Hello queenb!
Here, we primarily emphasize getting out of our own messes, rather than focussing on somebody else's mess.
But of course, it's complicated when you live with messy/hoarding people, or when you were raised by them.
We have quite a few members that were raised in squalor, and are now adults, and are trying to learn how to desqualor and stay desqualored.
I do understand that you are here to learn new habits for yourself, and to learn to live squalor-free, despite how you were raised. So of course you are welcome here.
You might want to consider some additional resources -- resources for people who are in relationship to squalorous/hoarding people. Those groups might help you to understand your parents better and help you learn to cope with your father's habits in a loving way.
NOTE: Some of those groups require that you be over 18 years of age. I can't tell from your introduction how old you are.
They are listed on the righthand column of this page:
www.squalorsurvivors.com/supporters/index.shtmlI have heard very good things about "Overcoming Hoarding Together", which you can find on that link.
NOTE: I am merely suggesting the other links as
additional resources you could turn to.
Again, I want to emphasize that you are welcome here, as you sound like you want to change your own life's habits and learn to live squalor-free.
Many members are messy/squalorous/hoarders themselves, ..... AND also live with messy/squalorous/hoarding family members.
What I have observed from reading this forum (and from reading our prior forum which recently closed) ... is that whenever one of our members starts cleaning out her own home, and starts learning how to sort through stuff, she begins to initate new patterns in her life. And other family members eventually follow suit. This generally happens when our member demonstrates through her own actions how she is cleaning up her own mess. It generally backfires if she trys nagging her family members.
You'll notice that whenever we try typing the word *L*A*Z*Y* into this forum, it becomes "bleeped" (censored). Just like we don't use the word LAYZEE here to describe ourselves, we don't try to "shame" our loved ones into changing their ways.
Naturally, we are human. So members occasionally need to vent frustrations in working with other family members, and that is fine. We just don't speak of other family members' squalorous habits in a derogatory way.
I live alone. But when I did live with other people, I was always the messiest person in the household. I do know that when my roommates or boyfriend tried to get me to clean, I resisted whenever they tried to "convince" me. But when they simply cleaned up their own messes, I was more likely to "copy" their healthy patterns. (Unfortunately, when I began living alone, I didn't have that "good example" anymore, and I immediately fell into deep squalor. So I found help with Squalor Survivors and these forums and am gradually learning -- from reading here -- how to change my ways.)
Anyhow, welcome to the board! Each of us is unique with our problems and issues!
-
