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Post by dayeanu on Jul 7, 2011 9:45:43 GMT -5
I was thinking about Mellpm's thread, and the collective wealth of knowledge and experience we have here, and that if we pool our experiences, we can help to pull ourselves out of this.
For those of you who are in maintenance, I would like to ask you some specific questions that I believe will help those of us who are not.
1.) What level would you estimate you were at when you started working toward cleaning and clearing your home?
2.) What motivated you, or was the catalyst that got you to START seriously working toward getting your home in order? (this is not limited to one event. I'm interested in the external events and thought processes that got you motivated.)
3.) What motivated you to stay the course, to keep on working until you were in maintenance level? (I've been motivated, and started, many times - but always fell away somewhere along the way.)
3.) What techniques, tips and methods did you use to reach your goal of being in maintenance? What were the things that helped you the most to achieve your goal?
This could be either an external technique (type of routine, using timer/chat, etc.) Or it could be thought processes that kept you on track - or both. Please be as detailed and specific as you can, for those of us who would like to try to emulate your success.
Thank you in advance to anyone who chooses to post. I think having all this posted in one location could be very helpful to those of us who are still struggling. (If you have written your story out elsewhere, posting a link to it here is fine.)
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Post by moggyfan on Jul 7, 2011 10:33:01 GMT -5
In December, 2004, I looked at Laundry Mountain (5+ feet tall & just as wide) and thought, pretty much out of the blue, "This has GOT to go." So during the week between Christmas and New Year's, it went. I tossed & donated & laundered till there was nothing left. It was sooooooo satisfying. It took 3 or 4 days. Then, I did nothing else about cleaning up, but I maintained the laundry, never letting it accumulate beyond a load or two. About 10 months later, I decided that if I could get THAT under control, I could do the rest of the house (my "squalor level" was a VERY BAD 2 in most rooms, but a definite 3 on the back porch where kitty litter was kept). Over the course of a long weekend, I (aided by someone I hired from craigslist) worked pretty much non-stop and by the end of the weekend, the worst was over except for the bedroom and back porch. Those I did myself over the next weeks. I don't know how many trips to the trash, Goodwill and the giant dumpster at my work I made. I was ruthless (I am not a hoarder so it was easy, thrilling even, to get rid of stuff). Once I began to see what a HUGE difference clearing stuff out made, it was very easy to feel motivated to continue. That's why (though I understand I am in the definite minority here) working in tiny bursts/baby steps would not have worked for me--it was seeing BIG progress quickly that provided the motivation to persevere. Then a couple months later, I called the Got Junk people and got rid of a TON of furniture. I was THRILLED with the space, the feeling of emptiness! It was SO EASY to clean when there was so much ROOM! Everything had a home! I could see and USE what I had. I was not constantly looking for stuff. Things never got lost. I didn't buy something I already owned because I couldn't find the original. My financial situation was pretty good by 2005, so bought quite a bit of new stuff over the next year and a half or so. I paid my godson to paint, etc. etc. Finally, it wasn't just that the squalor was gone--it was that my apartment looked really nice, just as I imagined it could. (It was built in 1907, so lots of architectural charm.) I was not at all comfortable right away with maintenance! But over the first year or so, I made a set of rules--not many, but inviolable. They are kind of the 9 Commandments: * When the laundry nears the top of the basket, I go to the laundromat. No spillover allowed. Ever. * I may not go to bed or leave the house without the kitchen sink being absolutely empty. * The trash and recycling go out the minute the can is even close to full. No "extra" bag allowed! * Mail is dealt with the minute it comes into the house. I go through it all right over the recycling bin. Most of it gets tossed without a second glance. I pay bills (online) the day I get them. * I no longer bring newspapers or magazines into the house. I read everything online. * I don't buy books. I use the library. * Anything I bring into to the house--the clothes I am wearing, schoolwork, shopping of any kind--gets hung up or put away before I even sit down. * Nothing suspicious is allowed to set up shop in the fridge. * There is no such thing as "later" when it comes to putting away what I have dragged out--paper work, craft project, dishes etc. ********************* These days, there is NEVER any clutter around. So when I slack on dusting or vacuuming (which occasionally I do--and Spitty-the-Kitty sheds his black fur at an alarming rate!), there's no mess to clean up before I use the vacuum or mop or dustrag. I am really never more than an hour or so away from being fine with visitors, and even without vacuuming I don't ever worry about people coming in. It's going on six years now since the Grand Desqualoring, and I believe I have such firmly established habits that I won't backslide now. But I am ever vigilant so I continue to read here, kind of the way a long-sober alcoholic continues to attend meetings. Sorry this is so long-winded, but you did ask!  |
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Post by dtesposito on Jul 7, 2011 10:39:06 GMT -5
Moggy, I have a question for you--were you always squalorous? Or did you used to be neat and then have something happen that made you stop cleaning?
