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Post by flylady on Jul 17, 2010 2:44:12 GMT -5
Hi :) I am back again after a bit of time. I was wondering to those who had a house with squalor in every room, how did you start the ball rolling? Where did you start? I look at all my garbage and have no idea where to start, so I don't start. I need help. What room should I start in? Thanks for any tips!
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Post by Mystic Pegasus on Jul 17, 2010 3:38:27 GMT -5
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Post by downandout on Jul 17, 2010 6:36:04 GMT -5
for me the most distressing room was the kitchen. trying to cook a meal on half a stove and a small square of countertop was discouraging and hard. really wound up my anxiety over cross contamination too. before we were evicted from our last place i did manage to clear off the countertops adjacent to the stove which helped. but now that we have moved i find that having a completely clean kitchen is a godsend. so much easier so much nicer. and my anxieties over the food have pretty much disappeared. its nice to have a clean fridge its nice to be able to use all of the countertop. i can spread things out when i cook. i can gather everything before hand that i need and still have room to do other stuff. glorious.
but
this is just me. you have to decide what is best for you. what room distresses you the most?
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Post by messymimi on Jul 17, 2010 8:23:41 GMT -5
There are many possible places, but 3 possiblilities:
1. Just go after garbage. Garbage everywhere. Grab a bag and just start gathering. Then that bag is full, carry it out to the bin, take a rest break, grab another bag. Once you have gotten the obvious trash out of an area, any area, move a few feet over or to another room.
2. Pick a spot in a room to be your "special spot." You can start with one spot in one room, or a small space in each room. Clean that area, and practice maintaining it. Spread the clean in that room from that spot.
3. Start at the front door, or the door of the room you want to work on. Move around the room in a clockwise direction, dealing with whatever you come to when you come to it.
In the end. there is no perfect way or place to start. There is only the way that works best for you, and the most important thing is to pick up that first item, no matter where.
Remember to take breaks, this is a marathon not a sprint. It didn't get this way overnight, it will take a while. At first, it might not even look like it is improving. It is. Keep going.
You can do this.
messymimi
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Post by Chris on Jul 17, 2010 9:02:52 GMT -5
Just getting started is the main thing - anywhere. There are some great tips here already.
For me, the kitchen is the place to start because I can't seem to operate the house at all if the kitchen is distressed. I need to be able to cook and wash dishes no matter what. We eat all our meals at home.
Good luck to you -- and if you feel like it -- come on over to listzilla where we help each other with daily tasks and accountability!
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Post by mouseanne on Jul 17, 2010 9:20:26 GMT -5
There are nearly as many places to start and ways to do things as there are SOOS members!
The advice here is all good. My dig out search for the elusive "zero degrees of squalor" is going very slow, but I am satisifed. I have 2 disabilities, a few more ailments, and I work full time.
My first zero degrees was my bed, with nothing on it but the bedding & me. Sadly, the bed is piled again. Mainly because I dont have a paperwork system set up, yet. However, the bath is zero, although still in mid-painting (was my Dec goal). The kitchen is zero, and the attached dining room is approaching it. I think DR will be complete in July.
I totally hear you, on the "stuff is everywhere". I have a box staging area in my wide hallway on a writing desk. The boxes are copy paper boxes (I work in office) and banker's boxes, all with lids & stack nicely. As I clear a box or area, I decide (1) trash (2) donate (3) keep. The 3s go into a sort later box. When the sort later box is full, I take the time to sort it into the staging area boxes. These boxes are categories, library, paperbacks, sewing, crafts, bedroom, unmated tupperware, bins (you know the little drawer divider dealies), etc. there is 24-30 sort boxes. Some only have a few things in them, but that is how I want to do it.
That is my staging method now, in the past I have had a "goes here" box in every room, and I would go through the house putting items from the keep box in each room's box. That only works if your destination rooms are ready to have those things put away relatively soon. If not, you end up with a pile of goes here boxes, and no way to deal with them.
so: (my advice, take it or leave it)
1. shine your sink
2. get out the obvious trash, from everywhere, this includes "ruined good stuff", dog/cat/mouse poo? mold? water damage? toss it! (seriously) Some of these things may have been valuable to you, now they are trash. If it is an heirloom g-g-g-granny's quilt, fine, spend the time restoring it. Anything else, toss. your focus needs to be dig out.
3. clear a staging area & obtain some easy to use boxes
4. to declutter have at hand a large trash can, a donate box, and a keep box.
You need: (a) a place for peace & comfort (b) a sanitary place to cook/eat (c) a feeling of accomplishment.
you named yourself Flylady. So you know, Marla Cilley picked the kitchen sink to start. If you are a "work scattershot" person, have a shiny sink, a place that gives you satisfaction & hope, in every room. If you want to see something/an area "done" focus on one room.
a side note: if the vinyl/linoleum/tile has a tile pattern, some have just cleaned that square foot at a time.
