor space in my livingroom (the bedroom continues to be in a terrible state, I can barely get through there to the bathroom) but I'm plugging along and will do it once the living room is complete. The empty floor in the livingroom is still an adjustment for me...I'm so used to lifting up my feet to step up or over things. Now I can walk around and round like normal. I'm loving it! I also had a repair man in just before I left for vacation. I think he was overwhelmed by the sheer messiness of the one part of my living room while the other part is fine, but he didn't say anything....he just left as fast as he could. And I'm ok with that.
I still have lots to go, but thanks to this board, I have accomplished a lot.
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Post by creativechaos on Jul 11, 2010 1:46:55 GMT -5
anyone who has ever seen my car can guess!
mimi, thanks for making me laugh and smile. your house is full of love and that i think is the key.
i remember visiting a friend of my mom's as a kid and her house was messy and interesting and full of cool things she let us touch and most of all i remember the love and kindness emanating from that house. i'll bet i'd be just as comfy in your house.
luv, cc
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Post by mrsmess on Jul 11, 2010 3:13:11 GMT -5
My mother comes over to use my computer since she has no internet, and it's usually a harrowing experience. She's got squalor issues herself, but for some reason whenever she comes over here she is incredibly critical, and I spend the entire time listening to a tirade about what a failure I am because I've let the apartment get this bad. It's called projection. She is projecting her feelings about herself onto you....and it's always easier to criticise someone else rather than criticise yourself. Also she may find it more painful to see that you have the same issues she has, because deep down she may blame herself for that. |
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Post by mrsmess on Jul 11, 2010 3:20:38 GMT -5
Everyone knows I have had a cluttered home...it has not been a secret. My house has never been what I would call squalorous, but it has been very cluttered in sections and in need of more deep cleaning, mainly due to lack of space and reacting to not having my own home in the past by buying too many small ticket items for myself.
I would not call myself a hoarder, except on a very minor scale perhaps. I just have trouble being organised and tidy...but working in threes and the purge a thon and tossing 2010 things, are all helping me a great deal. I am also much better at cleaning regularly now and that is making a big difference.
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Post by onwardandupward on Jul 11, 2010 9:41:14 GMT -5
Presently I am in maintenance, so no secrets to keep.
In the past, when things were bad, there was always someone who knew (other than my two kids, who lived with me, so of course they knew.)
Typically the people who knew were friends. In two different homes, my sisters each saw the mess, both during times of clean up. I had a neighbor in my last apartment who knew, and had similar issues. It has been great having a friend locally who can understand how far I have come.
Being in maintenance is really fantastic. I am most proud because my kids can see that I kept working on the problem until I solved it. DS gets frustrated with me because he thinks I now worry too much about how things look. He is staying with me for the summer and we have had some head butting as a result of his lack of desire to keep house. I am hopeful that by setting a good example now, he could learn how to stay on top of things himself.
Onward
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Post by mafixit on Jul 11, 2010 11:32:39 GMT -5
My mom knows and I'm not sure if my sister knows.. she is very judgmental and usually tells me tales of people who live in squalor and their legal problems, including being baker acted and put into metal health facilities, loosing their legal rights, getting court appointed guardians, etc. all so very scary to me. She once took me with her to see one of her clients who was being held at a metal health hospital (close to my house), for living in squalor, the woman was far from crazy.. so sad.
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