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Post by PerrinJade on Jul 28, 2014 13:25:25 GMT -5
I've been having a hard time with parenting. I love my boys dearly, but I'd have troubles with them if they were typical. Someone suggested an organization that provides in-home support and help with parenting skills.
I need this, but the scary bit is finishing up the public areas. They're all at about a 1.5 level. But I'm scared for some reason to get all the way down. That's odd.
Anyway, I don't want the house to be even the least bit messy. I'll allow my room to be messy, along with the back porch, but that's it.
Is it silly that it's this important to me?
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Post by iguanamamma on Jul 28, 2014 14:45:21 GMT -5
No, I think that it is important to you. Go for it and get it finished. Keep going it sounds good.
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Post by Arid on Jul 28, 2014 18:57:56 GMT -5
Well, the "messiness" *IS* serving a purpose, isn't it?
It's keeping you from having to allow someone to come into your home--someone who you feel is in a position to judge you and to instruct you to change what you have been doing with your children in regards to parenting.
When my son was three years-old, we belonged to the "Parents as Teachers" organization. A facilitator would come to the house once a month or so. There were meetings at a local school to attend, from time to time, too. The lady we had (and, also, her occasional substitute) as our facilitator was a lovely person, and I always was *SO* excited for her to come to our home! I was happy to tidy up, sweep, and dust before her visits!!
Perhaps, if you look forward to the in-home support as something positive for you and your boys, you will be able to finish that last bit of cleaning that you *say* that you *want* to do.
Arid
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Post by PerrinJade on Jul 29, 2014 11:23:37 GMT -5
Well, the "messiness" *IS* serving a purpose, isn't it? It's keeping you from having to allow someone to come into your home--someone who you feel is in a position to judge you and to instruct you to change what you have been doing with your children in regards to parenting. I'm confused as to what you meant by this. I never said I didn't want this person to come into my home. I voluntarily requested this service. I think if there's a reason I don't want to get to zero, it's probably because I'm afraid it will decline because I won't be able to or want to do the work to maintain it. I have always screwed up in that department. |
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Post by ohblondie on Jul 29, 2014 11:42:12 GMT -5
Regardless - I am so happy you called for some service and I know this will allow you to push through and be ready.
Home visitors do not expect an mmaculate home. They want to see evidence of children . meaning - there are books around that you and they read; that there are toys around that they play with and games that you play with them.
They dont want to see trash piled aorund, dirty dishes stacked for days, you get the picture.
I think I know what Arid meant. I always want to have friends over. But my house is too messy. I delay on cleaning it because subconsciously my fear is - what if I celan my house and I realize I have no friends to invite over. The mess is my excuse for not wanting to acknowledge having no friends.
I THINK that is what she is menaing. But knowing me - I could be wrong.
I think it is great you are reachingout for help. I wish I had done this years ago for my kids.
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Post by puppybox on Jul 29, 2014 11:44:23 GMT -5
I think it's so so normal to obsess about cleaning before any kind of authority figure concerned with one's children is coming over. In fact, I'd think you were very out of touch with reality if you didn't care!
I think there are a ton of reasons why people might feel nervous about getting the low level areas down to a zero. keeping people from coming over is only one of them, and since you said nothing about perhaps NOT doing it after all and possibly cancelling the meeting that that issue is probably not at ALL relevant here. You presented 2 issues in your original post, one is that you think maybe it's weird to care so much about cleaning for these parenting technique people, and two, you feel nervous about finishing the cleaning. Now a lot of people would be nervous about letting the people in because they might judge the house, but it doesn't really sound like that is your issue. You sound confident you can and will get it done (good for you!!!) and surprised at the feelings of nervousness that finishing the cleaning is producing in yourself.
I'd say, just go with it! change is always nervewracking. Nervousness will always eventually pass if you just stick with it long enough.
And once an area is clean, it doesn't mean your committing to keeping it prisitine at all times forevermore, dominating all your time forever. that mentality would surely make one anxious! you can clean up and that doenst mean you now have to be a super cleanie person.
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Post by rubyred on Jul 29, 2014 13:12:36 GMT -5
I provide in-home instruction to children with disabilities. The cleanliness of the homes varies from spotless to Level 1.
I don't know what kind of services your children will receive, but in my case, we access the living room, kitchen, one bathroom, the child's bedroom, and the outdoor areas to teach functional life skills. We teach them self-care, toileting, cooking using the microwave, chores, recreation, feeding, etc. I even access the parents' rooms with their permission if they allow their children in there and the child goes into that room while I am supervising them.
The home doesn't have to be spotless. Mine isn't! So i don't judge their homes. In fact, we do teach the children basic chores such as unloading the dishwasher and picking up their own toys. Small messes are beneficial in that way.
However, the areas of the home have to be accessible to the children to work on their goals. For example, the kitchen and bathrooms need to be relatively clean and fully functional. The bedrooms need to have space to maneuver and areas to work on goals. Supplies need to be in place for easy use.
While I don't judge the families, there has been a child I stopped working with due to the condition of the home - pet waste on the carpet, filthy child's bedroom and bathroom. I don't like to be in such close contact with other people's germs.
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Post by Arid on Jul 30, 2014 2:27:15 GMT -5
Well, Pamela, early yesterday afternoon, I took the time to write a post in an attempt to better explain myself. However, as I was doing my last minute "tweaking" (checking for spelling errors, correcting punctuation, etc.), it--*POOF*--disappeared on me!! I wasn't able to recover what I had written, and I didn't have another half an hour at that time to rewrite it.
I've decided to take that as a "sign" from "the Universe" that I simply shouldn't say any more on this subject. . .
Best wishes,
Arid
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Post by Jannie on Jul 30, 2014 14:18:07 GMT -5
Pamela, all I can say is I applaud you in your efforts to help your 2 sons. I'm sure it's scary to clean your home, but you are doing it for your sweet chldren. They deserve a safe, clean, healthy, organized, peaceful home and I'm sure the Parenting Group visits will help you all a lot. Keep going and "Keep Your Eye on the Prize".
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Post by tinkerinsc on Jul 31, 2014 11:26:42 GMT -5
Pamela,
I am so glad that you are reaching out for this help. After I divorced my very abusive husband, I continued to be very controlling of my son -- a technique that I used to make sure that his father would not discipline him (and hurt him). Things were really difficult between us because I was focusing on negatives and my relationship with my son was awful. I signed myself up for a parenting seminar and it literally changed our lives. Positive parenting gives you the tools that most of us were never taught to improve behavior by building a positive relationship with our children. Please go ahead and schedule the visit! You will be really happy that you signed up.
Tinker
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Post by PerrinJade on Aug 16, 2014 8:39:01 GMT -5
I never updated. This in-home therapy program is great! My liaison can do just about everything, including help with cleaning up and organizing the home! I didn't think that sort of resource was available here. That's what we'll be working on when he next comes. I'm so excited. This is the best thing I've ever done for my family. I'm very proud of myself and happy. Arid I just wanted to say I'm sorry for being so defensive. It's one of my worst traits, and half the time I don't realize that I'm being a bit irrational. |
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Post by Arid on Aug 16, 2014 13:56:32 GMT -5
You didn't owe me any sort of an apology, Pamela, but I thank you just the same!
I'm glad that the program is going so well for you.
Arid
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