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Post by Script on Jul 20, 2010 10:01:55 GMT -5
I read about this once, and cannot find the passage; I thought it was from "Messies Anonymous", but maybe not {Sandra Shelton? can't even be sure of the author's name......}
She uses the example of shopping.
*you get home from shopping *the shopping itself was pleasurable, necessary, gratifying *but now you are tired *you are also no longer interested in shopping: you have used up your shopping enthusiasm, you're bored, you have 'had enough' *you want to move on to something else *so you just drop the parcels....and don't put anything away [shop and drop] *because YOU CAN'T WAIT for the relaxation part of the after-shopping experience: kicking shoes off, sitting down, having a cup of tea....
In other words, you have trouble accepting 'delayed gratification', as in putting the stuff away and JUST WAITING for that extra few minutes before you kick off the shoes, sit down, have the cup of tea.....
very useful analogy for me
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MiSC
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Post by MiSC on Jul 20, 2010 11:43:20 GMT -5
I read about this once, and cannot find the passage; I thought it was from "Messies Anonymous", but maybe not {Sandra Shelton? can't even be sure of the author's name......} She uses the example of shopping. *you get home from shopping *the shopping itself was pleasurable, necessary, gratifying *but now you are tired *you are also no longer interested in shopping: you have used up your shopping enthusiasm, you're bored, you have 'had enough' *you want to move on to something else *so you just drop the parcels....and don't put anything away [shop and drop] *because YOU CAN'T WAIT for the relaxation part of the after-shopping experience: kicking shoes off, sitting down, having a cup of tea.... In other words, you have trouble accepting 'delayed gratification', as in putting the stuff away and JUST WAITING for that extra few minutes before you kick off the shoes, sit down, have the cup of tea..... very useful analogy for me Bingo, Script. Absolutely nailed it on the head.
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Post by messymimi on Jul 20, 2010 12:42:47 GMT -5
Sandra Felton, The Organizer Lady www.messies.com Founded Messies Anonymous.
She sends out a daily email encouragement, has written books, and yes, Script, I don't know if she said that or not, but it does sound like her.
So it seems in some cases "l*zy" really means we want our rest now, before we have earned it.
messymimi
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MiSC
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Post by MiSC on Jul 20, 2010 12:50:04 GMT -5
So it seems in some cases "l*zy" really means we want our rest now, before we have earned it.
messymimiYou guys are nailing it right on the head. Now I have to figure out what the "numbers" are. How many dishes do I do before I "rest"? Normally that number would be "all of them," but... ... but what? I can't think of any acceptable excuse. But there is such a thing as burn out, and even normal people have to stop and regroup from time to time, so how does that work? What are the numbers? What's fair? What's correct? What's reasonable? Does this line of thought come with an instruction booklet?
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MiSC
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Post by MiSC on Jul 20, 2010 13:22:24 GMT -5
HOLY MOLY!
A friend told me about SparkPeople.com last night, and I've jumped in. It's scary turf, but there's SO much positivity there, and I'm feeling the desire to get back on that recumbent bike again.
But get this. -- This what one of the ladies there has as her sig line:
Do not sacrifice what you want most, for something you want now.
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Post by messymimi on Jul 20, 2010 14:49:40 GMT -5
"The chief cause of unhappiness and failure is giving up what you want most for what you want at the moment." ~ Zig Ziglar
"You can get everything in life you want if you will just help enough other people get what they want." ~ Zig Ziglar
messymimi
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Post by omgwhatisthatsmell on Jul 20, 2010 15:36:22 GMT -5
Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid doing altogether.
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Post by clutterfree on Jul 24, 2010 12:29:36 GMT -5
Ziglar's is a great quote. This is my go to when I feel the pull of perfection mixed with procrastination (as it always seems to be).
