MiSC
Banned
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 1,611
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Post by MiSC on Oct 2, 2010 20:00:57 GMT -5
Since coming to SOS, what have you learned, or what have you come to embrace, or what's been a revelation, and so on? Basically, what change has happened in your psyche -- or even in cleaning tips.
What's changed since you got here?
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Deleted
Joined: January 1970
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Oct 2, 2010 20:18:13 GMT -5
i am not the only one!
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Post by BetsyMarie on Oct 2, 2010 20:21:44 GMT -5
I'm afraid I wont be able to limit it to SOOS, because I've read books and make mental correlations about my messes over several years. 1. I have used my clutter to keep people away. Learning to say 'no' is less cumbersome. 2. When working I try to not make more of a mess than when I started. I used to rip out the contents of an entire closet and spread it around, and then be faced with a bigger mess. Now I work in smaller steps, item by item almost. 3. While I do need to organize things, the main problem is not bad organization, but rather that we have way too much stuff. All the new storage bins in the world wont solve the problem. The main solution is to get rid of massive amounts of stuff. Period! 4. Be very careful with wet stuff - it can turn on you. 5. Perfectionism is a curse. 6. Keep my eye on the prize - which is to remove stuff from the house. Don't get distracted (and waste time) by reorganizing a small drawer - that can wait until the main task is done. 7. I simply am going to feel overwhelmed at times. (At the start it was constant.) I refuse to let it paralyze me. I now accept and expect it, and will talk directly to it. I can work and feel bad at the same time. Besides, what's the alternative? To live with goat paths forever, or to just keep working item by item on a task that seems huge? It is getting done, and now with noticeable results. I'm sure there are others, but that's a good start.
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Post by glowworm on Oct 2, 2010 20:26:30 GMT -5
Life is too short to surround myself with things I do not absolutely love.
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Post by dtesposito on Oct 2, 2010 20:59:04 GMT -5
For me, too, it's hard to say what I knew before coming here, I think the advantage is that I am hearing the "truisms" over and over again. I may logically agree with a statement, but to have it actually CLICK in my brain sometimes requires me to hear it many times.
A big "thought shift" that I can point to recently was the housekeeping mandalas thread--I've actually been reminding myself that maintenance is being done for ME! It's not a task I've been given, but an action I'm choosing to do because I deserve a maintained home. And it's beginning to work!
There are a lot of little things too--just tonight the post about those stubborn few hanging on items around the place has inspired me to make that a project for the next day I have available to work on my apartment--I'm going to get rid of some of those things that I've been looking at for months or even years.
Diane
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Post by jodiboda on Oct 2, 2010 22:01:16 GMT -5
I am brand spankin' new here, so my list is limited.
I think the most important thing I've learned so far is that I AM NOT ALONE. That means more to me than I could possibly express in words.
I am learning the importance of baby steps and finding out what works for me. My family wants to jump in and help, and they have been a huge help, but it's more important that I do things in a way that works for me, otherwise the changes will be temporary.
And I am also learning the importance of maintenance. When I first awakened to how far into squalor I had declined into, I felt overwhelmed, not with what had to be done, but with what WOULD have to be MAINTAINED. That scared me to death...I mean I haven't been able to do it before, so HOW was I going to do it in the future?? Well, by taking those baby steps and doing things in an order I can live with, I'm finding it's not as hard as I thought it would be. And the rewards and peace that come with it are well worth it!
I still have such a long way to go...but this board has already been an incredible support and inspiration. Knowing it's here and will be here when I need it is going to be key to my recovery, I'm sure.
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Post by downandout on Oct 2, 2010 22:59:17 GMT -5
that even if i backslide it doenst mean i should give up.
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Post by notsomessyshell on Oct 2, 2010 23:44:33 GMT -5
That I am not my mess or Hubby's clutter. I have worth no matter what my house looks like. There is more but I am tired now. I will think more on it and get back to you.
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Post by neveropentheclosets on Oct 3, 2010 0:47:03 GMT -5
It's been said before on this thread - but bears repeating: I am not the only one.
Also, stuff is just stuff and despite the fact that I feel emotionally tied to it the amount of stuff I have is keeping me from the life I want for me and my family. I need to get rid of stuff. I value myself and my family more than my stuff.
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MiSC
Banned
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 1,611
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Post by MiSC on Oct 3, 2010 6:40:08 GMT -5
Yup. "I'm not alone, and mine isn't the worst case there's ever been. Maybe I really do love my family as much as I feel it deep inside, and that I'm not a selfish ingrate. Maybe I have a true problem that can be overcome."
I've learned that I can't keep more than one animal and provide proper care for him, no matter how much I want to keep and help every stray I run across.
I've learned that my problem may even be hereditary.
I've learned that one of the reasons I do this -- a HUGE reason I do this -- is my inability to make a decision. Big problems with that, (and in all facets of my life).
I've learned that this didn't just happen to me and that it's my problem. That's not a negative judgment, but an acceptance of the fact that no one can fix this for me. I have to take responsibility for it and fix it on my own, even if I have a true diagnosis -- which I have. (This is and will probably always be very, very, very difficult for me.)
That's what I can think of off the top of my head. I'm sure there's much more.
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Post by BetsyMarie on Oct 3, 2010 10:11:08 GMT -5
Yep, same here. I've satisfactorily worked on other personal issues over the years, but this one is a real stinker. I've finally come to believe it's not unsolvable, but the challenge will be with me forever. If I could, I'd probably clutter my casket.
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Post by Chris on Oct 3, 2010 10:46:34 GMT -5
Amnesty!
I learned that I have amnesty from perfection related to my ideas that I have to "recycle perfectly" .... "find a perfect home for each item" .... etc. And with amnesty rather than allow my home to stay like a landfill I am perfectly justified and free to throw away the offending items without the need for perfection in dealing with.... well basically .... junk.
And......at times when my home is in good shape you'll see that I do recycle, sell, re-home, free-cycle, etc. But at the time I found this list ---- I was far from ready for those things -- I just needed to clear space and amnesty helped me do that!!!!!
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Blackswan
Banned
Joined: October 2008
Posts: 6,388
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Post by Blackswan on Oct 3, 2010 11:57:33 GMT -5
I've learned I can get anything done in fifteen minute chunks.
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Post by Start on Oct 3, 2010 11:57:37 GMT -5
Any work I do, even a tiny little bit, has value.
I'm a natural avoider, an escapist. I will find myself procrastinating and do the "How did I get here?" thing. Worse, I will rationalize my way out of working. I'm a star at this.
It was hard to convince myself that housework is as important as it is. After all, it just falls apart again. Who in there right mind would use precious energy to fix something that keeps breaking? Where is the sustained accomplishment? A great way to feel like a failure is to connect your identity with the state of your house while raising kids. So I tried my best to rationalize it. That mindset satisfied the intellectual me but the emotional me was still a complete mess. Eventually, I looked at the cycle I was going through every time I let something get bad: overwhelmed, anxious, panicky, helpless, ashamed, worthless, depressed, I knew my thinking was flawed. I knew it but accepting it and taking action is what really turned things around.
Now, my goal is to take care of unpleasant, mundane, hard, don't-know-how-to-start work before it gets overwhelming and comes back to bite me. If I do get overwhelmed, I know I'm not helpless because I have an wonderful support network here at SOS.
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Post by blossoming on Oct 3, 2010 12:41:51 GMT -5
that people are cool
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