Diane
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Post by moggyfan on Jul 7, 2011 10:48:52 GMT -5
OMG, Diane, I think I probably squalored up my crib,  ! I've ALWAYS been messy. It was controlled by my mother to some extent when I was growing up ("Go clean up your room before you . . . " [fill in the blank]). It was bad in college when my roommates were squalorous as well. It waxed and waned through my 20s & 30's, always worst when I was living alone. Then from about age 40-55, it got progressively worse and worse, till I definitely lived in the Can't-Have-Anyone-Over-Syndrome for about 8-10 years. |
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Post by dtesposito on Jul 7, 2011 10:56:01 GMT -5
Okay--then you are the ONLY person I've heard from so far that was able to clean everything up quickly and maintain for years, who had a lifelong habit (instead of being inherently neat and having a trauma or other outward cause for becoming messy)! I'll be watching this thread with interest to see if anyone else follows that pattern. Everyone else who was always messy (like me!) took years to change gradually, and whenever they were forced to clean up everything quickly they just went back to where they were before. Of course, you weren't forced, but you did declutter with lightning speed!
I know there was at least one other thread with stories from people at maintenance, it was very interesting.
Diane
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Post by moggyfan on Jul 7, 2011 11:11:31 GMT -5
"Everyone else who was always messy (like me!) took years to change gradually, and whenever they were forced to clean up everything quickly they just went back to where they were before."
* * * * *
Yes, that is the key all right--there was no external force or threat that drove the process. Some inner protest of/revulsion at my giant mess finally surfaced, and when I wanted things to be different, I wanted them different right NOW.
I think the laundry experience was an important step. I don't think I consciously thought of it as a "dry run" but I guess it was. The ability to maintain that one area really took hold and it gave me confidence that I could get it ALL under control.
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Post by sleepymom on Jul 7, 2011 11:20:15 GMT -5
I don`t know if you want to hear from anyone who is still "on the way" but is maintaining at tolerable levels?
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Post by HFH on Jul 7, 2011 11:35:54 GMT -5
I want to hear from everybody.
Maintaining is HARD for us. Because we dont maintain as just something we do daily everything becomes a big NEGATIVE giant cleanup arguement. I believe this just reinforces cleanliness and order as something to be moaned about. I know I am not explaining it very well
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Post by gggal on Jul 7, 2011 11:37:22 GMT -5
Well I have posted on occasion, but I am happy to share some things in this thread. I made some big strides in Fall 2009, except for clothes...as in every piece of clothing I owned in a pile in my kitchen....until July of 2010 when I finally got it sorted....and then Oct 2010 finally got it washed, dry cleaned, thrown out, organized put away....had a completely clean, organized apt...then April 2011 started replacing old furniture i was sick of, new rug, new chair, new desk...and I clean it, organize it, and keep it up every single day! It is like a whole new space. Now I buy candles that I love, flowers from the deli on a regular basis, and splurge on my favorite laundry detergent to celebrate my new space, enjoy it, and keep it up.
1.) What level would you estimate you were at when you started working toward cleaning and clearing your home? Bad. Mice. Roaches. Clothes everywhere. Abandoned cake batter in the sink. No sheets on the bed. Stepping over things to walk in the door and to the bed. Never getting out of bed. Moving clothes from the floor to the kitchen to the bathtub. Fear of people coming in. Tears. A mouse jumping up on the bed with me in it or jumping out of a pile of clothes. Never being able to find anything I needed. Losing $$ due to lost receipts, warranties, not having an outfit cleaned or ready and over-spending to buy something in a panic at the last minute.
2.) What motivated you, or was the catalyst that got you to START seriously working toward getting your home in order? (this is not limited to one event. I'm interested in the external events and thought processes that got you motivated.) Being absolutely miserable and feeling that my life was being held back by living in the mess. Seeing how depleted, defeated, exhausted, overwhelmed it left me and the constant mind clutter. The weight dragging me down. Being miserable at where I was in my life. And realizing that life wasn't going to get better if I just kept enduring it, I needed to take action to change it. I acknowledged that I didn't have it in me to do, but I was going to have to do it anyways and just keep pushing even though I wasn't motivated, didn't feel like it, and didn't want to move. If I didn't I was going to keep being stuck. The only way to have any hope of getting any kind of life I desired was to just push through this. Not expect to get motivated or to ever feel like doing it. But I had to do it anyways.
