Blackswan
Banned
Joined: October 2008
Posts: 6,388
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Post by Blackswan on Nov 7, 2008 13:47:05 GMT -5
I am slowly but surely slipping back into the squalor. This morning, I couldn't find my keys. That used to be a constant problem, but stopped when I desqualored. I could not find clean pants for my son, and he had to wear the same ones he wore yesterday. I can not let this happen to us! I have been getting depressed at night, because I have nothing to do, and I wonder if this is my own sneaky subconcious way of creating "something to do" Because as my list will show you, I have a lot to do suddenly. Here is my list to do starting today, and continuing until Sunday:
laundry
change bed sheets
make bed
Done
pick up clothes/trash/etc. on bedroom floor
done
take at least one bag of clothes for Salvation Army out of closet
Put bug/coldness repeller under bedroom door to the outside
Clean up candy/wrappers in sons room
he is doing it as we speak, oops done already!
take at least 1/2 bag of clothes out of closet for SA
basic maintainence in son's room
[/font]doing it as we speak, oops done!
clean guinea pig cage
hang up all pictures (6)
clean shavings behind couch
basic maintainence in living room
done
basic maintainence
DONE
/cleanser in bathroom
put away food in cupboards
done
clean out trash can
find/buy more cutlery
clean out bad food in fridge
done
basic maintainence in kitchen
done
oops- forgot the dishes
put new bag in junk mail trash can
done
sweep porch
take clutter items out of car (6 items?)
vacuum car
I will post a new special projects list soon for Monday and Tuesday (NO WORK!)
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Blackswan
Banned
Joined: October 2008
Posts: 6,388
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Post by Blackswan on Nov 7, 2008 21:37:17 GMT -5
It is now 6:30 Friday night, and I feel despair. Why can't I just clean? I have picked up some dirty clothes already, bathroom was back in pristine condition after 30 seconds, but I am resisting the rest.
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Post by tiredofthis on Nov 7, 2008 21:53:14 GMT -5
(((Blackswan)))
I wish I knew why this is so hard. I'm looking around, and I really haven't made any progress since I cleaned up for the plumbers appt on 9/29.
Tomorrow is another day. You made some progress today. Maybe it would help to break your list down into smaller segments, so it doesn't look so overwhelming?
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Post by messymimi on Nov 7, 2008 22:04:50 GMT -5
Sometimes we are an enigma, even to ourselves. Why can't we, indeed? Are you feeling demand resistant? Perhaps now that you have given yourself something to do, you resist so as to keep it that way?
You can get back to maintenance. When you do you can stay there. You will then be free to do other things, to create the life you want and explore other avenues, instead of giving squalor all of your attention.
Then again, that may be the problem. With "nothing" to do that is squalor related, you have to face what to do with the rest of your life. Maybe you don't want to do that. That's okay, it will take some getting used to. It takes courage to grow into what you can become. Maybe I'm not in maintenance after all this time because I don't have that courage. I'm not sure, either.
Do you have any old dreams, things you always wanted to do but thought you couldn't, waiting to be rediscovered? Pull them out and try when you finish your list. Even if it turns out you can't do them, or don't want to any more, it will open up new possibilities to you for things to do. Explore those things, cautiously at first if you are afraid, in baby steps.
Meanwhile, whatever the reason that has you frozen, don't beat yourself up. Set a timer. Go into chat and ask someone to challenge you to 15 minutes of work. Make a vow to yourself that you will not eat again until you have accomplished 3 items on your list. Use the accountability partners or working in 3's thread. Pick up one item. It does not matter what you do, motivation follows action, so take an action.
Remember that we are cheering for you  !
messymimi
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Blackswan
Banned
Joined: October 2008
Posts: 6,388
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Post by Blackswan on Nov 8, 2008 20:23:11 GMT -5
That's it. After I read the board, I am setting the freaking timer for fifteen minutes and getting off of my butt. It is just all about doing it one more day, one day at a time. I am doing it tonight, and then I am posting! Its not even that bad, I just had somebody in here even!
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Blackswan
Banned
Joined: October 2008
Posts: 6,388
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Post by Blackswan on Nov 8, 2008 21:22:24 GMT -5
OK I am trying to modify the post and make all the done items say done, but nothing is coming out right, and I am getting confused. Lets just say I can rest easy tonight, and the entire house is back to level 0! And it took 21 minutes. After probably more than 21 hours of worry and demand resistance. I let my son do his own room, it took him about 15 minutes, and he learned the important skill of picking up items one at a time, and making a decision about each. Now he is resting easy too! I am going to post a new list for tomorrow.
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