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Post by moonglow on Aug 21, 2008 23:16:00 GMT -5
OK time to bite the bullet I guess and say hello. I have been lurking for a little while and every time I come here I end up getting teary-eyed or just plain crying. Or I start to feel panicky and shaky and scared. I am so awed by all of you, your courage and your optimism. I want to believe that there is a way out. This is a horrible way to live and I am simply getting desperate for help of some kind. It has gotten worse over the years and I have learned (I pretend) to ignore it most of the time but the truth is it is constantly oppressive. I am tired of carrying this weight. I don't know how I can begin to tell you how bad it is. I am so ashamed, and I hide here in the filth and everything I try to do is such a production. It takes forever to go from the kitchen to the bathroom or bedroom because there is all that weaving and dodging and stepping over things. My poor animals (2 cats and 3 dogs), they don't even know what it is like to live in a house with ROOMS. I am a classic example - mere paths from room to room. I shudder at the fire safety issues, haven't had anyone in my house in years, sleep on a broken-down couch, can't cook because the kitchen is so crammed full, the stove and washer and dryer are all broken down and I can't bear the thought of anyone coming in here to fix them. I think that I fool most people, but I am living a lie and drowning day by day. And I lie to myself - it is spilling over - work is not going well now, my finances are a shambles, I am more and more isolated socially because of this. And so on. I come home from work and can barely move off of the couch, every day I think I will make a difference but it seems completely hopeless. I have tried a few "systems" and even have a couple of the books recommended at SS. But I can't find them. (insert not so funny ironic ha!, guffaw or chortle of choice). I just can't stand living like this anymore. So, I came searching for help, and found this site. I hope you can help me find my way. thanks for being here, moonglow
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Post by butterflyrider on Aug 22, 2008 2:37:50 GMT -5
Dear Moonglow,
You have taken the first step, so to speak. You are asking for help, and this form is FULL of people that will help you. You have to start small, this problem wasn't created overnight and won't be solved overnight, but it will be solved.
My biggest hurdle was wanting to go through everything, every box, every envelope. I thought my "stuff" was important, but I realized that it wasn't. I took a drastic move and rented a dumpster and threw EVERYTHING away. I didn't or couldn't use any of it anyway. Of course I kept most of the furniture, but as far as boxes of "stuff", it all went out the window and into the dumpster - I didn't even open them up. It took me two weeks of tossing to clear out my two "hoarding rooms" upstairs.
I have to do something in those rooms everyday now. They are clutter free, but I still work straightening them up, or moving something around. The feeling I have when I walk in those rooms is great, I can see the carpet for the first time in 20 years. I sleep with a sheet on my bed now. I no longer fear dying up there and no one being able to get my body out!!
You can do this. You don't have to get a dumpster, just use garbage bags and when they are full, take them outside. I found bunches of bags of trash up here, that I had bagged up but never took outside. I also found, get this, 11 boxes of trash bags I had brought up here over the years and never used. I had good intentions at times, but it seemed so overwhelming.
I know how you are feeling. Keep posting. It does get better.
Take care, Butterflyrider
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Post by ivorytower on Aug 22, 2008 4:03:40 GMT -5
I want to believe that there is a way out. There is a way out moonglow and many people who post here are finding it. You're not alone and there's no need to feel ashamed. I think many of us will have experienced the paralyzing effect of clutter and mess that makes just getting off the couch so difficult. Starting small and focusing on one thing at a time is important and eventually you'll reach a 'tipping point' where you can look at the whole and not be overwhelmed by it. I'm glad the SS site still has the old stories and photos available. Kimmy's situation looked about as bad as it gets with physical squalor and the strain of leading a double life yet she found a way out There is a way out for you too and everyone here will help you find it. Try to think of garbage collectors as your friends - every time you bestow a bag of trash on them, you're making them happy. It might help too to think of losing clutter like losing weight - someone seriously overweight has to start small with weight loss and it may seem like a long time before they notice a difference but if they stick with it eventually they get where they want to be. You've shown courage and optimism by posting here and people will be finding inspiration from this. I'm glad you're here and I hope you keep posting.
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Post by skitter on Aug 22, 2008 5:57:11 GMT -5
I'm glad that you have joined us moonglow. I have found also that getting rid of extra things that take up our precious space is a wonderful feeling. I found that I would do it in rounds starting with the obvious trash, then going to things I had too many of, then to things I no longer enjoyed or used. It is a process that I am enjoying very much.
One hint that really helped me was to put like things together. It's amazing how many of some things that I had. The other is to get rid of anything that doesn't belong to you if you are storing things for others.
The space and being able to see across the room or the house is so precious.
Baby steps work, fifteen minutes at a time. Cheers, skitter
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Post by pegasus48 on Aug 22, 2008 11:29:14 GMT -5
Moonglow, welcome to our S.O.S. family. I'm glad you posted and told us your story. You will find many friends here, and lots of suggestions and support. How you start will depend on what you can handle. Can you get a dumpster and start tossing? If you are comfortable with that, you could make a big dent very quickly. But, if that is too overwhelming, just start gathering a bag of trash a day and get it right out of the house. Pretty soon those bags will add up and you will see some space!! Seeing progress makes it easier to toss. We will be here to cheer you on.
