|
|
Post by mess2cleanqueen on Aug 18, 2008 12:06:17 GMT -5
Hi its great to be able to connect with others who understand. So here is my unique story: As a child, my mother use to freak out whenever I made a mess. In a high pitched anxiety panic tone it was, "Oh no! What a mess!" She did everything for me and when i wanted to help it was "get out of my kitchen" "you can't help". My mother was mentally ill with a psychotic disorder. One day she thought I was evil and wanted to eliminate me. That was when I went for help and went to foster homes as an early teen. I was moved around a fair bit so it never really became home. All I knew was if it was a mess, people were relaxed and they were not going to bite my head off. A bit of clutter to me was a sign of happiness and love. I picked housemates that were pack rats, but then we could not figure out whose mess was whose when it got too much. Arguments would flair and the weakest link got the blame - the border. So I went out to the country and got a little unit. I kept it nice at first but after a while I would find myself going to one extreme or the other - cleaning to perfection or letting it go. For years I rented with brilliant references and no one knowing that for most of the time mess was flaired during the entire tenancies but I would do a big clean up to leave. I had patners who would avantage out of it as they had realised that they had the power to do what they liked because I would not call the police to come to my mess. It was when I became a mother I was forced to change. Through baby stage, I kept it clean and clutter stayed in my bedroom. Then when it was safe, the mess sprawled again - like spreading its wings. Unfortunatley too late to realise that I was in the midst of a domestic violent relationship where my inadequacies gave him rule. We left eventually and I moved into a small neighbourhood where I met another mum who hated cleaning. Because we had the same size places, we cleaned eachothers because it wasn't our mess. She moved away and after some time I began to have some faith in the male species again. Partnered in a small apartment that was really only enough size for me and my child, the place became very messy very easily. It wasn't long before it became a bombshell and I was afraid to answer the door. I became pregnant again so we looked for a bigger place. I was cleaning everyday but spending all day on one area whilst the house deteriated around me. isolated again, and knowing that i was victim before, he started being violent too. The worst thing was that I could not leave the mess as I felt compelled beyond safety to stay and clean it up. By chance, a friend convinced him to leave and I was able to start again. After all of this it took a hell of a lot for the male species to enter my life but eventually he did and for years he has not been violent. Then came the court action for access I had some proof that my ex was abusive but not enough for them to bring everything down. Worst I then suffered from a phisical condition that made it painful for me to do virtually anything. So I was bed ridden for months and nothing got done, ecept for a few nights of desparation and pain. I then became stressed and depressed and felt overwhelmed that I would leave it for ages and then face the inspection nightmare of nonstop cleaning to get it back. All of the time I worried about the family court, but thank goodness I still have them. I have so far visited squalor survivors and alsthough I have not got to third stage, I could see that if I did not do something now I could very well be there. My partner is lovely but messes straight after I clean so its hard to feel that I have got anywhere. Finding a place to sort the washing is hard because it ends up on the floor and I have to wash it again. We currently have 6 garbage bags full of washing(an attempt on a good day). The worst is when the dishwasher broke down, I left it and it grew. Today I have boiled them and cleaned it out. I spent the rest of the day cleaning the fridge. So this has been a start.  |
|
|
|
Post by crazycatlady on Aug 18, 2008 13:04:57 GMT -5
Welcome, Mess2CleanQueen! What a touching intro, and what a hopeful name! I just love it! And excellent at getting the dishes caught up, and on starting to clean the refridgerator!
I hope that you find the help that you need here. We are all on your side, pulling with you! Together, we can do it!
|
|
|
|
Post by mess2cleanqueen on Aug 18, 2008 20:23:26 GMT -5
Thank you crazycatlady, just your encouragement is motivating. The fact that I am here and now people know - I have to do something. So its day 2. The fridge is still intact and now its tackling the washing. Its winter here so it takes a while for things to dry on the line. I have an indoor clothes line, but if I bring it out I know it will become a clutter dump spot, so its the dryer and the out door clothes line today. My reward is cleaning my only jacket that I am wearing. It has food drips all over it. I am not sure how I will go, as this is harder than yesterday. Yesterday the beginning and the end were not too far away. I am also very tired from not sleeping last night so its a challenge today.
|
|
queenb
New Member
Joined: August 2008
Posts: 19
|
Post by queenb on Aug 18, 2008 20:45:59 GMT -5
hey welcome to the forum!!
|
|
|
|
Post by messymimi on Aug 18, 2008 20:57:13 GMT -5
Hello and welcome . Please always remember from now on that you are a precious person and deserve to be treated as such. You are doing a great job! Be careful not to go so fast you "crash and burn". messymimi |
|
|
|
Post by crazycatlady on Aug 18, 2008 21:20:08 GMT -5
Oh, be sure to get your rest! And take breaks for meals, and drink plenty of water, too!
Do you have a laundromat nearby? Sometimes you can take the whole pile of laundry to the laundromat, and you will get it all done and folded right away. It costs more than doing it at home, but it is so nice to have it done. (Once I dropped my dirty laundry off, and paid to have it washed, dried and folded! It felt very indulgent, but was so worth it for the help!)
Take breaks, and keep up the good work. We will be with you in your successes and set-backs, so just keep moving! 
|
|
|
|
Post by mess2cleanqueen on Aug 18, 2008 22:59:34 GMT -5
unfortunately my time is being robbed by the tax office, "requesting for information they already know". I am now spending the time fighting it because its stupid.
|
|
|
|
Post by pegasus48 on Aug 19, 2008 12:25:31 GMT -5
|
|
|
|
Post by mess2cleanqueen on Aug 19, 2008 18:05:57 GMT -5
Thank you awww, everyone is so sweet! I had a silly day yesterday. I got so caught up in that tax stuff that it taxed the entire day. Very little was done. I fell asleep at 8pm and woke up at 10:30pm. I couldn't sleep. Horrible visions of unexpected visits plagued my mind. Worry about losing the kids if they saw my home really got to me, I kept thinking with my horrible ex(mind you he is not clean either)constantly attacking me through people(including the poor kids), might convince child services to take a visit. The worst thing is that I worked with two ex workers and they were nasty and enjoyed picking on things like dishes in the sink, anything they could find. So my mind replayed their horrible bitchy opinions as I lay there torn between getting sleep or using the last few hours before daylight that I may or may not have. My tired mind eliminated any rationality, so I pretty much stayed awake in worry until four in the morning. I decided to get up and begin it. I have so far put a load on the line and two loads away. I have the whites on soak in the washer for two hours and we have some nice clothes, so later today I am rewarding us with taking the kids out to a play centre.
|
|
|
|
Post by pegasus48 on Aug 19, 2008 20:29:11 GMT -5
|
|
|
|
Post by mess2cleanqueen on Aug 26, 2008 22:56:59 GMT -5
I thought of the laundromat, but the thought of the neighbors seeing us load numerous bags of washing in the car was all too much. I am now down from nine bags to two bags and whilst I have concentrated purely on the washing other things I have done have deteriorated slightly more but its getting better. My sleeping routine is starting to make sense and I am hoping that it will come the time to put that yucky jacket in the wash -  Thank you all for your encouragement and kind thoughts - knowing that you all understand and care is huge(its what i think about when I tackle it) |
|
|
|
Post by heylady1 on Aug 29, 2008 15:19:58 GMT -5
Welcome Mess2cleanqueen!! It sounds like you've made a terrific start!!!  Glad you found us!
|
|
