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Post by threedecades on Oct 27, 2008 13:53:22 GMT -5
What a wonder to find this site! I was bemoaning my messy house syndrome on another forum and looking for support when someone posted a link to this site. I'm at a level two right now... generally I am able to keep the living room and my kids' room to a level one, but the kitchen, bathrooms and my room are all bad. I've been as bad as level 3 at my lowest point with a cat, dog and three tanks of fish and two preemie newborn babies along with raging post partum depression in a small 2 bedroom apartment and *no help* from my now ex husband! He'd come home from his cake low paying job and make snyde comments about how all the women on his side of the family are able to keep their houses spotless while taking care of babies and having dinner ready when their husbands get home. *gag* I've had to switch to all disposable plates, bowls, and cutlery except for kitchen knives, spatulas and pots etc. as I *cannot* keep the dishes under control otherwise. And we have *no* pets now and won't ever get another until I've been able to live squalor free for at least a year. I've been unable to keep things clean and organized since I was a baby. My parents used to joke about how I could make a mess with a carrot. I was born an expert at turning things into a disaster. Of course it wasn't cute for very long... and having a mom that is an OCD clean freak(worst I have ever personally known) made life difficult. I used to get beat with a belt frequently starting from age 3 as best i can recall for not being able to satisfactorily organize my toys within the alotted time period. I grew up being yelled at and told I lived like a pig among many other insults and beaten for something I tried so hard to correct. I was a very anxious and sometimes depressed child -- had a stuttering disorder for awhile, incontinence problems at night(that I was also punished and sometimes beaten for), and began picking at the skin on my lips around 5 years old and cannot for the life of me stop today(and in my late 20s now!). I now have 2 three year olds that constantly thwart my efforts to keep laundry folded or the carpet decent... they may be adhd like their mom or they may just be normal high energy three year olds. I try hard to keep my anger under control and use time outs for outright defiance and destructive behavior and for accidents or thoughtless messes I get them to help me clean it up. It is getting more difficult now that I am nearly 5 months pregnant with #3. At any rate... I know I will never be perfect, but I want so badly to not even meet the level 1 criteria of squalor. I'd like to have a clean fresh smelling home all the time and give my kids good memories and enforce healthy cleaning habits. It would be nice not to have to use so many disposable products, as I do care about environmental impact... but right now I need them as a crutch... don't really have the money either, but it is right up there with food and shelter on the priority list. thanks for listening and for all the help I've already received from this site.
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Post by iprocrastinate on Oct 27, 2008 14:35:21 GMT -5
Welcome three decades!! You sound like you've come to the right place. If you've been reading posts you know that you can start anywhere you want with as small a step or area that you want. I know for me Listzilla and especially working in threes works well and believe sometimes for me the third thing takes a while to get to. Two 3 yr olds and pregnant sounds like a very full plate. Just keep coming and keep in touch. We all need and benefit from each others' encouragement and ideas. "yes i do procrastinate a lot"
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Post by messymimi on Oct 27, 2008 15:20:05 GMT -5
Welcome, threedecades ! Please do join us, the more the merrier. It helps us all to know we are not alone.
Your childhood must have been awful. Rest assured that you are doing much better with your own children. Getting them to help clean is good, especially if you can find ways to make it fun for them.
Even though you are not a "born organized" person like your mother, please do not give up on becoming a "learned organized" person, one good habit at a time. Go easy on yourself, the kids need to learn along with you and it will take time. It can happen.
Please do not stress over the paper products. At this point, anything that eases the workload is a good thing.
Please do not strive for perfect. Strive to be effective and you will achieve excellence.
It's good to have you here.
messymimi
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Post by skatters on Oct 27, 2008 19:17:54 GMT -5
Welcome threede! You are most definitely in the right place. Just jump in right where you are. Read posts, reply where you want. Check out the listzilla threads. The working in threes (WIT) or the other threads would probably work for you.
Sounds like you definitely have your plate full. No worries about using disposable items - some here chose to do it even if there dishes are under control. We do what we need to do to create a peaceful home. I, too, am concerned about the environment. But *my* environment has to come first.
Welcome! You are among friends!
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Post by Mystic Pegasus on Oct 28, 2008 3:02:48 GMT -5
Hi there... I am pretty sure you are the lady I directed here... *elephantine* ? Have you heard the saying about getting rid of the *elephant in the living room*? If you eat it, just a teaspoon at a time, it may take a long time, but it will eventually be gone! So join us here *eating your elephant* ! (if that's not too cannibalistic for an elephantine ) Welcome!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am sure you will find this place very helpful and motivating in times of need.
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Post by threedecades on Oct 28, 2008 10:24:41 GMT -5
yes it's me! I'm starting to see how this can work. Yesterday I actually got a few things done... I just keep telling myself not to expect much, but just do a little bit each day.
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Post by crazycatlady on Oct 31, 2008 17:21:47 GMT -5
Great start, ThreeDecades! W00t w00t! Congrats on the twins, and the new baby on the way. I'm sorry that your Mom was so abusive to you...it sounds like she was really ill. Good job in making better choices with your little ones!
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Post by heylady1 on Nov 15, 2008 7:22:01 GMT -5
Welcome! Threedecades! What a horrible childhood you had , I cannot for the life of me come up with any excuse to beat a child with a belt much less a 3 year old! Thank goodness you have the ability to not pass this legacy on to your own children!! Don't worry about using the paper products. I use them too even though my dishes are under control. It just helps me so I can have the time to deal with things I do have problems with. I look at it this way. At least it's a renewable resource, the paper is bio-degradable and it provides jobs.... I don't strive for perfection, I strive for good enough. All I really want is to be able for someone to come over unexpectedly and if they have to use the bathroom or I have to get something out of the closet I won't be frozen with fear of how dirty the bathroom is or how absolutely stuffed the closet is. Being here is a very good start!!
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