donna
New Member
Joined: July 2008
Posts: 17
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Post by donna on Aug 7, 2008 19:59:29 GMT -5
I hope I do this correctly. This is my first post.
I cannot stand myself, my home, my mess. I have so much stuff and no place to put it. My mom was visiting yesterday and I told her I was going through stuff and that I was going to donate it. She said to give it all to her for her next yard sale (she lives 200 miles away). I am supposed to take it to her next time I go to visit. The crazy thing...until right now, I was going to do so.
I have stuff. Good stuff. Very good stuff. I have 8 pairs of mittens. Mom gave them to me so I have to keep them. I have other stuff, too, that has no home but floats around haphazardly.
I cannot stand myself and where I live and how I live.
What do I do first?
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Post by pegasus48 on Aug 7, 2008 20:14:19 GMT -5
Seems to me like donating some things NOW, rather than waiting for a yard sale LATER, is the way to go. You need to get some things marching out of the front door. If you have multiples of things, donate some of the multiples. You do not have to keep everything just because someone gave them to you, not even your Mom. So, get a couple of bags, fill them with donations, and then take them right out to the car. Even if you can't drop them off today, get the bags out of the house. Here is a hug to get your started!!  Now go for it!!  |
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Post by crazycatlady on Aug 7, 2008 21:39:30 GMT -5
I have trouble saving things for a sale. Better for me to get it out and thrown away or donated a little at a time. Otherwise I end up with all these bags and boxes, and then they get to be a mess, or I lose them, or the bags tip over...then I can't sell dirty stuff so I have to clean it...ack!
For me, its best to just let it go. I have found that as my home gets cleaner and more organized, I am able to donate to specific places now. Like kid stuff to a friend who can use it, or good items to the church for a rummage sale.
Do what will work for you, Donna. If you can afford the trip to visit your Mom, load the car chock full, and take a bunch to her! Otherwise, let it go however you can. Desperate times call for desperate measures, don't you know?!?
Welcome to SooS!
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Post by glowworm on Aug 8, 2008 19:04:53 GMT -5
Hi, and welcome! What works best for me is, as soon as I decide an item needs to go, I get rid of it right then. Otherwise I might change my mind. What's funny is, once the item is gone, I don't miss it.  |
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Post by zinnia on Aug 8, 2008 22:24:55 GMT -5
Maybe you can work on deciding 'how many' of anything is 'enough' for you-- then you can keep your favorite(s) and release the extras. Sometimes it helps to get the extras out of your home quickly! Welcome! |
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Post by eaglesflight on Aug 9, 2008 1:04:46 GMT -5
One thing that might help is for you to realize that you don't have 16 hands. Nope, no matter how hard you try, you will not be able to wear 8 pairs of mittens at once. Once a person gives you a gift, it is YOURS to decide what to do with. Pick out your two favorite pairs and donate the rest to somone in need. It's very hard for people like us not to assign sentimental value to every item. I find it helps to ask myself what makes this item truly special. For example, when I was sorting baby clothes I asked myself this. If my answer was just, it belonged to my baby, then it went out. If I could say, the baby wore this home from the hospital, she got dedicated in it, she wore this on her first trip to the beach, well, then it stayed. I hope you see what I mean. Hugs. You are not alone. |
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Post by skitter on Aug 9, 2008 6:34:23 GMT -5
It sort of sounds as though your mom is being supportive in a way. I think that she just does not realize how important it is for us to get clutter out of our homes right away. I am willing to bet that if you bring this first lot of "extras" to a charity or even if you dump it, you will have given yourself room to work in. I've found that decluttering is like peeling an onion, each time I peel back a layer, there is another underneath. I find that I am not always ready to let things go right this minute, but I've now come to understand that that's ok, because next time, I'll probably let it go. I'm getting more and more decluttered and happier and happier with my house. I keep thinking that I'm nearly there. My goal is to get everything I have into available space with lots of room to breathe.