3.) What motivated you to stay the course, to keep on working until you were in maintenance level? (I've been motivated, and started, many times - but always fell away somewhere along the way.) Me too. I had so many starts, got overwhelmed, got hit with an emotional blow and became too much. I had years of failed attempts. This time I was just determined to keep going no matter what. If i came across something that upset me - an item that had been broken, stepped on, ruined, chewed up by a mouse, and wanted to cry and stop and grieve and get back in bed, I had to keep repeating to myself as a mantra, "that isn't going to help me get out of this nightmare." So I just had a steely resolve to be ruthless, to just keep going, to not stop and get caught up in the stuff that triggered pain or required thought. I kept a notebook at my side to write down anything that was holding me back...if I was keeping a broken something or an expired something as a reminder to get a new one, i wrote it in the notebook and tossed out the stuff. I gave myself full amnesty. I tossed clothes, cosmetics, anything that was weighting me down. I started making do with what I had instead of waiting for "perfect." I set up my cosmetics nicely on my tv tray instead of leaving them in a stepped on mess on the floor b/c I didnt have the perfect dimension sized organizer for the perfect wall I wanted it on, or the perfect house with the perfect bathroom for my perfect vanity that I was in my head envisioning my moisturizer on and b/c I didnt have that, it stayed on the floor.
So to recap I just kept going, kept a notebook, threw out, and forgot about perfect, and constantly told myself that my only shot at digging out of this nightmare of a life was to clean out the baggage, and have an orderly way to live and I was going to be brutal and ruthless and not focus on emotional pain, just keep pushing through until I could accomplish what I set out to do with the goal of an organized, orderly life in mind.
I hope that helps. It was not easy, but I did it. My other advice is don't try to motivate yourself with home treats and rewards now. It is tempting to think if you have the perfect cleaning solution or the perfect flowers you'll be oh so motivated to start cleaning...been there, done that...it just becomes part of the mess and then you end up with stepped on cleaners that leaked all over the floor and your pile of magazines and dried out flowers that probably stained some white shirt they fell on. Just focus on cleaning and sorting, and then know when it is done you can have those special little touches as motivation to maintain...I went from the girl who never does laundry to splurging on my favorite detergent b/c now I actually look forward to getting up on a saturday and washing all my bedding every week.
Oh yeah, other tip I have shared elsewhere....i got all white bedding and white towels that i can throw in together and simple and easy and with some bleach alternative that always keeps it bright and stain free, and that is easy washable...hotel bedding i call it, instead of special silk or fancy duvets that need to be dry cleaned and so therefore becomes a production to get done. Keep things simple and effortless. The less effort you know something takes, the more you will not try to avoid it.
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Post by BetsyMarie on Jul 7, 2011 11:47:21 GMT -5
I really like this. The things I love and really I want to keep, I KNOW I want to keep. The others just cause distress.
Get rid of anything that is weighing me down....
Thanks to everyone for sharing.
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Post by dtesposito on Jul 7, 2011 12:05:40 GMT -5
I love the notebook idea, I think this could be really helpful to people. I did that once when I was emptying out an email inbox that numbered in the thousands of saved emails--being able to jot down things I didn't want to forget let me delete everything.
Diane
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Post by dayeanu on Jul 7, 2011 20:19:35 GMT -5
I don`t know if you want to hear from anyone who is still "on the way" but is maintaining at tolerable levels? Absolutely! |
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Post by stretch on Jul 7, 2011 22:29:54 GMT -5
I judge it by moves (I move a lot.)
In 2004 I was living in third degree squalor (complete with dog feces and urine in the basement and a rampant mouse infestation.) One of the bathrooms was unusable and the air conditioning that didn't work - but there was no way I was letting a repairman in for either issue. I moved and swore the next place would be different.
We moved to a tiny house where it always seemed messy right from the start, because there was too much stuff for the small space (and I'm not a hoarder - "just" messy.) We had lost our dog, so the feces and urine issue was gone, but there was no dishwasher so sink pudding was a regular occurrence. I did shovel out the common areas on a much more regular basis, but the bedrooms and laundry room were piled high and the kitchen and fridge were usually gross.
We then moved to a two-story townhome that had more space. We got another dog, but never had urine or feces in the house. The back patio was regularly covered with dog poop, though. Still heavy second degree here, though I was still working on regularly doing big clean-ups of the common areas more often. The concept of "not letting it get that way in the first place" still hadn't sunk in. One day I opened the door to police officers, come to tell me that my father had passed away and all I could think about was the dirty underwear on the living room floor. Moving out was still a horrific, grueling, labor intensive experience at this house.