“A good plan, violently executed today, is better than a perfect plan next week.” - George S. Patton
And as far as figuring out how many dishes to do, or how much of something to do before you give yourself a reward, start small. I think it's pretty much all over sites like SparkPeople, a site I was actively into for a while, but you have to start out small and build your way up.
Using weight loss as an analogy, many people start out giving themselves a little reward at 5 pound increments (5, 10, 15). Some do 3 pounds, because they know it helps them stay motivated. And typically, once they get into the 25 or 50 pound losses, they spread them out a bit more.
Now, how much weight you lose is a number that, while you can affect it, you can't absolutely control it. You can't say, I'm going to lose 5 pounds this week and press some magic button to hit just that number. You might lose 6, you might lose 1, or it might be PMS week and you gain one. Even if you do everything right, you have no absolute control. So it's often best to choose to reward yourself for something you have absolute control over that contributes to your overall goal.
Instead of choosing "lost 10 pounds" as a reward thing (or something like "do 10 dishes" or "have a clean living room") it might be far better for some to choose something more controllable. Because if you have 10 dishes dirty and one's a crusty, burned on stock pot that's big and difficult and might need to soak forever, you can do 9 soup bowls really quickly and struggle with that pot for a long time. While it's soaking, you haven't yet done 10 dishes, but if you give yourself computer time that might work on you mentally a little, that you didn't finish your goal before the reward, and help defeat the whole work/reward philosophy.
So saying, I"ll wash dishes for 10 minutes, or 15 or 30," can be much more mentally gratifying and productive. You do tell yourself to hurry and do as many as possible in that time. But just like with weight loss, you put forth the effort to do so to your best ability (you might reward yourself for eating healthy for a day, or exercising 4 times in one week) without looking at the final measure.
It can seem a very subtle difference, but it makes a big difference for some (me included). It ends a lot of discouragement, too. If you do everything right all week and don't hit that pound goal, it can be incredibly defeating. Just like if you go to wash 10 dishes and find one that needs soaking or takes longer than you thought, it can be a bit defeating. Or if you choose a goal like, "a clean bathroom," and you wake up and the kids have trashed it or the husband has left whiskers in the sink, it can feel crappy and like you shouldn't get the reward even though YOU did everything right.
Small goals that you have absolute control over, not outcomes that can vary despite your best efforts, are best for work/reward in anything.
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Post by usedtobeneat on Jul 24, 2010 13:08:45 GMT -5
For me, it's more of a "My house shouldn't be this way, it should be the way that it was and I want it that way and I want it that way right now" and knowing that even if I work hard all day, I won't be anywhere near getting it that way, is very discouraging. It's odd though, because several years ago when I was painting the den, it was all torn up and stuff moved and piled up in other rooms and I was wanting that den painted and back together right then, and I knew it would take several days to finish, but I had no problem working on it all day long. I felt good about it. I suppose it was seeing the nice clean paint on the walls and seeing the progress.
I'm actually good at making long term plans and keeping up with them, because I love schedules and organization. When I'm working on something that I enjoy and want to do, I am very patient and will work on something for days or weeks. Right now though, just walking into my house makes me so anxious and nervous and discouraged and overwhelmed that it's very difficult to even do one thing. Seeing the results of my bedroom, once we actually get started on it (my husband informed me a few minutes ago that it's just too hot today - the AC is broken right now at the house - and that he wants us to go over in the morning instead and start on it, so I have to wait on him because I can't move all that stuff myself) will give me the boost I need to do the rest of the house, but I do have to see some results of something first to feel good about myself and have a clean and neat sancturary there before I can actually get gung ho over it.
Mary
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Post by omgwhatisthatsmell on Aug 7, 2010 1:40:35 GMT -5
“What is not started today is never finished tomorrow.” Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
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Post by mafixit on Aug 7, 2010 18:53:45 GMT -5
instant gratification = computer Standing up now. To... do something. Dunno what. Standing up. I might as well print this and put it infront of my monitor, . that is me to a t!
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