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Post by Arid on Aug 22, 2008 15:05:08 GMT -5
Hi, moonglow: I'm so very glad that you found us!
First of all, you sound like you may be suffering from clinical depression. Also, an underactive thyroid could be adding to your miseries. Perhaps, a medical check-up is in order.
Also, how about taking a short walk each day? It could be for five minutes before you leave for work, during your lunch break, or after you get home from work. If you don't feel safe walking in your neighborhood, find a mall where you can "stretch your legs." I'm not talking about doing a marathon here--just 5 minutes--literally. It really, really can help how you feel. Over time, add on a minute more every once in a while. By the end of six months, you may work yourself up to being able to handle a 30 minute walk. But you don't have to do that; walking for five minutes a day is better than doing no walking at all. It will give you more energy than five hours on the couch will do, in all likelihood.
For me, personally, the "throw it all in the dumpster without even looking" just CANNOT work. I have too much "good" stuff mixed in with not-so-good stuff. What I did last night was a case in point. I sorted through a many-years-old box. In it, I found things that I added to the "Goodwill " bag, things that went into the recycling bag, and one thing that I felt was important enough to be a "keeper." It was a packet of material about a medical condition for which my son had been treated when he was young. Now, one can make the argument that all of us have survived for these past several years without having that information readily at hand; still, I was glad to find it now. It spelled out EXACTLY what the problem was, how it was being treated, and what the prognosis for the condition was. I put the packet of information with our other medical information regarding our son. It is possible that at some later time, during another "purge" , we will decide to throw it away. However, for now, I have it, and I know where it is.
I think that in your situation, it would be very helpful for you to work at making your pathways clearer. Everytime that you make a trip to or from the bathroom, pick up ONE thing from the floor. DEAL WITH IT THEN: throw it away; put it into a donation box; put it in a "definitely save" box, or put it in an "undecided box." That is good enough for now. (Be sure to label the boxes in big bold letters, so that you don't get confused as to which box is which.) As you make progress at clearing things out, you can begin establishing "homes" for your "definitely save" items. As you make progress with your sorting, you will be able to make decisions about the "undecided" items. For example, if you find that you have three of the same kind of items that are in good condition, you will feel less of a need to keep a damaged one. (This goes along with the "putting like things together to see how many you have" suggestion.)
Also, please, do your best to clean up after your pets on a daily basis. There are lots of posts at this site about the best ways to manage litter boxes. If you have indoor dogs, be sure to take them outside often enough that they do not have "accidents" indoors. "An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure." I'd rather "prevent" the mess from happening in the first place than to have to clean it up afterwards. Still, if an "accident" does happen, clean it up as soon as possible.
Over time, you will find that your paths become wider, and you will be able to move about more freely. Eventually, you will have your home cleaned up enough that you will feel comfortable having repair people come into your home, and you will be able to have your appliances replaced or repaired.
There also are lots of threads here that relate to financial squalor. Some people have had a lot of success with Debtor's Anonymous, if overspending is a problem. For some people, the most important thing is to get into the habit of paying bills on time, so that they no longer are plagued with late fees.
Whatever your issues, you are on the right track now. This may come as a surprise to you, but for most of us, our problems really aren't so much "housekeeping" issues as they are "lifestyle" issues. A habit of throwing trash on the floor isn't going to serve you well. A habit of ALWAYS throwing trash into the wastebasket--then emptying the wastebasket and taking the trash out of the house as needed--WILL serve you well. It's realy that simple. Look at your habits. Which ones serve you well, and which ones don't? Keep the ones that are working well; change the ones that need changing. The beauty of this system is that you can change just one habit at a time. When that new habit gets to be "automatic" (indeed, a habit), you can choose another one to address.
My latest habit that I'm working on is to spend about half an hour EVERY day to sort through my clutter, just as I described above. In as little as a week, my husband and I can see progress. It likely wouldn't be obvious to anyone else, but it is important for us. Over time, it will be "obvious" to everyone who comes into our house.
So, please, stay with us, moonglow. Whether you progress quickly, at a snail's pace, or in fits and starts, it doesn't matter. The important thing is that you make the efforts, no matter their size, over and over again.
Welcome to the board.
Arid
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Post by moggyfan on Aug 23, 2008 0:40:12 GMT -5
Moonglow, I can SO identify with you on the "sleeping on the broken-down couch" issue. I did for longer than I want to think about.
One of the first things I did during my desqualoring was clean the bed--not the WHOLE bedroom, mind you, just the bed itself. I got everything off it (I didn't even put it all away or anything--just heaped stuff onto a chair, or even dumped it in a random box), bought a new mattress pad and cover, laundered a set of sheets, washed the blankets, and MADE THE BED for probably the first time in over a year. I had to climb over piles of stuff to do it, but I did it.