Our next place was a house with plenty of room. This was where I really started making progress. Though my bedroom remained piled with clothes and empty water bottles and boxes, the common areas were "presentable" 70-80% of the time. When they weren't, a quick stash and dash could take care of them, rather than an intensive shovel out with ruined carpet underneath. This was the easiest place to move out of, and just required "normal" cleaning once our stuff was out.
Finally, the current house. By this time I was truly committed to change and to living differently. I unpacked and got the house functional as quickly as possible. I then did the thing that made the biggest difference - before the house could become messy, I hired a cleaning service to come every two weeks. Not only was it getting deep cleaned regularly, we were forced to keep it picked up before they came. It's also a lot easier to keep the house picked up and looking nice when it already FEELS clean. When there are dog hair tumbleweeds as big as the dog lining all the walls and crap and crumbs on every surface, it's easy to get defeated and never start. I've been in true maintenance for almost a year now and I don't ever want to go back.
Each move was a progression toward where I am now. One big, massive clean up not only wouldn't have worked, it DIDN'T work, because I've had many of those over the years. I still find myself fighting the urge to clean something up later, but I beat it, most of the time. And when I don't? I don't let it go for days or weeks or months. Don't be upset with yourself if you slide. Just keep your focus on continually doing better, even if that's just making sure you never leave a dish anywhere at first.
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Post by dayeanu on Jul 8, 2011 8:18:30 GMT -5
It is really helpful to read these stories, and gives hope, too.
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Post by sleepymom on Jul 8, 2011 11:08:15 GMT -5
I`ve always been a saver/packrat type person (according to Buried in Treasures, I have mild hoarding tendancies). As an adult, moving often kept me in the "clean" mild hoarder catagory- we always had clutter & too much stuff, but it was clean & more or less organized. Fast forward through babies (one who died), depression, serious health problems, AND settling in one house for a number of years and we were a definate level 2+. Never at the goat trail stage, but dirty, dishes accumulating for days, things had to be moved before furniture was used, that sort of thing, plus our regular state of clutter & too much stuff. The the first catalyst was cleaning out my maternal grandma`s home. Her house was always clean, she washed dishes after every meal, made me make my bed & pick up when I stayed there & nitpicked at my housekeeping. But every bit of storage space in her house was jam-packed with all sorts of things that had not been used or looked at in years, if ever. It was a long, hard job. I didn`t want my kids to have to do that. The next was finding the original board- I`d replied to someone on an email group looking for cleaning techniques with several small children, recommending "stash & dash" as a good way to keep things under control. Another member messaged me privately, introducing me to SS. Later that year, I was diagnosed with a very serious illness and realized that I might not have as much time as I`d figured to not leave my family with a huge stash of stuff to go through. Then a great-aunt died. She was a true hoarder, a room you couldn`t open the door to, lots of expired food, every letter she`d ever recieved, etc. Each of those reinforced to me that we had gone beyond normal and needed to get our butts in gear if we didn`t want someone needing to chuck everything in a dumpster because it would be too much work to sort through. Keeping at it, a large part of it is for my kid`s sakes, both so they don`t get stuck with this "legacy" and so they can comfortably invite friends over. I like it when things are clean too though. There`s nothing like walking barefoot over freshly mopped floors  . I like being able to find things without pulling out a bunch of other things first. I really dislike the embarrassment of feeling like I need to apologize to anyone who walks in the door or worry that people might not want to eat anything I bring to a potluck because they`ve seen my kitchen. Techniques that have helped, one is being very strict about "homes" for certain items. Scissors always go in the "junk" drawers by the fridge. Shoes always go at the foot of the stairs. It makes me crazy when others forget, because it helps SO much to have those spots established & used. Another is the amnesty concept, not having to use something perfectly because I spent time or money on it, not having to discard, recycle or donate properly. Something I`m still working on, but getting better at, is tossing out perfectly good things that I could find a use for or would like to use someday, but realistically know it isn`t likely any time soon. It is really hard, but I`m working towards getting rid of all that catagory of stuff except for the things I truly love & would keep no matter what. Probably my #1 thing though is what I call "maintaining where you`re at". It helps me not feel guilty, as long as I can keep things from getting worse- basicly dishes & laundry done regularly, floors swept from time to time, big messes cleaned up & clutter not getting worse. Also, the concept of "good enough", meaning something is better than nothing, example, my kitchen cabinets get drips from spilled coffee & food. They probably all could use a good scrub inside & out, but I know I`m not going to take the time to do that, so if I have a rag out for something else, I`ll just wipe down the visible spots & call it good. I can get into the hyperfocusing/scrubbing things with a toothbrush, but I rarely want to take that much time, so a lot of my cleaning is "lick & a promise" type, it won`t ever be as perfect as I like, but better, so good enough for now |
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