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Post by lilith on Aug 12, 2008 2:41:25 GMT -5
I used to go to the SS board and posted there under another name. I greatly fear being found out for fear of losing my 13-year-old son. So I have taken a new name-also hoping for a new beginning-again. I came back because I'm losing my family's home to foreclosure. We aren't living there, but I have to have everything out by September first. A couple of days after that, my business' assets are also being sold.
My husband just thinks we should desert the "crap" but I couldn't do that, as tempting as it is. I have completely let go of the business so weirdly I'm not even too freaked out about that. My home of the last decade is another thing. I have made every mistake there is in regards to squalor. I am extremely obese, have a twenty year old car on its last life, my teethe are falling out of my head, my health is neglected, I have many people suing me from financial squalor, I cringe when the phone rings or someone comes to the door, I have a lot of friends who have never seen the squalor, I fear dying alone surrounded by piles. If not for a family member taking us in, we would be homeless.
Worst of all, my dear, dear son DREAMS of his own room and a desk just for doing his homework. In all other ways, I am a good mom. He is always clean and well cared for and involved in a lot of activities. He just has to keep this evil secret. I have learned to keep our car clean so he isn't embarrassed when we take other kids places. I feel SO much guilt over this.
My house is almost 3,000 feet of 3rd degree squalor. I have tried therapy, books, medication (currently on 40mg Paxil). I have gotten mildly better and always worse thereafter. I wish I could go for inpatient treatment somewhere with experts. I really don't think any of my doctors have gotten it-ever. The only place I have ever felt understood is with you all.
I am third generation squalor, I have sustained a lot of personal loss which has exacerbated my problem, I have made every bad choice you can make. I have lost all of my faith, but if you are lucky enough to have any, please pray for my family that this is the bottom and that we can rebuild without squalor.
By the way, I lost my job a month ago. At least I have time to clean out my house though I haven't started and would rather take a beating than do so. I have 21 days and I believe it to be possible. Please, please let this be bottom.
Lilith
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Post by metamorpha on Aug 12, 2008 9:55:09 GMT -5
We did this at our last house. You could feel ashamed over it, but that's a waste of energy that could be spent on better things, right?  What we did was walked through the mess and moved everything we wanted to keep into moving containers. One mistake we made was filling them too full to move easily. If you can, go easy and keep them light enough to move by yourself. Then we rented a trailer and basically shoveled all of the garbage into it, and drove the trailer out to the dump. It may have been cheaper, in hindsight, to just rent a dumpster.  Live and learn. You have a lot of options though, and it sounds like you have enough time to get things done. I'm so sorry you're going through this hard time, but it is a blessing that you have family to help you get on your feet again. Good luck! We'll be here if you need us. |
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messynat
New Member
Joined: June 2008
Posts: 24
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Post by messynat on Aug 12, 2008 10:31:00 GMT -5
it IS possible. i know when i am faced with a huge task i can almost feel it looming in front of me, which makes it very hard to get started. try to imagine day 21 and that house being emptied of all the stuff. also, think of how much you'll be able to let go of - all the broken, ruined bits that weigh down our spirits.
keep your son in mind when it feels too tough and tell yourself you are doing this so you can work toward the goal of getting him his dream room. i know my little one is what keeps me going when i feel like giving up.
sorry to hear about this topsy-turvy event in your life. remember, there WILL be a point when the craziness ends and more stable times start. best of luck. YOU CAN DO IT!!!
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Post by zinnia on Aug 12, 2008 10:52:47 GMT -5
............my dear, dear son........... THIS is who you should think of when it is all too much. You are showing him how to be strong and keep trying even when things are very difficult. I hope you can see that you are finishing a hard part of your life- and starting a new & better part. Hugs to you- hang in there. Welcome! |
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Post by AnnieOkie on Aug 12, 2008 11:37:26 GMT -5
I'm sorry you are going through such a tough time. I lost a job a couple of years ago (honestly I was fired). It just about did me in. But.....now I have a job I love and where I am appreciated and I have started to get my cluttered home under control. It is by no means done, but I have made a start. I pray that you and your husband will have the strength to get through this difficult time and make a home for you both and your son. I know you can do it!! Hang in there.  |
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Post by heylady1 on Aug 12, 2008 13:59:06 GMT -5
Welcome Lilith!! You've come to the right place! I think you can do this Lilith!  One thing I might suggest is filing for bankruptcy. Considering your situation, I think it would put an end to the harassment and give your family the fresh start you need.  When it comes time to purge your house, be ruthless!!! Only keep things that you need to survive or things that you use all the time. If you haven't used it in years, then you probably don't need it!! Good luck Lilith you and your family are in my thoughts 
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Post by pegasus48 on Aug 12, 2008 15:46:07 GMT -5
Lilith, this is your opportunity for a new start! Keep as little as possible when cleaning out your house. Really, cut back as far as you can because that will be less to move, less to store, less to deal with in the future. Toss the rest in a dumpster(s) and don't look back. You have my prayers and a big hug too! |
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Post by messymimi on Aug 12, 2008 20:15:12 GMT -5
Welcome, lilith  . You have been given great advice, so I will just add that I will be praying for you. messymimi |
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Post by crazycatlady on Aug 13, 2008 9:00:38 GMT -5
Welcome, Lilith! I'm glad that you posted. I hope that you will find the help that you need here.
I really like the idea of renting a dumpster! I don't think that you should plan to totally clean the house, but use the dumpster to throw unwanted stuff into, so you can get to the good stuff. And do be ruthless about what you want to keep. Think of someone trying to save things from a fire...only grab the essentials!
We went to a Wild West Town with the kids yesterday. It is amazing how small those little wagons were. Yet the Pioneers carried all that they needed in them! Aim for keeping very little. You have amnesty from trying to recycle or donate. (These are desperate times, sister!)
Do you have a camera? If so, you could take pictures of the home before working, to remind yourself later of how much progress you have made. You could also take pictures of things that are hard to let go, but that you are choosing to let go. That way you can look back and remember.
Please post as you do things. If you feel that you cannot do anything, maybe just try going over to the house first. Tell yourself that you will just walk through. Sometimes the starting is the hardest part! But once you start, you will get it done!
 Go, Lilith, go!
And on your todo list, put
 Drink lots of water
Get plenty of fresh air when cleaning stinky areas
Take breaks to eat healthy meals/snacks
Ask for help, from hubby, son, and anyone else who you possibly can!
Be gentle with Lilith...she is going through a lot of stress! Be sure she gets some hugs and encouragement over these next few weeks!
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Post by nighthorses on Aug 17, 2008 0:00:01 GMT -5
Oh sweetie. Hang in there.
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Post by Arid on Aug 17, 2008 13:49:27 GMT -5
crazycatlady's advice is right on target with something that I read about last night on another forum. It turns out that I instinctively had been doing a few things right! I can assure you that these tips really, really work. Also, this man gives THE best explanation of what really is going on with "demand resistance" that I ever have read. Go to www.markforster.net/get-the-file-out/ There, you can read his advice. His point, like crazycatlady's, is not to try to do much of the job at all in the beginning. Her advice simply to take a walk through the house is an excellent one. You don't have to clean up the entire house at one go! Just take a look at the situation. No doubt, you will see *something* that you can do easily as a result, be it collecting obvious garbage for disposal or seeing that it wouldn't be all that hard to pack up a box of books (yes! with me, its ALWAYS books!!) that you wish to keep I was so impressed with this guy's thinking; I'm going to make a post about it on the main board. Arid |
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Post by creativechaos on Aug 20, 2008 11:38:33 GMT -5
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