Blackswan
Banned
Joined: October 2008
Posts: 6,388
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Post by Blackswan on May 24, 2015 21:36:08 GMT -5
That's awesome! I got sick and projectile vomited on my precious clean toilet today ugh! But at least I was able to puke in a clean toilet! always a bright side. I'm feeling much better now I think I had just eaten something bad somewhere along the way. My swamp cooler broke today (as I was puking no less) and that means a call to scary landlord soon. I have a fan that I forgot I bought to save money on using the swamp cooler and I got it out of my trunk. Now that I'm feeling better and cool I'm going to go back to cleaning in little bits and connecting it to the bathroom. I also have an audio book called the magic of tidying up and a lot of what it says is contradictory to what we do here. It's some Japanese method. I can listen to that and relax and feel better and just keep up the small bits. I was feeling a sense of panic and despair over my house and car and weight today but I talked myself down. All I am seeing is the result of a long chain of bad decisions over a long period of time . It can only go away with a long chain of good decisions over a long period of time. Luckily in with my bad decisions I made some good ones (like the fan!) and I often find myself surrounded with nice things I've set up for myself and I have a nice life and good jobs that I love and my son is excelling in all areas right now and all his teachers were very proud of him (good decision to let him stay with grandma until I build a much longer chain of good decisions). I just need to keep making those good choices and work with my new online therapist on getting my anxiety down so I have impulse control and stop making the bad choices. And I need to slowly rebuild my health and energy with good choices to help my anemia and probably many vitamin deficiencies as I'm morbidly obese with malnutrition. Yes it's common! You get addicted to awful stuff and it brings your mood down and your weight up and it's an endless downward spiral. But I'm working on spiraling back up the other way. And I can do it. And I am doing it. Slowly and surely. Ok sorry about that, I needed to give myself a pep talk! I would edit it and put it in my journal except maybe somebody else here could use a good peptalk too. Now back to the work of cleaning something every bathroom trip!
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Post by Declutterme on May 29, 2015 13:41:35 GMT -5
Blackswan!!!!!
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