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Post by angela on Oct 6, 2010 0:20:24 GMT -5
In keeping with the excellent thread of "being squober" I am curious as to the reasons why people have decided to turn their lives and their houses around? What was hitting bottom like and what is your motivation to clean up?
Personally, I'd especially love to hear about single households, being without spouse or children myself.
If in maintenance, what keeps you going?
Thanks!
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Post by glowworm on Oct 6, 2010 7:41:42 GMT -5
Maintenance.
Because when the house is messy, I can't find what I need when I need it.
Because I don't plan to be single forever and there would be no way I could let a boyfriend in the house with it being messy.
Because I just feel more comfortable and happier and less stressed out when the house is clean and free of clutter.
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MiSC
Banned
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 1,611 
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Post by MiSC on Oct 6, 2010 8:29:44 GMT -5
Because I just feel more comfortable and happier and less stressed out when the house is clean and free of clutter. That. My head feels clearer and I feel like I can breathe when there's space in the house. As it is now, there's always, always, always a heavy dose of stress in my body and mind. My family deserves only the most wonderful things in the world, and I'm not contributing to their happiness. I have to own that it's just the opposite. Friends should be able to drop by. If a neighbor comes to our door, I should be able to open it and invite them in. The boys should be able to have playdates in the house, and even a sleepover guest sometimes. I want us to be able to eat at the table, together. All in one place, not spread out with the boys at their table or on the couch, Colin at the dining room table, and me at my desk or standing up in the kitchen. I have no idea what that would feel like, but I want to know. I'm doubling up again, and I need to STOP THAT. I can't find a long-sleeved shirt for myself, and I can never remember what my clothes look like (I know, that's weird), so I search around to find them and can't, so I buy a new one. Doubling up. A waste of money, and a huge contributor to the mess in the house. I don't have to worry about any of us slipping on a piece of paper or something and getting hurt. Any time that happens I feel like a knife is twisted in my heart. The pain and guilt are excrutiating. When the floor is clear, the boys end up dancing around and having a great time (see the end our our episode last year), and they want us to join in, so we do. All four of us dancing and twirling around in the living room. One year we all held hands around the Christmas tree and sang carols together. I want more of that happiness. I want to be able to say that I helped make that happen again. That's all I can think of right now, but that's plenty. Those are the reasons that I want to be squober. |
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Post by sunshineshouse on Oct 6, 2010 9:21:05 GMT -5
Fear. Fear of being found out. Fear of more time slipping by and losing more opportunities of having friends over - both for myself and my kids. Fear of all the kids leaving the nest without the recent experience of having a nice, uncluttered bedroom and the chance to have friends over. Missed opportunities - missing the chance to open the door and to find a long-ago friend or neighbor there. Or to host family holiday events or a backyard barbecue. Even to sit in the living room and watch TV. Being able to cook a meal. Hitting bottom was having no utilities except for electricity and having no useable space except for two beds and having nowhere else to go.
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Post by BetsyMarie on Oct 6, 2010 11:18:37 GMT -5
The house isn't cleared yet, but I'm on my way and am getting even more enthused about it all as I can see real progress.
I started last winter around Christmas time (worked for a good number of weeks, then took off a number of months). I dont think starting at holiday time was a coincidence. There simply was no room for a tree, and frankly no room to put anything else that I would try to bring into the house. The feeling of that realization was overwhelming. There was no room in the inn, indeed.
I miss being able to invite people over. Not that I have done that often, but the clutter prevented even thinking about doing that.
I also think friendships suffer when invitations only go one-way. If you meet someone you enjoy, you are limited in how you initiate a follow-up 'event'. Yes, one can recipicate in some ways when someone invites you over, but it's just not the same as actually having someone into your home, and sharing where you live with others. Something primal I think, perhaps being vulnerable in some way. I feel closer to someone after being invited into their home, and it probably works the other way too.
I also think I'd have much more human contact if I could invite people in. I do have a fair amount, but I would like more, and not everyone likes to go out for lunch or shopping. Sometimes there is nothing better than sitting over a cup of tea in the family room and chit-chatting, or working on some silly project.
Also, with pets, we could never go anywhere. I would be uncomforable boarding the 2 animals, and could never have anyone in to housesit.
And of course there's the constant fear...
-fearing any emergency... fire, toilet backup, medical emergency
-fearing whenever the doorbell rang
-fearing my friends would find out
-fearing a friend might want to use the phone or the bathroom when dropping off something or other.
So I'm doing it and frankly getting very excited about the possibilities.
I am a relatively happy person, but I do feel as if my life has been on hold for years, or that I've not been living as complete a life as I could. Or something.