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Deleted
Joined: January 1970
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Jul 17, 2010 9:44:02 GMT -5
deleted for privacy
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Post by 60isolderthanithot on Jul 17, 2010 11:40:41 GMT -5
Looking back, over the years, I tried a number of times to clean up my act. This message board was THE biggest help I ever found. I could get tips on the details (how to clean an XYZ that had hardened yuck in it?) but more importantly, for the first time in my life, I found a level of acceptance that kept me motivated. No matter how tired I always seemed to feel, no matter how embarrassed I was at my failures, I could rely on this space to contain some great stories from folks who'd done either better or worse! I could learn from both. Seeing a constant example of community helped me heal a lifetime of abuse and feelings of not belonging. It was the closest thing to family I had ever known.
The technicalities:
Finding a path to my morning rituals was one thing that worked fairly well. I had to get to the bath in the morning, then to the microwave and coffee supplies. The whole idea of setting a limited goal seemed to work. Instead of telling myself I'd clean the whole house, which led to failure all the time, I began to set goals I could reach. That helped SO MUCH!
Later, I'd tackle one area at a time - the areas got larger as I disposed of more surplus things.
Techniques that lasted included cleaning one square foot a day (or each cleaning session), using a stove timer to limit burnout (I could only do a few SECONDS in the beginning, I consistently failed to do the Flylady 15 minutes) and not buying more stuff. Many many small techniques helped in little ways.
THE BIG BREAKTHROUGH:
-- was tackling my SHAME. Honest, looking back two years, that was the start that really mattered. That single change, showing someone else (a helper I hired in the parking lot at Home Depot) my mess and having them NOT react badly, having them laugh and say their own quarters had seen many many worse days -- that somehow started me down the final approach that worked. Within a few months, the inner turmoil had lifted by at least 50% and you could see evidence in the kitchen sink -- which began to remain clean and empty, day after day, all day long! It was a visible difference which encouraged me on so many other things.
Now, if asked for advice on how to start the domino-effect going on someone's clutter, I'd say to look at the FEELINGS, not the mess. There's a message under that pile of magazines, that tower of laundry, that stack of unopened mail. We're hiding something in that thicket of stuff. For me, it was shame. A lifetime of shame didn't begin to dissipate until I could talk about my life experience out loud, with people who shared and understood.
As I reread threads from the past, I realize that starting to come here meant everything. If I had to choose between therapy with professional psychologists or organizers, I'd pick this place instead! I am not kidding. It meant the difference between showing up for "work" and not. No matter how professional therapists set out to be, at some level, if they have not experienced whatever drives us to hoard/disorganize/whatever-we-call-this, they WILL have personal reactions that we can feel -- and it lowers their effectiveness in counseling us. Peer couseling is indispensable for this problem, for both emotional and practical reasons.
It has made all the difference for me.
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Post by Rory on Jul 17, 2010 11:57:54 GMT -5
I had many false starts. Usually I did the kitchen first as I wanted to have clean food and there were obvious things that I could throw out. The overflowing rubbish bin and the bags beside it went first. It also meant I could get at the washing machine and have a work surface and sink where I could wash or wipe anything that needed it.
Then the bed so I had somewhere to sleep.
And pathways through so I could get from one place to another.
The main problem was that I hoarded tinned food, newspapers, cleaned bottles and jars etc and these were dusty but not festering.
I remember my two cats with gratitude. Until they became old and ill they were very clean and always went outside. I remarked on this to a 'friend' who said they must have been looking for space to do their business.