Your mother doesn't seem to be objecting to your declutttering, she just doesn't understand. As for things that she has made for you, those are probably the least cluttery of the things you own. Eight pairs of mitts take up very little space, and they are probably in great quality. I'd slip them into a charity bag one or two pair at a time. Just take the two pairs that are not your favourites. Next month you can see if you are ready to release two more. In the meantime, maybe you can tell your mom about the mitten tree that some supermarkets have around Christmas, and she can knit some mitts for little chidlren who would love them.
Best wishes. You'll do great! cheers, skitter
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Post by heylady1 on Aug 9, 2008 7:26:31 GMT -5
I agree with everyone else! If you can let it go, let it go now! Better to get it out the door than have it sit around waiting to be rethunk  . Duplicates is something easier to let go of, at least for me, so that's where I would start. Good luck, you've come to exactly the right place and that's a good thing! Oh, and WELCOME to the board!!  |
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Post by creativechaos on Aug 10, 2008 10:21:35 GMT -5
Hi Donna;
I'm wondering how you are doing, and sending you hugs, best wishes and hopes for the future that you want. I have felt as you do many times, and still do sometimes. I have not been able to desqualor or dehoard in a just a few months, as many folks here were. I have been at it for years, and only just now starting to make some progress; I still self sabotage a lot. But I have made slow steady improvement, and you can too! People on this list talk about what helps them. I have heard from members here about a book called Buried in Treasures, so am going to read that and see if it helps.
The first thought I had to change (and did) is that I have to keep something just because someone (incl. best friends and family members, even my mother!) gave it to me. Changing that single belief was so liberating! Now if I had 8 pairs of mittens and my mom gave me any flack for getting rid of them, I would just simply tell her I wasn't using them, and couldn't possibly need 8 pairs so I'm donating 7 of them to Salvation Army or some other such clothing drive; they really do distribute winter clothes to the needy in cold parts of the world. My problem is opposite of folks who can toss and feel good; I hate waste! Tossing makes me feel terrible is something can help someone somewhere else. Perhaps I will get over that, perhaps not. I have been poor my whole life, and see such need out there in the world that could be filled with things we just throw away and take for granted here in America. I have also visited 3rd world countries, which has been an eye opener to how we live. That doesn't make anyone else wrong for their beliefs or ways of doing things! I guess what I am saying is that we each need to find our own ways to dehoard and feel better. I feel better when I give and donate, rather than toss. For others, that creates terrible anxiety and more messes. So be it...find your own way, the one that feels best for you. The good people here have lots of experience and creative solutions. Let us know how you are doing. Maybe see you on Listzilla?
Lately, rather than just focus on how much I hate my life the way I am living it, (and myself, for allowing it to continue), I am trying to focus on the end result I hope to have; a generous life and a home that is welcoming and inviting to all who enter. And I am building this dream realistically; I don't cook much so I doubt I will entertain much. Just letting a few good friends in, the inspectors when they come, and repair people, would be good enough. You are in the right place! I hope that by finding this place you can ease up on yourself and find support every step of the way.
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messynat
New Member
Joined: June 2008
Posts: 24
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Post by messynat on Aug 11, 2008 19:41:50 GMT -5
[glow=red,2,300]"Mom gave them to me so I have to keep them."[/glow] nonono...noooooo! please banish the thought! i've been down that deadend mental path. my dad is a hoarder...he also loves to give me great "finds" i used to keep it all - that's part of how i ended up with too much stuff. remember the love is in the person that did the giving - not the thing. you have absolute permission to part with the thing while cherishing the thoughtfulness. sorry for being so "loud" there - it was like hearing an echo in my own head. you sound like a lovely person - welcome to sos |
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Post by gringa7ape on Aug 13, 2008 23:45:10 GMT -5
about what you said w/the mittens.. I am sure if my mom had given that many, she'd want to make sure I still had 'em too. i hate that guilty feeling that I get if i let go of something she gave me! it sucks!! but you guys are right, it is liberating to let go of things like that (i am still working on it on many levels!!!)
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