So enough was enough. I just couldnt live in here anymore as bad as it had gotten, and I knew it was me who would have to do it, little step by little step. ....And if I didn't just start, it would never get done. There was no alternative...
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Post by catcat on Oct 6, 2010 13:11:43 GMT -5
Not being able to find things
Afraid someone would stop in
Afraid to have someone in for repairs
Feeling far more comfortable in serene surroundings
Being afraid that if something happens to me, others--grown kids, etc.
will have all of this stuff to go through---I have cleaned out my Mom's sparse apt. & my D inlaws' whole house which took a year since I was working
Finally realizing that mostly, it is all stuff---keeping certain sentimental things, but not everything
Wishing things looked more normal---just because-------
catcat
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Post by def6 on Oct 6, 2010 17:20:20 GMT -5
I'm trying to get clean and sober, I mean scquober myself. Or as I like to put it ...to be a squaloree in maintenance(I don't think there is a permanent cure for me personally) The reason for me to desqualor is ;that I recognize squalor is robbing me of the life that I am supposed to be living. When I think of my life without the hassel of the mess-that is what I am supposed to be doing. When the hassel of the mess is bigger than the "rewards" of making a mess(or allowing a mess) then we wan't to change.
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Post by notsomessyshell on Oct 6, 2010 20:09:52 GMT -5
Hitting bottom was when my landlord decided he wanted to sell and we had to move ASAP. I had been here and had been working on the house, but it was not really making the progress I wanted. Then boom we had to take care of things. Just finding another place was hard enough, but looking at how nice it was and knowing what we did to the last place we lived in was very eye opening for all of us. It was more than things, it affected us all so deeply and so detrimentally.
Fear. Of people finding out. Paralyzing fear. A knock on the door causing a panic attack.
Depression and anxiety. Both are way worse when I am in a cluttered environment.
Health. Dust is horrific with asthma and allergies.
Happiness. My family is so much better. Dinner at the table is now a normal thing! Keeping us all closer.
Isolation. When no one can come over the alone is horrible. Especially for my kids. Now they can have friends over. More normal life. Be kids.
Organization. Helps me to keep track of important things, papers, bills, etc.
Pride. Now I can be proud of my home. A little pride is a good thing.
I think the above things apply whether single or married. You do it for you and for your happiness, I did it for myself and my family. But making me happy went a long way in making them happy, too.
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Post by StuffNoMore on Oct 6, 2010 22:08:35 GMT -5
I qualify in the family of one category. What led me to cleaning up my clutter was when I was unable to let the paramedics in when I had to call 911.
Hitting rock bottom was due to PTSD from my DS death where he was brought into the ER I was working in and we lost him followed by my divorce from his Dad 4 days after his funeral. I held it in for years then realized my home was being taken over by "stuff".
What keeps me maintaining is I do it for ME. I DESERVE TO LIVE IN A CLEAN HOME!!! I have made maintaining it part of daily life just as eating and sleeping is part of staying alive.
SNM
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Post by luckyleprechaun on Oct 6, 2010 23:25:13 GMT -5
I am same as notsomessyshell...I got started then forced to move...that took the lid off the problem...I had to go ASAP....the forced to move was same as shell...they wanted to sell the house.
I am starting a new place with a new attitude...keeping it clean is important. I am in maintenance now....I am finally fully unpacked. I have a nice place now. It is smaller with bigger rooms than before. I like it here. I wish it was in my old neighborhood....this is rural city area offering me much more traffic on the streets and people walking past the house all the time.
hugs lucky
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anyway
New Member
Joined: January 2010
Posts: 97
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Post by anyway on Oct 7, 2010 1:49:10 GMT -5
Another move here. We were also forced out, by foreclosure, and even though it had been inevitable for a long time, it still seemed to happen very quickly.
I was absolutely mortified to let even my mom in to help me move (I did finally, and she was a huge help, but it was so hard) and the move was absolutely impossible - how do you pack when everything is in chaotic piles??
I vowed that I will NEVER let that happen again. Maintenance is very important to me now, routines and cleaning up messes before they get out of hand, and feeling a sense of pride about my home. Maintenance is hard. I still don't have it completely down, but we're getting there.
Hugs to all.
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Post by shopgirl on Oct 7, 2010 12:10:10 GMT -5
Because I am finally fed up with seeing all these "memories" all over the house. When I see them, my heart sinks, and I try to block them out. I want to look forward, have new experiences, grow as an artist, and I feel that these old possessions are boat anchors. They no longer seem near and dear to me, have very little value. Especially compared to lightness and freedom.
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