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Post by messyLlundain on Jul 17, 2010 12:30:10 GMT -5
Hello Flylady You have had some really great tips. I hope that you find what works best for you and then go for it! SOS is such a motivational place to be, try and come here as often as you can. It really does help.  Like downandout, chris and rory, I started with my kitchen. Every room in my home was squalorous - one still is - but I decided to make the kitchen my priority, simply from a hygiene perspective. I started by taking some photos of the room. They really shocked me.  Despite the fact that I was in the room every day and was well acquainted with the mess, seeing it in a photograph was somehow different. My next step was to get a large rubbish sack, then I just went round and picked up anything that was obviously rubbish. When that was full, I did another and kept going until all the rubbish was gone. Once all the rubbish had been bagged up it started to look less overwhelming. When the kitchen had been completely done, I knew that I had to change my habits, if I wanted it to stay clean and tidy. Putting things away when I've finished with them, as opposed to leaving them wherever they were last used, really has helped me keep the place tidy. One thing that I've learnt is to make sure that everything has a proper home, a place where they belong. This ensures that I know where to put things when I've finished with them, and I can find them easily the next time I need them. It sounds really simple and I suppose that it's common sense, but I didn't 'get it', until recently. Another thing that has really helped me is not leaving dishes in the sink until the next morning. I often used to do that. I would leave dishes until there were no clean dishes or cutlery left. Then I'd have to fish around in a bowl full of dirty dishes for a plate, a knife - whatever, to wash. Last thing; three sayings that I have learnt from SOS. I have all three on my fridge door now, so I always remember them. 1. Motivation follows action.I used to think that I'd wait until I felt like doing something, before I'd do it. WRONG! The state of my flat was so overwhelming, I never felt like doing anything, I felt paralyzed by it. But when I did start to do something, it spurred me on to do more. 2. Defend Your TerritoryOnce you have cleared something, guard it. Defend it against getting messy again. 3. Eliminate the Evidence. If Sherlock Holmes, (or anyone else!) came into my kitchen after I had made a sandwich, would he be able to tell what I had done in there? Was the bread still there? were there crumbs on the kitchen counter? was the cheese left out of the fridge? Good luck and keep coming back! |
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Post by yearning4order on Jul 17, 2010 13:19:07 GMT -5
Mimi's suggestions really helped me get started. When I first got here I had squalor in every room, goat paths all over, and was paralyzed by fear and confusion about how to even begin starting. Everytime I thought it about it all I was then hit by a wave of negative self talk that would scream no matter what room I started in, no matter what de-cluttering activity I tried to begin that it was the wrong one.
For me, I had to be in chat to do much of this work. And people told me it was ok to start where ever I wanted to, which was amazing--my entire life no one had ever told me that. It was the beginning of both seeing that 15 minutes of any effort to desqualor added up, but also to getting to learn that starting anywhere is better than not doing anything.
Eventually the ideas about which area to work on first started percolating, but initially I just needed encouragement to do something, anyplace I wanted to.
There are lots of really good suggestions about how to start, but what I would recommend is that you join chat challenges and just try to do anything that comes to mind (even just picking up the first piece of trash) for 15 minutes, then rest for 15. I eventually desqualored my house using that method. Now we've moved and I'm having to apply the same principles to unpack and organize the house.
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Post by success19 on Jul 17, 2010 14:05:14 GMT -5
Emotionally the place with the least attachment is the bathrooms - however if you doorways and hall ways and stairs are blocked - do those. Don't think or analyze too much - just do it - otherwise you won't start at all.
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Post by def6 on Jul 17, 2010 15:42:14 GMT -5
I would start in an entrance way or a small bathroom. Just a place that shouldn't have a lot of clutter in it. I started in my bathroom. I took a box and filled it with the contents of the bathroom. Then I deep cleaned the bathroom really well. Then I replaced the items that I really needed in there. You would not beleive the debris and trash that just needed to be thrown away.
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Post by eagle on Jul 17, 2010 16:07:45 GMT -5
I started in my bedroom, where I started with only a goat trail between the closet and the dresser. The bed was covered as was the rest of the floor and every other surface. I hadn't been sleeping in my bedroom for a very long time by then, so just getting my bed cleared off so I could sleep in it was a major accomplishment. Over the course of a week or so, I cleared the entire room of excess clothing, books, dust, and other miscellaneous junk that made my bedroom a pit.
Once my bedroom was an oasis, attractive, welcoming, comfortable, I began working on the other rooms in the place. I had to get rid of a boatload of clothing just to be able to use my bed and bedroom again.
Getting rid of things was the singlemost important activity in the cleanout. I'm glad I started in the bedroom, because getting rid of clothes was a lot less stressful than going through so many other things I had. And the result was so rewarding: A comfortable place to sleep. An attractive backdrop as I dressed for work. A restful and peaceful oasis from the squalor that was the rest of the place.
Later I discovered that the bathroom was fairly easy because comparitively it is a very small room. The rest of the place became easier after a few successes. But to be honest, it required constant vigilance and perseverance to continue the work. Not to mislead you, breaks for rest and nourishment and hydration and fun were also a VERY important part of the process.
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Post by CaringFriend on Jul 17, 2010 19:28:46 GMT -5
"Every problem has a solution. Keep trying until you find something that works."Every reply contains, not only good advice, but logical as well. My suggestion would be to read every reply, then try the one that sounds most like it would work for you. Try it for 2 weeks and if that doesn't seem to work for you, then try another. Repeat until you find a system that works for you. Sometimes the solution is a combination of a couple of ideas. To all readers here: My website www.OrganizedFinancialHarmony.com will close at the end of September. If there are any articles there which you found helpful, you may want to go back and copy/paste them for future reference.
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