I cannot begin to tell you what a huge difference that made in my outlook on life. It sounds crazy, but it was just. so. wonderful. to sleep in a clean, comfy, freshly-made bed.
If you are looking for a place to start that really gives you a big bang for your buck, so to speak, you could do worse that to start with the bed.
Eventually, the clean bed led me to clear off the nightstand, which led to clearing off dresser tops, etc. But that all happened over time.
It doesn't really matter where you start. Bit by bit, you can and will begin to dig yourself out. Everyone here will be happy to cheer you on for every tiny bit of progress!
Let us know how you are doing!
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Post by crazycatlady on Aug 23, 2008 15:01:50 GMT -5
OK time to bite the bullet I guess and say hello. I have been lurking for a little while and every time I come here I end up getting teary-eyed or just plain crying. Or I start to feel panicky and shaky and scared. I am so awed by all of you, your courage and your optimism. Hello, and welcome, MoonGlow! It can be very emotional to be stuck in a muddle, and find out that someone has been there before and found a way out! You are one of us now, so you are no longer alone.
You have been given some good advice here! I'll just suggest one more thing. If you will post daily, and let us know how things are going for you, I think that you will find the encouragement to move forward. It is a long battle, and you will need friends along the way. We are all here for you, to give you a hug, and a little nudge, to help you find the strength to pick up and throw away just one tiny bit of trash. That helps make the next bit of trash just a little easier.
You can do it, sister! (A picture of the dark side of the moon, from this page www.air-and-space.com/2004%20Perseids.htm)
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Post by zinnia on Aug 23, 2008 21:37:39 GMT -5
I hope you can help me find my way. Oh yes, we can- and I'm sure you will help us too! Welcome!
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babysteps
New Member
"You can do anything for 15 minutes!'" -- FlyLady
Joined: August 2008
Posts: 12
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Post by babysteps on Aug 25, 2008 0:59:14 GMT -5
Dear Moonglow,
I'm so proud of you for coming here and reaching out for help!!! Please check back in and let us know how you're doing!
You've already gotten some excellent advice about how to start slowly. Remember that there's NO need to do things "all the way" or "perfectly." You can start ever so slowly, with one item, one that you KNOW is garbage, and then, when you're ready, another item. Or you might find it easy to go after one type of item (like if you have a lot of soda cans, or whatever, go get the ones you can easily reach). That's how you get rid of it ... One. Piece. At. A. Time.
I would like to reiterate the advice to get a check up with your doctor. Hypothyroid (low thyroid function) or anemia can add to or even cause depression and low energy. You might want to be treated if you have "just" depression (and by "just" I mean depression alone not that "only" depression isn't a big deal). But it is a good idea to make sure there's no underlying physical cause, or if there is, isn't it wonderful that you can have it treated!
Hope to see you around soon!
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Post by moonglow on Aug 26, 2008 2:16:03 GMT -5
oops I tried to post and lost it....hope this doesn't end up on here twice.... Thanks everyone for your helpful and encouraging words. I have been overwhelmed for so long I don't even know where to start, but you have given me some good ideas, ways to start simple. I do have a history of depression and am on medications for that as well as a med for hypothyroid. I am due for a checkup so I will get that on the calendar and get my thyroid checked. I don't "feel" depressed but it is sometimes hard to tell. I am not happy with my job right now and am considering changing jobs. Hard to tell if that situation is making everything worse, or if I dislike my job so much now because I am out of whack. Maybe if I can get some of the rest of my life in order (my house), the job will also go better. Or maybe if I change jobs my house will get better. (sigh) I did start walking a few months ago and that has helped; I lost a little weight but I may be gaining it back because my healthier eating habits are going down the tubes recently... That depression is a slippery thing. All my life I had a low-grade depression that would sometimes get worse. Then I had a major bout and got on the meds. They saved my life. ("So - this is how "normal" people feel!!") I also had some therapy after I was on the meds for a while. I remember talking to my therapist about my house and my concerns with it, but I think she just didn't get it. I think she thought that I was exaggerating, or bashing myself, or overly-anxious about it, or something. My pattern in the past was that my house would get bad and I would have almost like panic attacks and then clean it up in a frenzy. I would feel so anxious and out of control, and that would drive me to spend a couple of days frantically "closeting" stuff and shining up the place. Then it would slip into chaos again, and over time, it took longer to get it into shape. Somewhere along the line, I just gave up. It has gotten worse over time - I've had more time to accumulate stuff, I haven't REALLY learned the skills to control/live with/combat this disease. I also believe that, in some strange way, the antidepressants have made it worse. Now I stay at a more even keel; the meds have robbed me of my capacity to feel PANIC, and that panic was the only thing that made me feel energized enough to tackle the problem. So now it is really truly overwhelming. Well, I don't mean to ramble but wanted to check in and let you know that I appreciate all of your suggestions, ideas and encouragement. I cannot adequately express my gratitude for this community!
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Post by heylady1 on Aug 26, 2008 6:12:48 GMT -5
WELCOME!! Moonglow!!! The hardest part for many people (me included) is admitting you have a problem!! And you've already done that! Glad to have you here!!!
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